
I've had a similar experience that running across sour grapes in everyday life is extremely rare even among a few coworkers who know I'm financially independent. I attribute that mostly to generally blending into normal life and not trying to proselytize. I accept them for who they are and they accept me. It also means I'm happy to talk about ERE ideas when asked but I also know when to drop it when I see people getting uncomfortable once they start hitting the inevitable wall of not feeling like it's personally attainable for whatever reason. Basically, a good way to make sure people don't make a big deal about things is to not make a big deal about it yourself.
BTW, I do acknowledge that certain family dynamics can make things very difficult. I tend to think that those core issues are almost always independent and much deeper than your ERE choices, but obviously YMMV.