m741's ERE Journal

Where are you and where are you going?
DutchGirl
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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by DutchGirl »

m741 wrote:
Fri Sep 04, 2020 8:19 am
Establishing better bounds between work and life is my primary goal for the next month.
Sounds like a pretty decent goal to me, although also very hard to reach sometimes :-) .

m741
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Joined: Tue Jan 18, 2011 3:31 am
Location: Seattle, WA

Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by m741 »

December, 2020

I could have sworn I'd updated this journal after August, but now it's December and here we are! Another year, almost in the books.

Work
Quite a tumultuous few months at work. About two months ago I was hit by some pretty serious burnout. The manager position is stressful to me, I had been working long hours, and I'd been unable to complete some small projects. I've been working through that since - mostly by feeling guilty about not completing things, while working shorter hours.

That said - I got good performance reviews and per reviews, all my reports seem to enjoy reporting to me. Unless I'm completely misreading things, my manager really likes me... and she was just promoted. So there's a real possibility I could be moving up the management chain - and whether I want to do so is a decision I'll probably need to make sometime next year. Because of how the corporate job ladder works, I'd probably also need to get promoted first, which is an extensive ordeal at my company that I'll suffer through in the spring... hopefully successfully (it would be a title promotion, rather than any change in responsibilities).

I do think this has been a terrible year to be a manager. We switched to remote work shortly after I moved into the position. My team size was doubled in the summer - so I've not met half the team in person while I was managing them. And at the same time we pivoted to work on high visibility stuff, roughly doubling team responsibilities... so a lot more to keep track of. Meanwhile, my 10 person team has had two people with serious performance issues... and they *also* had medical problems necessitating leave. So if higher-level management is more of the same, I'd probably say "no."

But I think things will be getting better. My most ambitious report is someone who I think I can teach quite a bit, and they've accepted my offer to move into a position with more responsibilities, where I can offload stuff that's top-of-mind. And I have an equal mix of barely-competent co-workers and excellent co-workers. So I can learn a lot without feeling like I'm weighing everyone down...

I don't mean to complain so much. I've learned so much over the past year, and I'm learning more each day - stuff that overall hasn't come easily to me but that will prove useful as long as I'm working with/for other people.

Finances
I saw a dip in net worth with the market pullback in the middle of October, but recovered strong and my net worth is currently higher than ever. Even with my "inflated" lifestyle (ie, being a home-owner, not counting every expense, and not eating lentils), I'm at a 2.1% SWR, and expect to see continued gains through 2021. Although anything could happen, right now I don't anticipate a major market pullback. And if there is one, I don't think I'd lose my job - so it just represents more investment opportunities.

I've been procrastinating on some financial hygiene stuff. Nothing major, but I think I could trim some expenses totalling ~$200/month. A job for this weekend.

So financially I remain in good shape.

Life
Well, I'm in quarantine, so nothing is really happening. Over the past few months I've made just one trip, camping near Mt St Helens, which was really pretty.

I have an enormous backlog of chores and tasks around the home. I'm experiencing some low-grade anxiety with fall and winter, as I'm not sure which plants in my garden will bounce back, and which might have died at the end of summer (they're all perennials, but I don't know what most of the plants look like in the winter). It's not the end of the world if some die... although I bought a *lot* of plants, most were in the $1 or $3 bin at Lowes.

I also experience some anxiety at the house. It's over a hundred years old, which both makes me nervous (there are a lot of cracks in the ceiling/walls from settling over the years), but it's also reassuring. What are the odds things go downhill now? Right? We're working through the two big renovations that we contracted out (a total rewire is now done, and replacing ~11 windows should happen in the next 2 months), and then will be patching walls and repainting.

I will say that in the 6 months since moving in, I've patched 8 holes that were drilled for rewiring (including repainting), mounted a vanity, fixed a loose p-trap, replaced a rotted drainpipe, pulled up two rooms of carpeting, put in a room's worth of quarter-round moulding, dug a french drain, built and backfilled a retaining wall, trimmed four trees, and relaid a walk... in addition to planting perhaps 40 shrubs and flowers around the yard. None of those was a major project, but I've learned a lot already.

Besides that, I really haven't had the energy to play guitar or study Spanish, which were my two main projects for a while. I'd love to return to them, and maybe the extensive time off around Christmas will be an opportunity to do so. My major hobby right now is playing deckbuilding roguelikes. I've sunk hundreds of hours into Monster Train over the past few months...

DutchGirl
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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by DutchGirl »

As for perennial plants in winter: last year I also thought that some plants had died, because all that was left of them was one sad brown stick above ground. But these plants came back stronger than ever this year, apparently their energy was stored in their roots. So keep up hope. I'd replace plants by May or so... if they haven't recovered after 1-2 months of warmer weather, then they're really dead. And you'll just get to pick some new fun plants.

Hats off for all the work on your house you've done over this year. And apparently you've learned a lot at work, plus people have appreciated your work and efforts.

Enjoy your Christmas holiday!

Gilberto de Piento
Posts: 1942
Joined: Tue Nov 12, 2013 10:23 pm

Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by Gilberto de Piento »

I'll sevond what was said about the perennials. Maybe your location is different but where I'm at almost every plant "dies" in the winter. The leaves turn brown and fall off and nothing is left. Then the above ground plant grows completely anew in the spring. Hostas are a very common example.

I also wouldn't worry about the cracks. Old houses almost always have cracks in the plaster, especially in the corners of windows and doors. Since you are having contractors around anyway maybe one could give you a second opinion. You could also get a specialist to check the foundation.
Last edited by Gilberto de Piento on Thu Apr 08, 2021 7:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

m741
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Location: Seattle, WA

Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by m741 »

January - March 2021

I was meaning to post over the past few months, and I think I had a draft that got lost in February. But here we are, well into 2021 and I ahven't posted yet!

Gilberto and DutchGirl were right - all the plants started returning to life in February, and things are green again. Pretty much everythiing I stuck in the ground seemed to survive the winter, even some plants that looked pretty sad in September/October.

Work
It's been rough. We have a very bureaucratic planning cycle, and then immediately afterwards, an extensive performance review cycle. I'm just emerging from that and don't relish seeing them return in a few months.

That said - even though work/life balance is terrible right now, I still feel like I'm learning a lot and there are likely to be opportunities headed my way this year if I can stay the course. I'm also up for promotion in this performance review cycle and I'm optimistic that it will go through. If it does, this will be a promotion to a level that I never expected to reach when I joined my current company (still pretty modest, I was just awed by the company when I joined). It also feels unlikely that I would be promoted further - and not because I think it would be particularly hard, but because I really want to set an exit date before then!

At this point I'm starting to think about how long I want to maintain my current work/life balance and stresses. If I'm promoted, the compensation will go from "great" to "incredible", so I'm firmly in "golden handcuffs"/"one more year" territory, but right now I'm thinking of working for about two more years. I'm at a point where each additional year worked opens up a lot of possibilities for the entire rest of my life - but also where I suspect I'll start having a negative impact on my health. I've also climbed past "FIRE" territory and I'm in "FatFIRE" territory - assuming the market doesn't crash.

I'll have more to say about work in a month or so. Right now basically: money is good, career options are good, but I've had to put aside a lot of personal goals.

Finances
The short summary is "up and to the right." In my February accounting I crossed a net worth level that I really never expected to cross, and each month it continues to grow. There's not much to say here: good take-home pay, the market performs well, I invest regularly and fill up any tax-advantaged accounts I can.

My biggest concern is that I'm in a mode where I'd like to start transitioning to safer assets, because I'm naturally risk averse and I'm at a point where I don't really need to accumulate that much more. However, so many assets seem correlated. Maybe I'll start dipping into gold again.

Life
As I mentioned earlier, I'm spending an awful lot of time thinking about work. So I've set aside a lot of personal hobbies. I do intend to get back to studying Spanish and playing guitar, I just haven't had the energy over the past few months. Right now I'm working on two things primarily:

* Gardening: I've got a few projects underway- completing a flagstone pathway, installing an arbor, and sowing a raised bed that I just built. I have a 55 gallon rain barrel and I'm looking for another - then I want to build a gravel bed to support them. I also just got 5 yards of compost delivered and I've been spreading that around my plant beds, and I've picked up a bunch of native plants and will see how those do over the summer.
* Camping: I waited waaay too long to make reservations. Around Seattle nearly every weekend in the summer is booked in all the state campgrounds or national forests. That said, I've got one trip booked each month of the summer, already went camping once, and I'm planning on camping again in two weeks. I've also been accumulating supplies, doing some woodworking to build a comfortable bed in the back of my minivan (I'm not a big fan of tent camping - many campgrounds can be pretty noisy). I've learned my lesson now and in the future I will be making reservations as soon as they become available.

I'll probably be doing some more non-camping related woodworking this summer (making a coffee table, for example). I think my biggest obstacle is figuring out where to buy wood. I have all the basic supplies and am interested in learning more.

Gilberto de Piento
Posts: 1942
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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by Gilberto de Piento »

Thanks for the update, I'm happy things are going well for you other than the work stress.
m741 wrote:
Thu Apr 08, 2021 12:33 am
I've also been accumulating supplies, doing some woodworking to build a comfortable bed in the back of my minivan (I'm not a big fan of tent camping - many campgrounds can be pretty noisy).
It seems like avoiding a tent would also be nice when camping in places that are constantly wet like Olympic National Park. When I visited there my gear got wet and stayed wet. When I left I had to pack up a wet tent, wet sleeping bag, and wet clothes and travel with them for the rest of the trip.

I agree with the noise issue too, I swear half the time I go to a campground there is one loud group that either keeps me up late or wakes me up early. Talking, partying, music, idling vehicles, generators, heaters, air conditioners. In my youth I was sometimes part of the loud group so I can't complain too much though.

DutchGirl
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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by DutchGirl »

Glad to hear that you're doing okay.

I'm a bit worried about your work stress levels, but hopefully you always keep in mind that if things get too much, you have all the freedom to quit (or to take a few days off work, no matter the consequences). And I hope even more that you'll manage to make this work for you over the next two years or so.

Also glad to hear that your plants came back to life. I have one stubborn tree in my yard that still looks dead. I hope so much that it's just a late-bloomer (quite literally), I'll have to report back in May or so.

I planted some tulips and daffodils in autumn. It took me a couple of bucks and like 15 minutes, but now I really enjoy them blooming. It was a nice surprise to see the first sprouts a month or so ago.

mooretrees
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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by mooretrees »

There are so many areas in the national forests in the West that have great camping spots that free, away from people and not too hard to find. Just got to drive down some forest service roads and explore a bit. Bring water and a good map and you will be set.

m741
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Location: Seattle, WA

Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by m741 »

April-May 2021

Work
Has been pretty interesting overall. In the past two months or so, I've gone from 7 direct reports on my team to 13. Ironically, so far that's been *less* stressful, because I've been forced to delegate more. With 7, including some people who weren't that active, it was possible to stress out but also stay apprised of everything. With 13, that's not possible. Plus I've had two people on my team step up and really show substantial ownership of their respective areas.

Beyond that, I guess I've soured a bit on my company, or at least my organization. We are undoubtedly the market leaders in our area, but it's also obvious to me that leadership doesn't have any idea what it's doing so we're riding out historical energy and inertia. There are constant reorganizations, team structure changes, priority shifts, and so on. We also have a very strong competitor (it's a unique situation, I think), and without a change we'll certainly flounder our way to being an also-ran. That's awfully demoralizing, but maybe I should be grateful, because it means that I also feel like I don't really see the need to throw myself into everything and work extra hard, except to the extent that it benefits my team and my natural desire to do a good job.

I believe I'll have an option to work remotely both on a regular basis, and to travel while working to a greater extent than in the past. So in the fall I may explore a combination vacation/remote work option that allows me to travel for a longer period than I'd otherwise be able to.

Finances
I'm mostly on autopilot. Even in the past few months the market has been stable enough that I've seen net worth increases every month (the last time I saw a dip was in November), which at lesat is motivating. My biggest problem right now is that I want to find uncorrelated assets to invest in, and it feels like all asset classes are pretty highly correlated - so there's few opportunities to "buy low" - it's more "buy high and hope it keeps going higher." The natural thing for me would be to pay down my mortgage, but the interest rate is low and there are tax benefits.

I'm not at all interested in the speculative crypto stuff, let alone the market-manipulationg GME/AMC stuff going on. So my mainsource of diversification is gold.

I will also say that my finances are secure enough that I'm starting to consider whether I want to invest in something like land or a cabin, potentially as an option for a second home. But I'm happy waiting and making that decision in a few years, so this is mostly just daydreaming.

Life
In contrast to work and finances, I feel like life is pretty dull. I've gotten really into a few video games, and also feel low-energy after work. So as before, most of my hobbies are gardening or reading. My diet is not great and activity levels are low, and I've gotten into a habit of napping after work, which means that my sleep cycle is a mess.

Probably my biggest stressor is the general political situation in the US. It feels like an slide into authoritarianism with all the recent legislation to limit voting rights, gerrymander states to hell, etc. Worst of all is the general push towards insane conspiracy theories and that many of my fellow Americans seem to prefer nonsense policies primarily designed to "own" their enemies. A house divided against itself cannot stand. I won't go into more detail, and I hope I'm wrong, but I really think we'll see America stop functioning as a democracy in my lifetime - and that's awfully depressing. At the same time, it also feels like democracy worldwide is more fragile than it's been in a long time - and technological tools that encourage fascism are more powerful than ever, so it's a challenge to even figure out whether it's gonna be better anywhere else. And that's not even talking about climate pushing things further...

In other news, I realized it's been just over 10 years since I started this journal (February 2011), which is also 10 years of tracking finances. What a ride!

---

@mooretrees - I have a minivan, but a friend also suggested offroading on fire roads and in National Forests. So I think when I finally replace it I'll go for a small pickup with cap or similar.

@DutchGirl - Having the safety valve of just being able to quit work and retire is a wonderful relief (and I can certainly do that). The only thing that would get in the way of that is the obligation I feel towards team members, but I think I'd feel OK stepping aside when the time is right, and supporting them as I move off the team.

@Gilberto - I really no longer see the appeal of tent car-camping (except for people who can't afford or don't want a larger vehicle). It's so much less stressful to have a bed all set up and ready to go, no worries about weather, and tranquility. I wouldn't go back.

DutchGirl
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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by DutchGirl »

m741 wrote:
Fri Jun 04, 2021 12:37 am

Finances
(...)The natural thing for me would be to pay down my mortgage, but the interest rate is low and there are tax benefits.

Yeah... the tax benefits probably mostly mean that the interest that you actually pay is even lower. However, I think it could still be a strategy to put some of your money towards your mortgage. It's not going to be about making a lot of money, true. The return is equal to the interest rate minus the tax benefits. It's probably going to be a stable, low return. So if you have a place for such an 'asset' (actually: a debt reduction) in your overall plans, you could still do so. In the long run you'd probably also see reduced costs when the mortgage is paid down or paid off. That could be nice as well.


Reading your last paragraph... you're in a great position, I think, to explore work options abroad. You've got money if you need to pay for some international moving costs. You've got a decent career going in a tech field where demand is probably high in many developed countries... Maybe explore that option? Would there be a country or a couple of countries where you would like to live? And what would you have to do to move there?

m741
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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by m741 »

@DutchGirl -

Thanks for the suggestions! I'm tossing a thousand here and there into the mortgage as a way of "diversifying," since it's early in the term these should have outsized returns in reducing interest paid.

As for moving this post by authoritarianism and WWII expert Timothy Snyder, which I coincidentally saw just today, is exactly in line with my expectations:
President Trump tells a big lie that elections are rigged. This authorizes him and others to seek power in extra-democratic ways. The lie is institutionalized by state legislation that suppresses voting, and that gives state legislatures themselves the right to decide how to allocate the electoral vote in presidential elections.

The scenario then goes like this. The Republicans win back the House and Senate in 2022, in part thanks to voter suppression. The Republican candidate in 2024 loses the popular vote by several million and the electoral vote by the margin of a few states. State legislatures, claiming fraud, alter the electoral count vote. The House and Senate accept that altered count. The losing candidate becomes the president. We no longer have "democratically elected government."
Is it far-fetched? Maybe. But it seems pretty clear that voter trust in elections (or desire to honor them) is at an all-time low. The "recounts" going on in Arizona are looking for things like bamboo in ballots (because that must indicate tampering from China! - just absolute farces), the recent Texas election bill and similar. The linked piece does a good job of summarizing.

So... I am interested in moving. I really struggle with the decision - whether to stay and fight or to leave. I can say that without a serious change in trajectory, I don't think I would have kids in the US. I don't think moving is *urgent*, but moving, getting citizenship, etc, take time.

The biggest challenge actually is work/ERE - it seems hard to immigrate somewhere without a job, and then you have to maintain that job for 5-10 years, which isn't exactly the timeline I had in mind! The other challenge is finding a country that seems more stable than the US. Right now I'm looking at the Netherlands, Germany, Switzerland, Sweden, maybe Spain/Portugal/Croatia, and maybe NZ. The southern European countries seem relatively easy to immigrate to, and while a bit dicey, overall more sane than the US right now (I listed Croatia because I believe my great-grandparents were from Croatia and they have citizenship by descent, but I'll have a hell of a time documenting that!). I put out feelers to colleagues that have moved and started doing a little research. Suggestions would be appreciated, of course. Or if you have a strong reason to think I shouldn't be so pessimistic!

chenda
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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by chenda »

m741 wrote:
Mon Jun 07, 2021 9:54 pm
Suggestions would be appreciated, of course.
Maybe you could you start remote working from abroad and maybe try living in a few countries for while, or take a sabbatical and travel and see which ones you like ? Portugal is pretty great as a retirement destination or remote working; low COL, sunny, safe, stable and is quite isolated from the rest of Europe. I think Switzerland or the Netherlands would be a great place to raise children. You could also look at Ireland, which would not be my first choice but as its English speaking it would make the process of moving much easier.

Re citizenship, you would probably have to hire a Croatian lawyer to do all the work; just check it wouldn't make you liable for military service or any of that nonsense.

m741
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Location: Seattle, WA

Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by m741 »

June, 2021

Work
So far, work has been going better than before. My team (now 14 people including myself) seems to be happy with me as a manager. We've suffered from no attrition, even as other teams have had difficulty. I don't know if that's because I'm a good manager, a lax manager, or random circumstance. If I had to guess, a combination of all three.

There's two big time-sinks in my company: the 6-month performance review cycle and the 6-month planning cycle. These each take 1-2 months and are offset by 1-2 months, meaning that they end up taking about half the year. June was the time period when we left the "empty" period and moved into the planning cycle. However, this year I decided to delegate more than previously. It's made everything a lot easier so far, although there's probably about a month of this left.

I also feel that, right now with 14 people, we are appropriately staffed for the work we have to do and can do some long-term planning. We will be getting more responsibilities, I think - it's just the nature of things. But for now I'm reasonably happy at work and am less stressed than before.

Finally, since we're in technology, there's the big shift away from the office to work from home. My company announced a policy about that which was roughly in line with my hopes. It's a huge shift for the company, which historically has been very office-centric and it could open the door to more flexible arrangements, particularly if I moved out of the manager role.

Finances
Few changes here. I have no real concerns on the money front and spend about an hour a month reviewing things and making some small moves - mostly selling off individual stocks I've had for a while by transferring them to a charitable account, paying a small amount towards principal on my mortgage, etc.

I've started to feel more comfortable with my looser stance towards spending. I would say environmental impact (of single-use plastics, etc), and concern about counterfeiting on Amazon has become more of a constraint on my buying stuff than cost, although I do very much comparison shop, delay or cancel purchases, etc.

Life
Here too, few changes over the past month. I spent about two weeks away from my gf while she was visiting family and did a bunch of cleanup around the house - painting, patching things up, installing screen doors and curtains, etc. It was nice to have a little time to myself.

However, the big news here in the Pacific Northwest was the heat wave. Normally this time of year, it's 50s-60s at night and 70s-80s during the day. It's really beautiful weather, perfect for doing things outdoors and then airing out the house later. During the heat wave, however, we had three consecutive days that hit 100 degrees, including 110 degrees on one day (43C), and a few days in the mid-90s.

This was really depressing for two reasons: first, although this temperature was not due to general "global warming", it's hard to believe that the "heat dome" effect which pulled air up from the SW was just a fluke occurance and not caused by climate change. In other words, I worry that this kind of sporadic heat will become common, and that it will be disastrous for the environment here. Of course, it's hard to say what will happen, but looking at changes across the west coast, American south, etc, it's hard to figure out where will suffer least from climate change - if anywhere. There's already a "smoke season" which cuts out 2-3 weeks of summer here in Seattle, and we're buckling up for a particularly bad one after all the heat - it's also been dry across the west coast. Normally we get off-and-on rain through June, but basically all of June was dry here.

The other thing that was depressing was how bad the sun was for my garden. Lots of plants ended up with charred leaves - it killed a few rhododendrons. It's a shame, but it also drills how how impermanent the garden is. I'd viewed it as a long-haul multi-year attempt to build a beautiful yard, but if it keeps getting hotter/drier, things will just die. In this case, it was particularally bad because our new neighbors had taken out a large tree that provided a bunch of shade in the yard, so I'll have to figure out how to compensate. It's a small yard with little room for additional trees, but I'm now thinking of planting 1-2 for shade.

The net effect, along with all the political stuff I mentioned previously, is for the world to feel increasingly claustrophobic to me - where will the climate be stable and politics democratic? I guess it was pretty obvious that climate change was going to have a major impact on things during my lifetime, I just wasn't expecting it *now*.

J_
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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by J_ »

m741 wrote:
Mon Jul 05, 2021 12:53 pm
June, 2021
However, the big news here in the Pacific Northwest was the heat wave. Normally this time of year, it's 50s-60s at night and 70s-80s during the day. It's really beautiful weather, perfect for doing things outdoors and then airing out the house later. During the heat wave, however, we had three consecutive days that hit 100 degrees, including 110 degrees on one day (43C), and a few days in the mid-90s.

The other thing that was depressing was how bad the sun was for my garden. Lots of plants ended up with charred leaves - it killed a few rhododendrons. It's a shame, but it also drills how how impermanent the garden is. I'd viewed it as a long-haul multi-year attempt to build a beautiful yard, but if it keeps getting hotter/drier, things will just die. In this case, it was particularally bad because our new neighbors had taken out a large tree that provided a bunch of shade in the yard, so I'll have to figure out how to compensate. It's a small yard with little room for additional trees, but I'm now thinking of planting 1-2 for shade.

The net effect, along with all the political stuff I mentioned previously, is for the world to feel increasingly claustrophobic to me - where will the climate be stable and politics democratic? I guess it was pretty obvious that climate change was going to have a major impact on things during my lifetime, I just wasn't expecting it *now*.
Thanks for your observations. May it help you and others (me inclusive) to choose their (future) living location wise with regard to climate change. Without the winter months I live in a place 5 degrees further north on the globe and close by the sea, and until now the climate impact has been more bearable than you have encountered. Perhaps I must move further north even.

In another Thread I have seen a discussion about a good ere-location. Utah and the Mediterranean area were mentioned but these locations are not good with regard of the reality of the, already unfolding, climate change.

m741
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Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by m741 »

July, August, September

Work
Work is going well? I guess?

My boss really likes me and I've found an area where my balance of diligence and pragmatism is good (there are *many* areas of software development where I would be a terrible fit and my style of development would simply be too haphazard... things like embedded devices, accounting software). In recent discussions my boss has alluded to an expansion of responsibilities/larger team; my recent performance reviews are pretty good, and I was recently promoted. So that all sounds great.

On the other hand, I am increasingly wracked by imposter syndrome. Not for development or execution, which I can now see I am/was very good at, but at being a manager. I really really hate running meetings and I don't think I project a particularly inspirational vision. I am very much a beginner at management even after ~2 years, and although I'm learning, it's not necessarily outpacing my career progress.

Finally, I am really burned out. It's not even total hours worked, I just cannot muster enthusiasm between meetings to get anything done; I don't really believe in my division's vision or ability to execute. As a result, I really have had very little total output over the past few weeks, and sooner or later that will catch up with me. It's a bad combination with imposter syndrome.

I think one thing that's caught up to me is that I have enough reports that I've known for a while, that I feel responsible for them. I guess that's silly, but I know there would be very real challenges for them if I left my company. For example, some of their careers would probably be set back 6 months if I just put in my 2 weeks notice and left (I guess that's not a lot in the big scheme of things, but it *feels* like a lot when you're talking about 10+ people). And I'm also on a career trajectory which I would have envied 5 years ago, including compensation. So I feel much more locked in than I did in 2019, when I was just a single programmer. I don't really feel like I have the freedom (right now) that ERE used to grant.

I shouldn't be doom-and-gloom, there's a ton of interesting stuff. But I feel like I need to fight to keep meetings minimal, maintain my sanity, track emails, etc. My processes aren't scaling.

Finances
Going well? I guess?

Compared to July, I'm doing well; the market is up over 3 months, after all. On the other hand, it's down over the past month. Overall, I check all the easy boxes - auto-invest into IRA, 401k, HSAs, have automatic mutual fund trading set up. Every few months I go in and harvest some stocks and put them in my DAF for later donations.

I think I'm set up to see a huge bump in salary/equity at work, which I'm curious/excited about. Realistically, it is probably the last such bump I will see in my career (if I follow through with retirement in ~2-3 years when I'm 35-36). I'm mostly curious to see what my salary would look like and what that unlocks.

Life
Not going that well? I guess?

All the usual stuff is fine: no house problems, no car problems, garden recovered from the heatwave (mostly), relationships & family are same as before.

However, I have just a horrific sleep schedule that I've not been able to regularize. I really have very little energy (see burnout above) and wonder if I have depression or something. On a typical day, I will take a nap from 7pm-9pm, be up until 1am, sleep until 7am, and repeat. It's 6-8 hours/day, but not in a restful way. I cannot stay awake after work, and I can't sleep 8 hours straight. If I go to sleep at 11pm, I will wake straight up at 3am. I think it's a combination of the burnout and the weight I put on during the pandemic.

I did talk to a doctor and I'm going to try to treat my sleep apnea. It's something I'd suspected for a while, did a home sleep test, and I'm pretty sure a CPAP machine will help. I'm on a waitlist for one, once equipment shortages resolve.

As a result of all this, I really don't do anything and life is kinda dreary. Wake up, watch some youtube, work, go for a walk or watch an episode of tv, nap, do the work I couldn't muster energy for during the day, watch some youtube or play a game, read for 10 minutes and go to bed. This is pretty much every weekday. My girlfriend has a similar schedule, but doesn't nap and sleeps in a little. She takes long breaks from work during the day and as a result works a lot at night.

I shouldn't complain, but I also don't think this lifestyle is sustainable long-term, so I'm trying to figure out how I can make changes so I have energy for hobbies on the side, to excel at work, and to just do everyday things.

I have been daydreaming about buying land and building/buying a cabin (or maybe to get a "golden visa" to the EU in Portugal, etc). But there's a ton of things to figure out about permitting, zoning, etc. The flexibility to easily do these things is one reason why I'm continuing to work: I'll unlock a lot of things that would require ingenuity/creativity with less money. But it's a constant struggle to figure out if it's worth it.

Gilberto de Piento
Posts: 1942
Joined: Tue Nov 12, 2013 10:23 pm

Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by Gilberto de Piento »

Could you hire a management coach or similar to help you navigate the work? I know nothing about this beyond the words, but it sounds plausible.

DutchGirl
Posts: 1646
Joined: Tue Sep 06, 2011 1:49 pm
Location: The Netherlands

Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by DutchGirl »

"My boss really likes me "

If your boss is an idiot, ignore me. But if your boss is more or less a capable person at his level, then this says something good about you. In that case, flush that imposter syndrome down the toilet, take a deep breath and move on.

There are many different styles of management. Things like being the leader, having lots of knowledge about the projects, or just helping your people to shine without having to know all the details yourself. You might still have to find your way in this, and I think two years is a very short period of time, to "master" being a good manager to a group of people - people are notoriously difficult to manage, right :-D

From reading here, you seem to be struggling with a lot of things at the moment, including physical and mental health. That might require some of your time and attention - and maybe it needs your attention more than work does? Maybe it needs to take higher priority, at least?

Anyway: I wish you lots of good luck, hopefully things get a bit better over the next couple of weeks :)

DutchGirl
Posts: 1646
Joined: Tue Sep 06, 2011 1:49 pm
Location: The Netherlands

Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by DutchGirl »

One other thing...

With my boyfriend who also had sleep issues, we've done a "hard reset" for a week a couple of months ago, where we went to bed at 22 PM and got up at 7 AM, with no naps allowed during the day (I had to keep him awake a few times during the first two days or so) and no screen time allowed at night if he would wake up. We've also used melatonin which may have helped (or which had a nice placebo effect).

It got a bit of structure back into our sleep and wake schedules. We're not perfect, but we're still better than before.

You might consider adding to that: no screen time in the hour before sleeping (read a book instead), some light exercise every day, and perhaps no big meals in the hours before sleeping too.

pd22
Posts: 14
Joined: Thu Oct 02, 2014 2:33 pm

Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by pd22 »

m741 - some thoughts, please take them as well meaning but feel free to ignore!

I think this is where your journal can be a powerful resource for you. Have you gone back and reread your own entries for the past few years?

From the outside looking in I think it looks pretty obvious where things have changed - your recent entries all start with, and heavily focus on, work. You are clearly good at you job and have hit a strong upward slope in your career trajectory. Responsibility and compensation and accelerating upwards. This comes with a price (mental and physical energy) which 99% of the population would willingly pay - but it is a price.

Is the compensation (and how it impacts your future RE) worth it? Hobbies, goals etc can always be deferred but for how long? What is your exit plan (if you want one)? Can you restructure your role to give yourself a glide path back to RE (if that's what you truly want?)

avanishk
Posts: 46
Joined: Tue Oct 15, 2019 5:52 am

Re: m741's ERE Journal

Post by avanishk »

m741 - I think suggestion from DutchGirl about doing hard reset (i.e. forcing a particular sleep/wakeup schedule for few days) seems very good to me. Putting some discipline around no screen time within 2 hrs of bedtime and no late night dinner should also help. Many people now a days talk about using true dark glasses to avoid blue light exposure during night. I have not tried that, however that is something you can give a try.

One other thing that should make a big difference is your level of physical activity. I have found that I get very good sleep when I am really tired physically. If jogging/running or gym is not already part of your routine, that is something you may want to consider. That should help tremendously on both physical and mental health front.

Couple of sleep quality improvement resources that I have found very useful are
https://www.bulletproof.com/sleep/sleep ... ep-better/
"The Circadian Code" book by Dr. Satchin Panda.

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