Five Years, Lord Willing

Where are you and where are you going?
Jason
Posts: 519
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Fri May 05, 2017 11:46 am

I knew I owed, but I thought I had some coverage through write offs. I was wrong. Yes, I had it, so I didn't have to go on an installment payment plan that I once had to do earlier. But it sucked the life out of me.

I sell commercial. So that allows me to win and lose on a bigger scale. For instance, I had a deal out that would have netted me 65K but it blew up faster than Oprah Winfrey after her Weight Watchers endorsement expired.

Bad for me is under 75K. I like to make 100K in a good market. I have made 0. I have made 180K. So 100K is nice. Because we could save all of the money that Uncle Sam doesn't take and then I could quit and read books and watch videos of fat girls falling off of zip lines all day.

User avatar
distracted_at_work
Posts: 152
Joined: Fri Jan 13, 2017 11:51 am
Location: Western Canada

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by distracted_at_work » Fri May 05, 2017 12:16 pm

I knew you sold commercial and I wrote houses anyway, ugh my brain. Think of the bright side, it could have been much worse. What if you were all in the market (I am) and had to sell at a loss to cover a tax burden? I would cry.

Well maybe it's time for that homemade mayo recipe? Need to cover the bad year somehow... :D

Jason
Posts: 519
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Fri May 05, 2017 12:20 pm

Yes, it could have been worse, and that's why I am epistemologically self-conscious that I could come off as being an asshole. But its tough to sell off ETF's/stocks/funds that you felt were a part of your golden ticket.

Anyways, thanks for the reality check.

User avatar
distracted_at_work
Posts: 152
Joined: Fri Jan 13, 2017 11:51 am
Location: Western Canada

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by distracted_at_work » Fri May 05, 2017 2:43 pm

My pleasure. I just spent $45 on a mediocre burger and two beers. I need a forum-goer to beat me with a club.

halfmoon
Posts: 582
Joined: Mon Nov 07, 2016 10:19 pm

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by halfmoon » Fri May 05, 2017 7:36 pm

Hilarious post about the $45 burger, but now back to feeling depressed over your tax bill.
distracted_at_work wrote:
Fri May 05, 2017 12:16 pm
Think of the bright side, it could have been much worse. What if you were all in the market (I am) and had to sell at a loss to cover a tax burden? I would cry.
This could be exponentially more tragic. Back in the dark ages when I was preparing income tax returns, I was contacted by a couple whose home had been seized the previous year for delinquent income taxes. He'd been a self-employed home builder who let the whole tax issue get away from him and also didn't comprehend that letters from the IRS are more urgent than a ransom note. The property they'd owned and lived on for 20 years was seized and sold for taxes; they were left with one acre and a trailer where they currently lived with their children and a couple of dogs. My job was to tell them that, because they had bought the property for a song 20 years ago, the selling proceeds (all went to the IRS) had created a paper gain on which they now owed more taxes.

User avatar
Dragline
Posts: 4450
Joined: Wed Aug 24, 2011 1:50 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Dragline » Fri May 05, 2017 9:02 pm

Get over the taxes. Then look into 1031 exchanges.

As for the burgers, they are de minimus in your case.

Jason
Posts: 519
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Sat May 06, 2017 4:03 am

1031 Exchanges don't help me - this is tax on employment not property.

I did receive a letter from the IRS yesterday saying I overpaid by $500 which was nice. I mean that's 11 mediocre hamburgers to enjoy.

I represent this property - its a a small building with a POS two family house. Its in a flood zone. The owner is a complete scumbag. He calls me up from South Carolina to discuss it like its the Googleplex. "Jay, what's shaking. Did I tell you about the time I changed the doorknobs?" Yes, you fucking did. The house is leased by a brother and sister - one on the top floor, the other on the bottom. Last time I was in the sister's apt. my eyes started burning from the smell and mess. She is a hoarder. Plus she has the throat cancer.

Their mother was sitting outside and we got talking and its obviously a disaster. Each one of her children are paying in monthly rent pretty much what I pay in a mortgage to live in an asbestos riddled shithole, in a commercial zone, stuck in a flood plane, paying rent to an asshole landlord. I got the feeling she would suck my cock for a bag of groceries if I offered but then I could lose my license and well, pretty much everything else.

Its possible to buy an inhabitable house in the area for $250-275K. And I realized that their problem is not having $70K. Fucking $70K is the difference between at least a little domestic peace of mind or living in virtual squalor having to deal with an inveterate douchebag. So I looked at my Mint Money and realized I had $65K in non retirement and thought I need to get that to $100k in order that I could buy something in case I want to move and keep what I own.

As I have mentioned, I could give a shit about being rich. I just never want to be fuckin poor again. Poverty is fucking indignant bullshit

Jason
Posts: 519
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Thu May 18, 2017 1:57 pm

We upgraded our kitchen - 5k minus 1k in rebate = 4k. It's nice. Shiny stainless steel appliances. It's an investment in the bourgeoisie sense of the word. I know Jacob Lund Fisker sits on the edge of active volcanos waiting to roast his marshmallows, but I'm not really down on that extreme shit.

I've started to exercise. I need to lose 25 pounds. Mortality has decided to become my new constant companion and he's very much the douchebag.

Stahlmann
Posts: 256
Joined: Fri Sep 02, 2016 6:05 pm

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Stahlmann » Fri May 26, 2017 9:35 am

Is Jason shadow banned?
I do not see any cynical comments in the feed :D

Jason
Posts: 519
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Sat May 27, 2017 9:14 am

To even think, let alone go public with the idea that a guy who lives in the Western World on 7k a year would consider a neo-Platonic solution to a materialistic problem is more offensive than anything I have ever written.

It's your call, but if I were you, I would apologize to Jacob immediately for such blasphemy.

Jason
Posts: 519
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Sat Jul 08, 2017 11:49 am

Bad new: I'm not making any money.

Good news: Basically all that shit you say when you're not making any money i.e. I am middle aged but still have both my testicles, I never have to see my psychopathic mother/brother again, I don't have kids with or without autism, my wife for some reason still loves me or if she doesn't, I married a better actress than Meryl Streep, I am not Anthony Weiner (but closer than I like to admit) etc.

General News: When Trump was first elected, I would have chosen Ivanka over Melania in a heartbeat. But now its the reverse which I think I could explain. But it presents a dilemma - would I really go where Donald Trump has been? Now I understand that still might have been an issue which Ivanka, but it presents a conundrum of the highest fucking magnitude. I understand that the likelihood that the opportunity will ever present itself is less than negligible but I feel this obligation to know what I would do just in case.

George the original one
Posts: 4295
Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:28 am
Location: Wettest corner of Orygun

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by George the original one » Sun Jul 09, 2017 3:43 pm

Use the time-honored naval excuse: "I was drunk, sir!"

Jason
Posts: 519
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Mon Jul 10, 2017 6:00 am

Does that excuse still work when the chick's husband happens to be the commander-in-chief of the Navy?

George the original one
Posts: 4295
Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2010 3:28 am
Location: Wettest corner of Orygun

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by George the original one » Mon Jul 10, 2017 6:30 pm

Make no mistake, you still get thrown into the brig, but at least no one questions your judgement.

Jason
Posts: 519
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Wed Jul 12, 2017 8:02 pm

(1) Bad News: In the span of five (5) minutes today, a deal worth 13K to me died and I was rear ended by a Ford Fl50 pick up truck while waiting for the light to change. I have decided that the first thing I will do upon retirement is to make a pilgrimage to the grave of Henry Ford, exhume that anti-semitic, high modernist, Taylorist motherfucker and skull fuck his head to god damn dust.

(2) Good News: I am going to contract on a deal that would net me 45K.

(3) General News: I am at peace with my decision to sleep with Melania Trump if the opportunity so arises. I have, however, decided not to sleep with Donald Trump Jr.'s wife under any circumstances, despite the fact that she is a complete babe. He has turned out to be even more abhorrent than his father, plus they have like six kids so its probably like a bowl of soup down there anyways.

(4) Projects: Reformation Summer. I am doing an in depth study of Martin Luther and the protestant Reformation. He loves Jesus and can't write a sentence without swearing five fucking times in it so I'm enjoying it.

(5) ERE News: ATVI spiked today because of some gaming shit I don't understand. I have managed to knock 17K off my mortgage in three quarters.

Noedig
Posts: 169
Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2014 10:15 pm

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Noedig » Wed Jul 12, 2017 10:14 pm

Retirement location will affect your outgoings hugely. Will you rent out the condo?

To plan how much you need to save, you must plan your expenditure in retirement. Done that?

Leaving it vague and keeping '5 years' as a mirage to keep you marching towards the far flung green sunlit uplands, is mere motivational doublethink.

How will you know when you are there: lose the will to get out of bed? Knees give out? Have saved $XXXXXX.XX ? That last is best. So, got a number? Is the number based on a budget? Is the budget based on a specific plan?

You can go to town with the planning and model several different retirement lifestyles, then pick the most expensive as a target if you can't choose.

Best of luck with the next deal, and keeping at bay the douchebag of death.

BTW, re: your tersely mordant prose style, love it. I hope you speak like that.

Noedig
Posts: 169
Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2014 10:15 pm

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Noedig » Wed Jul 12, 2017 10:21 pm

One more thing: Cut out the fuckin burgers. Yes, those places are convenient, and fast. Think of them like the funnel traps of a wolf spider - and you are not the spider in that scenario. Give the douchebag of death the finger and give the burgers the flip finger.

I now credit you " I created a budget and it appears we can live on 70K pre-tax". That's what I call thinking, well done.

Jason
Posts: 519
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Thu Jul 13, 2017 6:44 am

(1) Retirement location: We are scouting America through long weekend vacations. We prefer New England, but are wary of winter weather conditions as we age. Our first choice would be Vermont, but one has to be "retired retired" to move there as unless you are a logger or opioid dealer, there are no full time jobs. I could see myself dealing opioids, but I could also see myself addicted to opioids so that's not good. Is it wrong to dream of retirement as sitting with a shoe box filled with prescription pills with a line of rural, jonesing, fat girls lined up outside your mountain shack willing to barter with sexual favors? I guess that's another ethical type of question I need to wrestle with. Which brings up the whole Appalachian dimension: one wrong turn on a mountain road and you are being pulled out of your Subaru and passed around like Ned Beatty in a barn by a family who still thinks there are only 13 states.

Upon watching the Warren Buffet documentary, I want to see Omaha, Nebraska. It seemed nice there. I need open spaces.

(2) Epistemology: I will know quantitatively. Qualitatively I am ready. I hate work. My great joy is reading, followed closely by being an asshole on the internet. Looking at the numbers, removing 175K in mortgage debt almost gets us there, based upon stock market performance.

(3) The Douchebag of Death: Fuck him. Fuck him repeatedly in his decaying, sand bagging, rancid asshole.

(4) Discourse: My wife has noted the "douchebag" effect: how quickly those in my orbit start using the word. She thinks I could get the Pope to use it which is intriguing. "That Cardinal is a bigger douchebag that Pontus Pilate. Lord have mercy on me, I am spending too much time with Jason."

Jason
Posts: 519
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Sat Jul 15, 2017 7:51 am

(1) I am not dripping and drabbing myself to death anymore: no daily coffee/fast foods/lap dances et al. And I do not apologize to the area Dunkin Donuts Franchisees, the Kroc family or Tiffany/Amber et al for that, despite all the pleasure they have provided me over the years. In irrelevant but unfortunate news, Kia, who offered to blow me in the VIP room for $60 (which I found endearingly consistent with her economy class stripper name) and now six months pregnant, was recently arrested on prostitution charges at the Howard Johnson's Motel, conveniently located three blocks from her place of employment. I never understood the prego fetish, but supposedly those guys pay a premium, based on supply and how far along they like the chick to be;

(2) After refinancing last year, I have been able to pay our 30 year mortgage as though it is a 15 year mortgage, but I ultimately hope to Django that slave master earlier;

(3) My study habits, which are very important to me, are being exercised. I have finished 25 books this year so far. My record is 67 books in 2015 as I spent as much time as I could with my our dying parrot;

(4) My 13K deal is back in play. There was no significant auto/bodily/psychic damage in my semi-annual car accident. I will have two weeks to myself in August when my wife flies to Venice. I plan on spending my time wisely, continuing my reformation studies and creative writing projects;

Jason
Posts: 519
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Jason » Wed Jul 19, 2017 7:50 am

Books. I have a book problem. I know where I got it. But I need to confront it.

In a blog post JLF writes about hoarding and includes a personal library under that penumbra which if not revolutionary is at least evolutionary as hoarding is usually associated with unnecessary, fetish like objects i.e. old newspapers, cats, teddy bears, et al. Not something potentially beneficial like books, the majority of which I think would be classified as "serious". But upon reflection, he is correct, at least as it pertains to myself. And when it comes to ERE, that is really all that matters. Give me an Amen. There you go.

I rationalize buying books because I like to imitate a broad, liberal arts curriculum in my life. So I need a book representing each category i.e. theology, history, political science, social science, post WW II fiction. Its an endless pedagogy and that easily justifies a new book. The issue is that you can't read everything, as unfortunate as that is.

It's an idol. Plain and simple. I am an asshole by nature. Like a major league, Grade A asshole and being annoyingly educated on a wide variety of topics adds immeasurable pleasure to being an inveterate asshole. It just bugs the everlasting shit out of people and I like bugging people. I am responsible for more Church basement, Sunday schools brawls this side of Martin Luther. It is one of life's great pleasures.

So, in Aristotelianism terms, my essence is that I am an asshole, my accidents being books. I thought about if I could change my essence and I pretty much decided that I can't. I mean I could, but I thought I'd address the accident thing first because well, in the merry-go-round of circular logic, I'm an asshole.

The upshot, I will use the library.

User avatar
Allagash
Posts: 117
Joined: Tue Oct 11, 2016 9:34 pm
Location: WA State

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Allagash » Wed Jul 19, 2017 1:24 pm

Funniest ERE journal BY FAR that I have read! You seriously missed a million dollar career in stand up. There are some serious gems in this journal. LMFAO reading this! Laughed so hard I choked on my home made 55 cent a pound millet and Kale (stolen form the neighbors garden) lunch. I needed that. We all need some levity in this journey towards monk like austerity.

P_K
Posts: 23
Joined: Wed May 04, 2016 9:47 pm

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by P_K » Wed Jul 19, 2017 10:45 pm

Jason is the asshole this forum never knew it needed.

User avatar
Allagash
Posts: 117
Joined: Tue Oct 11, 2016 9:34 pm
Location: WA State

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Allagash » Wed Jul 19, 2017 11:20 pm

P_K wrote:
Wed Jul 19, 2017 10:45 pm
Jason is the asshole this forum never knew it needed.
Have a sense of humor and don't take things so seriously.

User avatar
fiby41
Posts: 738
Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2015 8:09 am

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by fiby41 » Wed Jul 19, 2017 11:39 pm

Allagash wrote:
Wed Jul 19, 2017 11:20 pm
P_K wrote:
Wed Jul 19, 2017 10:45 pm
Jason is the asshole this forum never knew it needed.
Have a sense of humor and don't take things so seriously.
I think it's a compliment and a Batman reference, Batman is the hero Gotham needs but not the one it deserves.

Felipe
Posts: 414
Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2015 10:06 pm

Re: Five Years, Lord Willing

Post by Felipe » Thu Jul 20, 2017 1:32 am

@Jason
Considering your high property taxes, you probably have a kick ass library near you. They often link to other libraries so you have sometimes can have multiple states to find books in and have them freely shipped to your library. IHave you checked your local library? Some ebooks there too, millions of books and you never have to spend a dime outside of gas and car depreciation/maintenance.

At 28k that's an expensive car. Do electric cars have status in your neighborhood? Mr. Money Mustache got a new Leaf for around 15k. You could find a Volt for around 10k with a new battery.

Post Reply