Early Retirement Extreme Forums

No doubt about it, the housing expense is killer. I'm going to be moving in March/April and hopefully I'll be able to find something cheaper. I think if I'm lucky I'll be able to find a smaller place in my area (which is a nice area) for maybe $1100. Still not cheap but $300 is an awful lot each month.
There are apartments for $900 nearby, but they're in a part of town that isn't so friendly.

Have you ever thought about taking a sabbatical? That is, you could take a year off, hike, travel, develop new programming skills, meet new people. With your budgeting skills, you could probably do this very reasonably.

It's not something I've seriously considered. I poked around on my company's website and I don't think they're very friendly to taking sabbaticals. The nature of my employment is such that I'd rather gut out a few tough years raking in a ton of cash than go through the trouble of taking time off and trying to find a new job.
Probably better than taking a sabbatical would be relocating within my company; at least that would be a way to maintain a similar salary but do something new. I'm strongly considering the idea of transferring to Europe in 2-3 years. Then I'd be able to easily travel on vacations, weekends, etc. Not cheap but I wouldn't be aiming to save too much at that point.
I suspect that when I reach FI, I'd probably take about a year off, hike, travel, and then relocate to a more amenable city and get a 40 hour/week job focusing on less esoteric programming, and do that for a few years. I don't know if that qualifies as a sabbatical or not.

The past few days have been a bit difficult. I've spent a lot of money dining out, or ordering pizza, etc. I think I'm still basically under budget. More pressing is a basic family issue.
My mother is getting a bit forgetful/clumsy (she's in her 60s and Alzheimers runs in the family - whether this is the very early stages of Alzheimers or simply old age, I don't know). This weekend, she lost her driver's license - after flying across the country. She's getting a passport mailed to her, but it will only arrive after her scheduled flight. If she's not able to board her plane without photo id, she will have to reschedule her flight, and it will be expensive.
She's on a limited budget. I believe she can afford the cost of the flight but it will stretch her finances (between home repairs and medical expenses she doesn't have much left over). I already paid for most of her flight to visit as a sort of Christmas present so she wouldn't have to spend the holidays alone. Given the circumstances, I feel as though I should pay for the plane ticket. After all, I have plenty of money to spare. It's also not as if she begs for me to pay for anything: I don't think she's entirely comfortable with it. But she seems to have had a run of bad luck (or bad circumstances I can't blame her for) that I can see continuing.
The expense is not an issue to me. What is frustrating is that though I limit my expenses, these big costs really dwarf my savings. For instance, it doesn't matter if I save $1 buying mac & cheese on sale, when I spend $400 on a plane ticket. I understand that in a sense I saved on the little things in order to be able to afford these big expenses.
Nonetheless, it is psychologically draining. Particularly on top of all the "splurge" expenses of the holiday season.

It must be difficult dealing with family problems. I wish I had better advice for you. If there are other family members (her husband, your sibling, or others) it might be time to get them involved so they take some of the responsibility for the care if this does turn into a long term illness. Other than that I would set up an "allowance" for your mother's expenses to the extent that you are comfortable and to the extent you feel you should contribute. It goes without saying that her medical expenses are the biggest variable and I hope she qualifies for and has adequate insurance. Yes, we usually owe our parents a great deal but you will need to set limits on your contribution so you can still provide for your own household.

If there's a history of Alzheimer's in your family, then you, relatives, and mom need to make a plan. Forgetting little items is fairly irrelevant provided she's exhibiting no odd behaviors. Things like inappropriate outbursts or fears or keeping secrets are more indicative of trouble.
Financially, yeah, budget an allowance or trouble fund to be used at your discretion.

Thanks, I like that idea. Will be budgeting a 'trouble fund' for the future.

I really like the idea of a trouble fund. That would have been helpful during my last year or so with my mom. And once you deposit money into your "mom" fund, it will feel like it's already spent so it won't hurt so much when you actually spend it.

I can completely sympathize with your struggle, especially when you are counting pennies, and it just takes one big expenses of a few hundred dollars to knock all of that out. Frustrating.
I was thinking to myself "Mom fund" before I even read the other responses. Maybe just pick a percentage (1-2%, or more, a number you are comfortable with) and already consider it spent. You could also use it for other family members.
And don't worry about splurging for the holidays. I did the same thing, mainly with going out to eat and groceries. Sounds like you kept it within reason so it doesn't sound like it would derail you. What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while! (this applies to a lot of things!) I have come to realize that if I don't splurge on anything ever, I get mentally tired and then I have the possibility of making decisions I would not have made had I been on point. If you decided it's worth the money to splurge then go for it

hi m741, so sorry for this curveball thrown your way.
Do you have any siblings, relatives that could help? Now's the time to demand help.
I know at times like this pennypinching seems futile, but it still adds up, don't be discouraged, you're doing great...you now just have to maybe factor in the mom fund.

I try to use vim but i keep getting SPANKED by it. And i use tiling wm (echinus, a dwm fork) and i don't use any software with gtk/qt interface, everything is for cli. But vim is just not for me, maybe i don't miss it because i'm not a programmer, so i just use nano to change config files and write some notes.

@m741 -
Regarding the psychologically draining situation of pinching pennies but spending fortunes, I have one piece of advice. Don't think about the $1 you save on a meal, think about it as a lifestyle change.
You aren't saving $1, you are saving $1 per meal because you are committed to the lifestyle. That's $3/day and $90/month. Using a safe withdrawal rate of 3%, you can multiple that $90 x 400, which is the equivalent of $36,000. And that's just because you buy your groceries on sale... We haven't even got into the bigger stuff!
Looking at it this way, you've made a small lifestyle change that allows you to help your mom in need anytime she needs it. That makes you a caring and generous person.

So, a brief update - crisis averted. Did not have to pay for new tickets as it's apparently possible to board a plane without any photo id. At least, if you get lucky.
So: total I am out an additional $40 for expedited passport shipping as a backup (in addition to part of the original tickets) and $16 for an unplanned trip to the airport. This I can live with.
@Palmera - I don't have any siblings or relatives who can help.
@tjt - that's a very good point, I usually try to extrapolate from daily savings. That's definitely a good perspective.

M741 - I just read your post on skills fire about 2011 Pt1. Just thought I'd let you know I'm enjoying the blog, and would agree that your writing has improved.
Looking forward on reading about future endeavors more .

Thanks! I appreciate the feedback.

December Results
Reminder: general updates and thoughts at SkillsFIRE
A mediocre month. It felt as though I spent a *lot* of money, but in the end - it wasn't as bad as I had anticipated.
Total income of $6,881; total expenses of $2,618. Savings rate of 62%. Stock market has recovered a bit and my total savings went up $6k.
Itemized expenses:

Housing: 1400
Food: 342
Social Life: 101
Utilities: 133
Donations: 55
Entertainment: 192
Transport: 36
Work: 215
Pets: 46
Cleaning: 42
Other: 53

Major expenses were: Kindle ($80), computer games (from Steam, about $100), eating at restaurants with family 5-6 times, long-delayed purchase of new work clothes, new headset (for use with Google Voice). Most of these were long-delayed purchases or bulk purchases that made sense.
---
Next month I'm setting a very tight goal of $1900 expenses. As always, it's achievable with discipline.

2011 Results
I think it might also be useful to summarize my results for 2011 generally.
My total expenses were $30,616. Over half of that was rent. My average savings rate was 60%. For 2012, I would like my total expenses to be under $25,000, and my savings rate to be 75% or better.
In 2011, my total ERE-related savings more than doubled, from $78k to $175k. A lot of that got invested and now I consistently get $300-$350 per month in dividends; I'm being cautious and quite a bit is in cash as well. I also diversified and put some money into Lending Club.
Not much more to say. I will focus on finding a cheaper apartment to save on rent, and I want to be more consistent with my expenses.

I am forgoing the 'numbers' post for a few days when I tally everything up for January.
It was a crazy month. Extremely busy/stressful/exhausting. At work December was quiet but I couldn't really enjoy it with family visitng, etc. Then maybe around the 6-7 of January, all the projects people had deferred at work became SUPER URGENT. This coincided with (1) me getting a very bad lingering cold and (2) the only other guy on my 'team' taking 2 weeks of paternity leave.
So for those two weeks I had to drag myself into work and was basically sitting in front of the desk for 12-14 hours a day. It was during this time period that I stopped eating lunch because I was so busy. A good decision actually because I feel less lethargic during the middle of the day. 12 hours of sitting down, programming, is grueling. And as I've noticed under stress and long hours, my emotions become more and more volatile. One day I'd think: "I'm sick, holding down basically TWO jobs and still more productive than my average co-worker" and the next day I'd feel despondent that some code didn't work exactly, or that I was really isolated in my company.
Also the past few months I've noticed things getting more political where I work. It's stressful because I want to get shit done and code, and there are lots of people who seem intent only on throwing up roadblocks - and even worse, people with authority don't always seem to perceive it the same way I do.
Finally I received compensation numbers for 2011 (bonus+any promotions). They were not good this year, and although the company repeatedly made it clear in advance that bonuses would be less this year compared to last year, I still thought maybe I'd get lucky. Seeing such a disappointing result after all this hard work makes me question whether the people I report to really value my contributions. It also takes a lot out of me to see people who put in maybe 25% of the effort that I do still sitting at their desks every morning, and knowing that some of them are probably pulling in a higher salary simply because they've put in more years.
Despite all the stress I'm surprisingly happy. I've begun to realize just how good a job I've done of building connections within my organization. I work with people on 4-5 teams virtually every day, and also usually have 5-6 people stop by and ask for advice about particular programming or design problems on a regular basis. So I'm hoping that will pay dividends in the future, when I might end up having a more comfortable and interesting position, and hopefully will make more money . And really, although I was disappointed by the lack of promotion the money I'm making is still really good and I continue to pack away a lot of savings every month. Each month of savings stored gives me even more latitude to say what I think when I'm at work and I think that's a good thing.
In short, my job has been so exhausting and time-consuming that I've lost focus on other areas.
In terms of frugality/ERE, I'm definitely feeling burned out. It's not that I really want to spend money or anything, but I'm kinda tired of counting pennies. When I get out of work at 9pm and head home I would rather spend a few dollars more and not have to cook dinner.
One nice piece of news on the ERE front is that I did change apartments and the new place I'm moving to is $100/month cheaper than what I was paying. Not a big improvement but it counts for something. (Actually, it's $200/month cheaper, but there's a broker's fee I'm including as part of rent for at least the first year).

Sorry to hear about the rough month. I hear you on the fatigue with counting numbers. I think perhaps a solution would be to just think through every expense...do I really want to spend this $10 on dinner now, is it really worth the $, do I want to have to include it in my journal later? If the answer is yes, then just do it. I decided I didn't want to spend the rest of my life counting pennies, I would just spend consciously and it would cost what it costs. No runaway spending yet so far so I feel it's working for me.
Congrats on the move!

I enjoyed your Jan. update (and your journal in general), because I had a similar month. Multiple days each week in the office past midnight, sick, etc. In my company, this is not the norm, but a couple months out of every year will turn out this way.
My coping mechanism is basically to count my blessings. FI is the ultimate goal, and the time I'm putting in now is making that much more possible. Without putting in that time, I wouldn't have access to the kind of money to make that possible, or the kind of interesting/prestigious work I get to do.
It's hard to be positive all the time about it, but you should be proud of the amount of cash you've put away; you have a lot more financial freedom than pretty much anyone our age. Hope you're seeing some payoff with the recent stock gains.