FI or bust; FBeyer.

Where are you and where are you going?
Mister Imperceptible
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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by Mister Imperceptible »

Thank you for your sincerity FBeyer.

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by wolf »

Thank you FBeyer for that incredible post, which was your 1000th! Deep down this is so true what you write, that it's about life and not about money. And yet this is a process for many of us developing from a mindset of money to a mindset of life. I am also glad, that you are doing better.

If you'd like to read a great book, I could recommend "Principles" to you. It is written by Ray Dalio who is probably also an ENTJ/ENTP. I found it very worthwhile and insightful.
...and I have just read all your posts in this journal. Wow! I'm totally impressed by all the things you have done so far by the age of 40. You are a few years ahead of me, so I'm thankful for some of your insightful experiences.

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by FBeyer »

Thank you wolf. I just turned 37 so I have 3 more years to add another career to my resume before 40. :D

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by FBeyer »

Ma' Biz:

I've coached a couple of people on different aspects of life and business, and I've still got two more in the pipeline that I just have to make appointments with.

But!!!! I finally got off the fence and signed up for coach training. In other words: It's happening. I'm striking out on my own for now!

I'll begin training late March and finish at the end of June. Normally the courses would take longer but, luckily for me, this time training days were squashed together slightly for whatever reason, which suits me just fine. It's the course with the most hands-on hours, and also the course that finishes within the shortest time span so it's all good!

I was contacted by one of the other fathers from kindergarten. He's starting up a biz that is trying to help refugees find some meaningful work faster, and he wants to enlist me in the project. Work is spotty, well-paid on an hourly basis, and doesn't seem too demanding by a long shot, which is absolutely perfect.

His initial estimates of the work load indicates that I can just about cover all my living expenses every month (Yay frugal living!), with about 1-1.5 days of part-time work every week. This means that I'm not digging myself into a financial hole while I'm building my coaching biz on the side. Furthermore, there is room to expand my involvement in the project with actual coaching activities which could further my experience in the field as well as make me even more moolah off of the gig. I suggested the coaching activities myself, and there is very good reason to include them. Whether the time schedule and budget allows for it is another thing. So I'm going through the formalia and time tables to see how I can make a credible argument for including one-on-one time with these job seekers. This whole serendipity thing seems to be working out just fine for me currently.

So although I've got a couple of years in cash after paying for education, it seems that I might not have to draw from the stash quite as heavily as I initially thought. Phew!

I'm having a hell of time trying to figure out what's most important to work on now, but all things considered: Shit's on a roll yo!

Ma' Peeps:
I figured a way to enlist a business psychologist to help me out if there are any rough patches during my startup phase, so I've got access to a couple of psychologist hours (free of charge) in case they become necessary.

I'm also building a support group of people who are working on improving their lives, as well as a separate group of new business owners to keep each other on-track and well-functioning through the initial phases of biz.[1]

Ma' Feets:
Dancing gets under my skin in the most magnificent ways. I'm high on accented 2-and-4 beats all day after a lesson; literally groove walking[2] all over the house. I'm incredibly thankful that I got to sign up for Lindy Hop this time around. My knee was busted last January so I couldn't start dancing then. But I am now, and it's amazing!

[1]'been told that this here social support thing ain't jus' malarkey

[2] This is for Jason: The song is about the choir girl that Fats Waller fell in love with; the girl who had a big ass, and no breasts, prompting Waller to write the song: All that Meat and No Potatoes.

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by Dunkelheit »

FBeyer wrote:
Sat Jan 19, 2019 1:26 pm
I joined the forums about three years ago. This is my 1000th post and an overview of what I've learned in those three years...
...which has been A LOT!

I fell in love with this journal since the first day I began reading it, but today I have to tell you that you surpassed every expectation I had. I had to stop several times while reading the "On Getting to Know Myself" part. I needed to digest it slowly and will read it again and again to remember myself how life and suffering almost always come together.

You are f****** awesome, thanks. Unfortunately, this world may not be prepared for such kind of awesomeness. FBeyer-37 has lived more lives than some of us, at least in his head, and the way he expresses what's going through it makes me think a lot about my own life, and asking myself if what I am doing is to put shit over my head instead of living the simple life I would like. I'm sorry but my introspective side makes me feel like an idiot when I'm trying to put into words what's coded in my brain.

Please, keep on writing this superb journal. I wish you all the best in your new ventures.

PS: A PM is on the way...

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by LiquidSapphire »

I'm trying to participate more...yay!
I've only read the last little bit but I'm glad you've mustered what it takes to put away suicidal thoughts and try again. I don't know what to call it. Motivation? Courage? It doesn't matter I guess.
I'm very happy and glad you're coaching and getting into honing your skills. I'm curious to see what you learn through the process and hope you share.

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by FBeyer »

Things I've learned since Dec. 18th.
Satisfaction in life is a cursed overgrown garden you have to weed every single day!
- You cannot, ever, persuade anyone with reason alone.
- People accept change only if they come up with the terms themselves. Hence: Giving advice doesn't work unless there is an emotional angle.
- Only people in crisis are willing to change. Extend or exacerbate the crisis to make them susceptible to new ways of doing things.
- I have a supernatural ability to pinpoint something that will tear another person's self image to shreds in seconds and I tend to prod it with curiosity, not compassion.[1]
- Dialogue has two major factors to be aware of: What is the true objective of the conversation, and to what extent are both participants aware of that objective. Any mismatch leads to dissonance of some form.
- Mirroring and labeling works!
- Whenever you have to choose, always choose from more than 2 options, but not more than 5.
- consider, locations, people, equipment, and time in your options.
- There is always more under the surface. Even after talking for 45 minutes about one very particular subject. There is always more...
- The answers to a good life changes all the time; there is no such thing as the right answer.
- Prototyping beats analyzing's ass! ie find ways to TEST your ideas, and especially ways to test your fears and assumptions.

So a hodge podge battle plan using last month's learning only, applied to ERE-unwilling spouses goes something like:

Make it absolutely obvious that the intent of the discussion is not to find ways to save money, but to find a way to live a long, and fulfilling life of productivity, and purpose. That the discussion is about building a life you will be proud of[2]

Compassionate and understanding listening. Get the other person to talk for hours, or days, about their true needs, their self-image, how they feel loved and what kind of world they want to live in. Once you have a rock solid network of compassionate UNDERSTANDING (not a manipulation framework) then you can actually make a unified plan.

Don't steer the conversation towards money, but focus intently on the other person and what (always the 'what' question) they need to unite their most intense human needs. Ask what they'd like to give up to to focus intently on acquiring those needs (we all have shit in our lives. Find ways to get rid of shit so you can actually make mental and temporal space to make this project happen). What can they do to make room in their lives to live even better lives? Ideate on every single need. Find options, plenty of options, and let the other person come up with all the options on his/her own.

Highlight how your SO's current life is in conflict with their true desires. They're likely only halfway there and the debt they're paying on their half-assed (don't use that phrase) approach is actually hurting them, although it feels good and familiar. The side effects are catastrophic, even if they are well known. And it'll only get worse with time.

Fears are a major deterrent, so every fear needs its own options too. First find ways to actively (yes, out in the real world) test in a benign way whether those fears are actually well-founded. Again, when brainstorming solutions or workarounds to those fears try to make use of locations, people, equipment, or time, not just more money.

Talk about every option and it's emotional significance. Address the emotional connection between a person's base needs with ERE thinking/web of goals thinking (not FI thinking).

Always think of ways in which you can test something out in the real world where you can get valuable and cheap experience with the decisions you're making.

Don't ever fucking judge your significant other for being different than you!

[1] Sincere apologies to those who've suffered so far...
[2] 'cause no one remembers their best day of television.

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by classical_Liberal »

FBeyer wrote:
Sun Feb 17, 2019 2:00 pm
Only people in crisis are willing to change.
Teachable moments. To be handled with care, yet do not deflect cause and effect.
FBeyer wrote:
Sun Feb 17, 2019 2:00 pm
I have a supernatural ability to pinpoint something that will tear another person's self image to shreds in seconds and I tend to prod it with curiosity, not compassion.
Again, we are alike. The is a blessing and a curse. A blessing because weak willed people are afraid of me, saves lots of time muddling through the crowd. A curse because even the strongest of us have weak moments or weak spots. These need to be handled with great care, because even if we are just expressing genuine interest/want to help, it often comes across as if we are being assholes.

All of these are great realizations! Those two just hit home because I've experienced them recently.

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by prognastat »

And even when in crisis many still will struggle and often fail to take and apply advice.

Habits are hard to break and people also like to fit in so if it's a habit and it makes you fit in more with the general populace it's going to be even harder to change.

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by FBeyer »

theanimal wrote:
Thu Jan 11, 2018 1:50 pm
...When are we going to hear more about Lindy Hop?? Extra, extra bonus points for videos. :D
How about I not only give you a video of me dancing, but one where I dance badly, make mistakes, AND totally lose my sense of musicality all in the time span of a few minutes? :lol: ...

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by jennypenny »

Way to go! ;)

I thought of you when DS told me he joined the swing dancing club at his school (same type of dancing). He said it's really big and students come from other colleges because his college is mostly men so there are plenty of partners for the women. He met his GF there* and said it makes for an easy date night every week.

* this is a hint for the guys who haven't taken 7W5's learn-to-dance dating advice yet


Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by Jason »

I saw two people who with more practice will be really good. It's there. Plus the Elvis Costello/Buddy Holly look will kill in that setting.

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by cmonkey »

You were great!!

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

What fun! Cosign on the cute nerd glasses.

Gilberto de Piento
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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by Gilberto de Piento »

I'm happy things are going well for you these days. I enjoyed the dance video. I've taken a few lessons at different times in my life and always enjoyed dancing.

Can you elaborate more on the prototyping vs. analysis you mentioned back in February? Is it as simple as experimenting with a solution vs. thinking about one? Do you have any links to more information?

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by theanimal »

Nice dancing! You look like you're having a lot of fun. They offer a class here on Lindy Hop sometimes in the spring. I'm hoping it'll be available next year.

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by Cheepnis »

That was awesome! I've tried to convince the GF to take a dance class of some sort with me a couple times. Firm no's all around, which makes me sad. Thinking I might just go out and do it without her. Relatively cheap and looks like a hoot.

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by FBeyer »

This is really an update on February and March. It's just that I don't really spend time on the net much anymore, except to reach out to clients. So ya'll are getting an old update for now.


Shiiiiat April and May have already gone too... So uhm. Luckily ya'll got better things to do than sit around and F5 this journal so I haven't REALLY kept you waiting.


Edit 2:
Shiiiiiiiiiiat June has almost gone too!

I'm back to the 7 day work week, and have been since I started pursuing this business. There is something about the systematic nature of every day that really helps prioritize and get things done. I know that every day is a workday. But I also know that every day is a SHORT work day. When I'm done for the day, which is at about 2 PM, I'm free to get chores done. Now, since my work days are always short I have time to do the chores, so they're not squashed in between a horrendous commute, and my daughter's bedtime. There is plenty of time to get work done in a focused and non-harried manner, and there is time to do the chores and chill as well. It does take some organization during the weekend where my GF and daughter are both home, but it gives us more time and freedom during the work-week. So as far as I can tell, it works out really well.

There IS some degree of annoyance with regards to the 7 day week; no full days of time off means that larger projects around the house needs a bit more planning to get done. As in: larger projects around the house don't get done to the same extent they used to.

With regards to the biz:

I'm focused. I'm on schedule. I'm doing SOMETHING, but I have no idea whether I'm working on the exactly RIGHT thing. Not yet. The chaos of doing something completely new is quite overwhelming, but it's also just a fact of life, so right now I'm just living in the swirl without attaching myself to particular outcomes. The world does what it does. So for now I'm just learning to be content with knowing that I'm moving in the approximately right direction.

I refuse to believe in the crazy-hustle life of an entrepreneur. I refuse to. Putting in hours as the sole metric for success seems to be something born out of lawyer's offices or management consulting. It's not hours, but results, that matter: "move the needle work."

I believe that the hustle appears because it's frightfully confusing to be sitting as a famished spider in the middle of a massive, and ever-changing web of uncertainty. You're tempted to pull every string you can, just to see if it catches something and the effect is to only ever put a 10% effort into any one potentially beneficial endeavour. But the effect is also that you're creating a narrative inside your own head about reaching out in every direction you can, and so you're expending energy but not getting any results, and so in order to GET results you have to expend even more energy. And thus: The Hustle is born. 10% effort won't generate a return on investment.

Results come from focused work on the right things. Always has. Sometimes it happens by design, sometimes it happens by chance. In time I'll figure out what those right things are, but on the other hand I don't really believe that there IS a right thing. It's the one reason why analyzing your way out of a situation doesn't help. You cannot figure everything out, there is no 'everything' to be taken into consideration. Every second the best solution changes and the only way to really ride that wave is to get in the water.

I only need to be about 70% correct in order to move in the right direction and not waste too much time. Focused work is really where it's at. Distraction and multi tasking destroys working environments, whether we'd like to admit it or not. As soon as we TEST our efficiency, we see that a 'boring' and efficent work environment is really where we're happiest.

Sleep. Sit. Eat well. Exercise. Socialize. These are the building blocks of my life right now. When I ease up on my morning mediation I can feel it throughout the day so that one is the real cornerstone. Edit: Except I've tried changing this to an evening meditaion, due to schedule constraints and meditating in the evening is HARD, compared to meditating in the morning, before your mind clogs up.

My initial business strategy (subject to change) is to first learn how to best help people via one-one-one work. Then I'll aggresively produce, market, and sell an online product once I have a good modus operandi down. I'm not in this to make myself a day job. I'm doing this because I want to help as many people as I can, and incidentally that way is via automation and scaling. It's imperative that I keep working hours low. That way I know that I might be approaching inefficient practices or it's time to outsource tasks when I have to work significantly more than my allotted max 60 pomodoro per week (standard work week is 42 pomodoros).

I've discovered a creative habit that works just as well for me when I'm plotting books as it is now that I'm doing market research and value proposition design. Currently I've got business ideas coming out the wazoo and I'm having a hard time sorting them.
The habit is to always, ALWAYS keep a notebook with me. The minute I come up with an idea I write it down. No exceptions. Idea? Write it down. You condition your brain to brainstorm while you're doing something else and after a few weeks of this I can almost physically feel my mind working differently. [1]

Also: I don't have a clear stop metric with regards to market research so for now I'm just going to stop at 10 interviews per customer segment (currently interviewing two different segments) and see what insights I've gleamed from those. Edit: Now I've stopped doing market research and I'm solely focused on getting as good at coaching as humanly possible.

Then it's out in the google trenches to get my most promising ideas tested.

I will admit though, that it's incredibly hard to really let go during the evening. I trust in the process, rationally, but I always feel like I should be doing something more. I have to work a bit on my mentality regarding work and progress, especially during times where I'm not certain what I'm doing. Like right now, where more than 90% of my time is spent on non-coaching related activities.

It's on my mental checklist to try to build a company that focuses on solving client problems, not a shit ton of 'other' problems. Make it simple for me, HIGHLY valuable to my customers, and scalable.

I'm taking lessons at a local coaching academy, and as part of my education I have to coach at least 20 sessions. So I've had to write some copy to try and attract non-paying clients.

My copywriting is atrocious, to the point where I'm flamed rather than welcomed whenever I reach out to people. I posted in a 130K people group for writers on facebook and got nothing but crickets. Then someone else posted something similar to what I did and got more than 200 responses from people who wanted her help... To this day I'm not sure why there was such a difference in responses, but I'll find out soon. I'm writing copy often enough that I'll get the hang of it in a month or two. Ces't la vie; moving on!

My call for free coaching clients on /r/swingdancing was met with ridicule and accusations of patronizing behavior. Now that topic is shut down, because offering to help people overcome their fears of the social dance floor is advertising... *sigh* Ces't la vie; moving on!

When I asked my facebook friends for help on filing out a questionnaire I got more than 70 comments on critique and style and only one person who was up for an interview. The rest wanted to tell me how badly my copy sucked and how they thought I should improve it. Ces't la vie; moving on!

So far ALL my interviews have been mediated through only two people who are up to help me. It's annoying that only two people've got my back in this right now, but it's also illuminating (yet again) to see how few good people you need around to make progress. Don't worry about the billions of people in the world, focus on those few who can truly help you. The rest do you no real harm, those few do you real good.

May update: I've now gotten about 12 new clients after my initial calls for clients, so it's all looking good. Unfortunately some of them are 'quitting early' because I've solved their issues to quickly they're not coming back! I'm trying to set up an organic outreach kind of program to see if I can attract even more clients.

I've coached about 20 people total since starting my prototype in December, and all is going well so far. The coaching lessons I'm taking are really affecting the way I think about humanity, and communication in general.

I've bought an online course to function as accountability and training program to set up my coaching biz ASAP. I have no idea what to do in order to build a good business, but the guy selling the program thinks in a manner I appreciate, so I'm leaning on his methodology to get me places.

It's Sam Ovens's program, in case you -dear reader- is interested.

I've become confident enough to pick up clients after a short talk, and I'm really looking forward to learning how to market and sell better in the near future.

A family reunion actually put in touch with a guy who has about 40 salesmen who need coaching, so there is real opportunity that I can get some real, large-scale, paid work done in about a months time. Compared to the customer-drip I've got going now, it's really interesting to see how I'm going to handle that...

...well, I suspect!

Lindy Hop.

Hoo boy shit's on fire yo!
I went to a Great Gatsby themed social dance recently and had a lot of fun. I was asked to dance repeatedly, and not once did anyone give my any flak for being a newbie. Quite the contrary actually.
Couldn't find a brown sixpence that fit before going, but I did manage to jazz up my Gatsby era outfit with some suspenders.
Brown pants, rolled up sleeved, and suspenders. Just like this guy, except I'm much more handsome...

I posted a video last update of me dancing, making obvious mistakes, and dancing below par. It's obvious we're both new. All sorts of things are obvious about our skill level, and all sorts of other things one might get hung up on when it comes to social pressure, or performance anxiety, but I posted the video anyway for several reasons:

1) To 'give back' to TheAnimal who've been very kind throughout the lifetime of this journal, and who deserves to have his (jokingly) flippant request met.
2) To show how far you can get in a very short time span if you just put a little effort into it.
3) That you can have fun, even when you're bad at something
4) That haters can't touch you unless you let them.
5) Letting yourself out there is a great way to overcome anxiety and fear of failure.
6) We're having fun way before we're at some arbitrary target where we're 'allowed' to have fun.

Now... With regards to point number 5.
There is a fear of failure when you put yourself out there.
Exposure is sometimes thought of as failure, when things turn out in a specific manner. There is this notion that when you expose yourself, there is a possibility of failing, and when you do not expose yourself, there is no chance of failure.

But I disagree.

When you're working inside your comfort zone, the only thing happening is that you're never faced with the choices you make and the failures you truly experience.

This sounds ass backwards so I'll elaborate.

It's only when you make conscious decisions to try something that your potential failures become evident. When you're hiding away behind your daily routines, inside your comfort zone, you're still trying 'something' you're still trying to achieve something, except the attempt is now implicit, hidden from public view. Maybe you're sitting on your ass all evening picking at your phone, making an attempt at being happy, but since it's not explicit, you're not explicitly failing either, and so it 'feels' safe to do so.

Except failure with that strategy is guaranteed!

Happiness and contentment hurts along the way. But only if you let it.

The process:
The process is where it's at. The process is where you should find your results, and your happiness. If you push your happiness beyond the cognitive horizon, to that day when you finally reach your goals, you cannot, by defintion, ever get there.

Build a systematically efficient life for yourself, right here, right now. Take great care of your happiness, choose the burdens you bear with great care and success will follow... Some day.

PS: I know this post is probably the rambliest, incoheriest, shoddiest, messiest[2], post I've ever posted here. But part of me really wants to keep updating this journal to keep myself accountable, I also want to post quality contect, but right now my prioritize are somewhere else, so I've chosen to just post this, and move along.

PPS: I did notice that several members are having a hard time with their Semi-FI plans, with 15y expenses in the bank, and I just chose to say: Fuck it I'll start my own business, with about 7 years in the bank. I don't know if I'm insane, arrogant, or brave, but it has piqued my curiosity because there are so many different ways of viewing a situation, and the things we choose to focus on, wildly colors how we perceive a situation.

[1] Incidentally: the same neuroplasticity is screwing me over at the moment. I'm almost solely reading and writing in Danish and my language is slowly reverting away from English. And I can feel, literally feel, the difference. My Danish vocabolary has changed over the last couple of months in response to this monolanguage situation I've gotten myself into. It's quite illuminating to observe neuroplasticity on a first hand basis, and on such a short time scale.

[2] Okay that joke's old now...

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by FBeyer »

Gilberto de Piento wrote:
Thu Mar 28, 2019 9:30 am
I'm happy things are going well for you these days. I enjoyed the dance video. I've taken a few lessons at different times in my life and always enjoyed dancing.

Can you elaborate more on the prototyping vs. analysis you mentioned back in February? Is it as simple as experimenting with a solution vs. thinking about one? Do you have any links to more information?
The idea is just applied Design Thinking really.

Analysis lends itself well to a range of engineering problems, but life (and life quality) is a wicked problem and so you need to approach that with a different mindset.
Life is not a problem to solved but a reality to be experienced.
Design thinking lets you tinker with your life, lets you experience it, while you're optimizing it. It's fail fast in a sense, and it's incredibly liberating!

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Re: FI or bust; FBeyer.

Post by Bankai »

Great update!

What type of coaching do you do? A bit of everything or do you want to specialize in something like sales, performance, body etc.?

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