FI and still putting up with BS job

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Frita
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FI and still putting up with BS job

Post by Frita » Mon Feb 04, 2019 6:10 pm

I hope that someone can give me some kickass advice based on experience. I do not need to work and would be better off ACA-wise if I didn't, yet I continue teaching because it's a passion of mine. My boss is a lying jerk. Most co-workers are in duck-and-cover mode. The fear and mistrust are palpable. My boss also manhandles kids and I fear he'll hurt someone. (Several of us have filed a complaint. Now he's in retaliation mode.). We are placebound until DS graduates in 4.5 years.

I realize that it is not going to get any better and still put up with this. Thoughts to help unstick myself?

Jean
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Re: FI and still putting up with BS job

Post by Jean » Mon Feb 04, 2019 6:29 pm

Hi Frita!
You are in a position to stand up to your boss. You seem to care, he can't really affect you. If it would make you happy to solve this and help everyone getting him, you could try to do it.

EdithKeeler
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Re: FI and still putting up with BS job

Post by EdithKeeler » Mon Feb 04, 2019 6:42 pm

I have a friend who's active in the Recovery community. He regularly says "When it starts to feel bad enough, you'll make a change."

It's true. You might want to meditate and think about what need staying in your job even at FI is meeting. Is it meeting a security need? Is it meeting some self actualization need (ie, "I'm doing something constructive")? Is it meeting a socialization need (ie, "I hate my coworkers, but at least I have someone to talk to" :lol: )? Or some other need? Once you identify reasons why you might be staying, you can look at ways to meet those needs elsewhere. You say teaching is your passion--but you don't have to teach THERE do you? Can you fulfill that passion someplace else? Tutoring? Volunteering at your local literacy organization? Volunteering in prisons? (Most prisoners in the US only read at something like a 4th grade level).

Or maybe you're just a masochist, which is what my recovery friend accuses me of all the time. :D

cimorene12
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Re: FI and still putting up with BS job

Post by cimorene12 » Mon Feb 04, 2019 7:33 pm

You said that teaching is a passion. Maybe as a first step you can look over the fence and find other places to teach where your boss wouldn't be as terrible.

George the original one
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Re: FI and still putting up with BS job

Post by George the original one » Mon Feb 04, 2019 10:40 pm

Raise or fold. Standing pat is not going to force the hand and you're likely holding the best cards until the next card is dealt.

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Bankai
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Re: FI and still putting up with BS job

Post by Bankai » Tue Feb 05, 2019 6:39 am

Can you not teach in another place?

Bullies don't change unless its forced on them. And with everyone else chickening, chances of that are low. You can either be a lone knight or move on to a different place where you'll be appreciated.

Changing your boss or co workers is outwith your control. What's within your control is how you react to them. Or where you work.

Scott 2
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Re: FI and still putting up with BS job

Post by Scott 2 » Tue Feb 05, 2019 10:36 am

You'll encounter bullies every place you work. Running from them isn't a final solution. Figuring out and then navigating their dysfunction is part of office politics.

Is he a narcissist? Overwhelmed by budget cuts? Angry and lonely because of a failing marriage? Spread too thin because of a sick parent?

Once you understand his games, you can play them. It's a lot easier to create boundaries for your individual treatment than change his behavior for everyone.

Picking narcissist as an example, I don't give solutions. I ask for help with problems, discover the solution with them, and let them have the credit. Once they know I recognize their greatness, there's something I can take away that they really want. It also opens getting them to do things, so they can show off how awesome they are.

Bullies are people dealing poorly with the challenges of their own life. Figuring out how to accommodate each person's particular brand of screwed up is part of working in a group.

Some people aren't worth the game and you do have to move on. Getting to the point of formal complaints might be a sign you've reached that with this boss.

cimorene12
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Re: FI and still putting up with BS job

Post by cimorene12 » Tue Feb 05, 2019 10:56 am

Frita wrote:
Mon Feb 04, 2019 6:10 pm
The fear and mistrust are palpable. My boss also manhandles kids and I fear he'll hurt someone. (Several of us have filed a complaint. Now he's in retaliation mode.).
Scott 2 wrote:
Tue Feb 05, 2019 10:36 am
Some people aren't worth the game and you do have to move on. Getting to the point of formal complaints might be a sign you've reached that with this boss.
I think that it's time to move on. Frita can still teach somewhere else, a place where kids aren't manhandled.

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Bankai
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Re: FI and still putting up with BS job

Post by Bankai » Tue Feb 05, 2019 11:03 am

Scott 2 wrote:
Tue Feb 05, 2019 10:36 am
You'll encounter bullies every place you work.
Are you sure about that? In my fairly short time in workforce (~12 years or so) I had about 15 bosses between 5 different jobs for 3 companies and they ranges from neutral to friendly. Although this might be due to different workplace culture in Europe (less pressure, strict grievance procedures) and my tiny sample size.

Scott 2
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Re: FI and still putting up with BS job

Post by Scott 2 » Tue Feb 05, 2019 11:48 am

Maybe I just don't like being told what to do or having people disagree with me :D

I have encountered strong personalities at every job. They heavily influence work place culture. I think bully vs. not can vary by individual experience with these personalities. I have a good friend who is coming up on twenty years under an ex manager I found completely intolerable.

I've been told American business culture is more aggressive than most other nations. My experience is admittedly US centric.

Frita
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Re: FI and still putting up with BS job

Post by Frita » Tue Feb 05, 2019 5:50 pm

I am processing these suggestions and appreciate the different ideas. Right now I am trying to get some space to step out of a reactive mode.

Frita
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Re: FI and still putting up with BS job

Post by Frita » Sat Feb 23, 2019 12:15 am

@Jean I am standing up to my boss. He responds by being a bigger jerk. People really are sucking up to him and turn a blind eye to his bad behaviors and some are even copying his behaviors.

@EdithKeeler I like bucking the system and teaching kids to think for themselves. Tutoring sounds awful. My orientation is more facilitative than instructional.

@cimorene12 The economy in Wyoming has tanked. Openings are filled with cheap, inexperienced teachers. I am “lucky” to have the position I have.

@George the original one, @Bankai, @Scott 2, @cimorene12. Yeah, it is time to go. I am burning my leave and shifting my attention to my hobbies and other community volunteering activities. The aggravation isn’t worth it.

Our formal grievance went nowhere. One coworker was moved to another building. The complaint was not investigated, just dropped by HR with no explanation. Our union just went along and pulled the OCR complaint in exchange for our coworker’s transfer. Now those of us who complained and are still there are being treated worse. Kids are still restrained unnecessarily and our suspensions are skyrocketing (special education and LGBQT students appear targeted).

I wrote a frank letter to the union, requested my dues be refunded, and guess what? I received a hollow apology and a check. Sad, sad, sad.

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unemployable
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Re: FI and still putting up with BS job

Post by unemployable » Sat Feb 23, 2019 1:10 am

Frita wrote:
Sat Feb 23, 2019 12:15 am
I am burning my leave
Actually don't do this; when you leave the company they have to pay anything you've accrued, so let them pay you for no longer working there.

Frita
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Re: FI and still putting up with BS job

Post by Frita » Sat Feb 23, 2019 10:50 am

@unemployable I wish our school worked like businesses! If I don’t use my time, the school doesn’t pay me for it. (We have a lot of staff turnover.)

Scott 2
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Re: FI and still putting up with BS job

Post by Scott 2 » Sat Feb 23, 2019 12:29 pm

The laws around vacation payout vary by state:

https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia ... 33485.html

A lot of companies are getting around this by going to "unlimited" vacation. As one manager at my company said, "you still keep track, ultimately the employees are competing against each other." But it gets vacation off the books.

cimorene12
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Re: FI and still putting up with BS job

Post by cimorene12 » Sat Feb 23, 2019 10:55 pm

Frita wrote:
Sat Feb 23, 2019 12:15 am
@cimorene12 The economy in Wyoming has tanked. Openings are filled with cheap, inexperienced teachers. I am “lucky” to have the position I have.

@George the original one, @Bankai, @Scott 2, @cimorene12. Yeah, it is time to go. I am burning my leave and shifting my attention to my hobbies and other community volunteering activities. The aggravation isn’t worth it.

Our formal grievance went nowhere.
I'm glad that you're moving forward. I hope you do well with those plans, especially since you're already FI. I wouldn't call your work environment particularly healthy so I'm not sure how "lucky" it is to be employed there, so you can free up a spot for someone else to deal with all of it.

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unemployable
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Re: FI and still putting up with BS job

Post by unemployable » Sun Feb 24, 2019 1:02 am

Scott 2 wrote:
Sat Feb 23, 2019 12:29 pm
As one manager at my company said, "you still keep track, ultimately the employees are competing against each other."
To use as few as possible, as many as possible, or to get their work done quickly so they can take them in the first place? If it's the former, they're the morons.

My last job switched right before I was hired from unlimited to a set number, and you lost them if you didn't use them by the following March. At my level I started with 22 sick+vacation and got to 25 by the time I quit. If you called out it was no questions asked, but if you had a client meeting or report due that day you had better been legit sick. Although I did discover ways to cheat the system; maybe some other people did too.

Scott 2
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Re: FI and still putting up with BS job

Post by Scott 2 » Sun Feb 24, 2019 8:54 am

His implication was the hardest workers are rewarded and vacation taken counts against it.

I much prefer the fixed approach and always burn any PTO that won't roll over. Doing otherwise sets a bad precedent.

Frita
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Re: FI and still putting up with BS job

Post by Frita » Tue Mar 05, 2019 12:14 pm

Yesterday my boss asked me to chaperone (i.e., volunteer several unpaid hours, teach cross country skiing for no additional compensation other than perhaps a free packaged granola bar, and write out lesson plans for my sub). I declined! I feel a little guilty emotionally but am proud to finally enforce some better boundaries. I think I have some residual people pleasing to work on.

prognastat
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Re: FI and still putting up with BS job

Post by prognastat » Tue Mar 05, 2019 2:38 pm

Yeah, I don't do unpaid work. Doing that would set a very bad precedent. Good job on pushing back.

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