Does ERE weigh down your romantic/sex life? After all, it doesn't allow for the $100 fancy restaurant meals, $350 hotel "Romance Package", and the $3,000 jewelry pieces. The SO may not understand why one is not spending the available high assets on the above such items (i.e. because it needs to stay invested in order to bring in income).
Has anyone had this problem, or is it just a matter of finding the right partner?
Sex Life
Actually, my wife would raise the Titanic on me if I went out and bought her "anymore" expensive babbles or gifts of high dollar genre. We are both well "jeweled" as it stands, and these are extremely meaningful items from our long marriage.
My wife is the world's foremost frugal spouse. Were it not for me she would still have .99 of each dollar she ever had control of. There is a major difference in gifts that have "meaning", and those that only have "cost". In the early years of our marriage, we had limited funds like everyone else, and we were content to be without all the frills. Later, as we grew together (does that sound corny?), then we were able to give to each other much nicer things, but only those that were of significant importance.
Now, we can go anywhere, and do anything we wish within reason, but still the thought of "throwing away" money for fast thoughts of gratification is unpleasant to us both.
In a marriage, the couple must be on the same page financially thinking, or you will be terribly at risk. My wife knows I would relocate the earth to give her all that I could, and all that she wanted. That knowledge alone is the gift, not some $2,000.00 shiny necklace.
My wife is the world's foremost frugal spouse. Were it not for me she would still have .99 of each dollar she ever had control of. There is a major difference in gifts that have "meaning", and those that only have "cost". In the early years of our marriage, we had limited funds like everyone else, and we were content to be without all the frills. Later, as we grew together (does that sound corny?), then we were able to give to each other much nicer things, but only those that were of significant importance.
Now, we can go anywhere, and do anything we wish within reason, but still the thought of "throwing away" money for fast thoughts of gratification is unpleasant to us both.
In a marriage, the couple must be on the same page financially thinking, or you will be terribly at risk. My wife knows I would relocate the earth to give her all that I could, and all that she wanted. That knowledge alone is the gift, not some $2,000.00 shiny necklace.
It all depends on the type of woman in which you are interested. I've posted this link before to a similar topic but it is relevant in this case too ...
Women looking for a long-term mate (i.e., marriage material) are not impressed by the bling.
http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/h ... allet.html
Women looking for a long-term mate (i.e., marriage material) are not impressed by the bling.
http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/h ... allet.html
I think it's a bit more complicated. As @SEinSF points out, bling and spending are not determinative, it's more finding the right person. As for real value in a long-term relationship/marriage, @HSpencer said it perfectly:
My wife knows I would relocate the earth to give her all that I could, and all that she wanted. That knowledge alone is the gift, not some $2,000.00 shiny necklace.
But spending is different than earning or some sign of ambition, monetary or otherwise, and sometimes a lack of spending is taken as a marker of lack of drive (or life). Why would someone be attracted to you if all you offered is doing and spending close to nothing? I think it's important to show that you are frugal for a reason, that you have ambitions beyond money, and that you're not just a dead horse, so to speak.
My wife knows I would relocate the earth to give her all that I could, and all that she wanted. That knowledge alone is the gift, not some $2,000.00 shiny necklace.
But spending is different than earning or some sign of ambition, monetary or otherwise, and sometimes a lack of spending is taken as a marker of lack of drive (or life). Why would someone be attracted to you if all you offered is doing and spending close to nothing? I think it's important to show that you are frugal for a reason, that you have ambitions beyond money, and that you're not just a dead horse, so to speak.
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jeremymday
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Have any of you heard of "The Five Love Languages?"
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
One of the languages is specifically "gift giving". Perhaps its a little easier not to spend money when your significant other does not have that love language.
Cheers,
Jeremy
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
One of the languages is specifically "gift giving". Perhaps its a little easier not to spend money when your significant other does not have that love language.
Cheers,
Jeremy
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George the original one
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I have a frugal spouse and his creative ability to have out of the box fun (usually without spending money or at least not much) was part of the attraction. Fly to the beach for a weekend in a pricey hotel or go on a camping trip by bicycle? Dinner and a movie or home-cooked picnic and kite flying? I guess it depends on what you're into, but you want to date/marry someone with similar interests anyway. Yes, there are frugal women out there, but you aren't going to meet them at the bar. Try free group activities like board game nights, bike rides, music groups, or dance circles.
Actually, the biggest romance challenge working toward ERE has caused us has been communal living. We've basically been living on other people's couches and guest rooms for the past year and even when we weren't we still had roommates, rented out spare rooms to travelers, or just lived in our truck. It's kind of hard to have a sex life when there are people around all the time.
Actually, the biggest romance challenge working toward ERE has caused us has been communal living. We've basically been living on other people's couches and guest rooms for the past year and even when we weren't we still had roommates, rented out spare rooms to travelers, or just lived in our truck. It's kind of hard to have a sex life when there are people around all the time.
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jennypenny
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@George the original--breakfast in bed is lovely, but you'll need something else to get her into the bed before you can feed her breakfast 
I think dragoncar is right about the thought counting. At least thoughtfulness does. When I had a night class in college, I remember my husband (then boyfriend) meeting me after class to walk me back to my dorm. He wasn't looking for an invite up to my room, he just didn't like me walking around by myself late at night. I'm sure he gave me some nice gifts back then too, but 25 years later that's what I remember.
I think dragoncar is right about the thought counting. At least thoughtfulness does. When I had a night class in college, I remember my husband (then boyfriend) meeting me after class to walk me back to my dorm. He wasn't looking for an invite up to my room, he just didn't like me walking around by myself late at night. I'm sure he gave me some nice gifts back then too, but 25 years later that's what I remember.
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George the original one
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George the original one
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jennypenny
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