journal of wood

Where are you and where are you going?
Jason
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Re: journal of wood

Post by Jason » Mon Sep 24, 2018 4:55 pm


wood
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Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Mon Oct 01, 2018 2:25 am

Jason wrote:
Mon Sep 24, 2018 4:55 pm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uAj4wBIU-8
That scene went through my head too when she dropped the bomb.

Needless to say, she came back as expected and the kids have started calling me "daddy" over the weekend.

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FBeyer
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Re: journal of wood

Post by FBeyer » Mon Oct 01, 2018 4:10 am

wood wrote:
Mon Sep 24, 2018 1:10 pm
She's stressed out. She's feeling the heat at work and in turn feels like she doesn't have the capacity to make me happy and be my GF...
So why does she *feel* the need to dump you, based on *feelings* rather than mo'fuckin' talk to you about it? Why is it not the most obvious thing in the world to *tell* you about whatever issues she's having and then help the both of you find a way through it?

I might be world champion in time-for-relationship-assessment-honey-bring-out-your-scorecards but...jeez. Talk to each other for fuck's sake, you're supposed to be the closest person in her life, why is her instinctive reaction to dump you rather than just spend 30 minutes talking? It's like the *NT* relationship superpower: you can tell us, we won't freak out immediately.
  1. Address the situation not the person.
  2. Lay out facts as you see them.
  3. Profit!

Jason
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Re: journal of wood

Post by Jason » Mon Oct 01, 2018 5:15 am

wood wrote:
Mon Oct 01, 2018 2:25 am
Needless to say, she came back as expected and the kids have started calling me "daddy" over the weekend.
That's nice. But I'd feel more confident if she was the one calling you "daddy."

wood
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Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Mon Oct 01, 2018 5:43 am

@FBeyer:
I have no short answer for your question, but I agree with you and (in hindsight) she agrees with me.

Part of the issue is being too stressed out in life and not having (taking) the time to reflect what is stressing her out. Dumping me was like a side effect of her needing to remove herself from a situation that seemed overwhelming. Completely irrational behaviour from a logical point of view, we should be able to work on issues together. She realized that pretty quickly too. I trust that she's learned from this event and I won't accept it if it happens again.

I've noticed many women who are like this. When shit hits the fan and they are overwhelmed by emotions they throw logic out the window. My GF happens to be some kind of supermom who stands on the gas pedal with both feet until she burns out. It takes a lot for her to burn out but this summer has been tough.

prognastat
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Re: journal of wood

Post by prognastat » Mon Oct 01, 2018 9:41 am

I would definitely be more hesitant to commit after something like this happened until I've seen a decent amount of evidence of an actual change of heart.

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FBeyer
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Re: journal of wood

Post by FBeyer » Mon Oct 01, 2018 11:46 am

You know, maybe this isn't just about *her* but about *them*. Some of us do have personalities that will come across the wrong way until gotten used to. Given that our honorable protagonist has rushed somewhat into a relationship that involves an entire family, maybe there are personality-related kinks that need to be ironed out. We all carry baggage and some people's well-intentioned behavior could exacerbate any niggling emotional injuries.

Jason
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Re: journal of wood

Post by Jason » Mon Oct 01, 2018 2:32 pm

wood wrote:
Mon Oct 01, 2018 5:43 am
I trust that she's learned from this event and I won't accept it if it happens again.
Yeah, she learned all right. Learned she could kick your ass to the curb and you'd go back for more.

And what do you mean you won't accept if it happens again? Are you not going to leave or are you not going to go back?

wood
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Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Fri Oct 12, 2018 9:02 am

prognastat wrote:
Mon Oct 01, 2018 9:41 am
I would definitely be more hesitant to commit after something like this happened until I've seen a decent amount of evidence of an actual change of heart.
Thing is I never saw a change of heart at any point, even the breakup seemed to be against her will at the time. What can I say, it looked like she was in some sort of panic/anxiety mode and thought that breaking up would put everything into normal mode again. She came to her senses 2 days later.
FBeyer wrote:
Mon Oct 01, 2018 11:46 am
You know, maybe this isn't just about *her* but about *them*. Some of us do have personalities that will come across the wrong way until gotten used to. Given that our honorable protagonist has rushed somewhat into a relationship that involves an entire family, maybe there are personality-related kinks that need to be ironed out. We all carry baggage and some people's well-intentioned behavior could exacerbate any niggling emotional injuries.
That's about right. She does carry emotional baggage from her previous marriage. She noticed a couple of things in my behaviour which she extrapolated into thinking she was going to re-live her marriage all over again. This causes anxiety and I would probably react the same way. I carry some baggage myself from being cheated on, and even if it doesn't play out in scenes of jealousy/insecurity I would definetely put my guard up and consider breaking it off if I started seeing red flags. I suppose the difference being that I'm used to bringing such stuff up for conversation, whereas my GF is used to communication not working.
Jason wrote:
Mon Oct 01, 2018 2:32 pm
Yeah, she learned all right. Learned she could kick your ass to the curb and you'd go back for more.

And what do you mean you won't accept if it happens again? Are you not going to leave or are you not going to go back?
You could say that. You could also make the argument that she has now learned of the importance of communicating. Note that I didn't go to her after she broke up. It was her who came back to me. Admittedly I did accept her explanation and apology. I also let her know that there is only one second chance. If she throws something like this in my face again, I'm out. I trust that she won't and leave it at that.

Whether I've handled this the right way is definetely up for debate. Only time will tell if I made the right decision.

Jason
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Re: journal of wood

Post by Jason » Fri Oct 12, 2018 11:15 am

Well, I hope things work out for you even though I don't think they will.

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