Valentine's Day!

[cmonkey]

The world can be depressing so let's talk about love. Or rather, how do you go about valentine's day and/or sharing love with your loved ones? Try to do better than just buying something.

DW usually makes me something and will also bake me cookies or something. This year she made me this radish-heart pillow. And of course a handmade card. Who pays for cards??




I catered to my less-than-creative self year and made a small game of 'follow the clue around the house' for her to find some chocolate. She loves interactive games, scavenger hunts and easter egg hunts.


The best gifts cater right to what someone loves the most and usually don't cost anything.

[halfmoon]

Darned cute. Or would that be knitted cute? I love visualizing that she's sitting there in the evenings knitting your heart pillow, and you think it's mittens or a cat sweater or whatever. Also: the scavenger hunt for chocolate is so sweet.

DH and I have always looked on Valentine's Day as the time when people who don't otherwise show love suddenly pay attention because...Hallmark! Florists! Restaurants! Social pressure! I'm guessing that you and your DW don't fit that definition.

Not to brag (oh, why stop now?), but every single day DH and I verbally express our love, thank each other for large or small things, kiss and cuddle. Doesn't mean we don't argue or annoy each other; that's part of real life together. Also doesn't mean I don't want chocolate, but I could never wait to have it once a year. DH made me rum balls last week, but with home-brandied cherries instead of rum. Yowza.

[C40]

I am a believer that any and all cards given should be handmade. I have quite firm believes that, in many cases, if you're able to do something yourself, you should do it much/most/all of the time. I get such a kick on how people do that or don't. Here are some examples:

I'm trying to list these in order, going from things that people can do and actually do, towards things that people can do but think it's better to have others do for them
- Wiping one's own butt. (have you ever heard someone present it as a luxury to hire someone else to wipe their ass?)
- Brushing teeth, washing body/hair, putting on clothes
- Shopping for groceries
- Driving a vehicle
- Cooking food
- Making cards.

This making cards one is so funny because it's so well-engrained that you buy a card, most people don't even think about making one themselves. Cooking food is a skill that some people definitely lack, so I suppose they have some short term reasons for eating out. But I KNOW that everyone knows how to make a greeting card. Because everyone is taught how to - in day care, in preschool, in kindergarten, etc. Why the hell don't they keep doing it?

I don't give cards often but when I do I had been buying them up until the last 3 or so years. I started after I'd been using fountain pens and practicing my handwriting. But I could've just used a crayon or whatever and it would've worked fine all those years in the middle.


On a note more related to Valentine's day, I have a suggestion for people with romantic partners:
Instead of, or in addition to Valentine's day, you should be scheduling holidays/traditions of your own personal invention. Pick a day or weekend or however long that you declare to be X Day or XX Weekend. In one of my more recent relationships, we'd have a "Sex Weekend" every once in a while that we planned a month or more in advance. That was a nice thing to look forward to and even nicer to do. For the less sex-brained, you could do whatever the two of you enjoy..

[halfmoon]

I'm trying to list these in order, going from things that people can do and actually do, towards things that people can do but think it's better to have others do for them
- Wiping one's own butt. (have you ever heard someone present it as a luxury to hire someone else to wipe their ass?)
- Brushing teeth, washing body/hair, putting on clothes
- Shopping for groceries
- Driving a vehicle
- Cooking food
- Making cards.

Not the ass-wiping, but you've hit my guilty ludicrously-rich fantasy with the tooth care. I especially want flossing, because it's a pain in the ass.This should be performed in a non-intrusive manner several times per day while I'm watching something entertaining on the ceiling TV. I really don't think it's too much to ask.

[cmonkey]

This making cards one is so funny because it's so well-engrained that you buy a card, most people don't even think about making one themselves. Cooking food is a skill that some people definitely lack, so I suppose they have some short term reasons for eating out. But I KNOW that everyone knows how to make a greeting card. Because everyone is taught how to - in day care, in preschool, in kindergarten, etc. Why the hell don't they keep doing it?

At the very least, go find a free card online and customize it. That's what I do. My right brain needs some exercise.

DH and I have always looked on Valentine's Day as the time when people who don't otherwise show love suddenly pay attention because...Hallmark! Florists! Restaurants! Social pressure! I'm guessing that you and your DW don't fit that definition.

Definitely not. We try to avoid all sorts of social herding when possible. We even time our 'outings' to the grocery store/home store/whatever during non-peak times. Weekdays in the mid-morning are good, so are Sunday mornings. Saturdays are the best day to stay home.

Like you said about year-round affection, DW and I tend toward that and so Valentine's day is one of those days that comes around that is good for one thing - discount chocolate. Although the pickings are slim these days, more people have caught on.

[7Wannabe5]

I made my BF a card (dorky) and a tin of ginger cookies (delicious.) This was just a tad on the edge of compulsive "this is something I must do because it is socially dictated" behavior on my part since our relationship is a tad odd enough that I am on the edge of referring to him as my "BF" rather than my BF. I was practicing polyamory when we met, and he was on the simultaneous rebound from 3 or 4 different relationships (wife, love-of-his-life, much younger foreign girlfriend, 1st post-divorce peer girlfriend), so our relationship is kind of default monogamous, but we are compatible enough on a day-to-day social sort of basis that the phrase "marriage of convenience" was actually uttered by him on one occasion. We have both suggested that we should end things on separate occasions, but we drifted back together with a day or two.

A few days ago, I had one of those odd moments where I saw myself as other sees me. We were lounging about and switched the television to random movie which was Stephen King's "The Good Marriage." In the first few scenes, a middle-aged, middle-class couple is initially established as being quite conventional and happy, and my BF said "She is like you, and he is kind of like me." Then he had to retract his second observation when subsequent scenes hinted at possibility of husband being secret psycho-killer-lol. This kind of reminded me of the time when a former BF informed me that he loved me because I reminded him of Edith Bunker. Clearly, I need to work on manifesting just a bit more tough and edgy.

[saving-10-years]

@cmonkey, that is a wonderful valentine. Very very cool. DH and I are veterans (35 valentines to date) so probably getting jaded but we most often do handmade cards, or customise some non-valentine day card, especially DH. Sadly he fell out of the habit of making me pop-up, artwork sort of things when he started working full time. Now we are retired we could perhaps go overboard again (we have the time, we have the skill, we have the technology) but having 35 years worth of cards in store so far is encouraging me to go small in these matters. Its already a couple of file boxes worth archived from anniversaries, christmas, birthdays, etc. So far its proved too hard to throw away special handmade stuff.

@halfmoon, I am, like you, very fortunate to have a DH who more often than not is the cook, who makes things around the home, who gets up first so makes the tea. Feeling loved consistently on an every day basis works better for me than a big/expensive show once a year, or the roller coaster of romantic gesture (the heady stuff of youth which I am happy to leave behind). Plus my frugal nature does not like the prices.

[steveo73]

I think we are really frugal when it comes to Valentine's day but I get outdone on this board. I bought wifey a card for $1.50 and some flowers for $5. My wife bought I think a more expensive card and a $7 bottle of wine.

This is our consistent gifts. Birthdays, christmas etc always follow the same basic pattern. Sometimes my wife buys me a shirt or something if I need it.

My wife cooked though and we had dinner without the kids.

[halfmoon]

@halfmoon, I am, like you, very fortunate to have a DH who more often than not is the cook, who makes things around the home, who gets up first so makes the tea. Feeling loved consistently on an every day basis works better for me than a big/expensive show once a year, or the roller coaster of romantic gesture (the heady stuff of youth which I am happy to leave behind).

This is so well expressed...and romantic.

[thrifty++]

@cmonkey - your valentines is truly awesome

@C40 - I know someone who is too lazy to brush their own teeth regularly or floss them ever and as a result has to shell out tens of thousands on dentistry. Despite knowing about such upcoming dentistry in a month they are still too lazy to bother regularly brushing

[saving-10-years]

This is so well expressed...and romantic.

Well I have dated romantics in the past and got impatient with them. Sending roses? Really don't bother, I will not be impressed at such an impersonal (and extravagent) gesture. So perhaps I am an INTJ/P frugal style romantic (acquired taste).

Have you seen the trailer for the Becoming Warren Buffett documentary? When he cites being born and meeting his first wife as being the most important things that ever happened to him. He talks about her as having put him together and it seems that for all the un-romantic nature of Buffett's life (as I understand it) she has been loving to him and him to her consistently. I think that that is romantic.

[Eureka]

- Wiping one's own butt. (have you ever heard someone present it as a luxury to hire someone else to wipe their ass?)

Complete off topic, but yes, Japanese sumo wrestlers in fact do. In the old days, the new staple boys had to do this task for their masters, but nowadays the wealthy top ranking sumo wrestlers hire nurses (young beautiful) to take care of their personal hygiene.

[halfmoon]

Have you seen the trailer for the Becoming Warren Buffett documentary? When he cites being born and meeting his first wife as being the most important things that ever happened to him. He talks about her as having put him together and it seems that for all the un-romantic nature of Buffett's life (as I understand it) she has been loving to him and him to her consistently. I think that that is romantic.

I haven't seen the trailer but would like to see the documentary. I completely agree regarding true romance as opposed to romantic gestures. Every time DH has been in the hospital, I've slept in his room for the duration, helped him with hygiene, communicated with the medical staff and generally watched over him. His last stay was 12 days, and the little metal cot they provided next to the bed almost ruined me.

I don't tell this story to illustrate what a self-sacrificing angel I am, because I'm not. I'm just giving back what he's given me for 37 years.

[C40]

- Wiping one's own butt. (have you ever heard someone present it as a luxury to hire someone else to wipe their ass?)

Complete off topic, but yes, Japanese sumo wrestlers in fact do. In the old days, the new staple boys had to do this task for their masters, but nowadays the wealthy top ranking sumo wrestlers hire nurses (young beautiful) to take care of their personal hygiene.

Awesome

[halfmoon]

Those sumo wrestlers obviously need to read Jacob's toilet paper thread.

[EdithKeeler]

DBF sent me a truly extravagant bouquet of a dozen roses, carnations and stargazer lillies. This was EXTREMELY out of character for him, but lately our relationship has leveled up, so this may be what spurred it. It was accompanied by a phone call later that day expressing emotional commitment that again... well, it's a new thing. And nice. But he paid way, way, way too much.

I sent him homemade heart-shaped sugar cookies, a nice-smelling candle and a literary coffee mug. He called me when he received the box (we're doing a long-distance thing at the moment...) and confessed no one had ever made cookies just for him before. That pulled at my heart.

It was a good, traditional, consumer-oriented pricey holiday for us. Wouldn't want to do it every year, but it's all good.

[halfmoon]

I sent him homemade heart-shaped sugar cookies, a nice-smelling candle and a literary coffee mug. He called me when he received the box (we're doing a long-distance thing at the moment...) and confessed no one had ever made cookies just for him before. That pulled at my heart.

Reading this pulled at my heart too. It reinforces my concept of romance: it's all about taking care of each other, whether physically or emotionally (or both). Key to that is understanding what the other person needs and giving it freely. Homemade heart-shaped sugar cookies? Very romantic and reminiscent of cmonkey's radish/heart pillow. Like radishes, romance needs to be fertilized.