journal of wood

Where are you and where are you going?
EdithKeeler
Posts: 666
Joined: Sun Sep 01, 2013 7:55 pm

Re: journal of wood

Post by EdithKeeler » Sat Feb 10, 2018 4:21 pm

The result of that are weeks like the current one; I'm seeing 5 different women Mon-Sun this week.
I guess that explains your screen name....

Jason
Posts: 1318
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by Jason » Sun Feb 11, 2018 5:55 am

Its also addressed in the ERE book under "Big Pimpin' and the Renaissance Ideal."

wood
Posts: 330
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2015 5:53 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Tue Feb 13, 2018 4:47 am

My reply was deleted after I posted it yesterday. I don't understand why as I didn't break any rules. If anyone is taking offence by what I write, I'd like to know so that I don't waste my time.

User avatar
7Wannabe5
Posts: 3766
Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Tue Feb 13, 2018 6:24 am

Jason wrote:"The Playboy Homestead" where you charge people to come watch all your "Early Retirees" work in your garden, distill your liquor, role your tobacco and sew your robes while you lecture on the principles of ERE.
Uh-uh. I already hold patent on that concept :lol:

@wood:

Do you find yourself also maintaining a good many relationships that are no longer sexual? I am being rendered kind of grouchy by the fact that I currently have more active Exes than active Ohs. Also, the 3 individuals with whom I am currently sharing house space and/or project partnership are all EJs, so it is like being surrounded by 3 bulldozers. I currently find myself frequently resorting to dysfunctional white lie evasion to boundary time and independent project space for myself. I am supposed to meet/greet a potential new lover tomorrow, but I don't even feel like I have the energy necessary to flirt.

Jason
Posts: 1318
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by Jason » Tue Feb 13, 2018 7:21 am

wood wrote:
Tue Feb 13, 2018 4:47 am
My reply was deleted after I posted it yesterday. I don't understand why as I didn't break any rules. If anyone is taking offence by what I write, I'd like to know so that I don't waste my time.
Take it easy, Rushdie. A post you made on a privately owned website was deleted. If you added up all the one's I wrote that only briefly saw the light of pixelation, it would make "War and Peace" look like a tweet.

I read the post. After an innocuous, tongue and cheek reference to myself, it moved on to being essentially a PG-13 Penthouse Letter re: your "Love ERE Style" encounter with a Eastern European woman. My guess is they just wanted to throw it into the E-bonfire before it got to the staple. It's always subjective, but free speech doesn't exist here. And nothing personal, it's not like the Western Canon exactly lost out here.

wood
Posts: 330
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2015 5:53 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Tue Feb 13, 2018 9:55 am

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Tue Feb 13, 2018 6:24 am
@wood:

Do you find yourself also maintaining a good many relationships that are no longer sexual? I am being rendered kind of grouchy by the fact that I currently have more active Exes than active Ohs. Also, the 3 individuals with whom I am currently sharing house space and/or project partnership are all EJs, so it is like being surrounded by 3 bulldozers. I currently find myself frequently resorting to dysfunctional white lie evasion to boundary time and independent project space for myself. I am supposed to meet/greet a potential new lover tomorrow, but I don't even feel like I have the energy necessary to flirt.
I interpret your question as: "Do you stay in touch with your exes?" I define Ex's as someone you had a sexual relation with. The short answer to that is no. Not unless there is another reason to maintain some kind of relationship (professionally), let's say they're a hairdresser who is willing to cut my hair at a cheaper rate because "friends" and I will limit that relation to haircutting sessions.
I might stay in touch with them (e.g. superficial reply to some message), but I have little interest in maintaining non-sexual friendships with them on a general level, because my list of Ex's is growing bigger every month. I imagine keeping some or all of these Ex's in my circle would be a source to confusion, being on the receiving end of emotional outbursts and feeling like you have to lie.

That being said, my ex wife is currently in my friendly-circle. She is the only Ex in my friendly circle and I do not know how I will go about that when faced with the reality of a serious relationship with someone else.

Keep in mind, my encounters for the past 12 months have been in the category of f-buddies and ONS rather than serious relationships. In your case its different, because your Ex's seem to fit well with many of your non-sexual Goals in the Web. Makes it easier for them to get attached and stick. But other than that, do you have reasons for keeping them around?

I could then ask myself how does my behaviour fit into my own Web of Goals? Well one of the challenges in my life is occasionally getting hit by approach anxiety with women. I also believe this to be connected to other tendencies in me, like fear of rejection, insecurity and people-pleasing behaviour. None of these tendencies are extreme, but I realize they might have played a part in where I am today. In dealing with that I have decided to face rejection head-on, which is why I hit on new women every week. It's a difficult but fun journey to embark on.

@ Jason:
No worries, I'll tone it down and leave the details to your imagination then. It seems to be vivid.

@ EdithKeeler:
You perv!

Jason
Posts: 1318
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by Jason » Tue Feb 13, 2018 11:50 am

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Tue Feb 13, 2018 6:24 am
Jason wrote:"The Playboy Homestead" where you charge people to come watch all your "Early Retirees" work in your garden, distill your liquor, role your tobacco and sew your robes while you lecture on the principles of ERE.
Uh-uh. I already hold patent on that concept :lol:
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys, she call friends...

User avatar
Family father
Posts: 86
Joined: Wed Nov 02, 2016 10:59 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by Family father » Tue Feb 13, 2018 4:15 pm

Don Henley wrote: She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys, she call friends...
How they dance in the courtyard

User avatar
7Wannabe5
Posts: 3766
Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Tue Feb 13, 2018 6:13 pm

Eh, my version of polyamory is more like me ending up driving a mini-van full of grouchy old men to their yearly colonoscopy appointment while all their ex-wives are relaxing on a beach somewhere drinking Margaritas. The only upside being that it is very unlikely that I end up being the one to pick up the tab when we pull into Cracker Barrel afterwards.

Jason
Posts: 1318
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by Jason » Tue Feb 13, 2018 7:30 pm

I don’t want jack Wood’s thread but damn if I understand how despite the incontrovertible evidence of a harrowing day-to-day reality you inexhaustibly defend on-going involvement on sheer theory. It’s like the relationship equivalency of the Vietnam War.

User avatar
7Wannabe5
Posts: 3766
Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Wed Feb 14, 2018 5:51 am

wood wrote:Keep in mind, my encounters for the past 12 months have been in the category of f-buddies and ONS rather than serious relationships. In your case its different, because your Ex's seem to fit well with many of your non-sexual Goals in the Web. Makes it easier for them to get attached and stick. But other than that, do you have reasons for keeping them around?
Sorry to vent on your thread. Nobody should reply to me here. I will vent on my own thread at some point. My "ex" with whom I was significantly engaged "married", probably the love of my life thus far, reached out to me a few days after several years of silence after our last bad break-up, so that upset me a bit. Even when I was practicing strict serial monogamy, it has been a frequent occurrence in my life that exes will show up again out of nowhere. Also, I am forever one degree removed attached to my highly depressive 20 year long marital ex who is the father of my children, and he attempted suicide this past year. I am still pen-pals with my married polyamorous lover who feels I was one of the major loves of his life. I am actually in legal partnership contract with my ex-FB permaculture buddy who still occasionally tries to hit me up for sex. I am also obviously very engaged with my current BF, his social circle, and his wilderness project, but although I hold him in strong affectionate regard we do not have a very vibrant sex life and he has other ties outstanding, so...somehow I ended up agreeing to meet a new potential lover for coffee on Valentine's Day.
Jason wrote:I don’t want jack Wood’s thread but damn if I understand how despite the incontrovertible evidence of a harrowing day-to-day reality you inexhaustibly defend on-going involvement on sheer theory. It’s like the relationship equivalency of the Vietnam War.
Oh, I was overstating the case in reaction to the notion that "pretty, pretty boys" is a valid description of my circle. When I am in a better mood or mode functioning, I can be as happy with the situation as Shirley Temple tap-dancing on the good ship lollipop, surrounded by mature devoted dance partners.

wood
Posts: 330
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2015 5:53 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Thu Mar 01, 2018 8:27 am

2017
feb 30%
mar 19%
apr 62%
may -59%
june 57%
july 48%
aug 58%
sept 53%
oct 62%
nov 27%
dec 61%
AVG 38%

2018
jan 32%
feb 28%

It's good to know I can make major improvements. I counted 13 events in which I spent money in February, plus a 1 year subscription to 2 dating sites. And then I met someone that I could see myself agreeing to monogamy with. I'm unsure of the financial implications of such contract, but I'm sure it will look better than the past few months of wallet-drysucking hyperdating. I've noticed that she is the exact opposite of my ex in many ways.

wolf
Posts: 605
Joined: Fri Jan 06, 2017 5:09 pm
Location: Germany

Re: journal of wood

Post by wolf » Sun Mar 04, 2018 1:07 pm

Hi wood, any Lessons Learned to share from "wallet-drysucking hyperdating"? How much did a date cost in average?

Jason
Posts: 1318
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by Jason » Sun Mar 04, 2018 1:46 pm

It’s probably not the cost per average date that he’s factoring as much as the inverse proportionality of having his wallet sucked dry in terms of something else.

wood
Posts: 330
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2015 5:53 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Mon Mar 05, 2018 10:10 am

wolf wrote:
Sun Mar 04, 2018 1:07 pm
Hi wood, any Lessons Learned to share from "wallet-drysucking hyperdating"? How much did a date cost in average?
wolf wrote:
Sun Mar 04, 2018 1:07 pm
Hi wood, any Lessons Learned to share from "wallet-drysucking hyperdating"? How much did a date cost in average?
I might have had something like 18 separate encounters with women in February so I call that 18 dates, which is a lot for me. Money was spent in about half of them. I spent around $200 in total, not counting subscriptions to dating sites. For perspective, a beer in most bars costs $10.

I've tried to use this dating thing as a tool for personal development. Trying to live more in the present, removing fear of rejection, practice social skills, improving body language, explore extrovert-me, explore sex, remove shyness. Et cetera. But of course, I've also been curious about what dating looks like because I've never done it to this extent before, and to learn more about women. Some few random lessons I've observed:

- Meeting someone new costs more.
- Hence, keeping up a rotation of women, whilst fun, can be expensive. It can also be physically and mentally draining.
- Keeping a rotation of women is not my top preference.
- Do not pay for them just because.
- Don't be surprised if they want to pay for you. If you are willing to manipulate, this can be taken advantage of.
- Dating can be very time consuming and thus removes focus from other areas of life.
- Compared to men, women are very emotional. It's possible to 1) ignore this fact, 2) take advantage of it or 3) successfully deal with it.
- A majority of men are clueless. Not saying I'm not.

Plus I've learned a ton about women, but I don't want to get into that on here.

The main lesson for me is to not worry too much about outcome. It's a valuable lesson because it can be applied to more than just dating. It's like a mindset that helps me be me. A mindset of aboundance if you like. It comes from a place of being happy with what you have, not lacking, not needing, not worrying. Coupled with meditating this has done wonders for me.

Jason
Posts: 1318
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by Jason » Mon Mar 05, 2018 10:27 am

[*]
wood wrote:
Mon Mar 05, 2018 10:10 am

I might have had something like 18 separate encounters with women in February so I call that 18 dates
-
Man, to think it wasn’t even a leap year.

Stahlmann
Posts: 389
Joined: Fri Sep 02, 2016 6:05 pm

Re: journal of wood

Post by Stahlmann » Mon Mar 05, 2018 2:33 pm

- A majority of men are clueless. Not saying I'm not.
Well... The first rule is to be attractive. The second rule is... there are not any rules than the first one... Even if this is "misogyny", I haven't found better model for male-female realationships in Homo Sapiens species... Women flooded with constant male attention can do whatever they want - finally somebody will meet their (more or less) irrational criteria.

(I don't live under the rock. There is also cut off mark for women and there are many of them who are outed from this "game"... but there are no virgin women basement dwellers...) (yep, I have there male perspective on human needs...)

If you managed to meet with 18 ladies in one month and the meetings didn't end after you see each other - consider yourself very (very) lucky. I mean... there are not so many guy like you.

[yep, I know there will come some lady and call me basement dweller, virgin and so on - but it misses the point entirely; there will also some kind of alpha male who will come and bash me for not trying harder and try to say he met 43 ladies in February...].

I think this is the biggest obstacle people encounter during communication topics like dating, money, intellect etc. ...

Which brings me to my final point...

Please use introvert with more caution. In my case I think 5 ladies gave me some kind attention (I count everything more than a bit forced "how do you doing?") in my entire life and... I know there are guys who are in worse situation.


EDIT: eh. cyclothymia kicked one more time...

slowtraveler
Posts: 625
Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2015 10:06 pm

Re: journal of wood

Post by slowtraveler » Mon Mar 05, 2018 6:58 pm

Not luck, skill. This man had quite a journey just a year ago. He's been working at it.

User avatar
Bankai
Posts: 184
Joined: Fri Jul 25, 2014 5:28 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by Bankai » Tue Mar 06, 2018 7:29 am

Stahlmann wrote:
Mon Mar 05, 2018 2:33 pm
Well... The first rule is to be attractive. The second rule is... there are not any rules than the first one...
Have you read Harry Browne's "How I found freedom in unfree world"? From this as well as you previous posts on the subject, you appear to have many beliefs that fulfill Browne's definition of a 'box'. Realising this is the first step to changing them.

wood
Posts: 330
Joined: Wed Sep 16, 2015 5:53 am

Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Tue Mar 06, 2018 9:17 am

Stahlmann wrote:
Mon Mar 05, 2018 2:33 pm
- A majority of men are clueless. Not saying I'm not.
Well... The first rule is to be attractive. The second rule is... there are not any rules than the first one... Even if this is "misogyny", I haven't found better model for male-female realationships in Homo Sapiens species... Women flooded with constant male attention can do whatever they want - finally somebody will meet their (more or less) irrational criteria.
How do you define attractive? There are many ways someone can be attractive. You may have lucky/unlucky genes, but it is also an art that can be practiced. You can even manipulate it, because you can manipulate people - yourself included.

I'm also aware that luck/random exists everywhere, and that you may try and fail (note that we might have different perspective on what failing means). That's just life. It's not fair. Sure I'm lucky. A bunch of things make me lucky. I'm with Keith Richards; he's happy to be here - he's happy to be anywhere. And so while Keith has all the luck in the world, he can still choose his own mindset. If you have the right mindset, what do you need luck for?

Post Reply