Ok -- I'm going to be honest. Please bear with me and hear me out. I see a lot of myself in your comments so I also recognize my own counter-productive defense mechanisms.
My first reaction is that you seem to be assuming that the motivations of others commenting on your lifestyle are negative while you haven't provided evidence that they are. There's a good chance they love you and want the best for you and what you're experiencing is a 2-way communication issue compounded by very different personal frameworks. It's also entirely possible (and normal) that you're just not very good at accepting and navigating constructive criticism. Now that's not to say that they're necessarily right, but reacting by speaking dismissively of women and religion and referring to your own family as talking to aliens is IMO a sign that you're isolating yourself behind some sort of defensive wall that really has nothing to do with ERE. So set aside the retirement or austerity angle for a moment and think more about how you relate to other people. Most important is to give others the benefit of the doubt. Think of their questions and comments from their perspective under the assumption that they genuinely care about you even if they don't understand you, and you probably won't feel so attacked.
When I was getting close to FI (but not there yet), I remember a few times when outside comments about my lifestyle or perceived work ethic really set me off with an immediate, involuntary negative response. I also remember stressing way too much about how to message my life to others once I hit FI, with lots of screw-ups on my part. The thing is, once I truly internalized the mindset of living your own life and just being happy and confident with who you are, those comments now roll off of me like water and I have no problem smiling and sharing my unique perspective in terms they can appreciate. Rather than immediately feeling defensive, I can clearly communicate what I do that makes me happy and it has nothing to do with working, not working, spending, or not spending.
Once you get to that point, I suspect you'll find that your conversations with others will go a lot more smoothly. For example, my mom no longer asks if I'm ok, as she can see full well from my words and actions that I'm just fine. In fact, now she prefers to talk about how nice it is to pay off debt.
![Very Happy :D](./images/smilies/icon_e_biggrin.gif)