Five Years, Lord Willing

Where are you and where are you going?
Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Tue Feb 28, 2017 11:28 am

Vacation planning. Trying to keep costs down. We don't fly so that helps. Usually an Inn type setting.

We are fast moving to a money or your life mentality which is really the key. Thank you good people.

Tax preparation begins this Friday. We'll see how that goes. In the death vs. tax equation I am more afraid of taxes. I know I'm on right terms with God. The IRS, not so much.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Wed Mar 01, 2017 4:11 pm

Last fall I was walking into the bagel shop and a lady hit my car. I yelled at her. A lot. So much so that there was a threat of a public disturbance charge so I apologized. I have not returned to the bagel shop. My insurance company just sent me back my $200.00 deductible so I think I lost $25.00 on the whole ordeal.

$200.00 is once again "big" money for me. That's $200.00 for the index fund or $200.00 off the mortgage.

My wife knocked off $100 a night on our three night vacation.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Sat Mar 04, 2017 5:53 am

(1) The bean counters at Mint have informed me that my net worth is up $850.00 to $431,222.98. Praise God.

(2) My wife made it official: no more books. End of discussion.

(3) I met with my tax preparer yesterday. He is 70 and met a chick around the corner from where he lives on Plenty of Fish. So he is getting laid for the first time in decades and was in a really good mood, which helped because he usually makes it like he's doing me a fucking favor. The chick is five years younger than him but supposedly they're going at it like teenagers. I think old age is actually the easiest time to get laid for a guy because their are so many old single ladies. I mean this is a nice enough guy but he's no Cary Grant. Actually, come to think of it, he looks like a ring smuggler in one of those middle earth nonsense movies. The chick wants to marry him but he convinced her that if they did, if he got sick, she would have to pay for it, so that ended that love. To me, I envision being with an old lady like riding a roller coaster, its scary, but you get on anyways, its starts out bumpy, but then you just close your eyes and before you know it its exciting and your screaming at the top of your lungs. Then you get off, look back at what you just did and proceed to puke in the bushes.

But what he told me is that he is living on 30K a year and we live in pretty much the same area. Actually, I'm assuming his taxes are higher. So that was encouraging. I'm not big on where I live but its good to know if I get stuck here I could have a go of it.

Wads
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Wads » Sun Mar 05, 2017 10:30 pm

Jason wrote:I envision being with an old lady like riding a roller coaster, its scary, but you get on anyways, its starts out bumpy, but then you just close your eyes and before you know it its exciting and your screaming at the top of your lungs.
The start is only bumpy if you choose not to use WD-40

K60
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by K60 » Fri Mar 10, 2017 12:34 pm

A good site for vegan recipes: http://ohsheglows.com

Also try: http://budgetbytes.com and search for vegan

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Thu Mar 23, 2017 2:51 pm

I have more hatred for the Taxman than George Harrison.

Did
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Did » Thu Mar 30, 2017 5:32 am

I must admit I too am scared of the Rollercoaster. My friend divorced at 40, is now in his 60s, and has a 28 year girlfriend in his Philippians bolthole. Basically he has been with younger women ever since his wife walked out on him. He confessed to me once that if he saw a women his own age naked it would be like walking in on his grandmother.

Hopefully it's easier when you grow old together?

Regarding mayonnaise, I recommend making your own if you do not. We do so with a stick blender, light (in colour) olive oil, lemon juice, an egg and salt. It takes about 30 seconds and lasts for days. It does not compare with commercial mayo (in a good way).

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Fri Mar 31, 2017 2:09 pm

I have admittedly ridden the rollercoaster. And I'm talking the Coney Island, rickety, made of plywood type, not one of these new fangled, German Engineered post-modern, tungsten deals. We're not talking Mrs. Robinson here. We're not even talking Mrs. Robinson's mother. I mean the woman's first husband was a fucking big band leader for Christ's sake. I won't go into details but I have to say, it was kind of nice in a helping the old lady across the road type of way. And from my understanding the easiest place to get laid is the senior care facility, so if I do happen to make it that far, I hope to have built up a tolerance to the whole naked issue.

Thanks for the mayo suggestion. I'll look into it.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Fri Mar 31, 2017 2:52 pm

Your friend's situation got me thinking. I love my wife, and she's older than me, so from an actuarial perspective, we should die pretty much on the same day. Which we have discussed, as it happened to my father's parents.

But let's say, I outlive her and this relates to your friend's under the radar situation. The new trend in the retirement-mail order bride scenario is for the Ugly Old American (for which I pretty much already qualify) to relocate to the mail order bride's country and then just have her shipped locally. I knew someone who had one sent to his home in the US and it was a nightmare that would make Freddy Kreuger shit his fucking pants. I mean cuckolding and all that. Dante would need to create a new level of hell for this woman to reside. We're talking Yoko Ono level bat shit craziness. I was like dude, was blue balls worth getting the Tasmanian she-devil? Poor guy, eventually got choked out on a subway platform and had to quite his teaching job even though his students threw rocks at him. So its a risky move all around and I guess as opposed to riding the rollercoaster its probably more like getting on the god awful boring carousel and I'm not even talking the horse but the two seater that the parents and toddlers sit in. But its an option and its good to have options.

My father just died and when I visited him I realized my mother was cozying up with some non-dementia douchebag just proving that it aint over till its over if you are willing to tolerate ungodly awfulness.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Sun Apr 02, 2017 7:09 am

I am livid with myself over spending. I went to McDonald's - twice. I went to Dunkin Donuts for coffee numerous times. WTF.

Its like running around with a bloody nose your entire life. A slow, inexorable bleeding out. Enough i say!!!!

This week not only do I cut this shit out but I learn to make homemade Mayo thanks to the recommendations of our Faithful Brother Did.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Sun Apr 02, 2017 7:20 am

Wife just kiboshed homemade Mayo enterprise. Fear of raw egg.

Oh well.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Thu Apr 20, 2017 3:52 pm

Man. Journals get buried quicker than executed mobsters around here.

I haven't wanted to face things. Its a big issue with me. I had to pay 36K in taxes. It was a gut punch. I think I would have preferred giving a testicle but I'm thinking the last thing the IRS needs is more fuckin balls.

Jake9870
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Location: Under the Great White North

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jake9870 » Thu Apr 20, 2017 3:57 pm

Only if the community lets them get buried. Most I've read have great longevity spanning years.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Fri May 05, 2017 11:18 am

There was a comic named Harris Wittles. He wrote for some televisions shows and seemed to be genuinely liked in the industry. He had this great twitter account called Humblebrag on which he would collect obnoxious tweets by people where they would brag in the guise of being humble.

For example: "People think its great having a huge penis until you spend an hour with airport security because they think your smuggling a live ferret through customs." Or "OMG, Brad Pitt will be here in an hour and I forgot to douche!!!!"

Shit like that. Unfortunately, Harris Wittles killed himself and the twitter account is no longer being updated.

The reason for the wind up is that I don't want to appear like a humble bragging douchebag, but I spun out into a depression after I had to pay close to 60K in taxes this year. I know it means I made some money, but it was an outlier in my career. I underestimated by nearly 35K so it was like giving up money that I thought was mine.

This post is a foray to getting off the snide and back into ERE. This year is already disappointing financially, so I'm trying to stay optimistic which is not my natural bent.

Thank you for indulging me, and yes, I am the guy who was stopped in customs for an hour.

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distracted_at_work
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by distracted_at_work » Fri May 05, 2017 11:30 am

Jason wrote:
Fri May 05, 2017 11:18 am
The reason for the wind up is that I don't want to appear like a humble bragging douchebag, but I spun out into a depression after I had to pay close to 60K in taxes this year. I know it means I made some money, but it was an outlier in my career. I underestimated by nearly 35K so it was like giving up money that I thought was mine.

This post is a foray to getting off the snide and back into ERE. This year is already disappointing financially, so I'm trying to stay optimistic which is not my natural bent.
That wouldn't depress me as much as want me to punch holes through some drywall. That's a massive underestimation man, good thing you had the money available. Guess your tax accountant was preoccupied with his lady friend, ha.

What's a bad year financially in your mind? Low savings rate or didn't sell as many houses as usual? I gave my notice yesterday and they didn't lock me out so I've got nothing to do. Let's get to the bottom of this.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Fri May 05, 2017 11:46 am

I knew I owed, but I thought I had some coverage through write offs. I was wrong. Yes, I had it, so I didn't have to go on an installment payment plan that I once had to do earlier. But it sucked the life out of me.

I sell commercial. So that allows me to win and lose on a bigger scale. For instance, I had a deal out that would have netted me 65K but it blew up faster than Oprah Winfrey after her Weight Watchers endorsement expired.

Bad for me is under 75K. I like to make 100K in a good market. I have made 0. I have made 180K. So 100K is nice. Because we could save all of the money that Uncle Sam doesn't take and then I could quit and read books and watch videos of fat girls falling off of zip lines all day.

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distracted_at_work
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by distracted_at_work » Fri May 05, 2017 12:16 pm

I knew you sold commercial and I wrote houses anyway, ugh my brain. Think of the bright side, it could have been much worse. What if you were all in the market (I am) and had to sell at a loss to cover a tax burden? I would cry.

Well maybe it's time for that homemade mayo recipe? Need to cover the bad year somehow... :D

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Fri May 05, 2017 12:20 pm

Yes, it could have been worse, and that's why I am epistemologically self-conscious that I could come off as being an asshole. But its tough to sell off ETF's/stocks/funds that you felt were a part of your golden ticket.

Anyways, thanks for the reality check.

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distracted_at_work
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by distracted_at_work » Fri May 05, 2017 2:43 pm

My pleasure. I just spent $45 on a mediocre burger and two beers. I need a forum-goer to beat me with a club.

halfmoon
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by halfmoon » Fri May 05, 2017 7:36 pm

Hilarious post about the $45 burger, but now back to feeling depressed over your tax bill.
distracted_at_work wrote:
Fri May 05, 2017 12:16 pm
Think of the bright side, it could have been much worse. What if you were all in the market (I am) and had to sell at a loss to cover a tax burden? I would cry.
This could be exponentially more tragic. Back in the dark ages when I was preparing income tax returns, I was contacted by a couple whose home had been seized the previous year for delinquent income taxes. He'd been a self-employed home builder who let the whole tax issue get away from him and also didn't comprehend that letters from the IRS are more urgent than a ransom note. The property they'd owned and lived on for 20 years was seized and sold for taxes; they were left with one acre and a trailer where they currently lived with their children and a couple of dogs. My job was to tell them that, because they had bought the property for a song 20 years ago, the selling proceeds (all went to the IRS) had created a paper gain on which they now owed more taxes.

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