Pondering about my future (after 20 years fi).

[J_]

I reach 70 this month. Some future ponderings.

Outside world

I have learned that:
a. Our minds are prone to manipulation, even by ourselves. Science and philosophers are proving that. Google, Facebook, some newspapers and broadcasters and the like are using that fact. To manipulate me in politics, and consuming. In choosing my education, in choosing medical solutions or to seduce me to have tests on my body. But google informs me too if I am looking for information. I have to be critical not to be biased. I have to examine myself about my biases. And to maintain/develop the skill to avoid most information in the relentless ocean of info.

b. The technological/biochemical drive of mankind investigates the workings of the human mind and body and then to try to change those by biochemicals (drugs), with magnetic fields or with direct surgery and implants. To help and treat the sick. And to use that for manipulation. For example the food industry is looking too and use chemical additives to mislead my taste/mind, so that I become prone to eat wrong. But common knowledge and science is informing me about food so that I can prepare myself.

c. The complexity of our institutions is dangerous. National administrations have no limit of grow and no inbuilt brake to intervene my way of life. Specialisation obscure the whole and form obstacles. For example hospitals. I have witnessed that their widened specialisation and complexity cannot cope well to cure people. And (communal) administrations, once set up to help their inhabitants, now often hinder them with futilities or complex rules that are not maintained. So that those who ignore the rules are spared. Experience helps me to (for)see the workings of administrations and how to avoid (the unhelp).

Those three help me to live well in- and with my outside world. They change with time as they always have. Therefore I must stay alert, and keep my mind in shape. And for the real possibility that in the future my mind start to detoriate I should have (younger) people around me with (a kind of) the same mindset. And to give them the tools/authority to steer/react in my place.

Private world

I live twenty years in financial independence now, shaped along the lines of ere principles.
Such a long period of freedom, being master of my time and where I could choose free where and how to live, have been a boon to my life. I feel well.

Housing
I lived not very stationary. In this period of twenty years I have lived in six houses owned/changed/maintained by me and DW. In three countries in Europe, with three different languages and three different legal systems.
Houses/real estate are also my skill to earn money and a motivator to continuous learn all kind of skills.
At the moment one of our two houses is a listed building of over 450 years old. I have to cope with authorities and my personal wishes to insulate and ventilate and reduce heating and maintenance costs.
I wonder if I will continue moving house. It is in my blood and gives opportunities for interesting changes. It is also always a lot of work, mostly more work than estimated. Over time I have found that it is a rewarding thing to do in many aspects, and for me it feels adventurous. If I move again, I aim for easy to maintain, I aim something inspiring or with grandeur.

Sport
I found (new) sports to do: horse riding, kajacking, swimming in open water, xcountry skiing, big water sailing in a 36 foot, (solo) living/trekking for weeks in a 25 foot motorboat (last year even over coastal seas), driving an open two-seater, walking and cycling. Kettle bells, pilates. Most of them I will continue and I will try others, perhaps tennis. I have stopped horse riding. I have sold my 36 Ft sailing boat but all those other sports I like to continue as long I love to do them. In the future I like to add rowing and small sailing.

As you see, all those are more or less individual sports, I can do them on my own, which I often do. So I am independent from the need of company to sport, although I like company.
I aim the most simple of them (cycling, xcountry-sking, swimming and walking, kettle bells and pilates) to maintain until I die, knowing to adapt if my body restricts me.

Love
All my adult life I have a woman as partner. The first companionship and love lasted about 26 years, from which I have a grown-up daughter. The second companionship and love last at the moment 27 years. Do not think that at (my) age one cannot fell in love with others anymore. It happened to me some years ago and it happened to my wife not so long ago. The effects are partly wonderful for the one who fells into it, partly stress- and very painful for the one who feels jealous. Both very basic human reactions, both difficult to overcome without a divorce. We did. We have learned to live together without doing all things together, we have learned to do things like hobbies and sports also on our own.
Love is such an essential part of life, I aim to be able to give love as long as I live and not to one person. I hope to get love for the same period.

Hobbies
I like reading and studying everything I think that enhance my practical knowledge. I like fiction.
Practical philosophy is a focus point for me. Sometimes I draw or paint. I love piano playing although I know that I am not a gifted person. I still find pieces to play within my grasp which let my romantic mind glow. I see a lot of films on dvd from libraries in Holland and Austria. I like the forum of ERE, it gives inspiration and new insights. I will continu these.

And I embrace serendipity.

[Quadalupe]

Dear J_, I consider you one of the many colorful figures who make this little part of cyberspace so beautiful and interesting. Gefeliciteerd en happy birthday! I hope you'll stick around here for quite a while, and continue to enjoy your life and adventures.

If you are ever around Utrecht, you are more than welcome for a meal, a beer and a good conversation.

P.S. also, thank you for reaching out to me when I was having some troubles in life. While I neglected to respond (for which I apologize!!), it really meant something to me. I'm glad to hear that you and your wife also managed to overcome your troubles!

[7Wannabe5]

Thank you for sharing. I am only 52, but I have learned that it is true that people keep on being themselves and living their lives like always, even when they are in their 70s, 80s or 90s, if poor health does not completely preclude. A book I enjoyed that very much made this point was "A Round-Heeled Woman: My Late Life Adventures in Sex and Romance" by Jane Juska. At the age of 69, the author sets out with the intent to make up for a lifetime of lost opportunity in this realm, by placing a personal ad in the New York Review of Books. Her experience didn't differ remarkably from my own experience post-divorce at the age of 42. I think this is reflective of the freedom of finding yourself post-empty-nest and plumb run-out of conventional script, no matter what age you get there.

Please feel free to ignore or refuse to answer, but I am curious about whether your marriage is actually open or just accepting of emotional vagaries? Also, do you agree that monogamy can be negotiated or roughly divided into the realms of sexuality, romantic and/or affectionate emotional-connection, practical matters, and social companionship? The reason why I am wondering is that I have somehow recently found myself in a situation which has given me cause to consider the possibility of "marriage" of friendly convenience.

[tylerrr]

@J_ ,

thank you for sharing. Very inspirational!

[J_]

@7Wanabe5
Yes I know, love it is a focus point of you 7W5. It is a delicate subject but an important part of life. No, we do not have an open marriage, but the struggles we had have helped me to realise that such long companionships can end. I have learned that I cannot measure with different sticks. I have learned that also solitude can be a good way of life. I have learned that it is wrong to see a partner as a „possession”. We dare now to let the other go and trust that the other is wise enough to know what to do.
If you thought that one does not change: that is not what I ment to say as I just have elaborated.

[onewayfamily]

Thanks for sharing J - very inspirational and thought-provoking.

[GandK]

What an amazing post! Thank you.

[wolf]

And I embrace serendipity.

any updates J_? I liked your initial post very much. Has something changed for better/worse?

[J_]

Short Update:
Serenepidity: I am at the moment for two months in Hawaii. Living, repairing, adding equipment and ( helas only a little bit of) sailing in a beautiful Trimaran ( 61") sailing boat. This spring I met at the rowing club the new Dutch owner of this boat who asked me to assist him. And now I cook our meals, do boat things and enjoy the pleasures of a luxury Marina, the beauty of the island Ohau and its beaches and its splendid green lush nature. I pay my share in eating costs.

Outside world: thinking of my adaptation to climate change. I read the forum- thread about deep adaptation e.g. with Jacob and Vexed. I have further insulated our dutch house. DW and I train to feel comfortable with lower room temperatures in winter. My trip to Hawaii is an exception in my further frugal use of energy.

Health: I enjoy beiing healthy, the biggest asset one can have, for which I am thankful. My credo: every drink and bite must be nutrional good for my body. No exception. ( guide: How not to die from Greger)

Sport: this year I started rowing in a rowing club. I trained and passed my "exams" for using the club boats for more person rowing boats with a cox, and very recent also for rowing the solo boats. I love being on the water, I need social contacts too therefore the club.

Family: relation with DW good, relaton with friends and girlfriends good. Expanding friendships to junger persons.
Relation with DD 50: She is in divorce and is confronted with the harsh concequencies emotional and financial. We spend last summer to help here to overcome the emotional ones. During their marriage I never succeeded to convince her and her husband that it should be good to have financial buffers. They lived paycheck to paycheck. A very luxury paycheck. And now she asked for a faboulous gift from me to continue the same lifestyle single with two daughters. I refused but offered help to restructure her costs, eg by selling her big house and moving to a much cheaper one. Since then she stopped all communication with me. Sad, for her and for me.

And last year I had a nice talk, meal and tea with Quadelupe.

[BRUTE]

kids

[rube]

Thanks for your update J_, much appreciated. A very inspirational attitude you have and life you live.
Sorry to hear about the DD situation, hopefully it will be better in the future.

[RealPerson]

Beautiful posts J_. You comment about not taking loved ones for granted is such a good reminder. It reminds me that "falling out of love" is often simply the result of taking someone for granted or being taken for granted. So sorry to read about the relationship with your DD. I hope that keeping your door and your heart open for her, while maintaining your boundaries, will eventually heal the rift. Best of luck to you.

[prognastat]

Sorry to hear about your daughter's situation. However given that she is an adult and responsible for her own situation I believe you did the right thing. Hopefully with some time to cool off she will be able to see this too and come around. Hopefully she can also see that by taking care of yourself financially you are making sure she never needs to which is a great gift, I'm sure we've all heard and read plenty of stories of people having to support their parents because they never took care of their own financial situation.