Five Years, Lord Willing

Where are you and where are you going?
Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Sat Sep 29, 2018 10:34 am

I apologize for lack of clarity. I am not forsaking investing to pay off the debt. There was a moment during refinancing where it occurred to me we could, but we chose not to. I was just saying that $700K and I were making googly eyes at each other but unfortunately we could not consummate. As I said, $700K is my lower case FU. I just looked at the number and said, that's got to be enough to sustain us somewhere where there aren't cows and/or tanks rolling down the street. If there was no debt, I think large case FU would be $700K in non-real estate assets.
Gravy Train wrote:
Fri Sep 28, 2018 12:45 pm
This is partly because DH is not a believer and is still addicted to consuming for consuming's sake, for that fleeting little burst of serotonin that comes with each "get." I sometimes wonder what could have been accomplished had I married someone more like-minded as far as ERE goes... I guess two INTPs together would not be much fun, though. :lol:
This is both deceptively profound in its simplicity and implications in long term financial implications. Like 181K profound.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Sun Oct 07, 2018 8:54 am

Well, 700K was nice while it lasted. Due to anticipated earnings this month, we'll be back over it, but damn, that was fleeting.

https://www.thedailybeast.com/he-won-do ... ank-robber

It's not surprising that people who win the lottery blow it as they are most likely not the most financial savvy amongst us. I think this is my favorite accounting of the all-too familiar trajectory many of them take. Bank robbery is like local political bribery, it amazes me how little those on the receiving end walk away with. Usually under 5K per transaction.

It also seems that people who rob banks, after initial hesitation, grow to enjoy it. I never robbed a bank. But if I'm told I have a month to live, I'm thinking about it doing it. It seems more exciting than visiting Paris and more fulfilling than having sex with a person that I really want to have sex with but someone who wouldn't get near me if the act wasn't funded through what's left of my SEP IRA. And I'll just return the money later and say I just wanted to see what it was like and apologize in case anyone shit their pants while it happened.

The other day I saw a dwarf. I did the whole "I'm pretending not to look at the dwarf" thing. He got into this tinted window Dodge Challenger. I realized he could kick my ass. The next day I met him and he was an asshole. Not in "an angry dwarf" asshole kind of way but in a "he'd be an asshole if he was six feet tall" kind of way. Actually, he seemed like he could give two shits about being a dwarf. He was a graphic designer but acted like he was the head of a mafia family. I wanted no part of him. And I apologize in advance if anyone here happens to be a dwarf which makes me think if there are any specific challenges to being a frugal dwarf. I'm assuming the one I met wasn't considering the car he drove but who knows.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Sun Oct 14, 2018 1:01 pm

Future Advisor told me my portfolio went down 4.8% this week but my target (the portfolio they would have me own) would have only gone down 4.1%. That makes me feel ok for some reason. Quite frankly, I have never known what I should feel good about. Should I feel good that I have two legs when some people don't have two or even one leg? Should I feel good that I'm not an angry dwarf who has two legs but two really short legs? Should a dwarf with two, albeit extremely short legs be happier than a normal sized person with only one albeit regular sized leg? Is there a rule book for this shit? Like is there a who you have a right to be happier than guide out there? My friend has a lot of money but he's had a stroke and walks with a cane and has a vein the size of an average sized penis running through the top of his head. Should I be happier than him because even though I don't have that type of money I don't have a penis like vein running through my head? There is always something to feel good about I guess. Some people say one should be happy they are alive. Well, how do they know we all might be happier when they are dead. I hope I'm happier when I'm dead because if I'm not, what options do you have after that? Maybe there will be some. Although right now, life is enough and I don't want to think that far in advance. It never got me anywhere anyways.

I have become obsessed with my creative writing project. My therapist told me it doesn't matter if it goes anywhere, as I long as I find joy in the process. I told him I found joy in telling him to shut the fuck up. We both laughed at that. Then he told me the session was over and I gave him $30 for the co-pay.

slowtraveler
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by slowtraveler » Sun Oct 14, 2018 9:40 pm

I believe there have been studies that point towards major life circumstances not affecting happiness as much as one would expect.

Your passionate project could change the world, and inside, you are still the one and only Jason.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Mon Oct 15, 2018 11:47 am

I could see that. Humans are resilient. Too resilient actually.

My project will not change the world. But if it gets me a wiki page before JLF, I would enjoy lording that over him.

EdithKeeler
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by EdithKeeler » Mon Oct 15, 2018 5:03 pm

I skimmed that way too fast and thought I read “should I be happy I have an average sized penis.” And I thought: “way to be honest with yourself!” But then I read it again...

I’ve been to 2 funerals in two weeks and have decided 1) I’m happy I’m not dead, but 2) I need to make more friends or no one will come to my funeral.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Tue Oct 16, 2018 7:13 am

My MIL is always going off on making friends so there will be people attending your funeral. I just don't see it as worth the effort.

And as far as my junk size, I think its best not to address that publicly, just in case CS accidentally clicks on my blog.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Tue Oct 30, 2018 4:34 pm

Future Advisor was kind enough to inform me that my big brain constructed holdings are down 11.5% where if I had abided by their computer generated algorithmic artificially intelligent no-human being found within 50 miles of their virtual office construed plan, I'd only be down 6.8% which was kind of a "No, Jason, you don't fuck the future, the future fucks you" moment. 1

I have to say, I have been pretty non-flummoxed about the whole October fuckfest. Blood baths are cleansing and reality reminders and well, what the fuck am I supposed to do about it. I knew the stems needed shortening in order that everything can grow properly, so, whatever. Consider me de-fucking-flowered.

What is making it semi-palatable is that (1) I am still at fu; (2) I will be closing on something in November that will in affect recapture my 11.5% and will subsequently provide me a buying opportunity. Next year (Lord fucking willing) looks like a big one, similar to my 2016, which may turn my "Kung fu" to a "Kung Fu." Of course, I want the "Kung FU." Who doesn't?

My writing project after nearly two years is wrapping up. I use a writing program called Final Draft. It provides these statistics on your project. They have a "profanity" count. I will fall just under 19K words without one single, itsy bitsy profanity. That's as miraculous as having a five minute conversation with a stripper and not hearing a non-italicized "I only dance for my kids" type of disclosure. I keep showing it to my wife. "Look, almost 19K of words and no fucking profanities. Really, not even a fucking "douche." It's a play and I will be submitting it to a local theatre group for a reading. Based on the shit I sat through, if I don't get read, shit ain't right. But then again, everyone thinks their baby is good looking. Even this Hasidic guy who showed me a picture of his kid who was so terrifyingly ugly he would be given a paper bag to put over his head before being let through the gates of Hell.

1 Saturday Night Fever

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FBeyer
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by FBeyer » Thu Nov 01, 2018 8:30 am

Jason wrote:
Tue Oct 30, 2018 4:34 pm
...
My writing project after nearly two years is wrapping up. I use a writing program called Final Draft. It provides these statistics on your project. They have a "profanity" count. I will fall just under 19K words without one single, itsy bitsy profanity...
Congratulations!
I'm staring at 120K non-fiction words of Shitty First Draft and I have no fuggin' idea how I'm going to work my way through the revision necessary not to want to claw my own eyes out. So good on you for getting the play done!

You mentioned that somehow a fire'd been lit under your ass with regards to working on the project. What happened?

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Thu Nov 01, 2018 11:23 am

Thank you.

I would never disclose the amount of times I printed the thing out despite always using both sides of the paper. I would no doubt get banned. I still hear Marie Kondo yelling at me "You print again you wasteful, lazy, indulgent American piece of half baked literary shit." Once again, in fear that CS might accidentally click on this, I'll refrain from going into too much detail about how I am prone to fantasize about Marie Kondo dressed up like Cat Woman watching me clean my room.

Without becoming self-absorbed about the play writing process, this is what I experienced:

(1) The first 75% was relatively easy;
(2) The next 15% was relatively difficult;
(3) The next 5% was extremely difficult;
(4) The final 5% excruciating difficult yet most rewarding;

Does that shit add up to 100%? Yes.

Why? I believe two things have to happen to make fiction writing work. (1) The writer must genuinely surprise himself if the reader is to be genuinely surprised and that is a primary goal; (2) Subtle internal connections that could never have been pre-conceived will be developed only upon endless rewriting. The basic story and basic characters are known beforehand but the internal tapestry (at least for me) is uncovered only through endless revision. Words or things that might have been just off-the cuff or the top of your head become threads that run through the entire store. The basic story is usually simple. The inner workings are complex. The re-writing process is a revelatory process. And only then do you become attached to the project to the extent that each word matters. In fear of having to hand back my ballsack to its original owner, you have to fall in love with it. If you don't, find another project.

What lit a fire? Someone once asked Robert DeNiro why he became an actor. He told a story of how he was watching a soap opera and said "I could do better than that." I went to theatre groups presenting readings to the general public and said "I could do better than that." Now I don't represent myself as The Robert DeNiro of writers, but damn, there's a lot of dreck getting performed out there. And I I have to say, the idea of it being performed is exciting. Unfortunately its about two old ladies so I doubt I'll get an opportunity to get my inner Harvey Weinstein on. Although I guess being hand held by Betty White could be OK although I wouldn't like force it on her or anything.

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FBeyer
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by FBeyer » Thu Nov 01, 2018 11:55 am

Jason wrote:
Thu Nov 01, 2018 11:23 am
... (1) The writer must genuinely surprise himself if the reader is to be genuinely surprised and that is a primary goal; (2) Subtle internal connections that could never have been pre-conceived will be developed only upon endless rewriting...
You could publish a non-fiction book explaining just these two points. They seem universally true, and I recognize them as something that must've come from higher up the Dreyfus scale.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Thu Nov 01, 2018 12:39 pm

If you are ever take the time out to read about non-fiction writing, I suggest John Gardner. Specifically On Becoming A Novelist. He's the guy who wrote Grendel. You have to think it takes a large set of Medieval balls to write the Beowulf sequel.

https://www.amazon.com/John-Gardner-Wri ... B00GSE3WXO

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Mon Nov 26, 2018 10:31 am

(1) I Phone now sends weekly usage report. Not good. It got away from me. I have to cut back on screen time.

(2) I submitted my play to a local theatre (UK spelling) group yesterday. Am looking for others. A personal sense of accomplishment. Now let's see what the world says.

(3) Stock Market - Oy vey.

(4) Therapy - My therapist moved his office to another town which has had psychological effects of his own. He has provided a useful template at which to look at myself and my relationships with self, God and my fellow man, which, well, have not been so great during my life span. So I guess there's room for improvement.

(5) Thanksgiving was at our abode and went well considering how things can go off the rails.

(6) I lost 10 pounds pre-Thanksgiving. Probably 7-8 now. I love pumpkin pie.

2Birds1Stone
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by 2Birds1Stone » Mon Nov 26, 2018 12:36 pm

Pumpkin pie is "the tits", and oy vey to the markets these past 2 months......

Really enjoy your journal, despite not posting much.

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FBeyer
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by FBeyer » Mon Nov 26, 2018 12:38 pm

Is that equivalent to Bollocks (UK) or Dogs Bollocks (UK)?

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Mon Nov 26, 2018 1:17 pm

@ 2B1S - We served pumpkin soup and pumpkin pie. I never had pumpkin soup before. I did not like it. It's strange. Some things are just tasty when made into a pie. I don't walk around eating apples, but I'd stop pretty much everything for a slice of hot apple pie. I don't particularly enjoy bananas, but banana cake is delicious. I bought an extra pumpkin pie just for myself.

@FBeyer - My wife and I have a stupid game when we are watching British shows where we'll point out to the other what a word means. Like I'll stop the TV to point out "mum" means "mom". Or "flat" means apartment. Its acceptable to spell theater theatre in the US. I think it's more dangerous for a Brit to come to US specifically because of "c*nt". Supposedly its ok to use that in England, but here its no-no. There should be signs in US Airports at the British Airways terminal "Welcome to America, don't say c*nt." Bollocks has never made it America despite the Sex Pistols best attempt. Its a good word but for some reason it never gained traction here.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Wed Nov 28, 2018 6:45 pm

For anyone who hasn't seen this, its the funniest thing I have ever seen. Well, not the funniest. But funny enough for the hyperbole of calling it the funniest. Because nothing is really the funniest, that would mean the end of funny. Funniest in the Platonic Ideal of funny. And I don't care how that reflects on me. Anyone who wants to do shit like this deserves to be laughed at even if they nearly die. You voluntarily jump off a mountain, all bets are off. You end up with your fat ass swaying over the Swiss Alps hanging onto some other's dude's pants, I'm sorry, that's funny.

https://nypost.com/2018/11/27/terrifyin ... -to-pilot/

My therapist told me that recent research indicates that the brain, and I mean solely the organ, cannot differentiate between reality and imagination. He didn't mean the person, however you wish to define person. He meant the brain in its atomized state. The topic was generally speaking "acceptance." He was saying that since I wrote a play, I am a part of the theatre community. I was saying, basically, that's pretty fucking stupid. He's trying to get me to remove the paradigm that associates achievement with acceptance. He's saying, you wrote a play, you are playwright. I said, I wrote a play, that makes me a douche who wrote a play. But his point was that what I tell myself is to my brain, reality. So if I walk around feeling accepted, my brain thinks I'm accepted whether or not I am accepted. I guess I need to accept that. I'm not sure what it means but its thought provoking.

Mister Imperceptible
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Mister Imperceptible » Wed Nov 28, 2018 7:00 pm

Just remember: It’s not a lie....if you believe it.

SavingWithBabies
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by SavingWithBabies » Wed Nov 28, 2018 9:08 pm

OMG that video had me on the edge of my seat.

For the other part, it's like you have to believe that you can't not do something or that you can't not be something or... At my day job, I'm fully remote and the communication is terrible. It really is what I make of it. So I have this dilemma -- do I dislike this experience because I'm not self directed enough? Or is it really bullshit? I do know my limitations and I don't like to assume authority -- I like it that if I'm supposed to do something, someone says that is the case. I guess titles say that. I don't know why. Maybe remnants of still trying to be a nice guy. But when I try to just be the person I think they expect me to be (more assertive, authoritative even though I have no authority, etc), it irks me because it feels like I'm playing the game and the fuck you money is telling me I deserve better (or can take the risk of demanding/expecting better).

I think your therapist is right though. People who are the center of attention or who command a crowd without even trying must have this baked into their being so much that they don't even realize it.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Thu Nov 29, 2018 8:14 am

While we were having the discussion, I took this heuristic road: the disappointment of achieving. Everyone has experienced real time the "watch out for what you wish for." A job promotion turns out to not be worth it, you find the person you always wanted to sleep with straddling you at night with the biggest knife in the house in her hand, a long sought achievement ends up being empty in the end.

Cognitively speaking why is this case? Because somewhere you envisioned it and envisioned it with a more pleasant reality than the actual reality. Why such a high percentage of divorce? The vision of the person and/or marriage was better than the reality. Why do Olympic winners suffer depression? The gold medal around their neck is well, a gold medal around their neck. Nothing more, nothing less.

So from an overall view, acceptance without achievement seems to be the healthy way to go. As my therapist is prone to say, carrots at the end of strings are not carrots. I just convinced myself that they are.

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