Lemur Journal!

Where are you and where are you going?
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Lemur
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by Lemur »

Mid February Updates.

- Work related. On my current contract, I'm a ghost...I literally work 15 minutes a day if that and still collect a paycheck. This is not a good feeling. On-boarding during COVID environment is....interesting. I'm also put on to a workstream where the machine is already running real smooth. What do they even need me for? ...oh well. I have a performance review beginning March and I'm going to make the case for being put somewhere else. I volunteered to help our firm with contract proposals in March lol this is something I never do and ranted about before in my journal. However, I stopped looking at this from a "they want free labor out of me" perspective and instead into "I can use this to build my writing skills through collecting feedback because maybe I want to blog or write freelance one day." This could also help me meet others ...virtually. Creating these networks is going to be useful if I'm ever let go. I always get the feeling I'm on some list to be laid off lol. Way back in the day I used to freelance for SeekingAlpha and developed a small following before I abandoned the effort.

Too relatable: https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theatl ... le/382121/

- Still managing two losing positions MAC & NOK when I jumped into the short-squeeze mania fray. Lesson learned - I strayed away from my normal investing strategy/methodology and got burned. Not a coincidence.

- Started planting finally! I've started cabbage indoors.

- Reading an abridged version of Das Kapital by Karl Marx and Blackshirts and Reds by Michael Parenti. The former is a tough read so far and I'm reading it slowly. The latter is very interesting already two chapters in. Have also watched a bit of YouTube lectures from Richard Wolff and Noam Chomsky. These names have all opened up a new world I haven't been really exposed to before.

- Learned what a Steel Man Argument is...
The steel man argument (or steelmanning) is the exact opposite of the straw man argument. The idea is to help your opponent to construct the strongest form of their argument. This may involve removing flawed assumptions which could be easily refuted, for example, so that you produce the best argument for the "core" of your opponent's position.

SavingWithBabies
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by SavingWithBabies »

@Lemur I used to dream about work like that -- that I'd have all this free time to focus on my side projects and it would be wonderful. But then I lived it for quite a while at one job and it was horrible. I couldn't focus on my side projects. I felt obligated to contribute in some way but the way the company was structured I was a resource or cog that fit in for one specific role and that was it. And I had so much free time. If it had all been on the up and up in that the agreement was I'd do hard work when there was work but otherwise could go do what I wanted to (and not necessarily be online to be chatted with at any point in time during the work day), it would be okay. But the slow burn wait... I think some can handle this. Einstein apparently did wonderful work while being at the patent office (and I recall some article/quote about it not being particularly busy but maybe I'm remembering wrong). Although perhaps his daily work was stimulating mentally if he was actually reviewing the patents (I'm being charitable and assuming patents back then were more approachable and less convoluted than they are today -- or perhaps he grew used to reading them and was quickly able to pierce through the blathering/frippery to the core ideas if any were present).

I bear no malice to people that can handle working those kinds of jobs but it's just not in my nature. I can't do it. It drives me crazy! Even though in theory...

edit: fixed spelling of patents!
Last edited by SavingWithBabies on Thu Feb 18, 2021 6:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

ertyu
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by ertyu »

couples counseling is big on couples steel-manning each other. hadn't put two and two together. cool.

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Lemur
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by Lemur »

@SavingWithBabies

Yeah it is miserable. I too have dreamed of just sitting back and collecting checks...but its only nice for the first two weeks or so. The good news is - Problem solved today. Client gave me a lead role on a new initiative after I raised concerns that I was a limited resource in dire need of work. I guess they liked the prior experience and my initiative to produce...

I'm relieved. I haven't lead a project before from scratch but this is a real chance to be creative - I also see an eventual path to automation with this stream .... so I have something I can completely own and keep me focused for this year work wise. My managers will also like this.

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Lemur
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by Lemur »

By David Reynold's author of "constructive living" (he himself an adherent / building his thought on Morita Therapy https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morita_therapy) and a book that had a big impact on me a few years ago. Interestingly enough, when I first read the book and posted a short review, I wasn't really impressed...maybe it was because I was always just looking for that magic pill that would solve all problems. When I read the book a second time, it made a lot more sense.

Full of nuggets...
https://constructiveliving2.weebly.com/quotes.html

That are simple, succinct, to the point...
Most of us know what needs to be done most of the time; too many of us have developed intellectualizing, fantasizing skills that distract us from what we know needs doing.
Neurotics counter their own thoughts and arguments, too, leaving themselves paralyzed by indecision. "I could do this, but then that might happen," "I'd like to try this, but then I'd be prevented from trying that"...
It was a good reminder to refresh some lessons...top of page 28 I had an issue (no work, anxiety creeping because I'm not doing anything)....few posts later I took action and now have work to do. A simple step solved a lot of issues. Sometimes when I have fear of doing something new (in this case coming out with the fact that I'm doing jack nothing at work) I get analysis paralysis and just sit on anxiety for days on end...Just need to do something - we all know what it is we've to do in the unconscious. Any drunk person knows!

I'm in a good place right now mentally though.

Financially - hit with huge tax bill due to a stellar year in 2020. Turns out you can still open a solo 401(k) and contribute to the 2020 tax year. With Vanguard this took me less than 2 days to have set up and contribute. I maxed my Spouse's solo 401(k) via employee contribution and was able to reduce our tax bill by about $5k...representing an immediate 28% return. Also we put in the max 20% for schedule C on the SEP IRA employer contribution to lower our bill further. Able to drop MAGI/AGI down from $175k (holy crap...we really did kick ass in 2020...) to $133k ish or something. Still too much for the IRA deduction but good enough I guess.

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Lemur
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by Lemur »

March 1, 2021

Investments:
Invested - $364,500
Cash Savings - $5,000
Total - $369,500

Financial - Technically down this month but total financials show an increase as my Spouse opened a SEP IRA and a SOLO 401k last month. She maxed her SEP IRA for employee contribution of 20% of net business profits and I maxed the SOLO 401K employee contribution portion. We did this due to a $12k tax bill...able to shave down MAGI and reduce tax bill to $6k or so. Still finishing up taxes...

Current watchlist: Looking into inflation-hedge positions. At the moment, I think I'll just keep contributing to the stocks I already own. Nothing changed too much other then my constant monitoring of NOK/MAC positions.

Physical Health / Diet: Lost a little weight. Looking forward to the last month of winter and ready for spring. I think something I want to do is start cycling this year or even get back into some light form of weightlifting. I'm far too sedentary other than the occasional pushups and pull-ups.

Mental Health: Varying degrees again. I started rekindling some old studies into psychology ... I find this stuff helps. Not as a magical pill or anything but gained perspectives are nice. I often come back to the same themes.

Job: Hit my 2 year mark at the big firm. Blows! I gotta say planning ahead on a career-path and trying to define your "role at the firm" and specialization is really hard to do when the central planning of your life is escaping this stuff. I grow more and more disdain for work everyday.... :? I've been in this mental funk for at least 5 months now. Every meeting now with coaches and managers is literally just me coming up with buzzwords and plans on the spot on how I'm going to grow here or here and I'm not making any progress. I was put into a recent position to lead some client work but turns out the politics of that is not in my favor at all....and its like I just don't care enough to fight it. Corporate hell sucks. Anyway...I did volunteer once again to do something different this time with some data analytic visualizations ....let us see how that plays out. Maybe I'll like it idk, I'm studying the software at least so I can feel productive or like I'm working towards something.

Gardening: Cabbage seedlings growing nicely. Will need to start getting the next round of seedlings going.

Family: Nothing significant. Removing this section actually for next months update.

Reading / Other: Still slowly reading through Das Kapital abridged version. Never finished reading The Moneyless Man by Mark Boyle. I may or may not pick it back up. Its not even that I don't like the book, I find the writing style interesting - its just that when I think of the idea of a "Moneyless" society, I realize I'm reading a really strong ideological viewpoint that is just not gonna happen...so I'm stuck on that chapter I guess.

Goal: Don't get fired this month. Keep up the recent health eating habits...eating a lot of yogurt and split pea soups. Mostly whole foods.

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Lemur
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by Lemur »

Don't think I've ever related to something more in my life than this:

On Bullsh*t Jobs | David Graeber | RSA Replay
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kikzjTfos0s

Graeber unfortunately passed away last year from an unfortunate medical complication.

Hristo Botev
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by Hristo Botev »

Wow, I'd not read that article before (or seen the video).
In fact, I'm not sure I've ever met a corporate lawyer who didn't think their job was bullshit.
Yep.

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Lemur
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by Lemur »

@Hristo

From a perspective standpoint, better to be compensated highly for a BS job than having a BS job with crap pay too I guess.

Also couldn’t help reading today about the stuff going on in Myanmar and realizing my problem here is truly first world...

Work is otherwise slowly coming together. I took on an additional client (2 now) and I’m studying a software daily and making it a point to have one lecture / homework done a day until I finish the course. This way I can at least get a cadence. I would much rather have the opposite problem - too much work so than I could scale back eventually.

Qazwer
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by Qazwer »

Graeber expanded his thesis to book length called Bull___ Jobs - the whole thing is actually a fun read
He also wrote a really good economic summary of history Debt : The first 5000 years. If you want a summary of economics of what is possible and has happened.
Interesting guy with anarchist background which get him into trouble at Yale when he came up for tenure and then I think he landed in England. Unfortunately, I think he died last year. But definitely an interesting writer.

BookLoverL
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by BookLoverL »

I have a copy of Bull___ Jobs and can confirm it's very interesting.

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Lemur
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by Lemur »

When you buy something, you’re not paying money for it. You’re paying with the hours of your life you had to spend earning that money. The difference is that life is one thing money can’t buy. Life only gets shorter, and it is pitiful to waste one’s life and freedom that way.” - José Mujica, Former President of Uruguay
Maybe he read YMOYL :D This guy is an interesting character...even more interesting history.

Nothing interesting to report from the life of Lemur right now. Just sort of surviving day to day. Everything after 5:30 PM and before 8:30 AM is great though.

Hristo Botev
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by Hristo Botev »

Lemur wrote:
Tue Mar 16, 2021 4:43 pm
Everything after 5:30 PM and before 8:30 AM is great though.
Well said.

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Lemur
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by Lemur »

Today was actually the best day of work I've had in a while. Long-story short, I aired out my grievances about the lack of communication our team (multiple teaming partners) had with the client. Why am I twiddling my thumbs? Why are timelines not being followed? Why have I not been asked by the PM to own something? Turns out the current product lead was on his way out and that was at least part of the reason I was not kept in the loop on the current work we do.

So I put some time on a calendar with my client with just a list of problems + potential solutions to those problems. I don't even know why I did this...I kinda just hit a breaking point and was basically like "fuk it lol what could happen? I get let go and free from this prison..." I just put in the meeting that I wanted to speak privately about the matters. I admitted to the client as well I wasn't being proactive either about communications...

Client gets my email and asks me to call. I call the client. The client basically says "Finally someone is showing leadership. Lemur, how would you like to be the product lead and get this thing rolling? We're already behind schedule." With no fear, I stated "well finally the opportunity I've been waiting for!" Jokingly I said "when do I start?"

I was promoted to product lead...something I would have shied away from in the past. I didn't even ask for the promotion, it just found me lol. I have status reports to develop and a weekly or bi-weekly 20-30 person meeting to set up. Project tracking tools to update...I also was given additional resources under me. Best of all - no one to report too directly. I am to act independently in a leadership role. The client does not want to hear from me unless their is problems and I need their leverage. This is my first role that isn't just a worker bee. I'm now the owner.

Idk I just had no fear about doing this. I think just having some pressure pushes me like inertia. I can't fail...I've internalized so much that if I was ever let go I'd just leverage the experience gained into something better. Maybe this is what I needed all along...a new challenge and consequences for failure. Am I being underpaid for this sort of role? Don't care. I succeed, great resume booster. Maybe I negotiate more money later after a proven track record in leadership. I fail, leverage experience anyway and dare I say "personal growth." lol I hate the careerist terms but I do admit my consultant role has developed me a bit socially. I used to have social anxiety issues a few years ago - not so much anymore. That could also just come with age too but probably not.

I'm in a good mood today.

not sure
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by not sure »

Awesome news, Lemur!
Bring on that 8-5 :D

mooretrees
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by mooretrees »

Pretty cool update Lemur! I hope the increased work stays interesting.

ertyu
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by ertyu »

Congratulations!

AxelHeyst
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by AxelHeyst »

Awesome! +1 on social anxiety issues getting better due to having to take on leadership roles in a company.

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Lemur
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by Lemur »

Thanks. Work has gotten overall better though this new role is having its on cons I did not foresee. Will save that for later post.

I quit caffeine totally. I'm on day 3 but already feeling better day to day. Headaches, fatigue, general feelings of moodiness / depression I think. The latter might be due to lack of dopamine. At least this is what google searches are telling me. Last night I slept really well! Usually it takes me a while to fall asleep.

Long story is I used to have a nasty habit of energy drinks but was finally able to curb that, stuck to only having those on weekends. But I switched to coffee long-term. Now I drank too much coffee. I associated the caffeine with work and physical activity and ironically also as a stress reliever.

I quit due to web of goals reasons. I simply decided that these beverages do not fit anywhere. They cost money, they really jack up my sleep schedule and/or create a viscous cycle where I am dependent on a substance to stay awake and feel alert, they're not good for my teeth, some evidence showing that they're not good for gut health, cause stress/anxiety due to increased levels of cortisol, reduce some mineral/vitamin absorption, and its just one more thing I can eliminate from 'buying' that isn't being sourced from the environment. Additionally, I realized the purported benefits of caffeine seem to be...overstated. I became skeptical once I discovered that there really is a whole industry that purports the supposed benefits of caffeine. While caffeine may have some health benefits - I think now the benefits don't outweigh the negatives from a health perspective. When you drink caffeine, you're sort of masking the fact that you did not get enough sleep and you're not allowing your body to tell you what it needs.

This goes for carbonated beverages as well. I don't need them. Just sticking to water. My spouse is actually really on board with this one because she doesn't drink them anyway and kept complaining to me that it is a waste of money. I was being very self-contradictory (supposed frugal guy still buying up energy drinks lol and diet sodas lol).

Anyway...assuming 2x energy drink a week where I was at (2 x $2.80 x 4 = $22.4 a month) + diet sodas ($3 for 10 pack...2x a week or $20 a month). Add sales tax for both...($22.4 + $20 = $42.4 * 1.06 = $44.94). So saving us $539.28 a month or reducing asset requirement by $13,482.

Lastly ... just a point of resilience. How can Lemur be resilient if he is reliant on a drug to work, stay awake, and for energy. Once I really saw caffeine as a "drug", it was a little easier to quit because I'm treating it that way. I tell myself "rehab sucks" lol.

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How-DoesThisSound
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Re: Lemur Journal!

Post by How-DoesThisSound »

100% agreed on all of the above. There is something about military service and caffeine use for sure. A buddy of mine who was in finance before he served would religiously drink a pot of coffee before work even started and then would have 2-3 Monsters over the course of our 12hr shift. I told him I like being heavily caffeinated as much as the next guy but "dude you're gonna have a heart attack before you get to 35" XD

On vices, I'm the same. I need to detox, I'm only having a cup or two most days so I'll get a mild headache day 1 but by day 3 I usually have the withdrawal period kicked.I need to do what you're doing, I'll keep you up to date on my detox in my journal. Good luck, you got this!

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