SlowTraveler's Journal

Where are you and where are you going?
Seppia
Posts: 672
Joined: Tue Aug 30, 2016 9:34 am
Location: Italy

Re: SlowTraveler's Journal

Post by Seppia » Sun Aug 26, 2018 2:28 am

Let me be the grumpy old man that I am, and look at the other side of the coin.

How does “western guy who travels a lot and bangs a lot of chicks while seemingly not working at 30” inspire confidence in a lady?

My fear is that slowtraveler may be attracting the wrong kind of girls with his lifestyle.
I’m saying “wrong” assuming there’s some sort of dissatisfaction, if there isn’t then sorry and I’m misunderstood.

Keep kicking ass!

Jason
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Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: SlowTraveler's Journal

Post by Jason » Sun Aug 26, 2018 5:57 am

slowtraveler wrote:
Sat Aug 25, 2018 1:50 pm
Jason, your comments and unbounded wisdom heal my soul in a way that words will never express.
I think when all is said and done, and enough time has passed for future generations to reflect upon it, history will show that amongst those men burdened to walk the earth in robes, I kept it in less than Ghandi but more than Harvey Weinstein.

slowtraveler
Posts: 680
Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2015 10:06 pm

Re: SlowTraveler's Journal

Post by slowtraveler » Mon Aug 27, 2018 3:39 pm

@Seppia
I appreciate the other perspective. I do listen, take damn good care, consider their desires and speak to them, try to understand their culture, learn their language, introduce them to new things in their own town, and things of that nature. In short, I give them real attention while maintaining my own boundaries and it works to inspire women more deeply than they have before. Only in the past few years, it has been ladies with behaviors inconsistent with my desires in a wifey (I desire one socially, not legally).

I do work, I've started studying and working out as well, which has felt very helpful for my own well being.

I do not become intimate with large amounts of women. That bores me without that spark of love somewhere in the picture.

I simply don't feel I have much choice, once I fall for someone, my heart doesn't crave others so even if I'm still dating, I'm just thinking about the one I really want. I only keep dating to create some space to cool off the intensity.

I find someone I think is stunning, she talks fun, and is adorably feminine, but tends to be a pathological liar from a western perspective. That's been my pattern. I can't quit them, believe me, I try. I encourage honesty and eventually there's a shift but it's a pain to not trust someone I feel so much for.

I'm going to dig into that C40 book, I've created a boundary for which or her behaviors were unacceptable. One problem for me is the inability to walk away unless I feel more strongly for someone else. In which case, it becomes natural to have more space or walk away. Another is the language barrier with my current sweetheart. Another is the cultural difference, I'm not talking eating insects or amphibians, I'm at peace with that, it's the focus on saving face vs direct and clear. Shifting my behaviors has proven helpful and eye opening. I'm improving myself in the context I am operating within. I enjoy the imminent stability and plan to stay here for a while. Slowly see some of East Asia as well at some point.
Last edited by slowtraveler on Mon Aug 27, 2018 4:05 pm, edited 2 times in total.

slowtraveler
Posts: 680
Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2015 10:06 pm

Re: SlowTraveler's Journal

Post by slowtraveler » Mon Aug 27, 2018 4:01 pm

Financials:
Tracking with banks now instead of excel. Much simpler for me to see. Withdrawal rate around 5-6% now with the higher expenses. Still anxious about pulling the plug. Even with a 2% withdrawal rate. Scared of inflating expenses. I read about moneyless people and I don't feel any inspiration any more there. I enjoy the fancy $10/person dinners once in a while. Eating $2 burgers or taking a $.7 bus instead of dumpster diving for a bike are things that bring me joy.

My portfolio keeps shifting. Not selling anything but how I want to design it in its end phase. I love my dividend stocks portfolio. In the end I'm thinking 60% Wellesley, 20% dividend stocks, 10% US Index, 10% ex-US index. Still hold PIMIX in my Roth but that has been stagnant. I like dividend stocks more but they're so much work to select out choices I feel comfortable with.

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bryan
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Location: mostly Bay Area

Re: SlowTraveler's Journal

Post by bryan » Mon Aug 27, 2018 5:24 pm

> I desire one socially, not legally

Aren't those, like, the same?

slowtraveler
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Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2015 10:06 pm

Re: SlowTraveler's Journal

Post by slowtraveler » Mon Aug 27, 2018 11:59 pm

No. Most of the girls I've known, not all but about 3/4 want the same thing. A life partner to call hubby/wifey/have kids but not sign any papers. Still get a small ring

slowtraveler
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Re: SlowTraveler's Journal

Post by slowtraveler » Sun Sep 09, 2018 12:14 pm

I've been spending way more than I thought. For a few months, my spending was in the $30-40/day range. First quarter of the year was in the $90-$100/range. Now around $60/day. Probably $40/day is attributed to 2 luxurious habits that I really enjoy-1 of which is near daily farang food.

At least I'm sober and at very low hiv risk.

I've started classes. Very nice. Thai alphabet is mind boggling at the moment.

I'm working out every 2nd day. Only been at it for a month and my DL+Squat are sh*t but I'm at least doing rows with 70lb db's and db pressing 65's for sets of 5-8 at the moment. I tend to eat within a 4-6 hour window each day. Weight around 86kg now. Feels good. Aiming for 70kg eventually, or a 6 pack, whichever comes first.

Thinking to get health insurance soon. Get driver's license soon.

Final portfolio thinking of 60% Wellesley, 15% Div Stocks, 10% US Index, 10% International Index, 5% Small Value.

Realizing I rarely outperform the index. It'd be nice to have the results with little work, except for holding.

Jason
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Re: SlowTraveler's Journal

Post by Jason » Sun Sep 09, 2018 1:07 pm

slowtraveler wrote:
Sun Sep 09, 2018 12:14 pm

At least I'm sober and at very low hiv risk.
Speaking from experience, one should never remain silent when their baseline quality of life indicators surpass those of a black eyed crack whore carrying her FMP's through an empty lot at sun-up.

Keep coming back.

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C40
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Location: Western U.S.
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Re: SlowTraveler's Journal

Post by C40 » Sun Sep 09, 2018 9:15 pm

Just to make sure I'm clear, the part in that book about setting boundaries/calling out a woman on her shit is a very small part of the book, like 5% or less. It was good, but there isn't a ton of material there. I still enjoyed much of the book. Listened to the audio version, and it's probably a really quick/easy read.

slowtraveler
Posts: 680
Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2015 10:06 pm

Moving Abroad-1 Year In

Post by slowtraveler » Thu Sep 20, 2018 8:49 pm

Alright, get your rotten tomatoes ready.

I looked at my bank account statements to see the total withdrawals for credit cards and ATMs. 30k... Subtracting a huge 1 off expenses and short term international travel put me at 20k. Huge. It would probably be 12k if I stopped the daily massages, or at least got them with old ladies at temples instead and studied/stayed here instead of doing border runs. Going to aim for that in the coming year.

Broke off with ex girlfriend near completely after some radical honesty with her about what I've done and what I feel.

The most sober I've been in a long time. Only drink a few times a year when friends/lovers/lover's family are doing it and I have yet to finish a small beer to myself here.

Gym is good. Down to 86kg from focusing on eating once a day most days.

Stressing about work. The business might get sold, maybe now, maybe in 5 years, and then I'd have to find new work unless I drop my expenses hard and fast to near a Jacob.

Unsure about a Visa to Vietnam. One government website says I need it, another says I don't.

Dad's health seems to oscillate. As it has for the past decade. I sometimes want to go help take care of him but I also want to live my life here. I get depressed and smoke more than a chimney back there. Not healthy.

Still, things to appreciate in each realm of it all.

Jean
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Joined: Fri Dec 13, 2013 8:49 am

Re: SlowTraveler's Journal

Post by Jean » Fri Sep 21, 2018 5:21 am

Visa for vietnam changed recently to more countries needing it.

CS
Posts: 309
Joined: Sat Dec 29, 2012 10:24 pm

Re: SlowTraveler's Journal

Post by CS » Sat Sep 22, 2018 11:58 am

I haven't read the whole thread, so my bad if I missed something, but as far as calling out the other sex, I do think it is a location dependent thing. Bad behavior is more tolerated in the scarcer sex. In the Midwest, there are fewer men, and most of their adult lives they are cherished whether they deserve it or not (based on their own behavior). The reason is that a good portion of men move further east or west for opportunities once they are legally able. Women tend to do this much less. Leaving the rest of the men (on average) to develop attitudes and habits that are undateable for me.

On the West coast, oh boy, that is a whole different story. There are many more men than woman. And they show much nicer behaviors. I love it out there. I wouldn't have known the difference unless I had moved. And then I started doing some research on it and learned the root cause (there is a good book with all sorts of statistics like that, with fancy visual representations - wish I could remember the name. It was big a few years ago).

Of course, individuals are individuals. I'm talking trends.

Jason
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Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Moving Abroad-1 Year In

Post by Jason » Sun Sep 23, 2018 12:51 pm

slowtraveler wrote:
Thu Sep 20, 2018 8:49 pm
if I stopped the daily massages, or at least got them with old ladies at temples
This would make for an interesting Buddhism/Judaism comparative religion discussion.

slowtraveler
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Re: SlowTraveler's Journal

Post by slowtraveler » Mon Oct 08, 2018 7:52 am

I'm up 2% vs the S&P with my dividend stocks portfolio. I feel very comfortable with that portfolio and would be happy having individually chosen stocks large portion of my portfolio. So eventually, sell some Wellesley for the dividend stocks in my taxable account once I find some amazing opportunities and have done some more research, to increase potential upside and dividend yield.

Expenses in last 3 months came out to 6500. I'm focusing on cutting this down to 3000 for Q4 now by starting to focus more on going to the gym, eating once per day mostly thai food (I got huge again, 90kg after getting down to 84.5kg), and getting massages at temples where they're cheapest and still of high quality. I'm also settling in now with a year long Student Visa so studying and possibly joining some clubs like a bridge club or computer club are on the list to better invest my time. Reading would be my ideal but it's hard to do so much long term for me.

I had a trip to Hanoi for a Visa run and it was amazing. I loved the traffic, seeing a motorcycle orthogonally crossing 2 way green light traffic on a busy street is a thrill every time. I had a cruise in Halong Bay that was amazing as well. I loved it. Favorite Visa run so far.

slowtraveler
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Re: SlowTraveler's Journal

Post by slowtraveler » Sun Oct 14, 2018 9:48 pm

I haven't sold anything. I'm thinking to let the portfolio ride and build it up. Keep Wellesley and my stocks, slowly add to my indexes, build cash in CDs.

I'm huge. 90kg. That's like 200 pounds for the Amuricans. Eating once a day or warrior diet didn't prove attainable at the moment. Will try 24 hour fasts 1-2x/week. Also, black out my room to increase sleep quality and willpower through better rest. May change rooms to improve this as well.

Seppia
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Location: Italy

Re: SlowTraveler's Journal

Post by Seppia » Mon Oct 15, 2018 12:45 am

Great that you're not selling.
WRT dieting, I've noticed on myself that there are times when I'm effective, and times I'm not.
It's like I can bear a finite amount of stress, and if I "use" it for work/other then I have no energy to focus on eating less.
I think this may be common to many people who, like me, gain weight if they don't pay attention.
Are you preoccupied by something? Sometimes it's better to try getting in a relaxed state of mind first, then diet.
Rest is a huge part for me so hopefully your sleep focus will help.

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bryan
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Location: mostly Bay Area

Re: SlowTraveler's Journal

Post by bryan » Tue Oct 16, 2018 5:18 pm

I was in Thailand recently. Is there a way to reduce your chance of bad massages? I had a handful of massages and they ranged from about a 4/10 to an 8/10.

How often do you get an erection/chubby during a massage? My best massage on the trip had me breaking my relaxation a couple times because I was fretting about burgeoning erections. Seemed to be a fairly automatic response (though there was undoubtedly some mental positive feedback loop) to the respective body positions/contact and rhythmic motions (the masseuse was an old chubby lady, so that wasn't a contributing factor, lol). This also has me interested in the link between the prevalence of a massage economy and Buddhism/meditation (just posted in meditation thread)...

slowtraveler
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Re: SlowTraveler's Journal

Post by slowtraveler » Tue Oct 16, 2018 9:28 pm

I notice the same stress-diet connection. There is a clear stressor but it's been difficult to remove.

I've had a several week bad stomach that has alternates between healthy and sick. Some chili and milk tea threw it over the edge so eating mostly rice, bread, eggs, salt, and bananas for a few days to ease it up. Has already helped some.

Sleep has been improving. I'll post what I did there in the sleep thread.

Investments are the same as everyone else, broadly down but since stopping using personal capital and doing a review every specific time period instead, it's much less personalized. Also, holding so much Wellesley has made it easier to weather

@Bryan
I don't get hard much during most massages, if I do, I'll awkwardly adjust it out of sight. I also never do oil massages. I've never gotten any extra services in all my time abroad. If you want a better massage, stay away from girls in their 20s/30s. Temples also tend to be better. Old ladies at temples and middle aged men have been best so far. Once you find someone very good, become a regular with them. It's not that common to find a 9/10 massage but when I have, it's always been $5 or less excluding tip. Expensive != Better.

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bryan
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Re: SlowTraveler's Journal

Post by bryan » Wed Oct 17, 2018 12:20 am

I can't really imagine how one would adjust it out of sight :lol: . What percentage of places give you pants/shirt to change into (I was at one place that didn't have a change of clothes and it wasn't great..)? Do you keep your underwear on (that might hide some response down below)? Do you ever interact with the masseuse, letting hu know you prefer/dislike certain parts (for me, most of them were too hard on the neck/shoulder and not hard enough on just about everything below the waist)? Certainly if you get a regular masseuse it could mean extra personalization. Do you tip? Thanks for the answers and sorry for the questions. Cheap massages were definitely one of the highlights of the trip but I didn't really learn much about the history, conduct/customs/etiquette, etc.

slowtraveler
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Re: SlowTraveler's Journal

Post by slowtraveler » Wed Oct 17, 2018 4:51 am

In the tropics, I tend to wear cotton or gym shorts so they're comfortable if they don't have a change. I've learned to always stay clothed for massages. "Mai bpen rai khrap" helps a ton of she's trying to get you naked and not offering a change of clothes. I don't believe in underwear, I mean, I don't deny their existence but I find them uncomfortable.

I always interact with the masseuse, stronger here, softer here, don't pull this or walk on this part of my back but always politely. I always tip unless the massage is horrible or they talk on the phone or their coworkers obnoxiously.

As a foreigner, you get some leeway in the customs. As long as you're polite, they'll give you more leeway than you'd probably expect.

Khrap=polite particle
Na khrap= soft polite particle
Kortona khrap= excuse me
Nak nak= stronger
Jep= hurt
Teenee= here (so point where you want and say stronger/hurt)
Mai bpen rai khrap= no thank you, never mind, it's okay
Mai ow khrap= no thank you, not take
Mai tam= not do (so say and then point to part or make action of what type of massage you don't want)
Kop kun mak khrap = thank you very much
Dai mai= can do?
Roosuk dee= feels good

If you want strong, males and sometimes surprisingly old ladies tend to be stronger.

I do motions to show what I prefer/don't prefer. Fingers on trapezius + nodding, grabbing trapezius by whole and say jep if that's what you're referring to hurting.

So something like:
kortona khrap, teenee (jep)/(nak nak dai mai) khrap?
Then
rusuk dee, kop kun mak khrap
if they do it.

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