journal of wood

[El Duderino]

I've known people in the deep south to use snuff, but was surprised to read about how specific snus is to Sweden, and how different it is from other forms of tobacco. Probably the most surprising part is that wood went through ~$200 worth of the stuff in a month!

Don't get too down on yourself, Wood, and thanks for posting updates as it's very interesting to read about your journey. If you keep working on improvement, you'll get the results you want.

[fiby41]

Its called tambaku here but its not nearly as expensive. Keeping in the upper lip part makes me sure snus are both the same thing.

I've always looked at it as unhygenic habit* other people had. But haven't looked at it from the perspective of addiction until this thread.
*the red stains lining the footpath in the video Campitor linked in the other thread are from spitting paan in which snus/tambaku/tobacco is a component.

[wood]

@bryan: Very few have heard of it because as far as I know they only sell it in Norway and Sweden.

@fiby41: You could say its unhygienic because of the way it looks, the tobacco smell and the (relatively minor) health effects. But it kills bacteria in the mouth and prevents holes in the teeth. Snus ranges between 5-20 times stronger in terms of nicotine compared to cigarettes. Its also easier to subject yourself to over-use because you can freely use it indoor without harming people around you. Which makes it all the more difficult to quit this habit/addiction.

@El Duderino: Thanks, and likewise as far as updating your journal goes. $200/month is obscene. I think I had 8 or 10 white russians during my holiday. I'm assuming its your favorite as well.

[wood]

June finances

Rent 4 500,00
Adjustment rent 1 844,13
Internet 200,00
Electricity 686,00
Food & household items 2 586,77
Mobile phone 379,36
Transport 0,00
Health (meds & doctors) 0,00
Clothes, hair & hygiene 323,00
Furniture, interior, insurance, maintenance 0,00
Needs total 10 519,26
Projects, hobbies, training, multimedia 4 536,00
Social & cultural events 1 037,00
Work cafeteria 62,00
Snus 3 825,90
Holidays, airplanes & boats 0,00
Other 0,00
Gifts 249,00
Wife financial support 0,00
Wants total 9 709,90
Total spend 20 229,16

Salary before tax 46 995,22
Tax 0,00
Union, pension, work insurance 1 366,13
Paid salary 45 629,09
Odd jobs, yard sale etc. 450,00
Debt repayment 500,00
Investments and accrued interest 500,00
Total income 47 079,09
Savings rate 57 %

I did it, I quit snus 100%!
The high amount spent this month includes hypno therapy sessions for quitting. It actually helped having to shell out a significant amount of $$ on the therapy. It now feels like an investment that I want to make profitable. I don't think hypno therapy is for everyone, and I don't even know if it works for me. But I've decided to make it work.
I rewarded myself by spending an embarrassing amount on new mountain hiking shoes (3000 NOK, about $350), but I got tired of looking for good deals. On the bright side I haven't spent much on mountain gear at all if I average everything out.

[Viktor K]

Hell ya dude I'm so happy for you reading this

[slowtraveler]

Congratulations on quitting, I know it's hard as hell to stop habits.

I'm curious, how'd expenses get so high on the vacation. Do you track every dollar real time? After a couple of expensive days, I feel like it'd be possible to realize the leak.

" I'm pretty much a fuckup if measured by standards often used in this forum"
I live at home with parents still and my spending is still around $5k->$10k so I'm not perfect either but we all share the same passion.

Either way, it's obvious to me you have the potential to pull it off and don't have to be so hard on yourself. It seems like you're getting the hang of it. And good on you for coming out of the marriage strong to explore what feels right.

[wood]

Thanks guys!

I'm curious, how'd expenses get so high on the vacation. Do you track every dollar real time? After a couple of expensive days, I feel like it'd be possible to realize the leak.

I don't track it real time, and even if I realized there was a leak, I didn't have the discipline to do anything about it. The reason it got so expensive was that I'm in holiday mode, which means I'm relaxed, carefree and lazy. One day gets expensive for some reason, I just shrug my shoulders and move on to the next. Before I know it I've spent a shitload but I don't have to worry about that now - I'm on holiday!
I need to re-program my brain around this.

[slowtraveler]

Relaxed, carefree, and lazy would lead me to think-bonfires on the beach with friends or your lover(s), cooking some marshmallows with some dead branches you found on a tree, drinking some margaritas or beers. But if you're bar hopping (are those bad words here?), eating at Michelin restaurants (can be damn good), sleeping in 5 star hotels with city views-I can see it racking up. And if that's your lifestyle and you plan to apply ERE to enjoy it indefinitely, at least you know what you want and can make it real, good for you.

How's phone 922? I recently switched to FI ($25/month after taxes/fees for unlimited domestic calling and texting+$10/gb). I had to buy their phone but it was "get a phone who's navigation isn't broken" time ($400+taxes). Had it over a month, no problems and I'm still under 1mb so it still hasn't cost me a full penny of data.

[wood]

Relaxed, carefree, and lazy would lead me to think-bonfires on the beach with friends or your lover(s), cooking some marshmallows with some dead branches you found on a tree, drinking some margaritas or beers. But if you're bar hopping (are those bad words here?), eating at Michelin restaurants (can be damn good), sleeping in 5 star hotels with city views-I can see it racking up. And if that's your lifestyle and you plan to apply ERE to enjoy it indefinitely, at least you know what you want and can make it real, good for you.

The former examples look more like my holiday. I stay for free at friend's places (for days, not weeks) and seek out the cheaper hotels ($20/night). I don't have the balls to sleep in a strangers place in Africa.

The expensive part is eating and drinking. If I don't have access to a kitchen (which for the most part I didn't), I will eat at restaurants. Even if I avoid the expensive ones, and even if meals are reasonably cheap ($6-10/meal) compared to a restaurant meal in Norway: $20-30/meal, the total bill quickly accumulates with 3 meals per day, snacks in between and the fact that I enjoy 2-8 beers per day at $3/beer. Oh, and I'm single which means I'm sometimes paying for 2 when dating.

This is a 4 week holiday and a break from the daily grind. If I was retired, I'd opt for a 6 months stay renting a cheap apartment with kitchen access. I'd avoid alcohol on a daily basis, found something productive to do and not go on dates every other day. In other words, create my own version of "daily grind"

My holiday budgeting is probably just too optimistic. But I know I can cut costs in half without enjoying less.

[wood]

I update my finances at the end of every month, so I got the idea that I will try to update on other aspects mid-month.

Investing in Kenya
Got some encouraging news as I spoke with my agent down there. The land I've purchased for about $15k has more than doubled in value and could potentially sell for almost $40k if I put it on the market now. I've even gotten an "under the table" offer of $30k to sell it. If political elections go well (no violence/war/riots breakout) in September the value will increase more and speaking to people who know the market leads me to believe it could be worth $90k going into 2018. It will be tempting to sell.

Human relations
Haven't seen family since Easter, but I'm planning a couple of weekend trips in August. I'm regularly seing friends which is important for my happiness level. Its bad for my health though, because friends drink alcohol and I'm trying to cut that out. Workdays are filled with laughter and fun. Women, well I'm currently in a non-exclusive relationship that might end before the year is over. She has decided she wants kids and that's way too early for me. I will miss her because it is such a convenient arrangement. Meet a couple times at my place every week and keeping it simple with tasty food, good sex and fun conversations.

Wife
I'm still technically married and we talk once a week. It feels like I'm moving on but she isn't. She is still in love and wants me back. It's good to see that she is getting into therapy, doing well in her job and finding some focus in life. She is currently a neutral/positive influence in my life as opposed to negative a while back.

Generally
Gotten back to my usual workout routines and looking for ways to up my game a bit. I want to get bigger/stronger but also improve my long distance running. Will sign up for a half marathon in September. I think the snus-quitting has made me more active.
Fishing has become my obsession this summer. It's fun, healthy and gives me free dinners. Going camping and fishing this weekend. To my surprise, I live right next to an island world famous for fishers. That's where I'm going!
Mentally I still have down-days. It feels like I'm suppressing a small depression constantly, like I'm reacting slowly to everything that's happened irt marriage breakup. I don't know what to do about it apart from taking my time, talk to friends occasionally and just try stay positive. It works most of the time.
I'm reading 4 books at once now which is very unusual for me. I need to finish all my half-assed projects lying around, like that mini-book I'm halfway done writing and get back to analyzing stocks more regularly. Those are my short-term goals along with cutting down on the alcohol.

[FBeyer]

Good job on quitting snus. That's a really big one!

As for all your projects: Are you ruthless about what actually NEEDS to be done? the Eisenhower matrix is always useful when you feel like you have too much stuff to do at any given time, or you seem to be motivated to do more things than you know you should

If you're feeling overburdened then only do things that are urgent AND important. Anything you CAN delegate to someone else, should be delegated.

If you're already feeling down from time to time, it's very easy to resort to sublimation if all you really want to do is fuck and fight most of the time. And so overworking yourself tends to worsen your feelings, which then leads you to start even more projects.

If the book isn't important, then put it on hold until it's not in the way of something else.

[wood]

Thanks for the tip FBeyer. Can't say I'm being ruthless, overworked or overburdened. The things that tend to end up halfway done are the least important stuff. I've usually get my important A-stuff done on time. But then there's my stupid tendency to start on project C when project B is not finished. Two weeks ago I filled an old shoe with soil. I'm yet to plant the seeds. Such a simple and trivial thing will easily get procastinated in my world.

[slowtraveler]

It's fun to see how many different paths we all share. I gardened for over a decade of my life and am over it now. I can barely gather the motivation to water my plants. There would be times when I'd go 6 months without digging into my compost. I'm excited for my plants to finish and leave it at that. I'm now forever grateful for grocery stores and gardening friends. Tomatoes, cucumbers, lemons, and peaches have done the best at my house. Every other plant feels like too much work (more work beyond let drip system water and pick fruit).

Is gardening as important as your top priorities to you?

[wood]

Is gardening as important as your top priorities to you?

I don't spend time on gardening because I don't have a garden, but I might want one in the future. My fear is losing motivation after a shorter time span than it took you to lose motivation. So I plan to scale this up very slowly. I have some indoor growing set up (garlic & chives) but I want to scale it up to include tomatoes, sweet peppers and chili up next. What made you lose the motivation for gardening? I imagine once retired it will be easier to find energy and motivation for this.

Finances July 2017

Rent 4 500,00
Adjustment rent -272,05
Internet 200,00
Electricity 2 369,00
Food & household items 3 395,62
Mobile phone 358,39
Transport 200,00
Health (meds & doctors) 0,00
Clothes, hair & hygiene 225,00
Furniture, interior, insurance, maintenance 0,00
Needs total 10 975,96
Projects, hobbies, training, multimedia 248,90
Social & cultural events 3 772,09
Work cafeteria 142,00
Snus 0,00
Holidays, airplanes & boats 0,00
Gifts 298,00
Wants total 4 460,99
Total spend 15 436,95

Salary before tax 38 841,70
Tax 10 438,00
Union, pension, work insurance 1 366,13
Paid salary 27 037,57
Odd jobs, yard sale etc. 399,00
Debt repayment 500,00
Investments and accrued interest 500,00
Gifts 1 400,00
Total income 29 836,57
Savings rate 48 %

I'm aiming for a 60% savings rate and if it wasn't for my overspend on social & cultural events I would have come close. Food and electricity also came in higher but will be averaged lower with time. Had to restock my spices. Biggest positive this month: 0 spent on snus! For the first month in more than a decade. And it shall continue like that.

As a sidenote to the overspending on social & cultural events: half of the expenditure came from one evening of seing friends and a date, and I found myself in 2 situations where I felt compelled to pay the bill. I need to sort that one out for the future. I believe it's a combination of having problems saying no, not wanting to appear cheap and the temporary euphoria I got from quitting snus which made me justify spending more this month.

[7Wannabe5]

I have given some thought to the "who pays the bill?" dynamic in human behavior patterns. Exceptions abound, but I would say that rule of thumb would be that wealthy, male, ugly, grouchy and older is going to pay more often than poor, female, pretty, charming and younger. And this is more true in relative than absolute terms. So, if you want to pay less often, you will need to downplay your wealth and your masculinity, upplay your charm, personal appearance and youthfulness , and/or seek the social companionship of others who are wealthy, masculine, ugly, grouchy and old relative to you.

For instance, if I meet my DD26 and her BF for brunch, there will be a bit of a tussle, because my DD is feminist/careerist, her BF was raised to be Southern gentleman, and I am older, but not yet infirm. OTOH, extremely rare that I will pay for anything in any situation where I am dating an affluent man who is at least 7 years older than me and more affluent, although I will generally attempt gesture.

[slowtraveler]

First no chew month is awesome.

I got over gardening when I felt the rewards were too small for all the labor involved and that a lot of the things I grew were probably cheaper to buy than grow if accounting for time being worth $5/hr. Cucumbers and tomatoes store bought simply aren't the same so those are worth growing since they taste divine while being mind-numbingly easy and low maintenance to grow once the system is set up. But if you want to grow a plant that involved hours of trimming or any type of bush that will attract all sorts of pests...good luck. Chamomiles, lettuces, broccolis, that type of crop hasn't been worth it. A My dad's chili's seem to kick ass too so peppers may be another high reward, low cost crop.

It's my understanding that whoever invites pays unless this is talked about beforehand like to do skydiving with a friend and figure out where the best price is. Masculinity, wealth, and age haven't impacted me much in who pays the bill with the exception of being the one who often leads plans with lovers which has me typically cover gas/car depreciation and maybe a meal.

[wood]

I have given some thought to the "who pays the bill?" dynamic in human behavior patterns. Exceptions abound, but I would say that rule of thumb would be that wealthy, male, ugly, grouchy and older is going to pay more often than poor, female, pretty, charming and younger.

I've also given this some thought. I believe (appearing) wealthy, male and older are the most important factors based on my own experience, and in some cases the only factors that matter. What could I have done differently? Simply suggesting something cheaper/free to do would have avoided the whole situation of paying a big bill. What I do need to change is my thought pattern in these situations where I tell myself "I'm having fun, I don't mind paying the bill this time and I can afford it" which is ok on the odd occasion but not the regular occasion. These are friends I see regularly.

I got over gardening when I felt the rewards were too small for all the labor involved and that a lot of the things I grew were probably cheaper to buy than grow if accounting for time being worth $5/hr

I see. Do you think it would help to focus on the act of doing gardening instead of the end reward? I'm pretty sure I will come out on the losing end if I include $ cost of time.

[slowtraveler]

If my friends couldn't afford something, I'd suggest something else like a free local event downtown, hiking, potluck. I've never gotten in the situation of having bills dropped on me randomly since I'm aware of costs upfront so we tend to not do expensive things. All of my friends know I don't like spending as I'm one of the few 20 something guys who doesn't do dinners out or bars much. Why have dinner in a crowded, stuffy, overpriced restaurant when you could have a private picnic during the sunset on the beach, meadow, mountain, rooftop...

Presence helps but it's hard to use consistently without the meditation background. I'd say to make it as simple to run as possible so it's not a pain when you're tired and want to rest or enjoy your lover(s).

ie-Plant tomatoes and cucumbers when season comes, along with a fruit tree containing your favorite fruit and use miracle gro with some perlite to make it all easier. Study where the most sun is around your growing space at different times of the day, plant there, set up a drip system, and make sure it all works periodically. Throw some mulch on top for extra credit.

I love peaches but harvesting 50 peaches from a ladder in 100 degree sun during a humid spell in between working hours is more of an obligation than a joy for me. Picking 2 peaches a day year round with no work beyond walking to tree is my ideal but I haven't found this.

[wood]

Time for an update to keep myself accountable.

Wife
We still talk regularly and have rekindled some of the good things that made us work in the first place, like being able to share jokes, laughs, meals and conversations. It feels like we have a friendship in place and both seem to understand where the other is coming from.

It seems to me that marriages break very easily these days, maybe because we marry for different reasons than before and divorce is no longer a taboo. But maybe we lost some of the ability to deal with obstacles along the way? I suppose one would prefer divorce over an unhappy marriage. At what point does one decide that the unhappy marriage cannot be fixed?

Human relations
I took a break from dating this summer, but one of my former lovers is now back from a 2-month holiday. I was recently made aware that she is married and in a similar situation as mine. I should consider the morals in this relationship now, I would hate to break someone else's marriage especially considering my own history.

I've kept in touch with friends and family, and have 2 family visits planned for the next month. One of my priorities was to cut down on alcohol consumption. I attended a local beer festival but only had a few beers. Apart from that I have avoided drinking despite some mild peer pressure from friends around me. Thumbs up!

Generally
I signed up for a half marathon on Sept 16th and currently preparing for that. After Sept 16th I will cut down on running and increase my strength exercise regime. A colleague donated a pound of free protein powder to me the other day. Will try and see how that works on me.

Last month I complained about having too many projects going on and not being able/motivated to finish them. I've finished one of the 4 books I'm reading and have made progress in the other 3. I've continued writing on my own book. Progress is being made, albeit slow.

Fishing became my new hobby this year. I believe the extra expenditure on equipment has equalled the savings from free dinners. Now that autumn is around the corner, my focus is likely to shift towards a more indoor lifestyle. Reading and doing stock analysis is on my agenda. For relaxing, Premier League soccer and computer games is on the menu.

I won't say I feel alot better than a month ago, but I don't feel worse. I take that as a positive and move on with life. Next month will be hectic and weekends are already filled with plans. It's at times like these I wish I was FI.

[Viktor K]

I feel like I can empathize a lot with your general feelings right now. I am making a lot of progress but feel like that little piece of serenity is evasive. Something about your writing seems to echo this sentiment. Most likely it is just a mild case of the blues for both of us, and things will change.