Assets/Net Worth/Liquid Net Worth
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Dividends (PA only)
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I think I got $684 in dividends in September, my best month yet. I get a dividend each week for the next several weeks, so that's a nice boost. When I get some more money to invest, one of my criteria is going to be the timing of the dividend payment. The goal would be to have a portfolio that generates at least 1 dividend payment a week. Really just for shits and giggles. My investment philosophy is pretty much using a dartboard anyway (but I like to think of it as selective indexing since I don't trade in and out).
Spending Update
- When I bought my first bow, I told the kids (and myself) that once they could shoot 10-12 arrows and score 80% in 2 of 3 rounds from 20 yards, I'd buy them a new bow. I figured they wouldn't have the interest and patience and determination to stick with it and I was right! I'm not sure if that's an
or an
, but either way I figured I wouldn't have to buy them anything or if I did, I'd be happy to spend the money.
- After I got hit by the car, my right neck/shoulder/upper back has been messed up. Shooting arrows didn't seem to help, so I took some time off. Then I read about archers having neck/shoulder problems and the obvious suggestion to pull with the left hand as many times as you shoot with the right. So, I started doing that and my right neck/shoulder/upper back feels better and stronger than it has in years!
- Well, I got my 80% from 20 yards with my starter bow, so I bought a longer riser (Samick Polaris) and longer limbs (Samick Journey) to create a longer, better suited bow for my long arms. And I also got bored just pulling empty shots with my left, so I also treated myself to a left-handed bow!
Not a frugal decision by any stretch, but I enjoy the time outside in my backyard. Maybe the kids will even rejoin me from time to time.
- The rest of the spending has re-normalized from the summer increase due to the kids being out of school.
Psych Update
- I continue to focus on trying to be fully present in my life, notwithstanding my past triumphs and defeats or my future goals and challenges. Recently, I got a bit waylaid by conflicting emotions between early retirement and a new house with a lot of land. After some helpful discussion on another thread here (
viewtopic.php?f=7&t=9335), it turned out to be another presentation of my same weaknesses. I'm glad I went through the exercise and that I have a record of it here. I hope to continue improving my self-awareness and my decision-making ability and to continue corralling the out-of-control meaning-searcher that is me. "Meaning is deliberately created, not found. Meaning is deliberately created, not found. Meaning is deliberately created, not found." should be my mantra.
- I also wanted to re-highlight this paragraph from last month's update, which has been absolutely incredible for me:
suomalainen wrote: ↑Thu Sep 14, 2017 9:11 pm
- I don't particularly enjoy work. But my new focus is this: "I may not value my services very highly, but I value my company's money highly. In a free market, I trade something I value less (my services) for something I value more (money) if the converse is also true. My company values my services more than a certain amount of money, so a trade is made.
My purpose at work is to get money and I'm getting it. If I enjoy a day, great! If not, I should focus on what I'm there for - not meaning, not purpose, not happiness, not personal challenge -- money. I can always choose to not make the trade, but every day that I'm there, I am consciously, deliberately making that trade, so at the very least I'm getting what I paid for." This has worked for me when I've done it. I hope it continues. It also feels a little...stark...when I write it like that. Something something nihilism, probably. Anyway. Meaning, purpose, happiness and challenge will need to be found elsewhere.
Lowering my expectations of what I can get out of work has been incredibly psychologically freeing, especially on the days when the corporate bullshit is so thick it makes me want to gauge out my eyes (ears, really) and skullfuck myself. And my skullhole is sore from the fuckings it's taken the last two weeks. Oy vey. Daddy's been in a very bad mood.
At the same time, there are a couple of nuggets of wisdom I've picked up from some journals here that are tempering my expectations of what financial independence could really achieve for me:
halfmoon wrote: ↑Sat Nov 26, 2016 11:17 am
I see in retrospect that DH and I were oblivious and selfish. DS once told his dad: "This is your dream, not mine." Very true.
C40 wrote: ↑Sat Jan 07, 2017 1:12 pm
I’ve certainly had some “is this all there really is to life? ughhh” thoughts, but, in a good way, I think.
BRUTE wrote: ↑Mon May 29, 2017 2:14 pm
given another 6 months, it is possible C40 will completely lose the appreciation for new places, cultures, foods, and so on. this happened to brute eventually, where all places eventually blended together into "airport -> hotel -> airbnb -> supermarket -> repeat for a few weeks or months -> airport". the exotic locals started feeling less exotic. brute started missing "boring" things he'd never missed before - being able to purchase heavy cream at the store, good roads, Amazon.com, the ability to build a longer-term gym with weights..
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interestingly, brute's strategy for "solving" seems the complete opposite from C40's. first, brute doesn't think lack of appreciation is a problem. it's just hedonic adaptation. brute does not like to take pictures or read about things he did in the past or places he's been to in the past, even if they were positive. brute simply accepted that he'd picked the low-hanging fruit he could attain with this mode of travel for now, and his desires had changed. they might one day come back, and brute still has interest in other modes of travel, like in a van for example.
the realization for brute was this: nothing lasts, but nothing is lost.
-These are further reminders that life happens in the present. I sometimes chafe at my "lack of freedom", and think "Ugh, is this all there is?", which is probably borne from feeling burdened by responsibilities to or for people at every hour of my day (work, kids), so I have no freedom from responsibility. But, I also have to realize that I am currently "free to" enjoy things that others can't enjoy: I'm free to enjoy employment; I'm free to enjoy my children. I may be unemployed some day. I will have an empty nest some day. To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.
Health Update
- I dunno, maybe it was triggered when I read @brute's journal for the first time or maybe by re-reaching my January 1 starting weight of 237 lbs, but either way, I had the oomph to finally get on a more "natural diet". I had my last real carbohydrate meal on September 20th. It was a half-sandwich (turkey cheese melt maybe?) and a bag of chips and a cookie from Panera. I had determined to kick the carbs totally for at least 3 days and the withdrawal for the first 3 days was fucking awful, I'm not gonna lie. But since then, I haven't really craved carbs or sweets that much. Wife even made a batch of cinnamon rolls, of which I would normally have consumed half of the batch, but I had a teaspoon tasting. I actually thought it might taste revolting, but I was pleasantly surprised that it was delicious! But I also had zero desire for more. I find it all very weird.
- The initial plan was to introduce natural carbs (no processed carbs) like fruits and veggies after going through the detox period, but I'm actually kind of worried about cracking open the door to any real amount of sugar. That shit is cocaine! I don't know if I can draw the line between an orange and a cinnamon roll.
- So, I have only had some incidental carbs here and there - breading on a few chicken strips once a week or so, bread crumbs in meatloaf, a tablespoon of ketchup with a burger, some spinach or spring greens pretty much every day, a nibble of this or that. But pretty much no more than 30g on any given day.
- I'm down 14 pounds in 3.5 weeks.
- I don't have blood sugar swings. I can easily skip meals. I rarely feel hungry unless it's been 24 hours between meals. I feel more stable.
- I also feel a bit lethargic when I go running. In fairness, I did get a respiratory illness a week or two after I started the new diet, so we'll see how that balances out. If I start to do longer/more intense sessions, I may need some carbohydrate help.