Lingering thoughts about this thread created a few months ago about my worry for getting promoted:
viewtopic.php?f=24&t=11430
I'll find out end of August if raise / bonus / promotion comes to fruition. My performance ratings are looking really good and only one glaring mistake was found from a business proposal I worked on earlier (that did not go well...) which might be over-looked as a noob mistake anyway.
Lately I've had a few realizations that are going to help me a lot. I had to really dig into what was making me afraid / put-off by the idea of getting promoted. Part of it is the added responsibilities and stress that comes with it, but like I learned in that thread, perhaps being in a leadership position would allow me to be the change I want to see. #2 it is very possible as a very detailed-oriented, introverted, mostly - anxious/avoidant personality type I am just afraid of criticisms. Historically, I don't take criticisms very well. I always say I will but then real-life happens and I get a 'F*** that guy' mindset....in my head at least.
Martial Arts has motivated me lately; just watching it religiously. Guys/Gals who get punched in the face take that negative feedback and make adjustments. Same with BJJ and many other sports. I weirdly started looking at my career as a 'SPORT' ...a game. Where you can score goals but sometimes you accidentally might throw an interception to the opposing team - to some fault of your own but sometimes just plain bad luck.
The point is, whether feedback is subjective or not, is valid. It shouldn't be taken as a personal attack but rather maybe one just isn't a good fit for a certain task / project / organization / what have you. Sometimes managers are not bad, for instance, they might have just been put in the wrong role to begin with (for instance a democratic leader but in a position where a more authoritarian leader would have been useful). It should be objectively seen that way - and then one makes adjustments. Easier said then done? Another realization - empathy, the one giving the feedback isn't having an easy time either. It could be that giving feedback is just as hard, if not harder, then taking it.
All I know is that today when I addressed, very maturely about what happened with this business proposal earlier about the negative feedback received - I felt so relived. Not only did i make it easier for myself and learn what adjustments I need to make (being more candid about timelines), the manager giving the feedback credited me for 'adaptability' for this handling. Sometimes a negative can be turned into a positive - if one allows there mind to do that.
Besides all that...trying to resist the current system I am in (trying not to get promoted) while at the same time putting out quality work and getting higher reviews...and some kind of
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance trap that causes a lot of distress. Considering web of goals ...I should choose a mindset that better aligns. Play the sport.