Five Years, Lord Willing

Where are you and where are you going?
Mister Imperceptible
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Mister Imperceptible » Sun Mar 25, 2018 2:26 pm

How’s it going Jason? Your journal has slowed down in 2018. Have you run out of ways to be a douchebag? Or are you just reading that much? I enjoy all of the misadventures.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Mon Mar 26, 2018 7:31 am

@MI

Thanks for the inquiry. Please, do not fret my child, for there are many mansions in this douchebag's house.

Along with my reading, I have engaged in a few new activities:

(1) Mental Health- I have gone back into therapy and its been very beneficial. We live in a world where three (3) of the most important things in life i.e. balancing a check book, picking up women at funerals, and watching your mental health are not taught in school. I feel I've mastered the first, reached a JLF 4th level of Renaissance Man proficiency in the second, but am seriously lacking in the third. I doubt this is a surprise to anyone.

(2) Creative Writing Project - I never like to talk about it, but I have something that I believe in and decided to complete it. I'm 20% there. My wife and spoke about a combined a vacation/writer's colony joint venture over the summer.

(3) The recent revelations of the Facebook story, not the data mining side (fucking duh), but high level employees having serious reservations about it's ultimate purpose, have made me take a very hard and serious look at my internet use. I think it's become a real issue for me and we have started a program to de-net. I mean, I just know too much worthless shit about sports, politics, celebrities. What good is it. Do I miss watching videos of zaftig girls pulling down trees while zip lining? Of course. But I do feel there's a positive side to it as well..

Mister Imperceptible
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Mister Imperceptible » Mon Mar 26, 2018 8:58 am

Damn it! Damn you Roger!.....it’s so senseless!

These all sound like positive developments. I recently deactivated my Facebook as well.

Your creative project sounds exciting. Distill all those douchey tidbits into a concentrated and explosive volume. Very interested. Makes me think that I need to start writing as well.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Mon Mar 26, 2018 9:18 am

Mister Imperceptible wrote:
Mon Mar 26, 2018 8:58 am
Distill all those douchey tidbits into a concentrated and explosive volume. Very interested. Makes me think that I need to start writing as well.
Actually, the reason I am excited about this project is that it is completely non- auto-biographical. It is piece of fiction based on a news story I read about which inspired me. The characters are nothing like me. And there is no swearing. My favorite writer is probably David Milch, specifically Deadwood. He would lie down on the floor, envision the characters and then inhabit them. He's a genius and I am not but I am trying to work off that template.

I encourage you to write as well. For clarity, sense of purpose/accomplishment and therapeutic value.

Stahlmann
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Stahlmann » Mon Mar 26, 2018 3:24 pm

Jason wrote:
Mon Mar 26, 2018 7:31 am

(1) Mental Health- I have gone back into therapy and its been very beneficial. We live in a world where three (3) of the most important things in life i.e. balancing a check book, picking up women at funerals, and watching your mental health are not taught in school. I feel I've mastered the first, reached a JLF 4th level of Renaissance Man proficiency in the second, but am seriously lacking in the third. I doubt this is a surprise to anyone.
Is this neuroticism?
I scored on it a litle bit above average on it under qualified tesr. I see we share a bit the same personality traits.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Mon Mar 26, 2018 4:22 pm

I am highly neurotic but I never thought of that as a mental health issue, just more of a personality trait, as you referenced. Ultimately, I'm trying to address depression, which often lurks under addictive and compulsive behavior which I have exhibited throughout my life in various and sundry ways. And that can be a beast.

EdithKeeler
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by EdithKeeler » Mon Mar 26, 2018 7:45 pm

I'm glad to hear about your creative writing pursuit. Several writers on these boards; we should start an online writing group or something. You have a great sense of humor, and you have a fun way with words and scenarios. I find most of your posts here slightly offensive and highly hilarious. It's a good mix!! It seems like a natural pursuit for you--I hope you let me read your project when you're ready.

I'm thinking about giving up Facebook as well. I'm not so concerned about the privacy stuff--who really has privacy in 2018?--but it's a time suck for me. I have all these things I want to do, other things I have to do... and I look at the time I spend reading stupid crap on facebook about people I haven't seen in years and wouldn't care much about except for facebook... I'm starting to try to let it go i have so many people on "ignore" on FB at this point I don't see much anyway.

Mental health--well--I wish you well with that. What is mental health, really? At least I wonder for myself. I think most people are fucked up in some way or another--it's just learning to deal with it. i've suspended my own monthly therapy sessions--it was good for a place to "vent" but other than that, I wasn't seeing much point to it. Or maybe I'm just feeling better about things lately, which is cool, too. Anyway--good job in being proactive with the depression. I wasn't for years and discovered it catches up with you eventually if you don't deal with it.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Tue Mar 27, 2018 8:13 am

EdithKeeler wrote:
Mon Mar 26, 2018 7:45 pm


Mental health--well--I wish you well with that. What is mental health, really?
I agree it’s like “quality of life”- what exactly is it. But if one can take measures to try to improve it, why not try?

EdithKeeler
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by EdithKeeler » Tue Mar 27, 2018 9:26 am

I agree it’s like “quality of life”- what exactly is it. But if one can take measures to try to improve it, why not try?
Oh, I agree! I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant “mental health” probably means different things to different people, barring something like schizophrenia, etc.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Tue Mar 27, 2018 10:43 am

I look at it as gym membership for the mind.

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7Wannabe5
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Tue Mar 27, 2018 12:43 pm

Yeah, good practice as long as your therapist isn't like unto Dr. Nassar. IOW, therapy is kind of like marriage, if it's good it's great, if it's bad it's terrible.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Tue Mar 27, 2018 2:06 pm

I like my guy. And not only because he hasn’t tried to fondle my nutsack or some other type of weird shit. But because he genuinely cares and is not there to indulge me.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Sat Apr 14, 2018 6:22 am

Over the years, I was curious as to what happened to a friend of mine who I hadn't seen since the late 1990's. I would google him and find no info. For some reason, I tried again two weeks ago and a newspaper article pops up. It was written by a family member who is now a journalist. It told the story of how my friend died of a heroin overdose within a year of the last time I saw him. So this whole time I've been wondering about him, he's been dead. How he died was not surprising. I knew his issues. But the fact that my decades old curiosity of "Where was he, what he was doing" would have been answered in a tombstone the whole time, was shocking. And upsetting. I wept, albeit slightly.

I've been trying to figure out what to do with such information. "Live life to its fullest." "Live each day like its your last." "Cherish each moment." I honestly don't know how one does that. Obligations and the burden of living are never escaped. If anything, it really just reinforces one's complete ignorance of things. I think that's what I felt most. Like a foolishness, a reminder of my arrogance in trying to attempt to know. And it wasn't just the passing of time, it was the misappropriation of mind. Somewhere, he was a counter-narrative but to find out that it was "He's dead, I'm alive" was not what I expected.

It has moved me to work harder on something I've been avoiding. If one has an inclination, to do something, there really is no use in waiting. I have no delusion that I could have helped him. But if I could speak to him at the moment he decided to leave his half way house in order to score heroin, I would have told him to think about his ultimate insignificance before doing so. What we wanted, who we thought we were at that time was simply way out of proportion of who we actually were. His brother called him a "talented songwriter." Well based on the fact that not once in my life did I ever receive a royalty check, it simply was not true.

On a brighter note, I got great reviews at my dental examination. Home care has paid off. I am up to 60 albeit slightly disorganized pages on my writing project. And when I responded with "Death" to my physician's question of "What concerned me" he said "Anything else" which I took as a good sign.

slowtraveler
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by slowtraveler » Sat Apr 14, 2018 6:42 am

That's tragic. I also get curious about past friends. Hard not to compare but it makes me happy to not have a facebook. The important ones, I've kept in touch with most of them.

I had a childhood friend die from speedballing (shooting ice melted into h) at 22. Mom found him foaming at the mouth on his bed.

His father was really shooken up losing his only child. Both were sweet. I later found out h overdoses are very preventable if there's less stigma with h and somebody can sit them and have some narcan handy in case they start to see mouth foaming.

I don't see there being some way to magically shift everything based on that. Everyone is doing the best with what they got. Trying to improve life how they know best. It does make me grateful that medical greens were the only drug that consistently caught my attention.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Sat Apr 14, 2018 9:40 am

The story was framed within the context of Narcan. The writer wondered if his brother would still be alive if Narcan was around then. He was somewhat of a pioneer. He had substance issues but hurt his neck, was prescribed opiates, and eventually found heroin.
You are right. There is really no big message to take out of a story like that it except some guy I knew died way too early but too surprisingly. I guess I would like one but its not there.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Thu Apr 19, 2018 10:17 am

I think immediate post-tax is an appropriate time to take inventory:

(1) Despite severe market fluctuations and having to pay our creepy Uncle Sam, we are still 400k+. So that's something to be thankful for.
(2) Finished first chapter of "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up" by Marie Kondo and began process. She suggests tidying by category not rooms, so I started with "paper." I am going through all pieces of paper and asking "Do I need this piece of paper." Have eliminated much based on redundancy as it is also available in electronic form. She is very helpful but I pray to God I never meet her in real life because she's absolutely insufferable. Ok, you are tidy. Get over yourself. And naming a process after yourself? Think I'll write "The Life-Changing Magic of Being a Complete Fucking Douchebag" and call it the Sonja process or some bullshit. I'll hold seminars and make personal visitations. I'll be so effective in teaching people how to be douchebags that I too will have no repeat clientele because I am such a good teacher. I will tell people that one cannot incrementally become a complete fucking douchebag but must do it one complete swoop otherwise they will rebound into being a non-douchebag. I will tell them that I have been interested in being a complete fucking douchebag for as long as I can remember and it is my life dream that others can be one as well. Hopefully we will hold seminars in the same places and I can tell my followers to cut up her book into tiny little pieces and throw them at her like confetti and she will have a complete breakdown at which point she can spend the rest of her life frustrated that there is nothing to tidy up in her rubber room and I can bring my followers to see her and we can laugh at her like the complete fucking douchebags we are;
(3) Dental/Physical Health/Mental Health - I have recently found people I am happy in all three areas and am starting programs in each. Synergistic discipline so to speak. Plus they all agree I need work in all three areas, especially the mental health. I am looking into changing through cognitive work which is very difficult but I actually think it can be done despite what I just wrote in #2;
(4) Due to aggressive home payments in first two years off of re-fi, we are in position to turn 30 year into 10 year.
(5) Average book reading staying steady at four per month;
(6) Writing project comes in spurts due to other areas of consideration;
(7) I think that's it;

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Seppia
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Seppia » Thu Apr 19, 2018 11:00 am

Four books per month?
You are a better man than I am.
My average is about 6 books per year, mostly on vacation time, and I wantch almost zero TV.

Now that I think of it I do read a ton though, but mostly articles/papers about boring stuff I like (money, stock market, macroeconomics, etc).
Maybe I should just think in terms of "pages read" instead of "number of books"

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Thu Apr 19, 2018 2:55 pm

I am sure if we included recipes you'd be way ahead.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Sat Apr 21, 2018 11:42 am

Boy, has this Japanese lady lit a fire under my ass.

I had no idea what I was sitting on. I just assumed I needed all these documents. I think I'm on at least my tenth 30 gallon bag of shredded material. Old paper absorbs and the air quality in the room has actually improved. I realized that I don't need a filing cabinet filled with 100 of folders in 100 folders. I have improved the filing system to a point where I think all I need is a little box to keep essential documents. I wont go as far to say that I am a hoarder but I now have to admit I have hoarder qualities and this is becoming an emancipating experience. I have to say, there is some magic at work here. Oh, man. I can't believe I just wrote that. I should stick my ballsack in the shredder for saying stupid shit like that.

Mister Imperceptible
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Mister Imperceptible » Sat Apr 21, 2018 11:57 am

“Putting your balls in a meat grinder” is a phrase used by a colleague for a scenario in which a person is signing up for an unnecessary headache.

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Sun Apr 22, 2018 5:15 pm

This Japanese lady is onto something. Now I kind of feel bad for wanting to cause her a nervous breakdown. I think what is misleading is the her employment of "tidy." She means something way more serious than the normal interpretation of tidy. It's not a straightening things up, or putting things in order type of endeavor but a radical overhaul. Most important advice so far: tidy by topic, not room. We are still on paper. She gives six months for the entire tidying process. I think we will need it. I practically filled up our communal dumpster with shredded paper over the past few days.

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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by jacob » Sun Apr 22, 2018 5:33 pm

Tidy in the Kondo-world ~ Beautiful in the math-world ~ Virtuous in the faith-world.

Six months is about how long it takes to go through the Kubler-Ross process while adjusting to a new world[-view].

Jason
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Mon Apr 23, 2018 4:39 am

Similar to Kubler-Ross she has five basic categories one has to address when tidying. One always has to be available/ready to engage in this kind of process and I'm going at it like nobody's business for some reason. But it really feels like a lifting of a burden. That there was an invisible but real presence that's being removed from the house.

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FBeyer
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by FBeyer » Mon Apr 23, 2018 8:40 am

You're starting to internalize all the pollyana Youtube star's minimalism ramblings. It turns out that getting rid of shit feels as good as getting out of debt.

As you progress you'll start to get better and better at using "not my circus not my monkeys" to everything else. Some day you might not even have to be a douche anymore, you've simply rid your existence of all those people that need some douching. It's fuggin' magic!

Is your wife on board with your decluttering spree? My GF is NOT on-board with the whole minimalism thing. I'm seriously starting to get on her nerves because we are now so far apart when it comes to stuff, so there is a definite line to the decluttering business. You can think of it as Wheaton levels. Kondo does actually move people 1.5-2 steps up the tidyness Wheaton scale and she does it FAST! Especially because her approach is not JUST about your stuff, but about you as a person, which is radically different from any other tidying approach I've ever come by (if you ignore Buddhism in this regard...). Not only do you transform your home, but you might also transform your feelings about your home, and this really is a lot of gain compared to the effort. It makes it difficult for those of us who wholly embrace decluttering to communicate with 'those who still think they might need this thing some day even though it hasn't been used for three years'...

cat9
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Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by cat9 » Mon Apr 23, 2018 11:01 am

All that shredded paper that could have been included in composting. :-(

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