Mr. I’s Journal

[prognastat]

Yeah, many people seem think peer pressure just like bullying ends when you leave high school(it doesn't), it seems they just become less overt.

People like to think they made the right decisions and when someone threatens that belief this generally leads to negative feelings which are then projected on the one threatening this belief.

[Mister Imperceptible]

It was a long, slow, taxing process of being a loyal friend to someone who is willing to always go lower, and finally losing patience with that person.

Less overt peer pressure, yes, much more skillful, manipulative, deceitful. Not that I was ever deceived by him, but others looking upon the situation. I was always trying to be diplomatic and that does not work when the other person is making every effort to be harmful. When a friend exploits kindness as a weakness, it feels like a stab in the back.

"Did you hear So and So is being reincarnated as Serena William's underwear"

Long ago I accepted that the very best things could not happen for me.

[Jin+Guice]

Man, reading this I see a life I very easily could have had. I am also an ENTP though pretty much 50/50 on the E/I continuum and also sometimes I get ENTJ but never INTJ.

I feel kind of guilty for leading a life of pleasure and freedom while you've been saddled with debt and corporate America and friends who stab you in the back. I don't know why we drew the straws that we drew or why I didn't go to expensive U and instead went to shitty as fuck but cheap U and why that really sincerely worked out for me. I don't know why I got to huddle behind a clown themed abortion event with 2 other sincere degenerates and discuss the incomprehensible miracle that none of us had been me tood while some vile scumbag was dragging your name through the dirt.

If you can live behind a cracker barrel and save 14 years of expenses a few years after being in debt then, man, I hope you understand that you've at least tasted freedom.

[Mister Imperceptible]

If we are comparing straws there are still many who would gladly trade with me. I am in a decent spot.

It is worth wondering whether having to crawl out from the debt forced me to prioritize maximization of income. A lot of the artistic types I went to college with who went to NYC or LA right after graduation are now, some 8-10 years later, waving the white flag on “making it” in the entertainment business. A lot of them have nothing to show for their attempts other than burnout and bitterness. I may be in a position to pursue such things unfettered by the concern for money in a few years time. Maybe if I did not have the debt, I would be starting my thirties without direction or any kind of accumulated resources. Maybe I would even have allowed one of those temptresses to ensnare me and I would be the father of a few unwanted children with a woman I am incompatible with.

Or maybe, I would have accomplished a lot already in the arenas in life I would prefer to roam in. Maybe one of those women who passed on account of my regrettable finances could have said yes instead of no and I could be in some state of marital bliss. Perhaps the idea of “what does not kill me makes me stronger” is just a rationalization after the fact, and I spent ages 22-30 working a bullshit job to pay off debt accumulated getting a bullshit college degree. Maybe I walked in a giant circle for nothing. It is hard to say.

Well she told when she was young
That pain would lead to pleasure
Did she understand it when they said
That a man must break his back
To earn his day of leisure
Will she still believe it when he's dead?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-8l3ntDR_lI

Lessons are learned. Push thru the bullshit. Onward.

[Jason]

"Marry and you will regret it; don't marry, you will also regret it; marry or don't marry, you will regret it either way."

Soren Kierkegaard

[Stahlmann]

hmmm.

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also I PMed u about problem u once posted.