Tired of friends ...

How to pass, fit in, eventually set an example, and ultimately lead the way.
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frugal
Posts: 72
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2012 11:35 pm

Tired of friends ...

Post by frugal »

hello.

I am tired of my old friends. Almost all.

Is this normal with you?

I don't have the same aims and objectives they have...

I think I need new friends but I also feel that I will not find them.

Relations became too distant and we lost contact.

Please advise.

Regards

SavingWithBabies
Posts: 882
Joined: Mon Aug 31, 2015 2:50 pm
Location: Midwest, USA

Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by SavingWithBabies »

All you have to do is find a partner, have some kids and move and your problem will be solved. (I'm somewhat joking but it's actually mostly true for me.)

Although maybe you did all those things already or you're too old or too young. Roughly how old are you? I'm in my early 40s. I find the older I get, the harder it is to make friends. Although we're on kid #2 and soon we'll probably be making friends through meeting people at our kids school.

I also find friends made later in life (besides partners) just aren't as strong a bond as friends made earlier in life. I hope this isn't just how it is so I'm curious about others experience.

What if you turn it around? What about you would lead to making friends? Do you have any hobbies or interests?
Last edited by SavingWithBabies on Mon Oct 02, 2017 4:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Campitor
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Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by Campitor »

People change so inevitably interests diverge and hence old friendships wither. Making new friends requires efforts and being vulnerable to new experiences within your desired interest. Amazon may be able to help with ideas: https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c ... W9KZJQ9AWM.

theanimal
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Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by theanimal »

Relevant article: Friends of a Certain Age

slowtraveler
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Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by slowtraveler »

...
Last edited by slowtraveler on Sun Nov 08, 2020 11:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

frugal
Posts: 72
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2012 11:35 pm

Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by frugal »

Yes, sons parents is a way.

Another ways in on interests.

I:-)

7Wannabe5
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Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

Never ending problem. I am long past even the Mom-friend years, because my youngest child graduated from high school in 2009. So, it's like I can remember hanging out with these women in the ballet-class waiting room when our daughters were 5, and then giving each other hugs and saying "I can't believe how fast the time went by." when they graduated, and now even that event was over 8 years ago. And it is pretty likely that I will live another 40 years. My best friend from college lives across the country and is on her 3rd marriage to the man she was engaged to when we were in high school. I visited her a few years ago with my second "husband", and her first husband, who was the father of the babies who were babies with my babies, was staying with her and her third husband for the holidays. Tonight I have a first "date" with a 39 year old man who has never been married.

My point here being that life just goes on and on in this manner. At least for me, it is more like one of the rollicking novels or memoirs of the 18th century, where new characters appear in each chapter, and there is no ultimate perfect, happy or moral resolution. Social interaction is very important to humans, and you can never stop working or playing at it.

frugal
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Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2012 11:35 pm

Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by frugal »

eheheh

I believe that polygamy should be cool but I prefer monogamy, not so tough for kids...

Friends are just for some parties and not much for helping each other.

thrifty++
Posts: 1171
Joined: Sat May 23, 2015 3:46 pm

Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by thrifty++ »

I know what you are saying as I have changed in the last few years and so have some of my old and dear friends but in different directions.

So I have recently stopped getting caught up on these old friends and focused on enjoying the more positive relationships, some are with newer friends and some with older ones. Certainly an ERE type focus on things is likely to jettison you in particular directions which is different from others, and perhaps old friends.

frugal
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Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2012 11:35 pm

Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by frugal »

Is ERE = loneliness?

Are ERE people less available to parties?

:-)

thrifty++
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Joined: Sat May 23, 2015 3:46 pm

Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by thrifty++ »

I dont think ERE necessarily equals loneliness.

I have the good fortune of having made two new good friends within the last 2 years who are very ERE friendly. Not that they closely follow the lifestyle like I do. But they are amenable to frugality and living efficiently with minimal waste and small footprint. They both happen to be INTJ as it so happens. Fancy that.

I have drifted apart from one old friend partly because of ERE. I think he actually get offended by the fact I have such extreme frugal habits despite earning three times what he does. I also started to think we have nothing in common because I am constantly focused on some sort of personal development, with ERE being one of those things, whereas he never has anything remotely resembling a web of goals.

I dont think ERE means avoiding parties either. As long as the parties are not wasteful.

But ERE might stop you from having much in common with people who are very consumption focused, in which case it might be time to try and find new people you will have more in common with. Dont ditch your friends. Just find new ones and give less time to your old ones.

frugal
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Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2012 11:35 pm

Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by frugal »

Hi,

should friends pay dinners to other friends?

ERE people only have self expenses or also share with others?

A true friendship consists on sharing and give to others?

Regards

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fiby41
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Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by fiby41 »

Last time it was impromptu decided to eat out. I keep very low cash at hand and pay for transport using prepaid cards. The cash note I did have was torn a little so it wasn't accepted which I exchanged later in the bank. They chipped in for my meal cost and I issued their tickets back home, so they avoided waiting in long lines.

This time I paid for the entire groups tickets to the restaurant and my meal. It evens out, I suppose.

Everyone's food costs the same excect when someone orders something extra. We have one person in the group whose judgement we all trust. After eating we give him our money and he returns some back or asks for more, after which he pays the bill.

frugal
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Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by frugal »

hi

how many real friends you have?

TopHatFox
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Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by TopHatFox »

Everyone pays for their own dinners, no handouts. Unless if you're feeling generous, I guess.

People come in and out of life like breath comes in and out of the lungs. Learn to go with that flow. There's nothing wrong with seeking new friends if your previous ones were met at a different stage of life.

I've found that some do stay longer than others. For me, that's been previous partners who are now friends, and family.

frugal
Posts: 72
Joined: Thu Sep 06, 2012 11:35 pm

Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by frugal »

TopHatFox wrote:
Sat Oct 14, 2017 5:35 pm
Everyone pays for their own dinners, no handouts. Unless if you're feeling generous, I guess.

People come in and out of life like breath comes in and out of the lungs. Learn to go with that flow. There's nothing wrong with seeking new friends if your previous ones were met at a different stage of life.

I've found that some do stay longer than others. For me, that's been previous partners who are now friends, and family.
superb!

I feel everybody is only interested about himself and not about others.

FrugalFred
Posts: 20
Joined: Sat Sep 10, 2016 9:54 am

Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by FrugalFred »

Adult friendships don't interest me. Anything I could talk about with another man I could just say in my own head. It's not like high school where you could goof around and stay up all night playing GTA. No pesky job to go to the next morning. No worries.

All I need now is a romantic partner.

FruGal61
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Joined: Thu Mar 29, 2018 8:06 am

Re: Tired of friends ...

Post by FruGal61 »

I seem to do better with friends that don't have expectations or have low expectations. Friends who are happy to see me when they see me, who don't keep tabs or keep score on how much time we spend together, or how often we see each other. Friends who don't expect me to spontaneously pick up the tab for 5 people. Friends or family who don't judge by the type of gift I gave or the amount of money I give to their daughter's wedding. Friends who accept that I am not a "good" consumer, that I enjoy free time more than stuff and possessions and who don't try to make me feel inadequate based on my possessions/material assets and chosen lifestyle.

Through life I have definitely lost touch with friends and family who took a more traditional route: marriage, big house, kids. Fancy vacations, high end leased cars. Mortgages/home equity loans/ongoing home rehab. I still see them from time to time but it seems inevitable that these relationships fall away based on one's level of consuming and keeping up (or not) with perceived standards of living.

Conveniently, I was always a bit of a loner so I don't always need other people to have a reasonably good time. This week I did go out twice (alone) and had a great time with other people/colleagues in my avocation and I will do it again tonight. I show up, have one drink, socialize and I don't feel like I'm some kind of social outcast.

I tend to be hard on myself and worry that I am not keeping up, when comparing my lifestyle with my more consumerist peers/family but I am lying on my bed on an absolutely stunning summer afternoon with a wonderful breeze coming through the window and they might be sitting in traffic or still under fluorescent lights, working late.

I could be actively planning how to make my apartment more conducive to entertaining or more pleasing to the eye or "updated" so that my peers/family would find it more to their liking but that would mean getting in the car, sitting in traffic, shopping. Ugh. I'd rather complain on the internet. It's actually fine for me, but everyone else seems to have a problem with it because it isn't something out of a Crate and Barrel catalogue. I think it's kind of cute and funky.

The battle for me when thinking about "friends" is talking back to the negative dialogue and fear in my head, fear of judgement and not being liked or approved of. There is always going to be someone "better", someone who doesn't approve or will criticize/judge. I will be excluded from some activities and social groups because of my chosen lifestyle, that's just the way it is. Yet I am finding that if I do make the effort to show up, to listen and not judge other people, to be pleasant and kind, I attract people like flies. Although it seems like it is sometimes, life and friendship is not all about money and possessions.

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