TheRedHare's Journal

Where are you and where are you going?
bryan
Posts: 1061
Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2014 2:01 am
Location: mostly Bay Area

Re: Some Updates

Post by bryan »

TheRedHare wrote:
Tue Aug 08, 2017 10:30 pm
6. Globalization is stupid and bound to fail eventually. Cultures don't really mesh together, they just put up with one another. Humans are animals, and just like animals we stick to our own 'packs'. Whites with whites, blacks with blacks, etc.. now sure we are all a great and happy family when we deal with one another one on one, but you don't see a bunch of asians chillin with a bunch of blacks....just not going to happen..why?...because people like being with people who are like themselves. But, who knows, maybe people will grow out of this after several generations..but that will be after we're all dead. If you don't believe me, try being the only person of your race and go to a club or bar filled with people of another race...how comfortable are you now?
Well, the trend of things seems to point to traditional cultures melding or being forgotten. Now more than ever people with racial differences are mixing together [citation needed]. "Globalization" includes the Internet and allowed for new cultural groups to form or find each other. It may be that you identify most with people who are into Beyonce or anime and not people with the same skin tone or geographical location as you. You are more likely to find cool people that you like (i.e. "who are like themselves") online (and eventually try to meet in person) than in your closest urban center.

TheRedHare
Posts: 202
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2016 4:40 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: Some Updates

Post by TheRedHare »

bryan wrote:
Wed Aug 09, 2017 2:54 pm
Globalization" includes the Internet and allowed for new cultural groups to form or find each other
Yeah, I was mostly directing globalization not working when it comes to time before the internet. We're now entering into a existentialist/ hedonistic type of society.

TheRedHare
Posts: 202
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2016 4:40 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Running, Old Cars?, Parties, Spending and ketosis?

Post by TheRedHare »

Running and Rings
Over the past couple of months I've been running off and on, mostly 2 and 3 miles at a fast pace. I've recently gotten a lot more into running and working out in general. I'll be running a 5k this weekend and hope to finish in the top 5 if I can, or better. I've started working out with rings again, and am looking forward to building a great physic with a ton of upper body strength.

Old Cars
My 1996 Ford Ranger is still holding up, but I've been talking with a co-worker who has been pushing me into old cars. He buys and sells old cars (more so flips them) and he does pretty much all the work himself. I'm wondering whether I'd want to buy an older car and learn how to work on it myself, or just get a fuel efficient car like a 2010 Honda FIt with a 4 cylinder engine? It would be cool as hell to drive around in a bad ass old car, but from a practical standpoint, I wonder if it's worth the hassle.

Parties
I went to a party last night with some of my roommates and I had a great time. Lots of dancing and drinking. Probably the most fun I've had in a long time. Also, there were some really pretty girls there, but unfortunately the ones I liked were spoken for. Having a roommate that is a girl comes in handy and she can introduce me to her friends which I find the easiest way to meet girls, without having them think you're some kind of a creep. Gonna try to get out more, but I don't want to go to crazy with spending.

Spending
This month has been a terrible month for saving, in fact I don't think I saved anything for this month :? All I can do for the rest of the month is try not to spend anything. Most of my spending has been from upgrading my work space and room. I broke down and bought a really nice mattress finally, sleeping on the floor wasn't bad, but eh, I have my reasons. I plan on getting a few more things like a bigger desk for work and a nicer office chair that is easier on the back. Once I get settled in, I should be back to a very high savings rate.

Ketosis
I've watched a few videos, and read some articles about this and it looks interesting, but I'm not really convinced yet. If someone can share with me their experience with this I'm all ears. I'm not too interested in the losing weight part as I'm already in really good shape, but I am interested in the deep focus part. I also don't think it will do me well with my workout routine, I feel like I would not have the energy I need in order to complete my workouts.
Last edited by TheRedHare on Sun Dec 17, 2017 11:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

TheRedHare
Posts: 202
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2016 4:40 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: TheRedHare's Journal

Post by TheRedHare »

Well it's October and nothing has really happen since. Business is continuing as usual, we have our first meeting with our new client this coming Wednesday so I'm really looking forward to that..I'm tired of sitting around the house and doing little work here and there it's pretty boring.

The learning process has been quite slow; mostly due to not really having a goal to work towards, and I have been lacking in motivation to learn.

Met a nice girl at a party. I'm not really into her all that much, but it's nice to hang out.

Savings rate has been fluctuating between 50 and 70 percent due to random events and going out to eat with friends.

I've been playing video games way too much these past few weeks so I need to figure out a way to ween myself off of them and apply my efforts towards something more worthwhile. Hopefully working with our new client will inspire me to continue educating myself.

Starting to realize that life is actually pretty boring when you step back and look at it as a whole. It's the tiny pleasures and victories that make it interesting...like realizing there is an extra beer in the fridge when you thought you were fresh out. Out of this I get worrisome and confused on what I want to do with my life. In one vision, I can see myself settling down, and living like a normal nuclear family in a nice neighborhood, and on the other I sometimes think I might end up alone but able to travel extensively with all the freedom. I'm not sure which would be suitable for me....although the more likely case is that nothing is predetermined and it just sorta happens...I guess that's what makes things interesting...the endless amounts of possibilities and hope for something good to happen
Last edited by TheRedHare on Sun Dec 17, 2017 11:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

jonnyz
Posts: 17
Joined: Sun Oct 15, 2017 10:04 am

Re: Running, Old Cars?, Parties, Spending and ketosis?

Post by jonnyz »

TheRedHare wrote:
Sun Aug 20, 2017 10:06 pm
...If someone can share with me their experience with this I'm all ears. I'm not too interested in the losing weight part as I'm already in really good shape, but I am interested in the deep focus part. I also don't think it will do me well with my workout routine, I feel like I would not have the energy I need in order to complete my workouts.
I have done the warrior diet every day for 10 months (you eat once every 20-24 hours, but you eat as much as you want when you do eat). I'm a full time manual labourer andI exercise 6 days week.

The last two months, I have not done the warrior diet. I miss it. I'm going back to it (it's been a week since I started again and I'm loving it). The focus you have when your 18 hours into a fast vs. the focus you have when you're eating every 3-4 hours is day and night. It's noticeable. You stop getting hunger pangs at approximately hour 12-14, and that's when the focus floods in, and doesn't stop. But it depends on what you're doing, who you are, etc. Physical tasks under ketosis aren't noticeable once you're used to it. I think navigating social interactions gets a little harder, but I'm an INTJ and I avoid chit chat with other people anyway (the perks of working in a factory; no one cares if you're the silent type :twisted:).

When I'm on my last break at work, I get to read for 15 minutes (it's also at this point that I'm at hour 18 without food). Reading in this time is like walking into a dark room, and it's just you and the glow of your e-reader, even though there's ten other guys in the room that reeks of Mi Goreng fighting over whether Pete really knows someone in the Mafia or not. I don't know how to describe it in a palatable way, so I think you should just commit to doing it for 14 days and find out for yourself. The first three or four days are tough, but after that it's easy (in my experience).

TheRedHare
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Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: TheRedHare's Journal

Post by TheRedHare »

I'm going to try and start making monthly reports in order to keep things consistent, and to also for self documentation.

October- November Updates:
-Tons of medical spending: not all that great in the savings, put away a little over a grand this past month. Most of my expenses are coming from medical. I've been having some crazy anxiety these past several months and it's been an absolute pain dealing with it. I think I'm starting to get a handle on it but man I've been getting crazy symptoms. This in of itself can be a journal entry so I'm not going into details.

-Programming: I've been getting better, as I'm starting to understand how it all works. I'm able to write fairly simple programs and scripts. I'm understanding OOP more, but it's still a beast of topic to wrap my head around, however it has helped me with thinking more logical in everyday life. For the record I've been learning to program for about 8 or 9 months. There are moments where I get a little board, but for the most part I find it very fun. Having a problem and thinking through it logically, and then implementing a solution is fun.

-A growing interest in Math and Guitar: I've recently grown more interested in these two topics over several months. Guitar because it gives me a creative outlet, and some peace of mind. I've been listening to a lot of Tool (if you don't know this band, you should give them a try) which has sparked my desire to play even more. Math has been growing on me for several months, it wasn't until I got out of college where I started to fully appreciate math. I like to think of it as a philosophy - a way of explaining things. I also like how it can be applied to solve almost any problem. Therefore, I've been making moves to re-tool myself for a self study in mathematics by going through the Khan Academy videos. If anyone has any advice on self studying math lemme know!

-Cars: I plan to drive my truck to the ground, but I feel like that day may come sooner that I think. I've been going back and forth on whether I want a decent honda fit for about 5 grand, or get a classic...like a 60s ford falcon and learn how to work on it. I'm leaving several details out, but just figured I'd throw that out there.

-Vegan: I'm experimenting with this diet. I've watched a few documentaries on this and it's intrigued me. Groceries are cheaper which is nice, but trying to figure out vegan recipes that I like has been a little bit of a challenge.


That's about it thus far.

thrifty++
Posts: 1171
Joined: Sat May 23, 2015 3:46 pm

Re: TheRedHare's Journal

Post by thrifty++ »

TheRedHare wrote:
Wed Nov 08, 2017 2:51 pm
-Tons of medical spending: not all that great in the savings, put away a little over a grand this past month. Most of my expenses are coming from medical. I've been having some crazy anxiety these past several months and it's been an absolute pain dealing with it. I think I'm starting to get a handle on it but man I've been getting crazy symptoms. This in of itself can be a journal entry so I'm not going into details.
I have had anxiety before. It sucks. Bigtime. However have you tried doing an abundance of exercise? I always found that helped to get rid of it. As well as avoidance of alcohol.

TheRedHare
Posts: 202
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2016 4:40 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: TheRedHare's Journal

Post by TheRedHare »

November to December updates

I was actually going to make a post on the very end of November but I accidentally deleted it and didn't want to re-type the whole thing.

Anyway. Some updates.

Jujitsu: Joined on November 30th and it's been a great experience ever since. It's extremely fun but very difficult. Of course I've mostly been getting my ass handed to me, but I think I've learned a lot within the past couple weeks.

Car trouble: I posted about this asking thoughts on what I should do with my truck so I won't really go in depth. Bottom line is that I need to either get it repaired (hoping it won't be expensive) or get a new-old car, preferably one that's dirt cheap.

Health Insurance: Although our startup company is intending on getting health insurance, I've had to go ahead and get some of the free market in the mean time. Premium is at $330 a month with a $4,700 deductible and $7,350 max out of pocket. This seems way to expensive...especially for ERE standards. I thought about just dropping this health insurance in exchange for one of those short term health care plans for less than $100. I'd like to say I'm in pretty good health, but there is always that off chance of getting really sick or really hurt. Any thoughts/advice on this would be appreciated

Partly-vegetarian diet: My food cost are pretty cheap which is nice, and making food is pretty simple. My go to meals are usually rice with broccoli, carrots, green peppers, tomatoes, and any other kind of veggie of my choice. I eat a lot of oats, and mixed nuts too. I've leaned out a lot from this and have hardly any fat. Although, at my size I feel like I'm a bit too skinny..for one, I can see and feel my spine pretty easily which is kind of freaky for me. I don't have anything against meat, it's just that I was trying to just cut food costs; although, I've seen some of those vegan documentaries and they freak me out about meat, but I'm sure that's just part of there strategy to get people to convert over to their side. I think I just need to get back into lifting.

TheRedHare
Posts: 202
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2016 4:40 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: TheRedHare's Journal

Post by TheRedHare »

thrifty++ wrote:
Thu Nov 09, 2017 11:30 pm
TheRedHare wrote:
Wed Nov 08, 2017 2:51 pm
-Tons of medical spending: not all that great in the savings, put away a little over a grand this past month. Most of my expenses are coming from medical. I've been having some crazy anxiety these past several months and it's been an absolute pain dealing with it. I think I'm starting to get a handle on it but man I've been getting crazy symptoms. This in of itself can be a journal entry so I'm not going into details.
I have had anxiety before. It sucks. Bigtime. However have you tried doing an abundance of exercise? I always found that helped to get rid of it. As well as avoidance of alcohol.
Hey sorry for the late reply. When you fist commented I actually got back on coffee and started actually feel better, which is weird. I was doing ok for a while, but then my tolerance for caffeine started to increase so I had to keep drinking more coffee. Now I'm trying to wean myself back, but I'm having all these weird symptoms. The biggest one being a sort of vertigo. On occasion I get these uncomfortable split second dizzy sensations. I hate them so much, but have no idea why I'm getting them or how I got them in the first place. I took note that I started getting them after I joined jujitsu, so I'm not sure if there is something there...I know I get anxious before I go because there is a lot of sparring so I naturally get a little amped. How did you face/deal with your anxiety?

thrifty++
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Re: TheRedHare's Journal

Post by thrifty++ »

I have found that my anxiety really related to circumstances. The two times I have had prolonged anxiety were periods when I was totally ensconced in work oriented things. Once at university and once when working. And it was worsened with alcohol. I found the way to get myself out of it was to focus on nourishing activities: lots of exercise and sports; cultural outings; hobbies etc (not heavy drinking/partying though). And this seemed to have worked very well. To ween off the anxiety and make me feel my life is great and there is no reason for it Instead of tunnel vision focusing on work matters all the time.

TheRedHare
Posts: 202
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2016 4:40 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: TheRedHare's Journal

Post by TheRedHare »

December, January and February Updates

It has been awhile since my latest update so I'll try to summarize all that has happen within the last couple of months

December:
This month was pretty bad for savings as I bought a lot of hiking gear for a pretty long 3 day backpacking trip in Tennessee. Most of the stuff I got was very high end, hence why it was so expensive, and so I rationalized buying it all by thinking that it will last for a long time.

The trip itself was rough, but left me with many good memories. I also learned a lot about myself, and about things I need to improve on - like knot tying skills haha. There was one point where it was pouring rain, it was getting dark, and we were all freezing cold. One of my friends is a marine and is a great outdoors-man. He quickly tied up a tarp for us so that we could make our tents underneath. I was totally useless in helping make this shelter as I could not stop shaking from the cold and didn't really know what I was doing.

After I returned from my camping trip, my cousin/boss complained about how I was not doing enough for the business, despite me putting in over 150 hours in our latest project....he never looked up my recorded hours nor did he remember when I told him I was taking a week off. Because of his own insecurities and about the businesses finances...which he just found out how little money we (he) was profiting (because of 3 payrolls of 45k and 2x 65k)...this is of course after I gave him the bank account password, which he forgot. Despite all this, he ridiculed me in public at a restaurant and in front of another employee....I guess he though he could do this because I was family and because I'm the youngest. This was when I decided I needed to find a new job.

January:
My cousin made the decision to switch me off of my salary and onto hourly because he didn't want to pay me anymore...he did this after we finished the project, so all my hours and "bonuses" he promised me went out the window....so I made 0 income this month. It was not that big of a deal for me to leave, in fact I was happy I was leaving. There were too many times where I had to walk on eggshells in order to keep my cousin happy.
Lucky for me, I got a new job by mid January and left my cousin. My new job is much more stable as I now work for a government contractor as a software support analyst, not exactly a dev position, but I figured I could work my way into one. I make a little bit more than I did, now at 47k and I got a little signing bonus.

February:
I took 2 weeks off and started working at my new job in mid February. The people are nice, seem to know there stuff and are helpful. I haven't recorded my savings for this month, but they haven't been that great due to no income until the end of this month.

Jujitsu has been going very well. I had a couple moments were I felt like quitting in order to save more money, but figured it was worth the investment. I've gotten much better and feel much more confident in my abilities, despite me getting my ass kicked 90% of the time.

TheRedHare
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Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2016 4:40 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Enneagram Type 4

Post by TheRedHare »

I took this test a while back and got Type 4, but refused to believe it. I remember reading the type description and agreeing with it but at the same time hating it. This was when I was in military school and didn't want to be seen as an "individual" so I tried to just be part of the group.

Fast forward to today; I retook the test and got the same thing. After re-reading the description and many hours spent on reading about this type I've decided to accept it. I think one of the big things that bothered me about being a 4 was this idea that 4s are often seen as wimpy, useless artists who put themselves up on a pedestal and congratulate each other for being so "original". Kinda like how all these "actors" pat themselves on the back for "being brave" for something like coming out of the closet or some other dumb shit. I despise that and always hated people like that. On the opposite end you see those brilliant artists who were tormented by their own insecurities and social pressures that they one day killed themselves over or died a lonely miserable death (thinking of van Gogh or Poe)

I think most of my 4nes stems from when I was a child. Growing up I was always seen as an outsider, but not so much so that I was completely ostracized from the group like nerds usually are but enough so that I wasn't part of the "in" crowd. Normally in schools there are cliques that form like the jocks, nerds, preps ect. I was kinda like that misfit type kid. I wasn't smart enough or focused enough to be a nerd, wasn't strong enough to be a jock, and wasn't pretty or rich enough to be a prep. (I know I'm archetyping heavily, but this is childhood and kids are not developed yet) Realizing this now makes a lot of sense to me. I so wanted to be part of the "in" crowd, and rejected my own talents by dropping band (which I was really good at), chess and anything else I thought wasn't "cool". I tried out for the sports team, but failed miserably....I even remember the whole class laughing at my failed attempt of trying to be on the soccer team when pointed out by the jocks.

I won't try to write an autobiography here, so I'll just go over some of the patterns I now see in hindsight.

My father was really into the hippy movement back in the 60s. He traveled with several bands as a singer and guitar player (and actually got pretty popular (some of there songs made it into movies), but the band was terribly managed), he acted in movies (as an extra) and played the lead role In many plays (most of these were local, but still very good). Oh he also smoked a ton of weed :) He one day quit the hippy life and worked in a plumbing warehouse where he learned pretty much every thing you need to know about plumbing. He eventually became a certified master plumber and ran his own plumbing business....to bad he didn't know how to manage his finances.

Realizing this, I now see that the apple did not fall far from the tree. Not only do I look a lot like my dad, but also have his same temperament. Although this is cool and all, I have no desire to be a hippy, or a traveling musician (I secretly wish I was a musician, but having a stable job is nice). The way I see things now, I'd like to channel my creative energy through creating art, music and writing poetry shit lol. I need a stable job, in order to have some security so I'll just stick to programming or IT in general. Thinking about taking music lessons to get back into my long lost talent/passion....I don't care if it's "useful" or not, it's a means of expression for me. Bam* *Drops mic.
Last edited by TheRedHare on Fri Mar 02, 2018 3:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Jason

Re: Enneagram Type 4

Post by Jason »

TheRedHare wrote:
Fri Mar 02, 2018 2:35 pm
He eventually became a certified master plumber and ran his own plumbing business....to bad he didn't know how to manage his finances.

Sad that he flushed it all away.

TheRedHare
Posts: 202
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Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: Enneagram Type 4

Post by TheRedHare »

Jason wrote:
Fri Mar 02, 2018 3:18 pm
TheRedHare wrote:
Fri Mar 02, 2018 2:35 pm
He eventually became a certified master plumber and ran his own plumbing business....to bad he didn't know how to manage his finances.
Sad that he flushed it all away.
Old Plumbers never die, they just get drained out.

Jason

Re: TheRedHare's Journal

Post by Jason »

I actually googled “60’s singer who became plumber” but only came up with the original singer of The Dave Clark 5 who was already a plumber and quit because he could make more money plumbing than singing. Not to mention Dave Clark was a complete control freak.

TheRedHare
Posts: 202
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2016 4:40 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: TheRedHare's Journal

Post by TheRedHare »

Jason wrote:
Fri Mar 02, 2018 3:38 pm
I actually googled “60’s singer who became plumber” but only came up with the original singer of The Dave Clark 5 who was already a plumber and quit because he could make more money plumbing than singing. Not to mention Dave Clark was a complete control freak.
haha, well if you can find any info on "Peachtree" band or "Sunshine Trolley" band let me know. I'll have to ask what movie there song was in.

TheRedHare
Posts: 202
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2016 4:40 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: TheRedHare's Journal

Post by TheRedHare »

March - Late April

Boy things just fly by don't they. I don't have many updates for these past two months, but I'll try and recap as best I can...sorry for the brain dump

Savings:
-I'll be honest in that they are meh, but this is mostly because I've been putting down $1,000 payments on my student loans. So from my original 30k I'm at 24k. So within about a year I've knocked out 6k....which isn't nearly as much as I want it to be. I have about 7k in my checking rn mostly to keep myself safe from any random events. I'm planning so put down another 4k once July rolls around, the reason being that the company I'm working for has to renew their contract with the government...once that happens I the contract will last for another 5 years, so I should be able to let loose a little and focus on taking down my student loan.

Hobbies:
-Still going to BJJ...someday it can be difficult to motivate myself to go right after work, but I always feel better once I finish training.

-I've become much more interested in geo-politics and reading about what's going on the world. I have no issue with spending several hours a day reading articles...really helps me see the big picture.

-Still learning to program. I took a break and have slacked off mostly because my work doesn't require that much coding...although my manager is giving me the opportunity to work with some of the senior devs to learn. I'm really happy about this and hope that this will be my point where I can really break into the dev world. This has given me motivation to study after work.

-Starting to build up a network of likeminded people. I have been way to antisocial for the past year. Honestly this has caused me to feel quite lonesome and isolated, but in all fairness I do it to myself...this is mostly because I didn't want to feel obligated to go out and spend money on weekends. Thankfully, I've still got my college buddies who I talk with on daily basis, and sometimes game with.

Car:
-Had some issues with my braking system and decided to turn it in to get it worked on...turns out I needed quite a bit of repairs done to it costing me around 800.
-Recently found out that my truck leaks gas when filling it up, but no other time. Gonna have to bring it in again :/
-I've been changing the oil pretty frequently in order to keep it running smooth so it'll last for at least another year. I just need to have this thing get me through until I can pay my student loans off. Once that is done, I'll look into getting a different car.

Career and More Schooling?
-I have been going back and fourth on the idea that I will have to get some more schooling in order to sharpen my skills. I realize I'm not as self motivated when it comes to coding as I think. I need some sort of structure in order to do better because if I don't have that I slack off. I'm thinking about attending a coding bootcamp to maybe get me some more skills, or going back to get a CS degree.
-The main reason why I'm thinking about getting a CS degree is because I don't think I would be good at management. I'm a good communicator, but I don't like managing other people and would prefer to do things on my own. So the route I'm thinking about taking is to get really good at coding and become a consultant. I think that by the time I get several years of experience under my belt I should have enough money in investments to cover my essentials.

Latest Purchases:
-Bought a Herman Miller chair which retails for about 1,000 for 250.
-Glock-19 Gen 5 for 650
-Timberland boots for 150

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Viktor K
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Re: TheRedHare's Journal

Post by Viktor K »

Nice progress on paying down the student loans, sticking with jiu jitsu, and expanding your network. Staying healthy and happy, while making progress on your finances should help you power through whatever you decide on as far as your professional development. In the states, freecodcamp has meetups that you might try looking into before throwing down on a bootcamp or a college degree. Maybe a network of learners can help you stay motivated

TheRedHare
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Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2016 4:40 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: TheRedHare's Journal

Post by TheRedHare »

Viktor K wrote:
Tue Apr 24, 2018 12:48 am
In the states, freecodcamp has meetups that you might try looking into before throwing down on a bootcamp or a college degree. Maybe a network of learners can help you stay motivated
Yeah, I think that is the main issue - not having a group of friends within the same age group that are also trying to pursue coding as a career. I've gone to some Meetups in the past when I was super motivated to code. The issue I've had with some of them is that they can sometimes feel like I'm the only noob in the room (which I'm sure isn't the case). I've just got to put my ego aside and be willing to learn/befriend from some of these guys.

TheRedHare
Posts: 202
Joined: Tue Dec 20, 2016 4:40 pm
Location: Atlanta, GA

A long overdue journal entry pt. 1

Post by TheRedHare »

***I'm breaking this up into two entries because I have a lot to get off my chest, and don't feel like writing it all in one sitting. (Yes, I know I can save my draft (did that once and it didn't save) also, screw off this is my journal. Also, sorry/not sorry for the mind dump)***

Hey everyone, sorry for not having posted in about 8 months. It's been quite a roller-coaster ride of emotion for me these past several months, and I'm trying to get myself back on the ERE mindset.

Where to start....
Well, since this is a fiance blog I'll throw some numbers out.
-Personal Checking: 6k
-Student Loan debt: ~22k
And no other debt...which is great :)

And that's about it lol. I think I'm going to throw down another 3k on the student loans in order to feel better about myself. I started 2018 with about 28k in student debt, so as you can tell I haven't been that smart. This is partly due to some expensive bullshit medical costs (due to anxiety...jesus what a f***ing waste), buying stuff (probably most of it useless), and spending on lessons (piano, BJJ/ gym membership) which in hindsight wasn't/isn't very smart (more on that later), and just a bunch of other random bullshit things that were all mistakes.

Aside from being an idiot with my money, I've learned a good bit about myself and my unfortunate habits. For one, I'm very neurotic, and often mistakenly identify my personality with my ever changing mood..although, I've become way more conscious of it, and do what I can to try to prevent making poor decisions when my emotions get the best of me. Still, it's a huge pain and I need to find ways to reach emotional balance and resilience. I'm thinking that in order to reach this I need to be more true to myself (what I want out of life), exercise on a more regular basis, find a diet that is suitable to me in order to stabilize energy levels and focus. Any more suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I've also realized how incredibly lazy I can be, and how fast I burn out on things. I started out the year believing I would be a damn good programmer by the end of the year....sadly, I've not met that goal. In fact, I don't even think programming is right for me. Honestly, I'm not sure if this is all because I've been very depressed these past several months and haven't had much interest in learning, or if I just find programming revolting at least doing so for a company and all the annoying hype around it. I think it's a mix of everything. However, I have come to find design a much more pleasurable experience. I think it's because I find it more emotionally satisfying? Since October I've started to make strides towards that side of the tech world by creating prototypes of apps, reading on the topic, and meeting a lot of professional designers by going to meetups.

Speaking on getting burnt out on things, I pretty much stopped going to BJJ when I got an injury that put me out for about a month...then I found out that our coach moved back to Brazil and has been replaced with a far less experienced guy. So I essentially wasted 140 a month for about 7 months...so about 1k down the drain....STUPID!
I also started taking piano lessons in September, but quickly got burnt out of that even though I was learning really quickly and was excited. What got me was the drive (I had to drive about 2hours to take a 2hour lesson once every week), and I would often go right after getting off work which really sucked bc all I wanted to do after work was chill...not drive and sit in traffic. I'm now down to once a month for a lesson, but I'm no longer motivated as I feel like I'm chasing some stupid dream of maybe one day making music of my own (I thought after I retired). But the more I started to come to terms with reality the less interested I became in learning music. I think with what little effort I have, I should put towards something that is going to make me some $$.

I know that I've spoken about being a wannabe artist and blah blah blah but I've come to terms on how the arts are a terrible thing to do professionally. The pay is mostly shit, you'd have to abide by stupid trends (if you want to make money), and most people that go in full of passion often come out super jaded. I know some older musicians(who are great, but just don't cater to what everyone else likes) who are full of bitterness, and barely scrape by due to all the money they spent on their failed dreams (such as pitty). I didn't want to end up like them so I went down the route I took...but it's hard to find any interest in the corporate world sometimes.
But then, UI/UX/Digital Design smacked me in the face. Since there is so much demand for software these days, there is demand for people that design them (speaking aesthetically), and they pay quite well..maybe not as much as an engineer, but I'm not an engineer and would rather take on the role of a designer.

So as far as career stuff goes, that's where I think I need to work towards. As much as I find programming interesting, I'm not a good programmer.
But I can't expect to be a designer without any hard work...which is another problem I have considering how lazy I can be. So, my thinking is that I need to get out more, work with others (collaborate), take actual classes (General Assembly I know have short classes you can take. Even though you can learn this stuff from the comfort of your own home...I'm just too tempted to slack off, and need to be in a working environment to be more productive (at least when learning).

I'll go over more personal crap in the next entry.

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