Fish's Enlightenment

[Jason]

My car is my office so I can't risk any issues with it. The criteria for my DIY is "Do I have to get off the couch?" So obviously there is room for improvement as it pretty much limits me to changing the batteries in the remotes. With children I can see minimizing risk. It would seem counterproductive to having your eulogy be "Fish was a frugal man who tried to set an example for his children. And he did, as he died from being crushed while replacing his own brake pads, ensuring that his family can now stop in peace when paying their respects. At least until they wear out again, at which point they can decide whether they want to follow in their father's footsteps."

[suomalainen]

It's completely open-ended. I have no idea what I'm doing now. And there's no "standard solution" anymore. This will be FUN!

So, going off menu, so to speak:

Just remember that most of life is not actually on the menu.

[wolf]

Hi Fish! How are you? I haven't read much from you in the last couple of weeks. Are you ok? I now post with wolf, and not MDFIRE2024 anymore.

[Fish]

@wolf - I like the new username. The lack of forum output is due to a severe case of "work is not so bad".

Journal update. I have been continuing to think about the ERE as Chess discussion. Not so much about the chess part, but what my next "move" should be. Lately, I have been considering setting an expiration date on my job just to build some change in my life.

[daylen]

However, doing paid work on the side would be unethical, so it would have to be uncompensated. Otherwise it could be a path to starting a consulting business. Nevertheless, this is pretty much the last thing I want to do after a full day of work (and kids). Is this the price of being a specialist?

Generally operating away from the margins of society limits the pool of potentially high risk, high reward investment opportunities.

[Scott 2]

My work has been bringing in more experts as the company grows. I have been thoroughly disappointed at what the standard is for expert. I wouldn't be surprised if your experience plus that 50-100 hours of reading a year, is more than enough to lead the way. Part of leading is knowing enough to leverage the skills and expertise of others.

For what it's worth, I've done the side gig thing twice now. Both times conditions were nearly ideal - 20-40 hours a month, entirely outside of working hours, communication via email, hourly rate of my annual salary divided by 1000, same profession but different industry, etc. In both situations, I stopped because working after I'd finished working was just too unpleasant. I made it 9 months the first time, 2 weeks the second.

I'd rather stay home than travel too. My company has started doing trips with spouses every couple of years. My wife is very happy about it, because it mean she's certain to go somewhere nice.

[7Wannabe5]

Who did you want to take to the prom?

[suomalainen]

+1 to @7. Inquiring minds and all. How goes the battle on the wife and kids front? Floundering, flying or sailing somewhere in between? (I’m really sorry about this folks. Couldn’t stop myself.)

[Fish]

Who did you want to take to the prom?

At the time, if I had my pick I would have taken one of the girls that graduated the year before. I was drawn to maturity, even though I didn't exhibit it myself. I'd expected not to go (it wasn't my thing) but my friend-group had a gender imbalance at 4M/5F and all the girls wanted to attend. So me getting a date was more due to demographics rather than good looks and charm, although I'd like to think that also played a role.

[Fish]

How goes the battle on the wife and kids front?

We're managing. Lately we've been focusing more on "appropriate response" rather than parenting on ideals. We cut an extracurricular for each of the children, as well as stopped sending a 2-parent delegation to the endless birthday parties and play dates. I actually enjoy socializing with other parents but I also need some quality time to myself once in a while, and that's finally happening. Other families figured out that one a lot earlier than we did.

Whenever I feel like complaining I read your journal entries and that helps put things into perspective.

[suomalainen]

Progress! Nice! I remember that age - the play dates and birthday parties and plastic toys and creativity and imagination. But not as well as you’d think, actually. The kids don’t really remember it at all; the only real remnant is the way you relate becomes “sticky” as you roll from one year to the next. And the pictures/videos. Those bring smiles. But it was definitely exhausting, but more satisfying in a way. I’ve been mulling the difference and once my thoughts marinate a bit more, I’ll write something up.

Whenever I feel like complaining I read your journal entries and that helps put things into perspective.

Yeah, work in progress over here. I did find my twitter bff via one of those dumb buzzfeed lists. @R_A_Dadass (Real American Dadass). This was the tweet on the buzzfeed list, but it perfectly captures what I suppress saying when someone tells me they’re expecting: I spent 20 minutes, 20. Fucking. Minutes. Convincing my kid to wear a coat, but yeah, congrats on your pregnancy.

[George the original one]

it perfectly captures what I suppress saying when someone tells me they’re expecting: I spent 20 minutes, 20. Fucking. Minutes. Convincing my kid to wear a coat, but yeah, congrats on your pregnancy.

LOL... if it's any consolation, I've spent that much time convincing the afghan hound which direction to go when we came to an intersection. He would sit down and refuse to go the direction I wanted to go. Discussion ensued (afghan hound swearing at me) and eventually he'd relent, though often it was merely that I'd tricked him into taking a step in that direction several times.

[jennypenny]

I spent 20 minutes, 20. Fucking. Minutes. Convincing my kid to wear a coat,

I always laugh when I hear parent stuff like that. I'd never spend 20 minutes trying to convince my kid of anything, more like 20 seconds. Then I'd just stuff their coat in my bag and we'd head out. If their lips turned blue I'd hand them their coat. Of course, I've never been accused of being mother of the year so maybe my approach is wrong. Still, they all seem eager to leave the nest ...

edit: I'm not laughing at you guys or your parenting skills. I feel badly for parents who worry about making a mistake with their kids so much that they drive themselves crazy like that. Pick your battles.

[FBeyer]

I spent 20 minutes, 20. Fucking. Minutes. Convincing my kid to wear a coat,

I always laugh when I hear parent stuff like that. I'd never spend 20 minutes trying to convince my kid of anything, more like 20 seconds. Then I'd just stuff their coat in my bag and we'd head out. If their lips turned blue I'd hand them their coat. Of course, I've never been accused of being mother of the year so maybe my approach is wrong. Still, they all seem eager to leave the nest ...

That makes two of us.

Ok honey, have you figured out NOW why mommy and daddy are trying to make you wear your coat? We're not trying to bully you, we're trying to keep you warm.

*shivering. Nodding. Pleading looks*

Ok I'll help you get your coat on, I can see your fingers are all cramped from the cold

[suomalainen]

@jp and @fbeyer Oh, don't get me wrong, I don't coddle my kids either. Coats, food, shoes - I don't care. Do what you will. It's more the sentiment I relate to that you're "supposed" to congratulate someone who is pregnant or just had a kid when inside I laugh and laugh and think "what have you done?"

[jennypenny]

@S--Sorry if I misunderstood, it's just that you guys always sound so cranky when you talk about your kids. I love having kids even though they drive me crazy half of the time. I thought that roller coaster metaphor in the movie 'Parenthood' was spot on. Guess I'm lucky I like roller coasters.

[Synthesize]

Hey Fish, I finished reading your journal, and I appreciate the insights you have shared on your journey. I realize you are enjoying your work, which is a great spot to be in. I think many seeking FI, unfortunately, stick with jobs that are not a good fit (FIRE fuel) instead of seeking better opportunities. One question that came to mind is: are you location restricted? You mentioned that you have 5 – 10 years left to reach FIRE, but changing the variable of location (housing) could definitely reduce the time to FI. Most non-costal US cities would allow you to buy a McMansion for the price of 4 Fish in a great school district for your kids. You could then free up 6.7 Fish currently locked up as home equity. Your housing expenses would then be minimal. Will the childcare expenses of 25% of budget go away when the kids hit school age?

[Fish]

@Synthesize - Thanks for the suggestion. Living close to family is important for my wife and myself, and our current location enables that. Relocating might be financially optimal but it creates other problems, such as needing to find 2 jobs to replace the ones we have. I think it's worth considering if moving = instant FI/RE, but at our current spending and NW moving doesn't solve any problems. Since the house is paid off, the expenses are not too burdensome. If our hand were forced, I would rather cut expenses 50% than move, and I think DW would be inclined to do the same. There's plenty of fat in the budget.

[Stahlmann]

in light of
viewtopic.php?t=9963
how do you find energy to do something mentally demanding while working in mentally intensive field?

[Fish]

DW has wanted to be a stay-at-home mom for a while, but for some reason she never considers financial independence as a way of achieving that dream. Until last week, there was finally a breakthrough and we had our first ever productive conversation about FIRE. All of a sudden, a curiosity about savings rates, 4% rule, and FI. Mind you, her interest-level is not high enough to start reading FIRE blogs and make a tracking spreadsheet, but she's finally open to the idea of actively taking some steps toward FI instead of being along for the ride.