PoorButWealthy's Journal

Where are you and where are you going?
PoorButWealthy
Posts: 36
Joined: Mon Oct 02, 2017 12:11 pm

Re: PoorButWealthy's Journal

Post by PoorButWealthy »

guitarplayer wrote:
Sun Jun 13, 2021 6:01 pm
hi! June 2021 soon terminates, did you manage to avoid the one more year syndrome?
Well, I have an interesting update for you guys. In the end of May, I was ready to leave in my resignation letter, as I have a one month resignation period at my job. However, I decided not to quit, at least as for now. I did something much more difficult and uncomfortable, for which I have been gathering courage for ages. Something that I've been running away for as long as I remember. I called my employee's health care provider and explained all the mental health issues (and the associated physical health issues) that I've been suffering for over 15 years, i.e. more than 50% of my life. This sparked a very fast moving process, which includes several meetings with a psychiatrist, psychologist and normal MD, as well as a long (fully paid) sick leave from my job. Moreover, I'm now in the process of starting a long-term (1-3 year) psychotherapy treatment (psychoanalytic approach). To be honest, I've always been extremely skeptical and dismissive of talking with mental health professionals, thinking that they would not understand my “hyper” analytical and rational brain, “unique and creative” thought and behavioral patterns, and the associated side-effects (generalized anxiety and paranoia [e.g. obsessing about black swan tail-risk hedging and other stuff like that], OCD, high sensitivity to external stimuli etc.). However, all my prejudices were plain wrong. All mental health professionals I've met have been more than understanding, emphatic and non-judgmental. Moreover, nobody has demanded me to take the “easy route / short term solution”, i.e. to prescribe me mental health medication (SSRIs, tranquilizers etc.), as they've seen long-term psychotherapy as a much more appropriate solution for my “hyper brain / hyper body” disorder, which is commonly associated with people with high IQ / cognitive function / creativity (for more information on this, see e.g. the following study: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/a ... 9616303324). In a sense, this means that your body and mind gets chronically overwhelmed, -stimulated and -burdened by your brain activity, external environmental stimuli etc.

So, I'm now on paid sick leave, which can last up to about 52 weeks before my employee has any powers to end my job contract. Moreover, I have now frequent access to top-notch mental health care (for free). I'll be returning to my job at the earliest in August and even then with a modified and lightened work responsibilities. So, I've been able to hedge quite well the "ruin-risks" associated with my mental health issues.

No, I'm not crazy or mentally ill. But yes, I'm a “high functioning neurotic” who's now wise and intelligent enough to accept the fact that I need some external professional help in order to function at my highest potential and to live the most fulfilling life possible. I'm planning to be alive still an additional 60-80 years and I want to enjoy this time as much as possible. There's no doubt in my mind that the decision to seek external help for my mental health problems was the most important thing I've ever done, and it's something I'm truly proud of. And by the way, I don't give a damn what my colleagues, friends, family or society thinks about all of this. As the saying goes, "One must look like an idiot in the short-term so that one can be a genius in the long-term". Or another one, "Hard choices, easy life. Easy choices, hard life" (Jerzy Gregorek). That is, I'm willing to sacrifice short-term dopamine production in order to maximize long-term serotonin production.

In a sense, pursuing FI was a sophisticated way to escape my deeper problems. Don't get me wrong, the ERE philosophy and lifestyle is immensely valuable and I'm extremely happy that I've pursued it for the last 7 years, and I'm quite certain that I'll pursue it for the rest of my life in some form or another. ERE has made me very liberated and self-reliant in many ways, maybe some kind of aspiring "junior renaissance man". But, the brutal and honest truth is that FI is quite useless if one has not mastered one's psychology and self-awareness. Money will solve your money problems, but nothing else. One cannot escape oneself with money (or fame, power, materia etc.). This is something that very few people understand.

All in all, maybe I'll be returning softly to my job in August, maybe not. It could well be that I'm on sick leave for 6-12 months. It might be that I'll never return to my job. It might be that I go back to university and study medicine, psychology, biology and neuroscience, i.e. some of my true passions and obsessions. What happens, happens, and I'm fine with it. I'm just enjoying the summer and the freedom now (i.e. "flâneuring"), as well as doing the deep (and often exhausting and very "unpleasant") psychological work by myself and in psychotherapy. In a sense, I view this as the "last frontier" on the path to "total freedom". I'm pretty much financially independent as of now, I have all the materia I need, good physical health, a fiancé and plenty of social relations, almost too many interests and passions (or addictions..? :lol: ) to pursue etc. So, the "fundamentals of life" are quite robust and I'm very excited and optimistic about the future.

BR,
PoorButWealthy

Edit: some typos and additions etc.
Last edited by PoorButWealthy on Thu Jul 08, 2021 9:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

guitarplayer
Posts: 1299
Joined: Thu Feb 27, 2020 6:43 pm
Location: Scotland

Re: PoorButWealthy's Journal

Post by guitarplayer »

This shows that one never knows the turns life throws at them! In my mind this is very much approaching ERE, and from the salary man point of departure i.e. first accumulate money and now you tackle other aspects of life. I am glad that you are set in the Finnish environment that makes it possible and hope it will work well for you.
PoorButWealthy wrote:
Fri Jun 25, 2021 1:10 am
No, I'm not crazy or mentally ill. But yes, I'm a “high functioning neurotic” who's now wise and intelligent enough to accept the fact that I need some external professional help in order to function at my highest potential and to live the most fulfilling life possible.
I empathise with you on this. Since you mentioned starting a course of therapy in psychodynamic tradition, (and also because it is a good read and you have some time on your hands), I would recommend you to read Karen Horney's Neurotic Personality of Our Times which is a kind of classic in the field and an obligatory read at some psych departments. I know you mentioned you have a rather slim selection of books that you read and re-read, but if you decide to read this one please give your impression of it.

And good luck with everything!

SavingWithBabies
Posts: 882
Joined: Mon Aug 31, 2015 2:50 pm
Location: Midwest, USA

Re: PoorButWealthy's Journal

Post by SavingWithBabies »

I can imagine taking that first step was very hard but it's great that it worked out well and you're getting what you need. I sometimes think that (for many here) our drive here to become FI/ERE is to fulfill a basic need we have that then lets us relax enough to live life more on our terms or at least with more balance. I think that aspect of the general path we take is immensely beneficial. Best wishes.

Married2aSwabian
Posts: 265
Joined: Thu Jan 07, 2021 7:45 pm

Re: PoorButWealthy's Journal

Post by Married2aSwabian »

I’m happy for you that you took that first step to seek help - it’s huge. Great to hear that you have good therapists and other professionals to help. Nowadays, I think any stigma associated with seeing a psychiatrist - especially after Covid - is very minimal / approaching zero. Personally, without my (about once a month) therapy sessions and daily mindfulness meditation, getting through the pandemic would have been ten times harder.

PoorButWealthy
Posts: 36
Joined: Mon Oct 02, 2017 12:11 pm

Re: PoorButWealthy's Journal

Post by PoorButWealthy »

Thanks for reading and responding!

@quitarplayer:

Thanks for the book recommendation. I read some summaries of Karen Horney's theories regarding neuroticism and it seems interesting. I'll do some more research on this.

Yes, I agree that the approach I've taken fits quite well into the “boundaries” of the ERE-philosophy. That is, utilizing the accumulated freedom (financial, material etc.), leverage, systems thinking, creativity, problem-solving skills, flexibility, courage, serendipity etc. to finally move forward in life and to tackle the larger, deeper and more important issues and projects that needs to be taken care of, without having to allocate a lot of resources to salary work and other modern day time and energy guzzlers. I'm quite sure that I wouldn't have been able to execute the current plan without learning and following the ERE-philosophy for an extended period of time. So, I'm very happy and grateful for the existence of ERE. Kudos to Jacob!

The Finnish healthcare system is very developed, generous and cheap IF one has access to the private healthcare system via ones employer and assuming that the employer has purchased a comprehensive healthcare plan for its employees. In a sense, the people who are already "well-off" and work at “good” companies / public sector institutions (i.e. people like me) have access to (almost) free and superb healthcare services (including mental health care). However, people who aren't part of the aforementioned system must rely on public healthcare services, which are OK especially in acute health situations, but otherwise often very crowded, resource-limited and non-comprehensive ("oh, you have severe back pain, ibuprofen is more than enough"; "oh, you have severe depression and anxiety, this random SSRI is more than enough"). I reckon that the situation is maybe somewhat similar in the US and Canada (?).

@SavingWithBabies:

Yes, indeed, it was honestly the hardest thing I've ever done. Asking for help from other people / professionals, letting go of control and perfection, admitting "defeat" and "failure" etc. has always been extremely difficult for me. That is, I have a tendency to take the concept of "agency" to the extreme in many things, believing that I can solve all problems and challenges by myself, if I just put in the hours and devote myself to process. Quite often this approach has worked well and it has been very beneficial in many aspects of life, and a strong sense of agency is probably a requisite if one wants to become some sort of a "renaissance man" / "EREist". However, if taken to the extreme, agency can start backfiring, as one might become too stubborn and blind to one's deficiencies and blind spots. Slowly but surely I'm getting better in this aspect of mental development, which is honestly quite liberating.

I fully agree that the ERE-approach is extremely beneficial and quite frankly genius, but the stereotypical FIRE-approach and "philosophy" is in my opinion quite flawed and naïve. With time I've come to realize that ERE and FIRE have little in common, as financial independence is just a (somewhat small) part of the ERE-framework. Unfortunately, many people who are seeking some sort of "all-encompassing freedom" think that reaching FI is the answer for almost all of their problems, but as we all well know, it isn't (not even even close...).

@Married2aSwabian:

Thanks, I'm glad that you've found therapy and meditation beneficial!

I do agree that on average the stigma and prejudice associated with seeing a psychotherapist and talking openly about mental health has gone down a lot in recent times. However, the stigma is still quite strong and alive e.g. in the job environment that I'm operating in, i.e. the masculine, hyper-rational, cold, productivity-oriented and "dog-eat-dog" environment (think finance, financial markets, law, consulting etc.). But, as I said in the previous post, I feel no need to worry about some "stigma" associated with the path I've taken anymore. I know I'm on the right path and that's all that matters. As Munger says in Poor Charlie's Almanack: "Acquire worldly wisdom and adjust your behavior accordingly. If your new behavior gives you a little temporary unpopularity with your peer group… then to hell with them!".

BR,
PoorButWealthy

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