journal of wood

Where are you and where are you going?
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bryan
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Re: journal of wood

Post by bryan » Mon Jan 22, 2018 8:15 pm

Nice on the dancing! Salsa always f*@#s me up though, I'm always on (start/accentuate) a different beat (e.g. Mambo easy-peasy) than everyone else. I guess there's no wrong beat for dancing.. but when you are dancing with a partner, or taking a class, or in a sea of people generally in-time with one another, you certainly feel wrong. I took a swing class just before a dance and it was a bit scary since everyone was already pretty proficient. There was blues dancing in the small room downstairs which was quite a lot more my groove (though it was not a chick magnet (soul'n'rock'n'roll sweaty dance floors are, though)).

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FBeyer
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Re: journal of wood

Post by FBeyer » Tue Jan 23, 2018 1:20 pm

Loved the update. It seems like things are really working out for the better. I wanted to pick up lindy hop starting January as well, but I hurt my knee last summer and it's still acting up in diffuse ways so I'm giving it a break.

Social dancing really is a string of 'Three Minute Love Affairs'. It's great in so many ways I never would have expected until I tried it.

I'm happy for you Wood. Things are really looking up.

wood
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Finances January 2018

Post by wood » Mon Feb 05, 2018 6:57 am

Thanks guys. Swing and lindy hop is also in my repertoire because they taught it to us in high school. Did you learn these in school as well?

Journalling is really helpful. I keep a couple of other ones too which go deeper into some subcategories like training, investing and personal goalsetting. I've been tempted to post some of it here. Anyway, time to post my January finances:

Housing 4 500,00
Internet 1 807,74
Electricity 1 391,20
Food & household items 3 446,50
Mobile phone 306,98
Transport 200,00
Health (meds & doctors) 0,00
Clothes, hair & hygiene 417,00
Needs total 12 069,42
Projects, hobbies, training, multimedia 1 524,00
Social & cultural events 2 626,00
Work cafeteria 294,00
Holidays, airplanes & boats 1 588,00
Wants total 6 032,00
Total spend 18 101,42


Salary before tax 39 152,20
Tax 10 978,00
Union, pension, work insurance 1 378,84
Paid salary 26 795,36
Total income 26 795,36
Savings rate 32 %

I do have some excuses :lol: but won't go into everything in detail. There is still one area that needs major improvement and I've already put behind me a week of very little spending in that category (social/cultural spending).

wolf
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Re: Pretty good beginnings

Post by wolf » Fri Feb 09, 2018 11:29 am

wood wrote:
Mon Jan 22, 2018 5:04 pm

Relations(hips)
I date a lot and it's becoming almost like a game I'm starting to master. I've taken like half a red pill. Not looking for a relationship, just trying to enjoy life.
...
I try make it a rule to hit on someone new every week. The result of that are weeks like the current one; I'm seeing 5 different women Mon-Sun this week. Only 2 of them are regulars. This makes for a fun sex life with what feels like a small investment, with the downside being that it can get draining at times - I am an introvert afterall. So I make sure to have 1-2 days per week completely alone. (For web of goals purposes I use dating as a networking opportunity as well - its not all about the sex).
How do you do that? Or how have you learned that game of dating? I wonder, because I am also an introvert. For me it is dificult to date a woman, because I am a bit shy. Also, I haven't a clou if a woman is interested. I cannot interpret the interpersonal "signals". So, please explain your magical formula. ;) Are you not afraid, when asking a woman. I mean, afterall you are an introvert. However, I am impressed! You are walking evidence, that it is possible to date woman as an introvert. That is encouringing for me. Take care dating!

Jason
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Re: Pretty good beginnings

Post by Jason » Sat Feb 10, 2018 3:15 pm

wood wrote:
Mon Jan 22, 2018 5:04 pm

Relations(hips)

I try make it a rule to hit on someone new every week. The result of that are weeks like the current one; I'm seeing 5 different women Mon-Sun this week. Only 2 of them are regulars. This makes for a fun sex life with what feels like a small investment, with the downside being that it can get draining at times - I am an introvert afterall. So I make sure to have 1-2 days per week completely alone. (For web of goals purposes I use dating as a networking opportunity as well - its not all about the sex).
Thinking this through from a web of goals perspective, if you combine your dating skills with your propensity for frugality, you could become, paradoxically, the Hugh Hefner of ERE. So instead of "The Playboy Mansion you could have "The Playboy Tiny House" or better yet "The Playboy Homestead" where you charge people to come watch all your "Early Retirees" work in your garden, distill your liquor, role your tobacco and sew your robes while you lecture on the principles of ERE. And then of course you start franchising.

EdithKeeler
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Re: journal of wood

Post by EdithKeeler » Sat Feb 10, 2018 4:21 pm

The result of that are weeks like the current one; I'm seeing 5 different women Mon-Sun this week.
I guess that explains your screen name....

Jason
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Re: journal of wood

Post by Jason » Sun Feb 11, 2018 5:55 am

Its also addressed in the ERE book under "Big Pimpin' and the Renaissance Ideal."

wood
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Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Tue Feb 13, 2018 4:47 am

My reply was deleted after I posted it yesterday. I don't understand why as I didn't break any rules. If anyone is taking offence by what I write, I'd like to know so that I don't waste my time.

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7Wannabe5
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Re: journal of wood

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Tue Feb 13, 2018 6:24 am

Jason wrote:"The Playboy Homestead" where you charge people to come watch all your "Early Retirees" work in your garden, distill your liquor, role your tobacco and sew your robes while you lecture on the principles of ERE.
Uh-uh. I already hold patent on that concept :lol:

@wood:

Do you find yourself also maintaining a good many relationships that are no longer sexual? I am being rendered kind of grouchy by the fact that I currently have more active Exes than active Ohs. Also, the 3 individuals with whom I am currently sharing house space and/or project partnership are all EJs, so it is like being surrounded by 3 bulldozers. I currently find myself frequently resorting to dysfunctional white lie evasion to boundary time and independent project space for myself. I am supposed to meet/greet a potential new lover tomorrow, but I don't even feel like I have the energy necessary to flirt.

Jason
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Re: journal of wood

Post by Jason » Tue Feb 13, 2018 7:21 am

wood wrote:
Tue Feb 13, 2018 4:47 am
My reply was deleted after I posted it yesterday. I don't understand why as I didn't break any rules. If anyone is taking offence by what I write, I'd like to know so that I don't waste my time.
Take it easy, Rushdie. A post you made on a privately owned website was deleted. If you added up all the one's I wrote that only briefly saw the light of pixelation, it would make "War and Peace" look like a tweet.

I read the post. After an innocuous, tongue and cheek reference to myself, it moved on to being essentially a PG-13 Penthouse Letter re: your "Love ERE Style" encounter with a Eastern European woman. My guess is they just wanted to throw it into the E-bonfire before it got to the staple. It's always subjective, but free speech doesn't exist here. And nothing personal, it's not like the Western Canon exactly lost out here.

wood
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Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Tue Feb 13, 2018 9:55 am

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Tue Feb 13, 2018 6:24 am
@wood:

Do you find yourself also maintaining a good many relationships that are no longer sexual? I am being rendered kind of grouchy by the fact that I currently have more active Exes than active Ohs. Also, the 3 individuals with whom I am currently sharing house space and/or project partnership are all EJs, so it is like being surrounded by 3 bulldozers. I currently find myself frequently resorting to dysfunctional white lie evasion to boundary time and independent project space for myself. I am supposed to meet/greet a potential new lover tomorrow, but I don't even feel like I have the energy necessary to flirt.
I interpret your question as: "Do you stay in touch with your exes?" I define Ex's as someone you had a sexual relation with. The short answer to that is no. Not unless there is another reason to maintain some kind of relationship (professionally), let's say they're a hairdresser who is willing to cut my hair at a cheaper rate because "friends" and I will limit that relation to haircutting sessions.
I might stay in touch with them (e.g. superficial reply to some message), but I have little interest in maintaining non-sexual friendships with them on a general level, because my list of Ex's is growing bigger every month. I imagine keeping some or all of these Ex's in my circle would be a source to confusion, being on the receiving end of emotional outbursts and feeling like you have to lie.

That being said, my ex wife is currently in my friendly-circle. She is the only Ex in my friendly circle and I do not know how I will go about that when faced with the reality of a serious relationship with someone else.

Keep in mind, my encounters for the past 12 months have been in the category of f-buddies and ONS rather than serious relationships. In your case its different, because your Ex's seem to fit well with many of your non-sexual Goals in the Web. Makes it easier for them to get attached and stick. But other than that, do you have reasons for keeping them around?

I could then ask myself how does my behaviour fit into my own Web of Goals? Well one of the challenges in my life is occasionally getting hit by approach anxiety with women. I also believe this to be connected to other tendencies in me, like fear of rejection, insecurity and people-pleasing behaviour. None of these tendencies are extreme, but I realize they might have played a part in where I am today. In dealing with that I have decided to face rejection head-on, which is why I hit on new women every week. It's a difficult but fun journey to embark on.

@ Jason:
No worries, I'll tone it down and leave the details to your imagination then. It seems to be vivid.

@ EdithKeeler:
You perv!

Jason
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Re: journal of wood

Post by Jason » Tue Feb 13, 2018 11:50 am

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Tue Feb 13, 2018 6:24 am
Jason wrote:"The Playboy Homestead" where you charge people to come watch all your "Early Retirees" work in your garden, distill your liquor, role your tobacco and sew your robes while you lecture on the principles of ERE.
Uh-uh. I already hold patent on that concept :lol:
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys, she call friends...

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Family father
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Re: journal of wood

Post by Family father » Tue Feb 13, 2018 4:15 pm

Don Henley wrote: She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys, she call friends...
How they dance in the courtyard

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7Wannabe5
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Re: journal of wood

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Tue Feb 13, 2018 6:13 pm

Eh, my version of polyamory is more like me ending up driving a mini-van full of grouchy old men to their yearly colonoscopy appointment while all their ex-wives are relaxing on a beach somewhere drinking Margaritas. The only upside being that it is very unlikely that I end up being the one to pick up the tab when we pull into Cracker Barrel afterwards.

Jason
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Re: journal of wood

Post by Jason » Tue Feb 13, 2018 7:30 pm

I don’t want jack Wood’s thread but damn if I understand how despite the incontrovertible evidence of a harrowing day-to-day reality you inexhaustibly defend on-going involvement on sheer theory. It’s like the relationship equivalency of the Vietnam War.

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7Wannabe5
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Re: journal of wood

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Wed Feb 14, 2018 5:51 am

wood wrote:Keep in mind, my encounters for the past 12 months have been in the category of f-buddies and ONS rather than serious relationships. In your case its different, because your Ex's seem to fit well with many of your non-sexual Goals in the Web. Makes it easier for them to get attached and stick. But other than that, do you have reasons for keeping them around?
Sorry to vent on your thread. Nobody should reply to me here. I will vent on my own thread at some point. My "ex" with whom I was significantly engaged "married", probably the love of my life thus far, reached out to me a few days after several years of silence after our last bad break-up, so that upset me a bit. Even when I was practicing strict serial monogamy, it has been a frequent occurrence in my life that exes will show up again out of nowhere. Also, I am forever one degree removed attached to my highly depressive 20 year long marital ex who is the father of my children, and he attempted suicide this past year. I am still pen-pals with my married polyamorous lover who feels I was one of the major loves of his life. I am actually in legal partnership contract with my ex-FB permaculture buddy who still occasionally tries to hit me up for sex. I am also obviously very engaged with my current BF, his social circle, and his wilderness project, but although I hold him in strong affectionate regard we do not have a very vibrant sex life and he has other ties outstanding, so...somehow I ended up agreeing to meet a new potential lover for coffee on Valentine's Day.
Jason wrote:I don’t want jack Wood’s thread but damn if I understand how despite the incontrovertible evidence of a harrowing day-to-day reality you inexhaustibly defend on-going involvement on sheer theory. It’s like the relationship equivalency of the Vietnam War.
Oh, I was overstating the case in reaction to the notion that "pretty, pretty boys" is a valid description of my circle. When I am in a better mood or mode functioning, I can be as happy with the situation as Shirley Temple tap-dancing on the good ship lollipop, surrounded by mature devoted dance partners.

wood
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Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Thu Mar 01, 2018 8:27 am

2017
feb 30%
mar 19%
apr 62%
may -59%
june 57%
july 48%
aug 58%
sept 53%
oct 62%
nov 27%
dec 61%
AVG 38%

2018
jan 32%
feb 28%

It's good to know I can make major improvements. I counted 13 events in which I spent money in February, plus a 1 year subscription to 2 dating sites. And then I met someone that I could see myself agreeing to monogamy with. I'm unsure of the financial implications of such contract, but I'm sure it will look better than the past few months of wallet-drysucking hyperdating. I've noticed that she is the exact opposite of my ex in many ways.

wolf
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Re: journal of wood

Post by wolf » Sun Mar 04, 2018 1:07 pm

Hi wood, any Lessons Learned to share from "wallet-drysucking hyperdating"? How much did a date cost in average?

Jason
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Re: journal of wood

Post by Jason » Sun Mar 04, 2018 1:46 pm

It’s probably not the cost per average date that he’s factoring as much as the inverse proportionality of having his wallet sucked dry in terms of something else.

wood
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Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Mon Mar 05, 2018 10:10 am

wolf wrote:
Sun Mar 04, 2018 1:07 pm
Hi wood, any Lessons Learned to share from "wallet-drysucking hyperdating"? How much did a date cost in average?
wolf wrote:
Sun Mar 04, 2018 1:07 pm
Hi wood, any Lessons Learned to share from "wallet-drysucking hyperdating"? How much did a date cost in average?
I might have had something like 18 separate encounters with women in February so I call that 18 dates, which is a lot for me. Money was spent in about half of them. I spent around $200 in total, not counting subscriptions to dating sites. For perspective, a beer in most bars costs $10.

I've tried to use this dating thing as a tool for personal development. Trying to live more in the present, removing fear of rejection, practice social skills, improving body language, explore extrovert-me, explore sex, remove shyness. Et cetera. But of course, I've also been curious about what dating looks like because I've never done it to this extent before, and to learn more about women. Some few random lessons I've observed:

- Meeting someone new costs more.
- Hence, keeping up a rotation of women, whilst fun, can be expensive. It can also be physically and mentally draining.
- Keeping a rotation of women is not my top preference.
- Do not pay for them just because.
- Don't be surprised if they want to pay for you. If you are willing to manipulate, this can be taken advantage of.
- Dating can be very time consuming and thus removes focus from other areas of life.
- Compared to men, women are very emotional. It's possible to 1) ignore this fact, 2) take advantage of it or 3) successfully deal with it.
- A majority of men are clueless. Not saying I'm not.

Plus I've learned a ton about women, but I don't want to get into that on here.

The main lesson for me is to not worry too much about outcome. It's a valuable lesson because it can be applied to more than just dating. It's like a mindset that helps me be me. A mindset of aboundance if you like. It comes from a place of being happy with what you have, not lacking, not needing, not worrying. Coupled with meditating this has done wonders for me.

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