How Will My Fascination with ERE Affect My Marriage?

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SavingWithBabies
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Re: How Will My Fascination with ERE Affect My Marriage?

Post by SavingWithBabies » Wed Jul 04, 2018 8:21 pm

Well the silver lining is you can rename your journal. Just go to the first post, edit it and change the subject.

suomalainen
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Re: How Will My Fascination with ERE Affect My Marriage?

Post by suomalainen » Wed Jul 04, 2018 10:29 pm

@clarice thanks for sharing. I find it fascinating to see emotions and experiences similar to mine play out from a different perspective. It somehow helps to broaden my own perspective. Hard to explain. Anyway, I hope the peaceful feeling persists.

Earlybath
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Re: How Will My Fascination with ERE Affect My Marriage?

Post by Earlybath » Thu Jul 05, 2018 6:25 am

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Wed Jul 04, 2018 11:29 am
What is the point of pointing your metrics towards a single bed lifestyle, if that is unlikely to ever be your ideal?
(Quietly) Plan for the worst, hope for the best ?

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7Wannabe5
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Re: How Will My Fascination with ERE Affect My Marriage?

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Thu Jul 05, 2018 7:50 am

@Earlybath:

I typed the word "ideal", but "lot in life" might have been more apt. I couldn't even maintain the boundaries on my garden space/project. I always partner up. I don't want to hijack Clarice's journal, so I won't go on endlessly, but I think this is a tendency that should be taken into consideration, just like the tendency to create value. Clarice has an extant partnership contract with her husband which resulted in her only cash flow categories being mostly personal items. I have an innate tendency towards entering into partnership contracts which resulted in my cash flow categories being mostly personal items. It seems "teenagery" to be spending money mostly on personal items, because that is what you do with your babysitting money when you are 13.

Clarice
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Re: How Will My Fascination with ERE Affect My Marriage?

Post by Clarice » Sat Jul 14, 2018 11:18 am

I have a money question. I am posting it here because it's too low-level for the general money discussion. I hope for some kind soul to type "yes" or "no".
Clarice is 102 years old. She thinks that she just might match Jeanne Louise Calment's record and live until 122. Clarice lives on $20K a year. She needs 400K and her SWR is 5%. Is that roughly correct? I want to make sure that I understand the concept of SWR correctly.

ThisDinosaur
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Re: How Will My Fascination with ERE Affect My Marriage?

Post by ThisDinosaur » Sat Jul 14, 2018 11:30 am

Yes.

$400,000 * 0.05 = $20,000

But if you are only looking to live twenty more years (from 102 to 122), you can try to spend it all down to zero.
Look here:
viewtopic.php?p=28301#p28301
If you only need to live twenty years, and your return rate is 5%, then you only need thirteen (13) years of assets. Or 260K.

$20,000 * 13 = $260,000.

chicago81
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Re: How Will My Fascination with ERE Affect My Marriage?

Post by chicago81 » Sat Jul 14, 2018 11:59 am

Jason wrote:
Tue Feb 06, 2018 8:20 am
Maybe you just need to put those feminine wiles to use. Like set up a date night where you cook him a home made meal made from scratch, show yourself off in a dress you made by hand, prop him up be letting him beat you in a game of chess, and then when you are relaxing in your newly decluttered living room, coyly whisper in his ear "You know what really turns me on, baby? A man who re-soles his twenty year old work boots."

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Clarice
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Re: How Will My Fascination with ERE Affect My Marriage?

Post by Clarice » Sat Jul 14, 2018 6:09 pm

chicago81 wrote:
Sat Jul 14, 2018 11:59 am
Jason wrote:
Tue Feb 06, 2018 8:20 am
Maybe you just need to put those feminine wiles to use. Like set up a date night where you cook him a home made meal made from scratch, show yourself off in a dress you made by hand, prop him up be letting him beat you in a game of chess, and then when you are relaxing in your newly decluttered living room, coyly whisper in his ear "You know what really turns me on, baby? A man who re-soles his twenty year old work boots."

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
@chicago81:
Thank you for reminding me that quote from infinitely quotable Jason. When he wrote it I laughed too. Today I have a short story to tell. The shoe laces on DH's Keens got torn. I KNOW in my heart that 1 year ago he would treat his Keens as indivisible, determine them non-functional, and throw in the garbage. A couple of weeks ago, when it happened, he started tinkering with the shoe laces, somehow fixed them, and proudly announced that he saved $10 on Keen shoe laces. I was pleasantly surprised.

Clarice
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Re: How Will My Fascination with ERE Affect My Marriage?

Post by Clarice » Sat Aug 04, 2018 12:45 am

So... I've started working since July 2nd. It's not quite a full time job, but it's a real Monday through Friday thing. I am responsible for my area of expertise - very different from keeping a seat warm while a responsible party is on vacation. This new real job is better than I remember my old one to be - better boss, better caseload. DH has also started a new job 2 weeks after me and now responds only to conversation starters with the phrase "optical transponders" in them. :ugeek: I've started a new hobby - biking, and compensated with money for the total lack of any skills in this area. Another new thing this month is paying with my hard-earned money for groceries and DD's expenses. My expenses do not feel teenager-y anymore. For the 6 months before July I was pinching pennies with my own expenses while buying groceries and paying for DD with the money linked to OUR account financed by DH's salary and our rental income. Not anymore. It's been a sobering experience. I've been living a double life (NO-O-O-O, not like in The Americans :lol: ): pinching pennies for myself while giving my conventional, extroverted, and ambitious 13-year-old quite a mainstream Silicon Valley upbringing. Here is my July:

Total Pay Checks: $4,136.55
Total Expenses: $6,342.45
Autonomous NW: $2,706.32

The details are as following:

GROCERIES - $405.32

OTHER FAMILY OBLIGATIONS - $4,111.78

DD's daily pass to an amusement park - $47.99
DD's birthday gift - $100
DD's birthday party (food and decor) - $168.66
DD's math tutor - $350
DD's ballet school tuition through December - $3.372.50

GIRL'S STUFF - $28

Dry Cleaners - $28 (messed up my 2 fancy silk dresses at the June wedding);

EDUCATION AND ENTERTAINMENT - $1,647.03

Work-related expenses - $39.48 ( an alarm clock, a therapy tool, and a pack of new socks);
Book on Amazon - $7.97
Amazon Prime Membership - $14.99
Bike - $999.91
Hitch - $205.74
Hitch Installation - $100
Rack - $278.94

TRANSPORTATION - $150.31

Gas - $150.31

I am looking forward to August with optimism: No one among my relatives is getting married, all tuitions are paid, even DD's math tutor has gone to Ukraine to visit her mother. I'm hopeful. :)

Clarice
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Location: California

Re: How Will My Fascination with ERE Affect My Marriage?

Post by Clarice » Sun Sep 09, 2018 2:20 pm

August 2018

MARRIAGE
Not easy. We've always gone though periods of extreme alienation, leading parallel lives. We slip there because of this disagreement or that, and then it's weeks or months. Cold. Ice cold. I am always the one who has to make the peace. DH is not a peacemaker. He is not a maker in general. He is a reliable, disciplined follower. Every time, in order to end this ice age I have to fake it until I make it. It doesn't come from love. It comes from grit. But love follows. Right now I do feel love. It took a lot of grit to get here. That was my August.

WORK
It's been 2 months of this Monday through Friday thing. It has taken away my freedom and my time for introverted intuition to roam free, and taxed my extroverted thinking a lot. It's given me money (duh...), some social capital, exposure to a lot of Millennials, and opportunities for people watching among other things. It feels very different to be in the trenches as compared to observing from afar this "insert tube - collect rent" healthcare racket.

MONEY
Keep tinkering with categories, which I spend "my" money on. Charging groceries on "my" credit card did not work. DH realized that if he wanted certain things he had to go and buy them himself. DD also learned quickly who to turn to if she wanted something ridiculously expensive at a grocery store. All I accomplished was making myself a less effective shopper and obscuring from DH the grand total of our family's grocery budget. No more. "No responsibility without authority." Who am I stealing it from, @7wb5 or @suo? :lol: I am sticking with most of DD's expenses. I owe them. They are my creation, not DH's. So, here are my August numbers:

Total Paychecks: $7,263.96
Total Expenses: $2,161.31
Autonomous Savings: $8,013.83

Groceries and Supplies: $408.10

DD: $1098.23

Ballet - $921.22
Math Tutor - $70
Entertainment - $97.01
Back-to School - $10

Girl's Stuff: $83.99 (mostly clothing)

Education and Entertainment: $262.35

Bike gloves - $18.24
Eating out with DD - $51.82
Amazon Membership - $14.16
Online access to Beachbodyondemend.com - $10
A set of tools for work - $54.77
2 Theater tickets (DD and me) - $105
Book - $8.06

Transportation - $308.94

Uber - $51.10
Gas - $194.15
Car things at O'Reilly Auto Parts - $63.69
Last edited by Clarice on Sun Sep 09, 2018 8:08 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Jason
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Re: How Will My Fascination with ERE Affect My Marriage?

Post by Jason » Sun Sep 09, 2018 3:30 pm

Clarice wrote:
Sun Sep 09, 2018 2:20 pm
August 2018

MARRIAGE
Not easy. We've always gone though periods of extreme alienation, leading parallel lives. We slip there because of this disagreement or that, and then it's weeks or months. Cold. Ice cold. I am always the one who has to make the peace. DH is not a peacemaker. He is not a maker in general. He is a reliable, disciplined follower. Every time, in order to end this ice age I have to fake it until I make it. It doesn't come from love. It comes from grit. But love follows. Right now I do feel love. It took a lot of grit to get here. That was my August.
This paragraph is not only breathtakingly literary, but explains why Russian girls make the best strippers.

jacob
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Re: How Will My Fascination with ERE Affect My Marriage?

Post by jacob » Sun Sep 09, 2018 3:42 pm

It's the one paragraph version of War&Peace(?)

suomalainen
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Re: How Will My Fascination with ERE Affect My Marriage?

Post by suomalainen » Sun Sep 09, 2018 8:59 pm

Clarice wrote:
Sun Sep 09, 2018 2:20 pm
"No responsibility without authority." Who am I stealing it from, @7wb5 or @suo? :lol:
I take no credit for originating it, but I am an evangelizer. Where it really struck a chord with me and has stuck with me since:
7Wannabe5 wrote:
Thu Jul 13, 2017 7:17 am
General rule of thumb is don't take responsibility where you don't have authority. Black hole suck.
And sorry to hear about your August. Relationships are hard.

Clarice
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Re: How Will My Fascination with ERE Affect My Marriage?

Post by Clarice » Tue Oct 09, 2018 11:26 pm

jacob wrote:
Sun Sep 09, 2018 3:42 pm
It's the one paragraph version of War&Peace(?)
Ha-ha, feel flattered. I'd say more like Anna Karenina than War and Peace. Now, that I think about it, the husband of Anna Karenina is often mentioned as a textbook example of ISTJ - something he shares with DH. I can totally relate to her temptations (but not the jumping under the train part). :twisted: Now back to the money. I've done a little investigation and unearthed my old retirement accounts - from working at a school district like for 5 minutes, from working at a large hospital, and the money that has been in my current 401K from since I worked for this company a long time ago. Here are my independent finances for right now:

NW - $42,060.88
Checking Account - 10,316.61
Retirement Accounts - (401K, 403B, CALSTRS) - $32.761.60
Vanguard Windsor Fund - $2, 982.67

September Checks - $4,809.65
September Expenses - $1,183.59 spent in the following manner:

Groceries - $168.04
DD - $650, mostly HSPT (high school placement test) tutor;
Education and Entertainment - $216.99, books, work-related expenses, Lenny Kravitz ticket;
Transportation - $123.88
Girl's stuff - $24.68

I should have done this independent finance thing a long time ago. It affects not only finance. It adds a sense of agency and self-possession to all areas of life. I love it.

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