TheRedHare's Journal

Where are you and where are you going?
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TheRedHare
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Location: Atlanta, GA

Re: TheRedHare's Journal

Post by TheRedHare » Sun Feb 25, 2018 1:13 pm

December, January and February Updates

It has been awhile since my latest update so I'll try to summarize all that has happen within the last couple of months

December:
This month was pretty bad for savings as I bought a lot of hiking gear for a pretty long 3 day backpacking trip in Tennessee. Most of the stuff I got was very high end, hence why it was so expensive, and so I rationalized buying it all by thinking that it will last for a long time.

The trip itself was rough, but left me with many good memories. I also learned a lot about myself, and about things I need to improve on - like knot tying skills haha. There was one point where it was pouring rain, it was getting dark, and we were all freezing cold. One of my friends is a marine and is a great outdoors-man. He quickly tied up a tarp for us so that we could make our tents underneath. I was totally useless in helping make this shelter as I could not stop shaking from the cold and didn't really know what I was doing.

After I returned from my camping trip, my cousin/boss complained about how I was not doing enough for the business, despite me putting in over 150 hours in our latest project....he never looked up my recorded hours nor did he remember when I told him I was taking a week off. Because of his own insecurities and about the businesses finances...which he just found out how little money we (he) was profiting (because of 3 payrolls of 45k and 2x 65k)...this is of course after I gave him the bank account password, which he forgot. Despite all this, he ridiculed me in public at a restaurant and in front of another employee....I guess he though he could do this because I was family and because I'm the youngest. This was when I decided I needed to find a new job.

January:
My cousin made the decision to switch me off of my salary and onto hourly because he didn't want to pay me anymore...he did this after we finished the project, so all my hours and "bonuses" he promised me went out the window....so I made 0 income this month. It was not that big of a deal for me to leave, in fact I was happy I was leaving. There were too many times where I had to walk on eggshells in order to keep my cousin happy.
Lucky for me, I got a new job by mid January and left my cousin. My new job is much more stable as I now work for a government contractor as a software support analyst, not exactly a dev position, but I figured I could work my way into one. I make a little bit more than I did, now at 47k and I got a little signing bonus.

February:
I took 2 weeks off and started working at my new job in mid February. The people are nice, seem to know there stuff and are helpful. I haven't recorded my savings for this month, but they haven't been that great due to no income until the end of this month.

Jujitsu has been going very well. I had a couple moments were I felt like quitting in order to save more money, but figured it was worth the investment. I've gotten much better and feel much more confident in my abilities, despite me getting my ass kicked 90% of the time.

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TheRedHare
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Enneagram Type 4

Post by TheRedHare » Fri Mar 02, 2018 2:35 pm

I took this test a while back and got Type 4, but refused to believe it. I remember reading the type description and agreeing with it but at the same time hating it. This was when I was in military school and didn't want to be seen as an "individual" so I tried to just be part of the group.

Fast forward to today; I retook the test and got the same thing. After re-reading the description and many hours spent on reading about this type I've decided to accept it. I think one of the big things that bothered me about being a 4 was this idea that 4s are often seen as wimpy, useless artists who put themselves up on a pedestal and congratulate each other for being so "original". Kinda like how all these "actors" pat themselves on the back for "being brave" for something like coming out of the closet or some other dumb shit. I despise that and always hated people like that. On the opposite end you see those brilliant artists who were tormented by their own insecurities and social pressures that they one day killed themselves over or died a lonely miserable death (thinking of van Gogh or Poe)

I think most of my 4nes stems from when I was a child. Growing up I was always seen as an outsider, but not so much so that I was completely ostracized from the group like nerds usually are but enough so that I wasn't part of the "in" crowd. Normally in schools there are cliques that form like the jocks, nerds, preps ect. I was kinda like that misfit type kid. I wasn't smart enough or focused enough to be a nerd, wasn't strong enough to be a jock, and wasn't pretty or rich enough to be a prep. (I know I'm archetyping heavily, but this is childhood and kids are not developed yet) Realizing this now makes a lot of sense to me. I so wanted to be part of the "in" crowd, and rejected my own talents by dropping band (which I was really good at), chess and anything else I thought wasn't "cool". I tried out for the sports team, but failed miserably....I even remember the whole class laughing at my failed attempt of trying to be on the soccer team when pointed out by the jocks.

I won't try to write an autobiography here, so I'll just go over some of the patterns I now see in hindsight.

My father was really into the hippy movement back in the 60s. He traveled with several bands as a singer and guitar player (and actually got pretty popular (some of there songs made it into movies), but the band was terribly managed), he acted in movies (as an extra) and played the lead role In many plays (most of these were local, but still very good). Oh he also smoked a ton of weed :) He one day quit the hippy life and worked in a plumbing warehouse where he learned pretty much every thing you need to know about plumbing. He eventually became a certified master plumber and ran his own plumbing business....to bad he didn't know how to manage his finances.

Realizing this, I now see that the apple did not fall far from the tree. Not only do I look a lot like my dad, but also have his same temperament. Although this is cool and all, I have no desire to be a hippy, or a traveling musician (I secretly wish I was a musician, but having a stable job is nice). The way I see things now, I'd like to channel my creative energy through creating art, music and writing poetry shit lol. I need a stable job, in order to have some security so I'll just stick to programming or IT in general. Thinking about taking music lessons to get back into my long lost talent/passion....I don't care if it's "useful" or not, it's a means of expression for me. Bam* *Drops mic.
Last edited by TheRedHare on Fri Mar 02, 2018 3:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Jason
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Re: Enneagram Type 4

Post by Jason » Fri Mar 02, 2018 3:18 pm

TheRedHare wrote:
Fri Mar 02, 2018 2:35 pm
He eventually became a certified master plumber and ran his own plumbing business....to bad he didn't know how to manage his finances.

Sad that he flushed it all away.

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TheRedHare
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Re: Enneagram Type 4

Post by TheRedHare » Fri Mar 02, 2018 3:33 pm

Jason wrote:
Fri Mar 02, 2018 3:18 pm
TheRedHare wrote:
Fri Mar 02, 2018 2:35 pm
He eventually became a certified master plumber and ran his own plumbing business....to bad he didn't know how to manage his finances.
Sad that he flushed it all away.
Old Plumbers never die, they just get drained out.

Jason
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Re: TheRedHare's Journal

Post by Jason » Fri Mar 02, 2018 3:38 pm

I actually googled “60’s singer who became plumber” but only came up with the original singer of The Dave Clark 5 who was already a plumber and quit because he could make more money plumbing than singing. Not to mention Dave Clark was a complete control freak.

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TheRedHare
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Re: TheRedHare's Journal

Post by TheRedHare » Fri Mar 02, 2018 4:40 pm

Jason wrote:
Fri Mar 02, 2018 3:38 pm
I actually googled “60’s singer who became plumber” but only came up with the original singer of The Dave Clark 5 who was already a plumber and quit because he could make more money plumbing than singing. Not to mention Dave Clark was a complete control freak.
haha, well if you can find any info on "Peachtree" band or "Sunshine Trolley" band let me know. I'll have to ask what movie there song was in.

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TheRedHare
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Re: TheRedHare's Journal

Post by TheRedHare » Mon Apr 23, 2018 11:38 am

March - Late April

Boy things just fly by don't they. I don't have many updates for these past two months, but I'll try and recap as best I can...sorry for the brain dump

Savings:
-I'll be honest in that they are meh, but this is mostly because I've been putting down $1,000 payments on my student loans. So from my original 30k I'm at 24k. So within about a year I've knocked out 6k....which isn't nearly as much as I want it to be. I have about 7k in my checking rn mostly to keep myself safe from any random events. I'm planning so put down another 4k once July rolls around, the reason being that the company I'm working for has to renew their contract with the government...once that happens I the contract will last for another 5 years, so I should be able to let loose a little and focus on taking down my student loan.

Hobbies:
-Still going to BJJ...someday it can be difficult to motivate myself to go right after work, but I always feel better once I finish training.

-I've become much more interested in geo-politics and reading about what's going on the world. I have no issue with spending several hours a day reading articles...really helps me see the big picture.

-Still learning to program. I took a break and have slacked off mostly because my work doesn't require that much coding...although my manager is giving me the opportunity to work with some of the senior devs to learn. I'm really happy about this and hope that this will be my point where I can really break into the dev world. This has given me motivation to study after work.

-Starting to build up a network of likeminded people. I have been way to antisocial for the past year. Honestly this has caused me to feel quite lonesome and isolated, but in all fairness I do it to myself...this is mostly because I didn't want to feel obligated to go out and spend money on weekends. Thankfully, I've still got my college buddies who I talk with on daily basis, and sometimes game with.

Car:
-Had some issues with my braking system and decided to turn it in to get it worked on...turns out I needed quite a bit of repairs done to it costing me around 800.
-Recently found out that my truck leaks gas when filling it up, but no other time. Gonna have to bring it in again :/
-I've been changing the oil pretty frequently in order to keep it running smooth so it'll last for at least another year. I just need to have this thing get me through until I can pay my student loans off. Once that is done, I'll look into getting a different car.

Career and More Schooling?
-I have been going back and fourth on the idea that I will have to get some more schooling in order to sharpen my skills. I realize I'm not as self motivated when it comes to coding as I think. I need some sort of structure in order to do better because if I don't have that I slack off. I'm thinking about attending a coding bootcamp to maybe get me some more skills, or going back to get a CS degree.
-The main reason why I'm thinking about getting a CS degree is because I don't think I would be good at management. I'm a good communicator, but I don't like managing other people and would prefer to do things on my own. So the route I'm thinking about taking is to get really good at coding and become a consultant. I think that by the time I get several years of experience under my belt I should have enough money in investments to cover my essentials.

Latest Purchases:
-Bought a Herman Miller chair which retails for about 1,000 for 250.
-Glock-19 Gen 5 for 650
-Timberland boots for 150

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Viktor K
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Re: TheRedHare's Journal

Post by Viktor K » Tue Apr 24, 2018 12:48 am

Nice progress on paying down the student loans, sticking with jiu jitsu, and expanding your network. Staying healthy and happy, while making progress on your finances should help you power through whatever you decide on as far as your professional development. In the states, freecodcamp has meetups that you might try looking into before throwing down on a bootcamp or a college degree. Maybe a network of learners can help you stay motivated

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TheRedHare
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Re: TheRedHare's Journal

Post by TheRedHare » Tue Apr 24, 2018 8:29 am

Viktor K wrote:
Tue Apr 24, 2018 12:48 am
In the states, freecodcamp has meetups that you might try looking into before throwing down on a bootcamp or a college degree. Maybe a network of learners can help you stay motivated
Yeah, I think that is the main issue - not having a group of friends within the same age group that are also trying to pursue coding as a career. I've gone to some Meetups in the past when I was super motivated to code. The issue I've had with some of them is that they can sometimes feel like I'm the only noob in the room (which I'm sure isn't the case). I've just got to put my ego aside and be willing to learn/befriend from some of these guys.

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TheRedHare
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A long overdue journal entry pt. 1

Post by TheRedHare » Tue Dec 04, 2018 9:13 pm

***I'm breaking this up into two entries because I have a lot to get off my chest, and don't feel like writing it all in one sitting. (Yes, I know I can save my draft (did that once and it didn't save) also, screw off this is my journal. Also, sorry/not sorry for the mind dump)***

Hey everyone, sorry for not having posted in about 8 months. It's been quite a roller-coaster ride of emotion for me these past several months, and I'm trying to get myself back on the ERE mindset.

Where to start....
Well, since this is a fiance blog I'll throw some numbers out.
-Personal Checking: 6k
-Student Loan debt: ~22k
And no other debt...which is great :)

And that's about it lol. I think I'm going to throw down another 3k on the student loans in order to feel better about myself. I started 2018 with about 28k in student debt, so as you can tell I haven't been that smart. This is partly due to some expensive bullshit medical costs (due to anxiety...jesus what a f***ing waste), buying stuff (probably most of it useless), and spending on lessons (piano, BJJ/ gym membership) which in hindsight wasn't/isn't very smart (more on that later), and just a bunch of other random bullshit things that were all mistakes.

Aside from being an idiot with my money, I've learned a good bit about myself and my unfortunate habits. For one, I'm very neurotic, and often mistakenly identify my personality with my ever changing mood..although, I've become way more conscious of it, and do what I can to try to prevent making poor decisions when my emotions get the best of me. Still, it's a huge pain and I need to find ways to reach emotional balance and resilience. I'm thinking that in order to reach this I need to be more true to myself (what I want out of life), exercise on a more regular basis, find a diet that is suitable to me in order to stabilize energy levels and focus. Any more suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

I've also realized how incredibly lazy I can be, and how fast I burn out on things. I started out the year believing I would be a damn good programmer by the end of the year....sadly, I've not met that goal. In fact, I don't even think programming is right for me. Honestly, I'm not sure if this is all because I've been very depressed these past several months and haven't had much interest in learning, or if I just find programming revolting at least doing so for a company and all the annoying hype around it. I think it's a mix of everything. However, I have come to find design a much more pleasurable experience. I think it's because I find it more emotionally satisfying? Since October I've started to make strides towards that side of the tech world by creating prototypes of apps, reading on the topic, and meeting a lot of professional designers by going to meetups.

Speaking on getting burnt out on things, I pretty much stopped going to BJJ when I got an injury that put me out for about a month...then I found out that our coach moved back to Brazil and has been replaced with a far less experienced guy. So I essentially wasted 140 a month for about 7 months...so about 1k down the drain....STUPID!
I also started taking piano lessons in September, but quickly got burnt out of that even though I was learning really quickly and was excited. What got me was the drive (I had to drive about 2hours to take a 2hour lesson once every week), and I would often go right after getting off work which really sucked bc all I wanted to do after work was chill...not drive and sit in traffic. I'm now down to once a month for a lesson, but I'm no longer motivated as I feel like I'm chasing some stupid dream of maybe one day making music of my own (I thought after I retired). But the more I started to come to terms with reality the less interested I became in learning music. I think with what little effort I have, I should put towards something that is going to make me some $$.

I know that I've spoken about being a wannabe artist and blah blah blah but I've come to terms on how the arts are a terrible thing to do professionally. The pay is mostly shit, you'd have to abide by stupid trends (if you want to make money), and most people that go in full of passion often come out super jaded. I know some older musicians(who are great, but just don't cater to what everyone else likes) who are full of bitterness, and barely scrape by due to all the money they spent on their failed dreams (such as pitty). I didn't want to end up like them so I went down the route I took...but it's hard to find any interest in the corporate world sometimes.
But then, UI/UX/Digital Design smacked me in the face. Since there is so much demand for software these days, there is demand for people that design them (speaking aesthetically), and they pay quite well..maybe not as much as an engineer, but I'm not an engineer and would rather take on the role of a designer.

So as far as career stuff goes, that's where I think I need to work towards. As much as I find programming interesting, I'm not a good programmer.
But I can't expect to be a designer without any hard work...which is another problem I have considering how lazy I can be. So, my thinking is that I need to get out more, work with others (collaborate), take actual classes (General Assembly I know have short classes you can take. Even though you can learn this stuff from the comfort of your own home...I'm just too tempted to slack off, and need to be in a working environment to be more productive (at least when learning).

I'll go over more personal crap in the next entry.

chenda
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Re: TheRedHare's Journal

Post by chenda » Thu Dec 06, 2018 9:00 am

You sound like me 5 years ago, jumping about with no clear sense of direction. My advice, fwiw, is to do a career which you're good at, which follows you natural aptitudes. Do some aptitude testing online. All other considerations will naturally work out from this.

And I don't think you've wasted your time on BJJ, no learning is ever wasted. But I'd take up another sport, maybe something you can practice more at home.

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