Five Years, Lord Willing

Where are you and where are you going?
7Wannabe5
Posts: 2847
Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Mon Sep 04, 2017 1:27 pm

Peaches and Herb was me, but with band-mate degree of separation. I dated a bass player who jumped around and did a good deal of studio work back in the 70s/80s. He was of African and Native American heritage. Cool guy, and a bit of a sweetheart too, but he thought he could win at craps.

Yeah, our mother might have eaten a brother too. She's much older and well-medicated now, so contents herself with eating cake while watching endless war sagas on Netflix. I have zero doubt that one of my Slavic ancestresses suffered conquest during reign of Genghis Khan.

Back to the stacks...just remember, so long as you are engaged in cognition with your environment, you are likely still alive.

Jason
Posts: 417
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Mon Sep 04, 2017 3:46 pm

Interesting. I googled "African American, Native Indian, degenerate gambling bassist who played with Peaches & Herb" but all that came back was a picture of a guy dressed like sitting bull. I'm guessing that's not him.

My only rock n' roll encounter was that I kissed Patty Donahue, the lead singer of The Waitresses on a street corner after she drank me under the table at an open mic night where her constant heckling almost got me beat up by a gang of below average comics. I believe there was tongue. She died shortly thereafter.

Jason
Posts: 417
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Fri Sep 08, 2017 5:39 pm

I was thinking about things I enjoy. Reading. Writing. Watching videos of fat girls falling off of hover boards. I'm a simple sort.

One thing I realized I love doing: public screaming matches. I view them as sport. If there was US Olympic team for public screaming matches, I would try out and if I got cut, I would work out and try it again. I wish they were more common and acceptable. I was hit by a car and started berating the lady who hit me and the cop who came said I could be arrested for being a public nuisance. I said "Do you want me to apologize. He said Ok. I went to the lady and said I apologize for yelling at you. Now apologize for hitting my car and we're even." I don't go looking for fights because most people can kick the shit out of me, but I don't avoid them. A guy once cut in front of me in a Sports Authority. So I went to the other counter and heckled him during his entire transaction. He wouldn't take the bait so I suggested he ask where the testicle weights were located in order to make his fuckin balls bigger. I got the store manager for that one. I once got into a three mile Fast and Furious fight with a bus driver with my window open and his bus door open as we hurled insults at each other at three in the morning driving down the highway. He literally tried to kill me with his fuckin bus. That was great. It was one of those accordion bus and it was all over the fucking place as I was screaming at him that his bus ass was so big he was taller sitting down than standing up. He screamed at me that my mother loved licking it. LOL Fucking funny big ass bus driver.

My point is, as I get older, I can obtain that old man amnesty where people won't kick my ass and I can go around yelling at people. It makes me tingle thinking about my golden years.

I didn't buy a book this week.

User avatar
Frugalchicos
Posts: 93
Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2017 9:23 pm
Location: Chicago
Contact:

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Frugalchicos » Fri Sep 08, 2017 8:40 pm

My neighbor parked all day and night in my spot so I threw eggs all over his car and winshield. I also left a note informing him that next time his car would be towed.

He was lucky I didn't wake up at 4am to smash all his windows as I planned. Perhaps this viking beard I'm growing is making me think I'm a bad ass...

Jason
Posts: 417
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Sat Sep 09, 2017 7:20 am

I do my best to profile who I antagonize which pretty much limits me to old ladies, the morbidly obese, the handicapped or combination thereof.

Let's say I get to be elderly. I'm thinking its 50/50 at this point. The wife is in heaven, I'm all alone, the stereotypical raging old guy that nobody talks to. I have no heirs and some excess cash. I get myself a chauffeur and the ERE equivalent of Anna Nicole Smith because I figure this sexual degeneracy issue I have is still going to be there. We drive around America stopping at super markets where I get into a motorized scooter and terrorize the place. "Get the fuck out of my way Muhammed." "Lady, with that ass you should be pulling a plow." "Hey, douchebag the express lane is 12 items, I'm counting 13, get the fuck out of here."

I don't play golf, I will have no family. And I enjoy it. Maybe get some recognition from a local newscast where a semi-hot news chick sticks a microphone in my face and I turn around and blast her with an old man fart.

Jason
Posts: 417
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Thu Sep 14, 2017 2:51 pm

I'm making big changes. Yes, they are only in my mind, but they are happening right now, as I write this. No shit. Thoughts previously entertained, indulged, wined and dined, brought to the VIP room and given stealth hand jobs during lap dances will now be rejected on the spot. New thoughts will be interviewed, their resumes reviewed for possible full time employment. This is an overhaul of my brain. I am firing everyone. Fuck them. They have not done a good job. As a matter of fact, they have been fucking counterproductive. They are lazy and fight with one another. They tell me to do stupid things. They do not have my best interest in mind. They are parasitic bastards. They are bad angels. And they can go back to fuckin hell. I am in charge and my brain is my house and I am cleaning this shit out. Calling the junk guys in and carting this outdated, anachronistic bullshit the fuck out.

And IROBOT. I won't say what they can vacuum.

And my doctor is going to jail.

World - not good. As a matter of fact, very fuckin bad.

Felipe
Posts: 352
Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2015 10:06 pm

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Felipe » Thu Sep 14, 2017 3:22 pm

That's the kind of energy you'll benefit from to change those deeply ingrained habits. It's like changing the course of the Colorado River in the Grand Canyon.

I hope things get better for you man.

Did you binge shop at the book store again?

Jason
Posts: 417
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Thu Sep 14, 2017 4:05 pm

Felipe my friend.

No. Well, a little. Not a binge. Maybe a couple of bumps.

I'm talking crippling, existential Sartresque doubt and anxiety. That "being" dread that enervates and prohibits action. Why don't I do things I want to do and do things I don't want to? Because of the "why." My motivations suck.

Yes, my river needs to be rerouted. Great analogy. I need a sea change.

Felipe
Posts: 352
Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2015 10:06 pm

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Felipe » Thu Sep 14, 2017 4:58 pm

Ouch. I've been there too.

I get that part of you wants to change some other part of you and sees this part as not having value. While it's possible, it seems to me you're comparing the costs of 1 action/habit to the benefits of another.

Are you overlooking the benefits of these behaviors you want to give up (comfort, relief of anxiety, control, power, easy, etc.) and the costs of what you want to take on (discomfort, face anxiety/fears/stress, must learn new ways to cope, etc.)?

I think it's healthy to want to develop and become more directed but it's possible your stress over feeling you need to do it now will inhibit you eventually letting go of old habits and cultivating new ones.

I used to think I absolutely needed to quit pot. I can't tell you how much dread I experienced before a long period of sobriety showed me pot didn't cause any problems except a little more clutter.

Jason
Posts: 417
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Thu Sep 14, 2017 5:37 pm

I'm not certain of how this will manifest in behavior or action. I just need to get my thoughts under control.

Oh, man, pot. The last time I spoked pot I walked around Manhattan high beyond comprehension, went to a brothel and met (chose) this beautiful Italian chick named Gina who bore an uncanny resemblance to the actress in "Rain Man." Then the cops barged in the room. That really, really, sucked. I really can't explain how much that really, really fucking sucked. They told me if I cried or ran they would bring me to the station. They said "Do you think your mother would be proud?" I wanted to say "You ever think that maybe my psychotic mother is the reason I'm currently stoned out of my fucking mind, in a room with you two badge wearing assholes and a hot girl cowering in the corner with her hand covering her vagina." But I just said "I am ashamed" and they said go home and don't go back. I never smoked pot or saw Gina again.

In retrospect, I really fucking wasted my life.

suomalainen
Posts: 71
Joined: Sat Oct 18, 2014 12:49 pm

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by suomalainen » Thu Sep 14, 2017 10:18 pm

What are your sucky motivations? Or were, since they've now changed? And what need were you trying to satisfy? You speak in analogies and hidden meanings, but if you're gonna bring it up at all here, you [edit: may] as well come right out with it.

Jason
Posts: 417
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Fri Sep 15, 2017 5:26 am

Warren Buffet said people are motivated by basically two things: money and acknowledgment. I think I need to become more weighted towards the former and do things just because I like to do them not for any other reason.

suomalainen
Posts: 71
Joined: Sat Oct 18, 2014 12:49 pm

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by suomalainen » Fri Sep 15, 2017 6:05 am

WB would be wrong. Or superficial. People are basically motivated by filling unmet needs. And both of those things are proxies - symbols, not actual needs. For example, both of those could represent security for someone who feels insecure, perhaps financially (money) or emotionally (acknowledgment). My wife, for example, wants to buy a house with an exterior that "makes a statement" because (her words after some discussions) she's always felt like a poor hick. Unfortunately, the houses she likes say to me "I'M A DOUCHE!" Hence our inability to agree on a new house. She wants to buy a house to partly assuage some past emotional scar. I primarily want a house that is functional (keeps me warm and cozy in the winter) and don't care what it looks like so long as it isn't an eyesore. Our current house is mostly functional (and pink!) so it will work for us, at least in one person's view.

Jason
Posts: 417
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Fri Sep 15, 2017 7:30 am

So you live in the realized version of a John Cougar Mellencamp song. That's a lot to take in.

I think Buffet meant how do you motivate people - money and acknowledgement. That's how he runs his office. From that standpoint, I think he's right, as it has worked out pretty well for him.

On your general point, I agree. Am I trying to fill up unmet needs by empty consumerism, possessions, status, etc. Consumerism obviously values image/aesthetics over function/utility and commoditizes time, making either the past or future a better version of present. It's not just the crap, its the crap psychology they wrap the crap in. And I'm sick of it and sick of people who are not sick of it.

But ultimately, I refer to the swirl of bullshit that has been in my fucking head for far too long and that is subjective as it is for most people and not worth discussing in its particularities as will come off as self-indulgent and bore the everlasting crap out of anyone stupid enough to read it.

suomalainen
Posts: 71
Joined: Sat Oct 18, 2014 12:49 pm

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by suomalainen » Fri Sep 15, 2017 8:11 am

Do you take shits for other people?

Jason
Posts: 417
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Fri Sep 15, 2017 8:17 am

Is that like an interview question? I'm not sure what you're getting at.

suomalainen
Posts: 71
Joined: Sat Oct 18, 2014 12:49 pm

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by suomalainen » Fri Sep 15, 2017 8:45 am

Ha that would be a great interview question!

Point is that a journal is a brain toilet, so go ahead and take a brain shit in it. The shitting is for you; staring at other people's shit is for the perversely curious.

Jason
Posts: 417
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Fri Sep 15, 2017 4:02 pm

I appreciate the invitation to take a brain dump. I'll wait to when I'm feeling it.

Jason
Posts: 417
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Sat Sep 16, 2017 8:20 am

Bad News: Zillow giveth and Zillow shits in your bed. Apparently Mr. Market wiped his ass with 7K of my paper net worth. I guess its all paper unless its under the mattress. Anyways, fuck you Zillow and all the cheap shit homebuyers you are monitoring.

Good News: I tidied up this morning. I'm reading that Japanese lady. As helpful as she is, I'm adding her to the small list of women I won't be having sex with. You probably can't even wrinkle the sheets with her and I'm not big on taking instructions. I am receiving 12K this week.

Other various and sundry shit: I am working on time and mental management. I am working on not listening to myself. My brain is like an industry manufacturing bullshit. Everyone dies. I need to get over that. Big deal.

Noedig
Posts: 165
Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2014 10:15 pm

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Noedig » Sun Sep 17, 2017 10:37 pm

Jason, you appear to be struggling with a vortex of dark thoughts and entertaining self doubt. Keep clinging to the raft until the waters are less choppy. Encouraging thoughts to you meantimes, not that that is of any practical help.

I thought of quoting you some Tony Robbins at you, that vacuous superficial vainglorious fakester. But why kick a man when he's down?

Jason
Posts: 417
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Mon Sep 18, 2017 6:59 am

Thank you on both accounts, Noedig, as I do believe that Tony Robbins is the anti-Christ.

My wife just accused me of reveling in misery. She has a point.

EdithKeeler
Posts: 429
Joined: Sun Sep 01, 2013 7:55 pm

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by EdithKeeler » Tue Sep 19, 2017 5:23 pm

Best journal. I read the whole thing last night and laughed out loud. Good stuff!!

Jason
Posts: 417
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Wed Sep 20, 2017 5:01 pm

Good News: I am at an all time high in straight up cash, homes. Not in net worth because Zillow is reducing the value of my condo as I write this bullshit. One day I'm going to go to there office and tell them I hope their asses depreciate to dust. I can sniff $400K. I need at this moment about 27K to get there. To me, that's a milestone that gives me some moat. I need moat. 500K and I got some nutsack biting off alligators to swim in that moat.

Book Buying: I am utilizing the public library. So there.

Food: Eating out too much. Got to look after that.

Mental Attitude: By all standard and measures, still a negative prick.

Post Reply