A family father's path through life

Where are you and where are you going?
User avatar
Family father
Posts: 86
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 10:59 am

Re: A family father's path through life

Post by Family father » Tue Feb 13, 2018 4:08 pm

Of course I'm not going Talmudic on that!!

I accepted and thanked the pants: it's the conversation about the criteria what will continue! :D

Jason
Posts: 1370
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: A family father's path through life

Post by Jason » Tue Feb 13, 2018 4:17 pm

Oh, gotcha. Although staking an argument about who wears the pants on what pants you will be wearing has to be appreciated for the sheer irony.

User avatar
Family father
Posts: 86
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 10:59 am

Re: A family father's path through life

Post by Family father » Tue Feb 13, 2018 4:19 pm

Sure :D

PS: you seem to have very fine taste about music ;)

Jason
Posts: 1370
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: A family father's path through life

Post by Jason » Tue Feb 13, 2018 5:12 pm

For a person like myself who only enjoys the finer things in life, ABBA is essential.

User avatar
Family father
Posts: 86
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 10:59 am

Re: A family father's path through life

Post by Family father » Wed Feb 14, 2018 8:54 am

I've run for the first time a forecast of our SWR.

They are just rough numbers, so no great conclussions may be derived yet, but still the first numbers arised a few facts to think upon:

As I could easily suppose, chances are that I won't be able to retire early.... :oops:

Having (soon) four kids, my younger one will be just out of college by the ordinary retirement age, and since education is the biggest expense (aprox 27% of expenses) and food the second (aprox 15%), and they are expected to increase the following years (+1 kid in school, +1 mouth to feed and children growing :)) ... :?

Surely numbers will improve as we keep advancing in the expense reduction path (my engagement with ERE and this forum's philosophy is based more due to the values and how we think/act than to the fact of being FI or able to ER), but after two years tracking I feel comfortable that the decissions we make about the biggest expenses strongly correlate with our values, and thus I don't see them changing unless the statu-quo varies.

Projections show that in best scenarios I (we) could retire in that time frame where to retire early means you must resign to significant retirement benefits :cry: although who knows wich will those benefits be in twenty-some years :?:

Those scenarios show my wife and I dying by the end of our accumulation phase, and this is a fact I must reflext upon (how would this fact change the decissions we have to make in the future years?)

Another interesting outcome of these projections is that in not so good scenarios (nothing terrible, but not lucky ones) the retirement age doesn't change substantially (the NW at the end does change significantly) but we don't fall into bankrupcy (obviously some adjustments would be necessary).

My parents fell into bankrupcy when my siblings and I were kids, and the consequences in the family and us where (/have been) ... undesirable at the least (thinking about all of us).

Bankrupcy has been one of my strongest fears since adulthood, and seeing those scenarios surely helps... (I do realize the key to happiness is on my mind (acceptance's path ;)) and not outside, but still... it won't do any bad).

Of course, those are just excel scenarios based in rough assumptions and don't involve any major changes (wich could happen in a 30 year span), so no critical decissions are to be expected :)

PS:

Excuse me for the writing: it's not easy to squeeze my brains into words in spanish, so imagine in a foreign language :oops:

PPS:

I just read the head of the forum:
Early Retirement Extreme Forums
--- For those on the fast track to financial independence
Okay, I may be on the slow track to FI, but I still feel quite comfortable in this forum, so unless Jacob forbids, I'll keep posting about the slow track :D

User avatar
Family father
Posts: 86
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 10:59 am

Re: Another week went by..

Post by Family father » Mon Feb 19, 2018 5:39 pm

I had a lovely weekend with DW and the kids: ups and downs with the kids, as expected, but two lovely days in the end.

Few things make it easier than being present and not having anything else in your mind (main one being work-related issues)... :oops:

Two reads caught my eye and made me think last week:

Suomalaisen's post about kids:
You know pain is part of the long-distance triathlon, right? So why is that particular pain or discomfort just part of the experience, something that is expected and 'the way it should be' and the discomfort or pain of raising children is a rock in your shoe, something that 'shouldn't be there'?

And his WOW moment:
For so long, for SO long, life was about achieving, about growing, becoming, perfecting.
Shit, that's the name of the wall we ourselves build around happyness!

From Quadalupe's journal I read about Stoics, and after a bit of research I came upon Epictetus' Enchiridion.
Epictetus wrote:Some things are in our control and others not. Things in our control are opinion, pursuit, desire, aversion, and, in a word, whatever are our own actions. Things not in our control are body, property, reputation, command, and, in one word, whatever are not our own actions.

The things in our control are by nature free, unrestrained, unhindered; but those not in our control are weak, slavish, restrained, belonging to others. Remember, then, that if you suppose that things which are slavish by nature are also free, and that what belongs to others is your own, then you will be hindered. You will lament, you will be disturbed, and you will find fault both with gods and men. But if you suppose that only to be your own which is your own, and what belongs to others such as it really is, then no one will ever compel you or restrain you. Further, you will find fault with no one or accuse no one. You will do nothing against your will. No one will hurt you, you will have no enemies, and you not be harmed.

Aiming therefore at such great things, remember that you must not allow yourself to be carried, even with a slight tendency, towards the attainment of lesser things. Instead, you must entirely quit some things and for the present postpone the rest. But if you would both have these great things, along with power and riches, then you will not gain even the latter, because you aim at the former too: but you will absolutely fail of the former, by which alone happiness and freedom are achieved.
I have so much re-wiring to do...

His writing this more than 2.000 years ago in so different living circumstances makes me think we haven't learnt that much in self's understanding...

The fact that I didn't know about it (or it's trascendence) means either I didn't pay much attention to philosophy lessons back in my high school years, and/or the approach to philosophy in high school could be improved..

Consequence: this is going to be the first book I read (not being long and being free makes it easier ;)).

Weekly review:

- Check alternative route to work done: no luck yet :( I'll be giving up this one by now...
- 10 minutes before heading home to reflect on work at the end of every day almost did it one day :oops:
- Patch something // Fix something // Declutter something nope I need to be more specific on this one
- A little meditation 2 days one!! :D
- Exercice one day (at work if possible) Nope, and I don't see that happening for the next weeks

Next week:

- 10 minutes before heading home to reflect on work at the end of every day
- A little meditation (>=5 min) 2 days
- Exercice: at least 3 times a day one minute of push-ups (or equivalent)
- Declutter bedside table papers + patch baby's sock (if DW didn't do it yet)
- Finish reading Epictetus Enchiridion

User avatar
Family father
Posts: 86
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 10:59 am

Re: A family father's path through life

Post by Family father » Wed Feb 28, 2018 9:27 am

I had a busy week, so I didn't read/noticed nothing about the forum except for sudden birth rate increase :shock: (congratulations to Bluenote and Demosthenes ;)).

I just finished listening to YMOYL audio (I had read the FI doc before and even did some of the steps).

It made me think about categories: the categories into wich we split our expense tracking shape our perception of them and thus our decission making process.

We should be making decissions weighting their cost (in terms of life energy) and value (fulfillment they give us), so:

1- When we are choosing our categories, we are analizing wich are our decissions (conscious or unconscious).

2- The better our categories represent our decissions (i.e: group the costs associated to each decission independent from another), the better we will be able to track its costs and to compare them with the fulfillment it gives us.

It also seemed interesting how he characterized the relation between income and fulfillment: independent variables!! :lol: I have a few doubts about how solid the data Joe Dominguez speaks about are :roll: , but it doesn't change the sound truths behind ;)

It was a very interesting listening: will probably come again to it in the future :)

Any suggestions for other free and available audio material interesting to listen? :?: (it is very useful when commuting by car :oops: )

I also ran some numbers on the mean and median wage in spain vs average working hours (counting on just 1/2 hour commute every day and compressed working day (no lunch break added)), resulting in estimated income per hour of 9,1-10,5 €/h

I did my own numbers but, since I consider my situation quite privileged and unsustainable, I wanted some numbers that would make sense if/when my current situation changes, and those feel ok.

I also wanted some numbers that would make sense to show my children when the time comes.. :)

Last week review:

- 10 minutes before heading home to reflect on work at the end of every day Maybe one day? :oops:
- A little meditation (>=5 min) 2 days same as above :oops: :oops:
- Exercice: at least 3 times a day one minute of push-ups (or equivalent) one day too :cry:
- Declutter bedside table papers + patch baby's sock (if DW didn't do it yet) done!
- Finish reading Epictetus Enchiridion On the way..

Next week:

- 10 minutes before heading home to reflect on work at the end of every day
- A little meditation (>=5 min) 2 days
- Exercice: at least 3 times a day one minute of push-ups (or equivalent) for 2 days?
- Declutter bedside table papers or some other stuff
- Have 1 baby :lol:
- Finish reading Epictetus Enchiridion
Last edited by Family father on Wed Mar 14, 2018 4:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

wolf
Posts: 651
Joined: Fri Jan 06, 2017 5:09 pm
Location: Germany

Re: A family father's path through life

Post by wolf » Wed Feb 28, 2018 12:59 pm

Family father wrote:
Wed Feb 28, 2018 9:27 am
Any suggestions for other free and available audio material interesting to listen? :?: (it is very useful when commuting by car :oops: )
I listen to the "Radical Personal Finance Podcasts" while commuting. I can recommend you those. He has also a Interview-Podcast with Jacob.

User avatar
Family father
Posts: 86
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 10:59 am

Re: A family father's path through life

Post by Family father » Thu Mar 01, 2018 2:58 am

I had found this site that led me to Freakonomics Podcasts.

I've heard this episode, which I found very interesting, and two others that weren't so..

@Wolf: Thanks, I've taken a look and it seems very interesting!

Parenting

For those having communication issues with their children and speaking spanish, this is a 4 min video (a bit too mass market for my taste) that made me think about how I speak to mine.

They won't speak with us unless they want to, and they won't want to speak with us unless we learn to speak with them about the things they are interested in (and at 8 yo it's nonsense :x ) and they don't feel judged (so we don't give opinion or advice that has not been askes for) and those two very simple things seem soooooo dificult to me with my 8 yo...

Besides, I can use all the practice I can get on it now: I don't think it will get any better in the next years :cry:

User avatar
Family father
Posts: 86
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 10:59 am

Re: One more in the family!

Post by Family father » Tue Mar 13, 2018 8:35 am

We had the baby and everything went SO well :oops:

I'm now in the sleep deprivation phase... :lol:

I'll skip week objectives review for obvious reasons :)

These weeks I listened to "4 hour work week".

I must say I dislike the "look at what I have done I'll tell you the formula" style and many of the details are now far out of date..

But anyway, it made me think about some things, and that is always useful :)

These are just some of them (I'll edit and expand the list if I happen to remember some in the future):

- Life design: to plan what we want to do in our life.. not new, but important anyway
- Does it make sense to sacrifice today for tomorrow (speaking about retirement)
- Seek for maximum efficiency of your time
- Low information diet (passive reading kills active habits)
- An idea already mentioned by Joe Dominguez in YMOYL: the only purpose to work is to earn money.

Next audiobook in the row is Rich dad Poor Dad: we'll see :)

I did wanted to review year's objectives:

Personal (not family) objectives for 2018

Financials:
-Reshape tracking sheet to make it simpler and more acurate in the main numbers (done)
-Routinely track expenses weekly to improve data quality (done and on going)
-Zero spending in clothing (ok so far)
-Reduce transportation costs to job (ran the numbers and tried two different routes: one proved not good, but the other may work some days in the morning (not in the afternoon). I'll stay like this for a few more weeks and we'll see what comes out of it)
- Stop eating out alone (work lunch) (yep :D)
- Decide about investing vs landlording (inflation effects, real costs/profits of index investing in spain, when/what to do when the market is hot?...) a lot to do yet

DIY:
-Learn to patch socks (done and repeated: now I'll need to upgrade my skills :)
-Make a piece of furniture w/older son (DW decided to buy the furniture on mind, and workshops where you were supposed to be able to go and work didn't reply.... fail)
-Learn to cook more take away meals (paused right now: DW is on leave and cooks)

Mind/Health:
-Exercise once (ideally twice) a week failed.... no comment
- Read more books-thinking stuff and less junk-news (with smartphones and Internet (and children :_) I've dropped from more than 50 books per year to almost none!!!) (done: audiobooks are a big help for the car, and no phone at home now :) now I plan next step: maybe zero junk-news?)
- Allocate time to think and write something every 2 or 3 days (thoughts, messages for my kids in the future...) let's say yellow :)
- Reduce eating of processed food little improvement.. but some :)

Next week:

- 10 minutes before heading home to reflect on work at the end of every day
- A little meditation (>=5 min) 2 days
- Exercice: at least 3 times a day one minute of push-ups (or equivalent) for 2 days?
- Declutter bedside table papers or some other stuff
- Finish reading Epictetus Enchiridion or writing notes for older son

Jason
Posts: 1370
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: A family father's path through life

Post by Jason » Tue Mar 13, 2018 8:54 am

Congrats on the new baby. It appears that it peed on certain sections of your post making it partially illegible.

User avatar
Family father
Posts: 86
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 10:59 am

Re: A family father's path through life

Post by Family father » Tue Mar 13, 2018 9:30 am

Thanks!
Jason wrote:
Tue Mar 13, 2018 8:54 am
It appears that it peed on certain sections of your post making it partially illegible.
The yellow ones?

:lol:

I just saw it :oops:

(maybe I'll change it when I have time) :roll:

User avatar
Gilberto de Piento
Posts: 1106
Joined: Tue Nov 12, 2013 10:23 pm

Re: A family father's path through life

Post by Gilberto de Piento » Tue Mar 13, 2018 9:31 am

Congratulations! :D

I like your term "junk news." I need to stop reading junk news and listening to junk news podcasts. It is a distraction that feels productive but isn't.

SavingWithBabies
Posts: 353
Joined: Mon Aug 31, 2015 2:50 pm

Re: A family father's path through life

Post by SavingWithBabies » Tue Mar 13, 2018 9:35 am

Congratulations and best wishes for the sleep deprivation to be short :).

Jason
Posts: 1370
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: A family father's path through life

Post by Jason » Tue Mar 13, 2018 9:56 am

Gilberto de Piento wrote:
Tue Mar 13, 2018 9:31 am
I like your term "junk news." I need to stop reading junk news and listening to junk news podcasts. It is a distraction that feels productive but isn't.
My wife looked up from her IPAD yesterday and said "did you read about this?" and I said "what?" and she said "Judy Garland was molested by the Munchkins." I mentioned that I knew they were always drunk because I actually knew someone who's father had a bit role in the movie but I didn't know they were getting away with sticking their little hands up her skirt. But yes, we actually had a conversation on a retroactive #metoo story dating back to the 1930's involving a teenage movie star and midgets.

User avatar
Family father
Posts: 86
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 10:59 am

Re: A family father's path through life

Post by Family father » Sun Apr 01, 2018 4:08 pm

@GDP, @SWB,

Thanks!!

Right now I am in hyper-space: life doesn't have hours enough to let me do a tenth of what I'd like.. :lol:

I heard "Rich dad poor dad" and had a few interesting ideas... but writing them is one of the things I didn't have time to do.. :oops:

It's ok, I'll re-listen to it in the future. :D

Right now I'm reading a book called "The mulligan" by Wally Armstrong and Ken Blanchard, which seems a bit forced (very Blanchard style?), but again with interesting ideas (I decided that reading what I have at home before looking anywhere else is very zen-wise both in waste control and mind flexibility))

I decided to write them here (even if it's by parts) so I don't forget them :roll:

The book says golf reflects life, and thus states a few things about golf you're supposed to translate into your life:

- There's also a moment in which one character tells the other: "you're not good enough to get that mad" after he gets mad for missing a putt.. he then realizes he doesn't practice enough and yet he expected outstanding performance every shot.

- If your scoring system is about wining and the opinion of others, you'll miss out on what the game is about: having fun, building relationships, and enjoying the environment.

- If your self-worth is a function of performance and the opinion of others, and neither of these are predictable, then your self worth is up for grabs everyday.

- There are only three rules in golf: don't hurt anyone, don't hold anyone up and don't hurt the environment. Once you know those rules, you have rented the hole.

- You never own golf, you just borrow it. Just when you think you have it, you don't. Just when you think you don't, you do. (life's a bit like this, ain't it?)

It also has a sentence that I liked: the problem with being in a rat race is that even if you win, you are still a rat :lol:

Finally, it also suggests a way to "journal": at the end of everyday, praise yourself for the things you've done well, things that made you feel good about yourself because they were consistent with what you wanted to accomplish or whom you wanted to be in the world.

After that, create a section entitled "redirection", with the things you wish you could do over. And then accept your mistakes and forgive yourself (as you are by those who love you).

And that's it by now...

User avatar
Family father
Posts: 86
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 10:59 am

Re: A family father's path through life

Post by Family father » Sun Apr 01, 2018 4:10 pm

I don't seem to know how to write short posts.. :lol:

Almost one hour went by, and one left for the next baby's feeding bottle.. :roll:

User avatar
Family father
Posts: 86
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 10:59 am

Re: A family father's path through life

Post by Family father » Sun Apr 08, 2018 5:39 pm

Just finished the book, and I must admit it IS a preaching book :oops:

Anyway, it holds some interesting thoughts:

- Enter your day slowly: sit quietly and relaxed, stretch, have a quiet talk to yourself, listen and then lay down your concerns and visualize yourself walking through a perfect day. And if you do exercice, it should not be an achievement game.

- The past can explain the present, but it should never be an excuse for the future.

- Not everything depends on us: the toughest test to self-esteem is to give up control. Think and plan, but then accept: what needs to happen will happen. Enter the execution phase relaxed.

- Rank your values: sometimes you can't do two values at the same time.

- Develop a NATO (Not Attached To Outcome) attitude towards golf and life.

And it also states that visualization is so important because our mind doesn't cross check information, it just tries to follow the instructions we give it.

Enough for today: feeding bottle time :)

User avatar
Family father
Posts: 86
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 10:59 am

Objectives review March 2018

Post by Family father » Mon Apr 09, 2018 8:18 am

Last weekly objectives were:

- 10 minutes before heading home to reflect on work at the end of every day
- A little meditation (>=5 min) 2 days
- Exercice: at least 3 times a day one minute of push-ups (or equivalent) for 2 days?
- Declutter bedside table papers or some other stuff
- Finish reading Epictetus Enchiridion or writing notes for older son

Truth is it was four weeks ago, and I have done nothing... :oops:

OTOH, with all the sleep deprivation and adjustment we are undergoing it's probably not the best time to start new habits, but to focus on not loosing many of the good ones already achieved.. :lol:

Reviewing the objectives for 2018

Financials:

-Reshape tracking sheet to make it simpler and more acurate in the main numbers (done)
-Routinely track expenses weekly to improve data quality (done and not lost :))
-Zero spending in clothing (ok so far)
-Reduce transportation costs to job (ran the numbers and tried two different routes: one proved not good, but the other may work some days in the morning (not in the afternoon). I'll stay like this for a few more weeks and we'll see what comes out of it)
- Stop eating out alone (work lunch) (I indulged one or two days: it shouldn't be hard to come again)
- Decide about investing vs landlording (inflation effects, real costs/profits of index investing in spain, when/what to do when the market is hot?...) working on it, but a lot to do yet...

DIY:
-Learn to patch socks (done and repeated: now I'll need to upgrade my skills :)
-Make a light box w/older son (Just changed from the piece of furniture)
-Learn to cook more take away meals (paused right now: DW is on leave and cooks)

Mind/Health:
-Exercise once (ideally twice) a week: not yet.. it won't be easy
- Read more books-thinking stuff and less junk-news (with smartphones and Internet (and children :_) I've dropped from more than 50 books per year to almost none!!!) (done: read a book last week... :lol: I must struggle with no phone at home and reduce junk-news)
- Allocate time to think and write something every 2 or 3 days (thoughts, messages for my kids in the future...) hard to do now, but I don't want to quit..
- Reduce eating of processed food (I must look after some of the things I eat at home: family's diet is quite healthy but it often doesn't leave me satiated, so then I indulge myself with Nutella and Spicy Chorizo... :roll: )

Next week:

I like the "entering your day slowly" in Mulligan's book, so I'll try to fit it in.

- Develop a "slow start up routine"
- Exercice: at least 3 times a day one minute of push-ups (or equivalent) for 2 days?
- Not to eat alone at work
- Read books
- A little meditation (>=5 min) 2 days
- 10 minutes before heading home to reflect on work at the end of every day and setting priorities for the next day
- Declutter bedside table papers or some other stuff
- Count days without junk food
- Light table: prepare

User avatar
Family father
Posts: 86
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 10:59 am

Re: A family father's path through life

Post by Family father » Mon Apr 16, 2018 6:06 am

Last week:

- Develop a "slow start up routine" - starting to
- Exercice: at least 3 times a day one minute of push-ups (or equivalent) for 2 days? - Done!
- Not to eat alone at work - Done
- Read books - Done
- A little meditation (>=5 min) 2 days
- 10 minutes before heading home to reflect on work at the end of every day and setting priorities for the next day - 3 days
- Declutter bedside table papers or some other stuff - Done
- Count days without junk food 3
- Light table: prepare - Done

I realize now last was the most "sporty" week in the last months (if not years): I did the minute challenge, plus soccer on thursday and a 5k race with 8yo son on saturday!

It would be nice to use it to upraise my activity level.. by the way I'll stick with counting days with the minute challenge and counting exercise days if they happen.. :)

I'm also starting my day a little slower, but without routine so far..

I'll also quit with the meditation (not time yet) and stop tracking "not to eat out alone at work", since I feel this is achieved.

Next week:

- Continue developing a "slow start up routine"
- Exercice: count days with at least 3 times a day one minute of push-ups (or equivalent) and other sports
- 10 minutes before heading home to reflect on work at the end of every day and setting priorities for the next day
- Declutter bedside table papers or some other stuff
- Count days without junk food (and try to increase fruit)
- Light table: prepare
- Read books

Let's see..

Post Reply