Hello from Midwestern Suburbia!

[FamMan]

Hi everyone! Glad to be here from the Midwest.

I’ve been admiring your journals for awhile, and although I haven’t started my own yet, I’m on my way to journaling my path to FI. Introducing myself here seems like the most logical “first step”. I’m not anywhere close to FI at this point, but this post is a way for me to actually get started as opposed to thinking about where I should be or what I should be doing.

Where to begin? I haven’t seen many people like me on the forums, but I definitely haven’t read everything. I’m 38yo, married, with 3 young kids. We live in the suburbs and our kids go to a great public school. We’re what you might think of as an average American family (for better or worse, lol!). I’m in sales and my wife is an attorney (works for herself). She left corporate America (long hours and little pay) eight years ago when we had our twins. She now works for herself but is mainly a stay-at-home mom. We have all kinds of debt (cc, auto, mortgage, and law school). Retirement is a pipe dream right now and it seems as though we are just trying to maintain life. I want to turn it around for my family and for myself. We were never taken advantage of or “tricked” into pursuing the American Dream. I don’t blame anyone but ourselves for our decisions, and overall we’re very happy with our lives and the decisions we’ve made. I’ve always liked the saying “wherever you go, that’s where you are”. That’s why I want to pursue FI.

It seems that many of you here have already taken many of the steps to put yourselves in a position for FIRE. I hope to connect with like-minded people who can relate to my situation and offer advice and guidance from their own experiences. Glad to be here.

[2Birds1Stone]

Welcome, looking forward to following along on your progress.

You would be surprised by how much you can change your mindset and ability to implement the ideas here over time.

[Smashter]

Welcome! If you want inspiration on pursuing ERE with a wife and kids, I suggest checking out the journals of Fish, Suomalainen, and SavingWithBabies

viewtopic.php?f=9&t=8603
viewtopic.php?f=9&t=5671
viewtopic.php?f=9&t=9161&hilit=savingwithbabies

[FamMan]

2Birds1Stone - Thanks for your encouragement. I'm definitely excited about implementing strategies as a result of a new mindset. I just looked at your journal and I can only hope to have the focus and drive that you've had since pursuing ERE!

Smashter - Thank you! Thats just what I was looking for. I'll check those out. I appreciate it!

[BRUTE]

hi

[IlliniDave]

In 2007 I was much like you (kids probably older though). I plan to retire in 2019. To get there it was necessary for the kids to finish fledging and take off and for the (now ex-) wife to cash out and move on. So I'm not a good example in that I was unable to get very far while part of a traditional family. Welcome and good luck.

[FamMan]

IlliniDave - It sounds like you went through quite a lot in the last 11 years, and it’s inspiring that you are on track for retirement in 2019 in that relatively short amount of time. We’ll have three kids at home for another 10 years, and then one at home for two more years, so I’m going to have to find a way to make this work WITH the family. If you could go back to 2007, would you have done things differently? What real advice would you give yourself that would have made things easier?

[Fish]

ERE with a wife and kids

ERE, wife, kids. Pick any two that you want! Or more accurately, you're not allowed to select ERE if you have the latter as a pre-existing condition.

On a more serious note, welcome FamMan and hopefully you will teach us a thing or two about achieving ERE with a wife and kids.

[Clarice]

@Fish:
I like the idea of a family as a pre-existing condition. Yes, so true! However, even with this constraint you can redesign your life, so it starts making sense to YOU. Personally, I practice a barbell strategy - frugality toward myself and a significant investment in our daughter.

@FamMan:
Welcome!
"We have all kinds of debt (cc, auto, mortgage, and law school)." That's the big one. Once you kill it everything else gets easier.

[Jason]

Its nice that you are content in your domestic situation. Its good to have support. And the mid-West, at least where I have recently been in Illinois seems to be economical compared to other regions. And there seems to be a modesty to the people there.

Good luck. And maybe invest in some birth control.

[IlliniDave]

If you could go back to 2007, would you have done things differently? What real advice would you give yourself that would have made things easier?

Let's see. I became single again in Jan 2008 so I'll start there. Prior to that I only had limited control of my situation. For the first 3 years my youngest daughter was still living with me, and I was supporting the older in school for part of that. Knowing what I know now I should have hit the ground running harder as soon as I was emancipated. It wasn't until late 2011 that I really got serious about putting together a plan and making my way to ER. Prior to that I was content with just getting my financial house in order in the more conventional way (while married it was chaos): getting some consumer debt paid off, getting an emergency fund in place, and eventually getting out and doing some recreational things as an individual. I suppose that was what was necessary at the time, but if I'd jumped into my plan I could possibly have shaved off 3 more years.

The advice I would have given myself had I been aware enough is the same advice I give myself daily now: wallowing in regret about the past or dwelling on anxiety of the future robs one of life, which necessarily happens right now. Be mindful of goals and make the best of each moment as it arrives--that's the best one can do.

That might not be the type of advice you had in mind. More specific to the topic of retirement, I would have started tracking/recording my expenses (in detail) sooner and given up a lot of the lazy expenditures: I don't think I'll regret forgoing restaurant meals or carryout 3-4 days a week. I did too many of the things people in my cohort are expected to do rather than having the courage to be true to myself and my goals. Make a plan and throw yourself into it.

[FamMan]

@Clarice - I love your viewpoint on using all strategies we can to make it work for ourselves. Everyone has different influences and situations in their lives, but ERE strategies along with the desire to accomplish YOUR OWN goal is what this is all about. I anticipate that some on this forum will disapprove of certain activities or expenses that I incur, but that’s okay, their opinion is coming from their own life and experiences, and I actually appreciate that too. In fact, I’m looking forward to being challenged as that’s where I expect real growth to occur.

@Jason - Yes, it’s good to have support, but like so many others here, getting my wife on the same page to achieve the same goal will be an ongoing work in progress. She’s all for budgeting, but she’s afraid I’m going to be too extreme, therefore making us both unhappy (as a result of her feeling too constricted and being upset/resistant to the changes). I’m afraid she’s going to want to be too “normal”. I think the best strategy is going to be to focus on the “end game” (ie, what it will feel like when we are debt free and FI and why that matters). Then take it day by day from there. No need to invest in birth control - we’re done.

[FamMan]

The advice I would have given myself had I been aware enough is the same advice I give myself daily now: wallowing in regret about the past or dwelling on anxiety of the future robs one of life, which necessarily happens right now. Be mindful of goals and make the best of each moment as it arrives--that's the best one can do.

That is a very good place to start. Thank you.

I did too many of the things people in my cohort are expected to do rather than having the courage to be true to myself and my goals. Make a plan and throw yourself into it

.

This really speaks to me. It’s so easy to just to continue to go with the flow, but the results of that are so predictable. Like, for example, right now I should be working on my plan but I’m tired. It’s been a long day and I just got home about an hour ago. So, I’m reading the ERE forum instead. I’ll wake up early again tomorrow and get to work on my day. I’m looking forward to taking some time for myself this weekend to put a plan together and just take action.

[Jason]

@FM

If you are not already aware, there are threads of the "I'm having trouble turning My Spouse Out" variety where this issue is addressed. Search the Family & Friends section. If you want the aspirational role model of a couple acting as a well oiled, ERE machine, I would read Frugalchicos. Those two are like Bonnie & Clyde with this shit, they just shop at Aldi's as opposed to robbing banks.

[suomalainen]

Welcome! If you want inspiration on pursuing ERE with a wife and kids, I suggest checking out the journals of Fish, Suomalainen, and SavingWithBabies

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no. you don't want to invite a fresh hopeful soul to read my journal. "Hi! Glad to see you, welcome! For your first step, please come right in to the pit of despair!" You might want to start off with something a little...less...tart. Highly recommend @fish and @swb tho. And many others.

I will second this piece of advice and will confidently state that having read the following two sentences, you will have gotten the best that I could also offer (except it would take me several profanity laced postings to sort of say the same thing:

The advice I would have given myself had I been aware enough is the same advice I give myself daily now: wallowing in regret about the past or dwelling on anxiety of the future robs one of life, which necessarily happens right now. Be mindful of goals and make the best of each moment as it arrives--that's the best one can do.

[Jason]

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no. you don't want to invite a fresh hopeful soul to read my journal. "Hi! Glad to see you, welcome! For your first step, please come right in to the pit of despair!" You might want to start off with something a little...less...tart. Highly recommend @fish and @swb tho. And many others.

I look at your blog as the reality TV show playing in the middle of the forum, providing the "Yeah, my life may be an overflowing bucket of shit but at least I'm not Suomalainen" temporary comfort.

[suomalainen]

@jace ha ha ha, the Jersey Shore of ERE TV Land. Somebody's gotta be in the left tail of the bell curve.