How do you deal with friends and family members who say you're not living up to your potential? Especially those of you who are already retired?
How do you keep your confidence in yourself and your plan in the face of their haranguing?
Family & Friends, and "living up to your potential"
OMG, I hated that phrase so much when I was growing up.
I mostly just waited them out. Eventually everyone gave up.
I argued some with my mother, that my "potential" was mine, that I am not here to support the rest of the world.
What point, I would ask, is there to being extremely productive if you have a life of misery?
When she acknowledged she wanted me to be happy, that changed the direction of the discussion.
I mostly just waited them out. Eventually everyone gave up.
I argued some with my mother, that my "potential" was mine, that I am not here to support the rest of the world.
What point, I would ask, is there to being extremely productive if you have a life of misery?
When she acknowledged she wanted me to be happy, that changed the direction of the discussion.
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jacob
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This may sound conceited but most cases my "potential" is higher than theirs anyway, so they just don't bring it up: Never try to insult an INTJ about his or her lack of competence.
As more people have found out about my FI, I do hear more slights/offhand remarks about how they too "could do this or that" but "they have to work for a living". Rather than acknowledge the moral superiority that they're trying to establish, I usually just say "uhuh" or "yep" and take it as an indication that their wheels are turning. If people are getting pissy about something it usually means that it's challenging their value system. This again means that they're thinking about it.
As more people have found out about my FI, I do hear more slights/offhand remarks about how they too "could do this or that" but "they have to work for a living". Rather than acknowledge the moral superiority that they're trying to establish, I usually just say "uhuh" or "yep" and take it as an indication that their wheels are turning. If people are getting pissy about something it usually means that it's challenging their value system. This again means that they're thinking about it.
@Alex,
I can empathise. I had a run-in with Financial Samurai on this "potential" business last year. I even wrote an overly-long response here, it was one of my *Ahem* "better recieved" pieces
. Ryan Martin also wrote on this, and there were quite a few ERE blog members in the comments section taking Sam to task. So, don't worry too much about it.
@Jacob,
> If people are getting pissy about something it usually
> means that it's challenging their value system.
Thanks. That's how I see it too.
I can empathise. I had a run-in with Financial Samurai on this "potential" business last year. I even wrote an overly-long response here, it was one of my *Ahem* "better recieved" pieces
. Ryan Martin also wrote on this, and there were quite a few ERE blog members in the comments section taking Sam to task. So, don't worry too much about it.@Jacob,
> If people are getting pissy about something it usually
> means that it's challenging their value system.
Thanks. That's how I see it too.
@Alex - I'm facing this just now, not even looking to retire but just change profession. My Dad was very disapproving when I said I was quite happy to quit my job and move to wherever my boyfriend gets his next research doc post (he works in a very specialised area so his next post could be abroad). I got the spiel about risking my career. I pointed out my 'career' is actually a dead end job, but was told that "That's not how most people would see teaching." It doesn't matter how most people see it: most people are not having to do my job :-/
I've realised I can't climb the career ladder and do the keeping up with the Joneses thing just so my parents can be happy for me: I need to be happy myself, and that path is not for me. I haven't managed to get them to understand this though
I've realised I can't climb the career ladder and do the keeping up with the Joneses thing just so my parents can be happy for me: I need to be happy myself, and that path is not for me. I haven't managed to get them to understand this though
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George the original one
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The whole problem with the phrase "living up to your potential" is that it is the potential as defined by someone else. Usually that someone else has an agenda, whether it's bragging rights that "they knew you when" or hoping that you'll be able to support them in the future or it boosts their own career because you're signing on as their student/employee/whatever.
Probably the safest answer is that you are exploring all possible potentials and ensuring your own continued survival/security with happiness. As a subject, it is not worth getting into a pissing match.
Probably the safest answer is that you are exploring all possible potentials and ensuring your own continued survival/security with happiness. As a subject, it is not worth getting into a pissing match.
You need not/can't fight people who think "Well, it's not good enough, not big enough, not classy enough, not sexy enough, not name-branded, not upscale, not even in vogue or with the times.
These are people who live by the world's standards, as if there were a rule book depicting "who, what, where, when, and how" one must comply in order to be accepted. The whole affair of it is one giant waste of time and energy.
Do you realize that irregardless of your situation, or what you have or don't have, there are people who secretly envy you? It is true. You can verbally make a silk purse out of a sow's ear! Just watch the operational techniques of a car salesman.
Read the ads they write. "Six owner, clean as a pin, only used to haul rocks in a quarry---Hurry!!-- This one won't last long!". (Probably won't!)
(Some) people reading that ad would flock to be first in line to try and buy it. Same goes with all other things. All you need do is look at what you have accomplished and say "Wow, this is nice!" That is what someone else who gets your stuff is going to do or say. We tend to put out lower thoughts on what we have accomplished in life, until we start to lose it. Chances are if you can think and walk at the same time your doing very well, indeed!!
YOU are the captain of your own life. What matters is what you think of it.
These are people who live by the world's standards, as if there were a rule book depicting "who, what, where, when, and how" one must comply in order to be accepted. The whole affair of it is one giant waste of time and energy.
Do you realize that irregardless of your situation, or what you have or don't have, there are people who secretly envy you? It is true. You can verbally make a silk purse out of a sow's ear! Just watch the operational techniques of a car salesman.
Read the ads they write. "Six owner, clean as a pin, only used to haul rocks in a quarry---Hurry!!-- This one won't last long!". (Probably won't!)
(Some) people reading that ad would flock to be first in line to try and buy it. Same goes with all other things. All you need do is look at what you have accomplished and say "Wow, this is nice!" That is what someone else who gets your stuff is going to do or say. We tend to put out lower thoughts on what we have accomplished in life, until we start to lose it. Chances are if you can think and walk at the same time your doing very well, indeed!!
YOU are the captain of your own life. What matters is what you think of it.