journal of wood

Where are you and where are you going?
EdithKeeler
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Re: journal of wood

Post by EdithKeeler » Sat Feb 10, 2018 4:21 pm

The result of that are weeks like the current one; I'm seeing 5 different women Mon-Sun this week.
I guess that explains your screen name....

Jason
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Re: journal of wood

Post by Jason » Sun Feb 11, 2018 5:55 am

Its also addressed in the ERE book under "Big Pimpin' and the Renaissance Ideal."

wood
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Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Tue Feb 13, 2018 4:47 am

My reply was deleted after I posted it yesterday. I don't understand why as I didn't break any rules. If anyone is taking offence by what I write, I'd like to know so that I don't waste my time.

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7Wannabe5
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Re: journal of wood

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Tue Feb 13, 2018 6:24 am

Jason wrote:"The Playboy Homestead" where you charge people to come watch all your "Early Retirees" work in your garden, distill your liquor, role your tobacco and sew your robes while you lecture on the principles of ERE.
Uh-uh. I already hold patent on that concept :lol:

@wood:

Do you find yourself also maintaining a good many relationships that are no longer sexual? I am being rendered kind of grouchy by the fact that I currently have more active Exes than active Ohs. Also, the 3 individuals with whom I am currently sharing house space and/or project partnership are all EJs, so it is like being surrounded by 3 bulldozers. I currently find myself frequently resorting to dysfunctional white lie evasion to boundary time and independent project space for myself. I am supposed to meet/greet a potential new lover tomorrow, but I don't even feel like I have the energy necessary to flirt.

Jason
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Re: journal of wood

Post by Jason » Tue Feb 13, 2018 7:21 am

wood wrote:
Tue Feb 13, 2018 4:47 am
My reply was deleted after I posted it yesterday. I don't understand why as I didn't break any rules. If anyone is taking offence by what I write, I'd like to know so that I don't waste my time.
Take it easy, Rushdie. A post you made on a privately owned website was deleted. If you added up all the one's I wrote that only briefly saw the light of pixelation, it would make "War and Peace" look like a tweet.

I read the post. After an innocuous, tongue and cheek reference to myself, it moved on to being essentially a PG-13 Penthouse Letter re: your "Love ERE Style" encounter with a Eastern European woman. My guess is they just wanted to throw it into the E-bonfire before it got to the staple. It's always subjective, but free speech doesn't exist here. And nothing personal, it's not like the Western Canon exactly lost out here.

wood
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Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Tue Feb 13, 2018 9:55 am

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Tue Feb 13, 2018 6:24 am
@wood:

Do you find yourself also maintaining a good many relationships that are no longer sexual? I am being rendered kind of grouchy by the fact that I currently have more active Exes than active Ohs. Also, the 3 individuals with whom I am currently sharing house space and/or project partnership are all EJs, so it is like being surrounded by 3 bulldozers. I currently find myself frequently resorting to dysfunctional white lie evasion to boundary time and independent project space for myself. I am supposed to meet/greet a potential new lover tomorrow, but I don't even feel like I have the energy necessary to flirt.
I interpret your question as: "Do you stay in touch with your exes?" I define Ex's as someone you had a sexual relation with. The short answer to that is no. Not unless there is another reason to maintain some kind of relationship (professionally), let's say they're a hairdresser who is willing to cut my hair at a cheaper rate because "friends" and I will limit that relation to haircutting sessions.
I might stay in touch with them (e.g. superficial reply to some message), but I have little interest in maintaining non-sexual friendships with them on a general level, because my list of Ex's is growing bigger every month. I imagine keeping some or all of these Ex's in my circle would be a source to confusion, being on the receiving end of emotional outbursts and feeling like you have to lie.

That being said, my ex wife is currently in my friendly-circle. She is the only Ex in my friendly circle and I do not know how I will go about that when faced with the reality of a serious relationship with someone else.

Keep in mind, my encounters for the past 12 months have been in the category of f-buddies and ONS rather than serious relationships. In your case its different, because your Ex's seem to fit well with many of your non-sexual Goals in the Web. Makes it easier for them to get attached and stick. But other than that, do you have reasons for keeping them around?

I could then ask myself how does my behaviour fit into my own Web of Goals? Well one of the challenges in my life is occasionally getting hit by approach anxiety with women. I also believe this to be connected to other tendencies in me, like fear of rejection, insecurity and people-pleasing behaviour. None of these tendencies are extreme, but I realize they might have played a part in where I am today. In dealing with that I have decided to face rejection head-on, which is why I hit on new women every week. It's a difficult but fun journey to embark on.

@ Jason:
No worries, I'll tone it down and leave the details to your imagination then. It seems to be vivid.

@ EdithKeeler:
You perv!

Jason
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Re: journal of wood

Post by Jason » Tue Feb 13, 2018 11:50 am

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Tue Feb 13, 2018 6:24 am
Jason wrote:"The Playboy Homestead" where you charge people to come watch all your "Early Retirees" work in your garden, distill your liquor, role your tobacco and sew your robes while you lecture on the principles of ERE.
Uh-uh. I already hold patent on that concept :lol:
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys, she call friends...

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Family father
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Re: journal of wood

Post by Family father » Tue Feb 13, 2018 4:15 pm

Don Henley wrote: She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys, she call friends...
How they dance in the courtyard

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7Wannabe5
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Re: journal of wood

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Tue Feb 13, 2018 6:13 pm

Eh, my version of polyamory is more like me ending up driving a mini-van full of grouchy old men to their yearly colonoscopy appointment while all their ex-wives are relaxing on a beach somewhere drinking Margaritas. The only upside being that it is very unlikely that I end up being the one to pick up the tab when we pull into Cracker Barrel afterwards.

Jason
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Re: journal of wood

Post by Jason » Tue Feb 13, 2018 7:30 pm

I don’t want jack Wood’s thread but damn if I understand how despite the incontrovertible evidence of a harrowing day-to-day reality you inexhaustibly defend on-going involvement on sheer theory. It’s like the relationship equivalency of the Vietnam War.

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7Wannabe5
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Re: journal of wood

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Wed Feb 14, 2018 5:51 am

wood wrote:Keep in mind, my encounters for the past 12 months have been in the category of f-buddies and ONS rather than serious relationships. In your case its different, because your Ex's seem to fit well with many of your non-sexual Goals in the Web. Makes it easier for them to get attached and stick. But other than that, do you have reasons for keeping them around?
Sorry to vent on your thread. Nobody should reply to me here. I will vent on my own thread at some point. My "ex" with whom I was significantly engaged "married", probably the love of my life thus far, reached out to me a few days after several years of silence after our last bad break-up, so that upset me a bit. Even when I was practicing strict serial monogamy, it has been a frequent occurrence in my life that exes will show up again out of nowhere. Also, I am forever one degree removed attached to my highly depressive 20 year long marital ex who is the father of my children, and he attempted suicide this past year. I am still pen-pals with my married polyamorous lover who feels I was one of the major loves of his life. I am actually in legal partnership contract with my ex-FB permaculture buddy who still occasionally tries to hit me up for sex. I am also obviously very engaged with my current BF, his social circle, and his wilderness project, but although I hold him in strong affectionate regard we do not have a very vibrant sex life and he has other ties outstanding, so...somehow I ended up agreeing to meet a new potential lover for coffee on Valentine's Day.
Jason wrote:I don’t want jack Wood’s thread but damn if I understand how despite the incontrovertible evidence of a harrowing day-to-day reality you inexhaustibly defend on-going involvement on sheer theory. It’s like the relationship equivalency of the Vietnam War.
Oh, I was overstating the case in reaction to the notion that "pretty, pretty boys" is a valid description of my circle. When I am in a better mood or mode functioning, I can be as happy with the situation as Shirley Temple tap-dancing on the good ship lollipop, surrounded by mature devoted dance partners.

wood
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Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Thu Mar 01, 2018 8:27 am

2017
feb 30%
mar 19%
apr 62%
may -59%
june 57%
july 48%
aug 58%
sept 53%
oct 62%
nov 27%
dec 61%
AVG 38%

2018
jan 32%
feb 28%

It's good to know I can make major improvements. I counted 13 events in which I spent money in February, plus a 1 year subscription to 2 dating sites. And then I met someone that I could see myself agreeing to monogamy with. I'm unsure of the financial implications of such contract, but I'm sure it will look better than the past few months of wallet-drysucking hyperdating. I've noticed that she is the exact opposite of my ex in many ways.

wolf
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Re: journal of wood

Post by wolf » Sun Mar 04, 2018 1:07 pm

Hi wood, any Lessons Learned to share from "wallet-drysucking hyperdating"? How much did a date cost in average?

Jason
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Re: journal of wood

Post by Jason » Sun Mar 04, 2018 1:46 pm

It’s probably not the cost per average date that he’s factoring as much as the inverse proportionality of having his wallet sucked dry in terms of something else.

wood
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Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Mon Mar 05, 2018 10:10 am

wolf wrote:
Sun Mar 04, 2018 1:07 pm
Hi wood, any Lessons Learned to share from "wallet-drysucking hyperdating"? How much did a date cost in average?
wolf wrote:
Sun Mar 04, 2018 1:07 pm
Hi wood, any Lessons Learned to share from "wallet-drysucking hyperdating"? How much did a date cost in average?
I might have had something like 18 separate encounters with women in February so I call that 18 dates, which is a lot for me. Money was spent in about half of them. I spent around $200 in total, not counting subscriptions to dating sites. For perspective, a beer in most bars costs $10.

I've tried to use this dating thing as a tool for personal development. Trying to live more in the present, removing fear of rejection, practice social skills, improving body language, explore extrovert-me, explore sex, remove shyness. Et cetera. But of course, I've also been curious about what dating looks like because I've never done it to this extent before, and to learn more about women. Some few random lessons I've observed:

- Meeting someone new costs more.
- Hence, keeping up a rotation of women, whilst fun, can be expensive. It can also be physically and mentally draining.
- Keeping a rotation of women is not my top preference.
- Do not pay for them just because.
- Don't be surprised if they want to pay for you. If you are willing to manipulate, this can be taken advantage of.
- Dating can be very time consuming and thus removes focus from other areas of life.
- Compared to men, women are very emotional. It's possible to 1) ignore this fact, 2) take advantage of it or 3) successfully deal with it.
- A majority of men are clueless. Not saying I'm not.

Plus I've learned a ton about women, but I don't want to get into that on here.

The main lesson for me is to not worry too much about outcome. It's a valuable lesson because it can be applied to more than just dating. It's like a mindset that helps me be me. A mindset of aboundance if you like. It comes from a place of being happy with what you have, not lacking, not needing, not worrying. Coupled with meditating this has done wonders for me.

Jason
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Re: journal of wood

Post by Jason » Mon Mar 05, 2018 10:27 am

[*]
wood wrote:
Mon Mar 05, 2018 10:10 am

I might have had something like 18 separate encounters with women in February so I call that 18 dates
-
Man, to think it wasn’t even a leap year.

Stahlmann
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Re: journal of wood

Post by Stahlmann » Mon Mar 05, 2018 2:33 pm

- A majority of men are clueless. Not saying I'm not.
Well... The first rule is to be attractive. The second rule is... there are not any rules than the first one... Even if this is "misogyny", I haven't found better model for male-female realationships in Homo Sapiens species... Women flooded with constant male attention can do whatever they want - finally somebody will meet their (more or less) irrational criteria.

(I don't live under the rock. There is also cut off mark for women and there are many of them who are outed from this "game"... but there are no virgin women basement dwellers...) (yep, I have there male perspective on human needs...)

If you managed to meet with 18 ladies in one month and the meetings didn't end after you see each other - consider yourself very (very) lucky. I mean... there are not so many guy like you.

[yep, I know there will come some lady and call me basement dweller, virgin and so on - but it misses the point entirely; there will also some kind of alpha male who will come and bash me for not trying harder and try to say he met 43 ladies in February...].

I think this is the biggest obstacle people encounter during communication topics like dating, money, intellect etc. ...

Which brings me to my final point...

Please use introvert with more caution. In my case I think 5 ladies gave me some kind attention (I count everything more than a bit forced "how do you doing?") in my entire life and... I know there are guys who are in worse situation.


EDIT: eh. cyclothymia kicked one more time...

slowtraveler
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Re: journal of wood

Post by slowtraveler » Mon Mar 05, 2018 6:58 pm

Not luck, skill. This man had quite a journey just a year ago. He's been working at it.

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Bankai
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Re: journal of wood

Post by Bankai » Tue Mar 06, 2018 7:29 am

Stahlmann wrote:
Mon Mar 05, 2018 2:33 pm
Well... The first rule is to be attractive. The second rule is... there are not any rules than the first one...
Have you read Harry Browne's "How I found freedom in unfree world"? From this as well as you previous posts on the subject, you appear to have many beliefs that fulfill Browne's definition of a 'box'. Realising this is the first step to changing them.

wood
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Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Tue Mar 06, 2018 9:17 am

Stahlmann wrote:
Mon Mar 05, 2018 2:33 pm
- A majority of men are clueless. Not saying I'm not.
Well... The first rule is to be attractive. The second rule is... there are not any rules than the first one... Even if this is "misogyny", I haven't found better model for male-female realationships in Homo Sapiens species... Women flooded with constant male attention can do whatever they want - finally somebody will meet their (more or less) irrational criteria.
How do you define attractive? There are many ways someone can be attractive. You may have lucky/unlucky genes, but it is also an art that can be practiced. You can even manipulate it, because you can manipulate people - yourself included.

I'm also aware that luck/random exists everywhere, and that you may try and fail (note that we might have different perspective on what failing means). That's just life. It's not fair. Sure I'm lucky. A bunch of things make me lucky. I'm with Keith Richards; he's happy to be here - he's happy to be anywhere. And so while Keith has all the luck in the world, he can still choose his own mindset. If you have the right mindset, what do you need luck for?

Jason
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Re: journal of wood

Post by Jason » Tue Mar 06, 2018 9:30 am

I recently finished Keith Richards autobiography and when I try to explain it to people by saying “It’s intellectual antecedents are found in Augustine’s “Confessions” they look at me like I’m a pretentious douchebag which I am but not in this specific instance.

Near death experiences was a daily activity for him. And the guy was just different, physiologically and psychologically. I highly recommend the book. It’s not what you think it’s going to be. Kind of like this blog.

wood
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Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Wed Mar 07, 2018 4:58 am

Jason wrote:
Tue Mar 06, 2018 9:30 am
I highly recommend the book. It’s not what you think it’s going to be. Kind of like this blog.
Noted and acknowledged. Don't read the Mick Jagger biography. It's boring.

Jason
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Re: journal of wood

Post by Jason » Wed Mar 07, 2018 10:21 am

Yeah, I could see that as nothing more than a monthly accounting of how many women he met.

wood
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Re: journal of wood

Post by wood » Thu Mar 29, 2018 7:49 pm

Life has taken 180 again. For the better I would say.

A close friend invited me for his annual party 6 weeks ago. Having befriended my ex he had also invited her. I met someone awesome at the party. She basically fell for me that night. Romantic stuff happened and my ex witnessed the vibe. I spent the following days with this woman while simultaneously cutting the cord with my other half-assed relationships and dating candidates. Now 6 weeks later I find myself in a monogamous relationship that I really enjoy. My ex got the trigger she probably needed to stop hoping to get back together. The woman, let's name her "R" for the sake of this journal, has 3 beautiful kids and if someone had told me just a couple months ago that I would enjoy being the stepdad to someone else's kids I would laugh out loud, finish my beer, walk towards Ms Hotlips near the exit and give her the privilege of playing hide and seek at the playboy tiny house. But I really enjoy spending time with them and I do well with kids. Comparing with page 1 of this journal I have gone through a serious transition. Life is funny. I've just realized I want kids in my life.

Cold facts. She's 4 years older than me, divorced 4 years ago from a 10 year marriage and has 3 kids (same father). No visible drama with her ex. She's an ambitious fixer, career on track, almost paid-down house, dreams of becoming FI/business owner and is head over heels inlove with me. My good friend vouches for her, stable family relationships and her friends seem to love her. She cleans, cooks, bakes, provides car transport to my boxing workouts, likes hiking and camping, wants to enjoy a simple life and she has a dog. She's literally a fit supermom, and a milf. These are all good things. God knows what she needs me for? Well, I know.

I can see one challenge present itself in the medium term future. She believes in pooling resources together. She makes a lot of money, but upkeep is high with 3 kids, big apartment, car and lifestyle inflation. Income- and cost sharing is likely to add another 10 years until FI. I want to keep finances separate and stick to my FI-in-5-years-plan. We've only touched these topics lightly, it's just been 6 weeks. But this is looking promising and I know it will come up so I look for clues. I'm completely on board wanting to invest time and energy on helping out with the kids. The financial aspect is where we might clash. She seems willing to do things on my premises though.

I have to admit. This came like lightning from clear sky. I did not expect to meet this person at this point. I'll refrain from making the clichè statement of having met "the one", but I do believe that this woman can offer most of the things I seek in a partner, rationally speaking. A few months ago I made a list of desired qualities/traits and she hits 17 out of 19 or something like that. Freak luck. And I don't even know if I can consider myself ready yet, you know? I was envisioning a few years alone now and feeling alright with that. I was like "I'm single and pretty happy in my spare time, ladies keep lining up at my doorstep, money game is handled, sixpack near completion, got my personal goalsetting system going and content with my job, what the hell do I need a relationship for at this point?" And she has been icing on the cake up to this point, a bonus in my life. Not a needed necessity, but a welcomed surprise.

Advice?

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7Wannabe5
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Re: journal of wood

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Fri Mar 30, 2018 9:47 am

Welcome to the complex world of mid-life dating.

First huge consideration would be ramifications of pooling your resources with somebody who is already to some extent resource-pooled for life with the father of her 3 children. Like it or not you will effectively be entering into a poly-relationship in the realm of the Practical (as opposed to the emotional, sexual, or social realms of relationship) by agreeing to her terms of contract. For simple instance, based on real life files of my relationships with divorced fathers, her Ex does not want to chip in 50/50 to pay for daughters to attend horseback riding camp, and neither do you, but guess what, terms of his divorce settlement do not oblige him to do so, but terms of your marriage agreement pretty much do.

My BF had to pay for new tires for his ex-wife's SUV this month, above and beyond his child support and alimony payments, and he commented on the fact that I was less concerned about this sort of thing than most other women he might be dating. Truth is that if I was in any variation of conventional Bride-zilla mode in relationship to him, I might feel/behave more like most other women, but because I recognize that most older men with large resource bases are likely to be poly-functional, and I have already corrected for that in my own orderly calculations and mechanisms, I don't.

I hope this makes some kind of sense - lol. I'm not saying don't do it. I am saying that you need more than a 17 point checklist to make this decision. You need a systems diagram.

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