Stahlmann's thoughts

[Stahlmann]

Hello,

I am young guy from Europe.

GOALS

Mental health:
a) be more stable
b) enjoy life more
c) learn to enjoy simple life

Education:
0) finish my mech eng degree
a) pass Cambridge C1 language certification
b) pass Goethe C1 language certification

Work:
0) Start to internalize TANSTAAFL and start to value term of ,,work ethic" (serious problem now )
a) enter job market and save aggresively

Triggers/questions for discussion:

I will probably make some web of goals - looking for good online chart creator (2D dimension is enoughfor me).

Also I need good model for web of goals, will be crawling through other ERE journals for goal setting advice.

[BRUTE]

mechanical engineering seems a pretty good career field for ERE. internationalizing (language certs) is probably a good idea, too.

many of the other pieces will fall into place on their own as Stahlmann goes along. things that many humans later wish they had valued earlier include diet, exercise, and friendships.

[Stahlmann]

More quick info:
23yrs old, Poland, living with parents, cynical, apathetic, tend to resonate, still consumerist mindset, probably leftist

I wanted to post big story, but I think I will have problem with that so I will post in small parts.

I post here to get motivated so don't be shy and slam me!
You must quite competitive, otherwise I will move to MMM world

So from Pareto optimality of time and money:

HOUSING
Living with parents. ,,The contract" is that I will finish studies on time (next summer). Now I don't need to pay anything.

I will probably stay there for next 2-3 years.

As leftists in my country say: normal people won't afford for housing mortgage in this economy (median montly income is 2k PLN; 60% of people earn less than 3k PLN; however as in many East European countries many people live off doing some shitty jobs abroad and they live pretty nice over there or they support their families in Poland and this data do not show that; there is only employment contract). After reading jacob I see no point in ,,owning'' next house in this climate (or house owning me).

Many of my friends receive money from parents and they tend to live on ,,their" own. But it would be pointless to leave 2 people in big house and expecting them to help me financially (am I spoiled brat? ). Of course, then I would support somebody who was clever enough to finance their credit.

Situation of renters is not good there. 800 ZŁ for one-bedroom (social minimum is 800 ZŁ; minimum wage is 1200 ZŁ)

Big goal: I would like to spend my first 12 salaries on preparing this house to be lend in the future (I am the only kid). I could learn some useful skills and as Poland is still quite conservative and as a man I need to ,,know" how to do some specific chores (this is that second sexism...).


Long term goal here: Hmmm... It's difficult to say
I would like to own one bedroom in hotter climate (I think Spain/Portugal due to more stability than the Balkans). But my career would need to be international. Now I am quite NEETish so I won't expect my work path to ,,explode". RV will be good too, but I think in Europe we don't have such culture".

And this like in horseshoe theory (I found it during discussing anarchocapitalism vs communism). I can do nothing and be leech for my parents (but be happy) or I can sacrifice 11h of my day from Monday and Friday and then claim to enjoy ,,freedom" and ,,stuff".


Feel free to comment!

[sky]

Finish your studies and exchange the luxury of a room without rent by being useful to your parents doing home maintenance, cleaning, yardwork or other helpful things. After you graduate look for a job that pays well and provides room and board in some cheap to live place, perhaps outside of your country. Don't buy real estate until you have a high paying stable job in a location, even then renting may be a better choice.

[Stahlmann]

WORK

I have chosen mech eng, because I wanted to be a designer. I didnt know about high responsibilty and low pay (in my area/country). It is also difficult to start own business (barrier to entry of machines and software). Studies were also difficult. People who won ticket (of lottery life) have chosen IT/CS studies 4 years ago (I mean my peer group).

Only 6 weeks of work experience as a drafter (4 year of studies from 5).

Main paths after mech eng:
1. Designing
2. Machining
3. Service

When I ask older people it is always ,,grass is greener on the other side" (designers recommend machining as better paying job).

Now I am thinking about entering service.
You work in distant locations but there is no way to spend money. And some extra allowances.
But it is difficult to escape that job

But after reading ,,Wear hat and retire early" I am pretty slackisch all time.
I would like to jump over accumulation phase and just be investor
So that's why I am tilt to ,,finance" world.

Any comments, dear mech engs?

[fog_tree]

The same country but different insight.
I dont agree with 'normal people won't afford for housing mortgage'. Outside few big cities, housing market in Poland is in bad condition. You earn there 2,000 PLN and 1 sq m is also 2,000 PLN. The same factor is in NL (3,000 euro for salary and sq m). I find most people looks for excuses why they can't afford to buy, hardly no one wants to refuse himself small enjoyments and limit spending. People tend to have 2 cars, go by car to 500 m away shops, subscibe paid tv, have fast non-limited internet, non-limited mobile plans, smokes cigaretes, some eat meat everyday, some buy prepared food, wear fancy clothes (every third person is a hipster right now), have fabulous tv set, state of the art cellphones, digital cameras etc and then complain about money.
---
Don't be jealous to IT people, I had some friends in this area and nobody works in IT anymore. Hardly impossible to keep with the changes.
---
Don't hesitate between design and mechanics. I changed my job 7 times in 19 years career, keep open mind, dont afraid of future, nobody knows the futere, nobody can predict the future. Keep saving, avoid spending.

[Stahlmann]

I am working on how I can beat my depression and procrastination (not only thinking but even acting on it!). The war still lasts!

I will probably join some amateur-amateur sport league to be ,,team spirit guy". Nowadays I am loner. It doesn't suck in my personal life, but I see I fail in social realm (studies, work etc.).

[sky]

Procrastination causes depression. Start acting on small step improvements every day and you will slowly make your way to large improvements in your quality of life. If you feel depressed, it is often nature's way of telling you something is wrong. So go wash the dishes or something.

[Stahlmann]

The hardest part is to break years of negativity and apathy.
And ability to find meaning in something.

[vexed87]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existential_crisis <-- helpful

[Stahlmann]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existential_crisis <-- helpful

Heh. My depression (at least state, maybe not illness) probably started due to fact of reading too much wikipedia .

There are some things you experience and then you can not look back (like Santa Claus issue).

The same thing is with meaning. ,,there is no inherent meaning" - this thought attacks me on daily basis.

[fog_tree]

I think that many people has existential crisis because they dont have life targets. Some past generations life targets were diminished. Family? Kids? Hard work? Borings !!! There are not 'cool' enought for modern people. I maried at 25, wanted to live on my own, see the world, have kids - that were my targets so I had no time for 'procrastination or depression'. I've always challenged myself. Root causes of depression and other mental illness lies in desire of comfort and laziness (don't take it personally).

[Stahlmann]

I think that many people has existential crisis because they dont have life targets. Some past generations life targets were diminished. Family? Kids? Hard work? Borings !!! There are not 'cool' enought for modern people. I maried at 25, wanted to live on my own, see the world, have kids - that were my targets so I had no time for 'procrastination or depression'. I've always challenged myself. Root causes of depression and other mental illness lies in desire of comfort and laziness (don't take it personally).

Coul you share what ,,a pillar of strength" was for you in difficult times?
How did you structure your goals (categories)?

[fog_tree]

Sorry, I didn't think I have any 'pillar of strength' but always had 'call off duty' for ones I love.
I always valued high my wife and never, never wanted to let her down. She originated from family with alcohol difficulties. She had to leave school for work and earn money to aid hers parents. She had to work overtimes to pay for rent whilst her father was drunk 25 times a month and her mother smoked 25 cigarettes a day. I perceived how valuable my wife is and wanted to make her life better so we started our life at once but with debts because she endorsed her mother loans.
----
I have always structured my goal by short/medium/long timeframe (month/year/10 years) but more important is goal's review when time pased. I have always evaluated what went good and what went wrong, what should I change and what i did well.Learn by my own mistakes and failures was/is my way to achieve goals.

[James_0011]

Depression is a physiological condition, look up a man named ray peat and read his articles, it may change your life.

[Stahlmann]

Depression is a physiological condition, look up a man named ray peat and read his articles, it may change your life.

Care to provide short summary on depression?

[James_0011]

Sure,

depression occurs when levels of cortisol, estrogen, or Serotonin are too high. Most people walk around in this inflamed state constantly because of poor lifestyle choices and city living.

When any of these hormones are triggered to unnaturally high levels, thyroid levels drop and digestion slows - which in turn creates higher levels of inflation though endotoxin (food irritating the digestive tract)

The major way to deal with this is by Changing ones diet to indulge easy to digest foods that minimize damage to the organism.

Bright light exposure also helps.

Anything to increases carbon dioxide levels will help via the Bohr effect, allowing more oxygen to enter the cell.

If you want a good summary of what food to eat a guy named Danny roddy has some free content focused on ray peats work.

[Stahlmann]

Another post to get monumentum and to be under pressure !

I am free up to 9 of January.

So my options are as follow:
- Enjoy Christmas time
or/and
- Do some part time job to acquire some money
or/and
- Do something funny (I thought about cycling 100-200-300-400 km, at the moment no snow in my country)
or/and
- Focus on my learning/university goals

[Stahlmann]

Update!

I passed my 2nd semester of MSc studies. I also passed exams I haven’t passed during 1st term.

On Monday, it will be 4th week of the 3rd semester.

I have probably spent too much time in (higher) education. I just don’t feel the vibe.

I’ve started MSc, because the first question during the interview would be why I don’t have it.

I am also worried about my knowledge, because I haven’t been the brightest student (to say at least. I see there is ‘clyde’ word for that in English). I also I just don’t understand people. Here, I’ve made some leaps here, because I tended to be misanthrope. Now I just don’t care. Just give me NEET-bux and I will be happy #firstworldproblems.

So from trifecta of work life success (1. Be likeable, 2. Be agreeable, 3. Be competent; anyway be aware folks, I am reading old topics there ) I score 0/3. Argh...

Very likely I live in some kind of ,,civilizational trap” (as I’ve heard it somewhere). I don’t take any risks (let’s say tasks), because I have safety net in form of help from my parents. Every time I fail, I go back to my safety ,,cave” and I rot there. Argh...

I need to learn to enjoy my ride (now I spend so much time thinking why I haven’t done this or that).

In terms of ERE, taking part in student exchange would put me in situation, where I needed to use foreign language and not paying for that and living on low budget and so on…

Surprisingly, the biggest problem is for me now what follows:
I’ve suffer from following trilemma myopia-neck pain-low back pain. Has anyone found any good solution?
I’ve broken my right elbow during weight-training (Probably both Tennis and Golfer issue. I don’t even know rules of these games). Argh...

[BRUTE]

congratulations on academic achievements!

brute hasn't had back or neck pain since he started working out intermittently.

did Stahlmann break his elbow benching? brute has heard that benching can be terrible for elbows. maybe smart to substitute overhead press in the future, hits similar muscle chains and has a much more neutral elbow position than benching.

[Stahlmann]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1AvcM3L178
{2434}{2499}I'm afraid to get up in the morning. I'm afraid of the day.
{2499}{2525}Every day...
{2525}{2593}...every morning I'm afraid to open my eyes.
{2631}{2694}Because of the dawn, that frightens me...
{2709}{2795}...I completely don't know what to do with the upcoming day.
{2916}{2946}Damn, I can't.
{3066}{3089}Oh fuck.
{3144}{3240}In the name of Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.|Amen.
{3319}{3372}I do have some obligations, but...
{3386}{3411}Emptiness.
{3416}{3500}Like it wouldn't completely matter whether I get up or not.
{3500}{3550}Whether I do something or not.
{3555}{3581}Goddamn it.
{3608}{3639}Hygiene, Food...
{3649}{3678}Work, Food...
{3697}{3744}Work, Smoking, Drugs, Sleep.
{3747}{3789}Goddamn it, oh fuck it.
{4124}{4188}One, two, three, four, five, six, seven...
{4681}{4778}Do you, guys, have to be so fucking loud... since|the very morning?!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5BTp7FlFMQ
{93872}{93928}I'll be the first one on the beach.
{93928}{93950}Second...
{93955}{93981}'Cos one glance was enough...
{93981}{94101}...to notice the fucking neighbour standing right after the bath and|looking at the sea.
{94130}{94262}I run, leave, hide, no matter. He'll catch me somewhere else, in the|middle of relaxation, and fuck up everything.
{94262}{94350}I will have to count the resting from the beginning afterwards.
{94350}{94467}I'll better go by myself and I'll get it over with. After it I'll only|have to rest.
{94509}{94555}Good morning, my neighbour.
{94565}{94591}I'm sorry?
{94591}{94621}Hello, my neighbour.
{94621}{94655}At last some sun.
{94702}{94738}Sun is up at last.
{94762}{94790}Excuse me...
{94800}{94831}Sun is shining!
{94831}{94849}Sun!
{94878}{94904}What's up?
{94994}{95058}I didn't succeed in my life, I wasted it.
{95121}{95189}I ran away from my first, and the only love.
{95191}{95241}And then I married without love...
{95241}{95300}And the only person I love... My son...
{95319}{95374}...has been brought up in hell of my marriage.
{95374}{95469}Just as I was brought up in the hell of the marriage|of my parents.
{95500}{95589}And the fact, that my son Silvester will be as unhappy|as me...
{95596}{95631}...breaks my heart.
{95652}{95700}Job, which was my vocation...
{95712}{95784}...turned out to be a torment for a few pennies.
{95791}{95842}I'm being killed by loneliness.
{95844}{95880}...which I had made myself.
{95880}{95932}Noone and nothing awaits for me.
{95971}{96021}I can't see any future for me.
{96030}{96072}I'm powdered, scattered.
{96104}{96142}Burnt out, demonted...
{96222}{96321}Deadly tired, though I have not managed to do anything|during my life.
{96334}{96381}I have to stop in the race...
{96402}{96452}...though I didn't race at all.
{96475}{96508}And take a rest.
{96519}{96565}Take a rest for God's sake.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V2sedTLIRWU
{116080}{116122}I'm afraid of the night.
{116125}{116202}Or maybe that's not the reason... I can't go to bed.
{116216}{116285}Although I'm tired and sleepy. Some kind of anxiety...
{116285}{116332}...squeezes my heart. How come?
{116332}{116378}Is it the end of the day?
{116378}{116425}Nothing more will happen today?
[I don't associate with the next part - "The Prayer", but for the "proper" interpretation of the movie it's probably very important.]

Ok, so current situation is there:
http://www.xmind.net/m/3ghB
(you can download image without using XMind as tool, just enlarge chart after you visit given site)

[wolf]

THank you Stahlmann for sharing this. I like how you visualized your Web-Of-Goals. It is always interesting to see it visualized another way. What's going on at university, studying MSc? 3rd semester?

[Stahlmann]

I've graduated from my uni in July.
I had 3 months break.
It's my third month in my job.
In November I earned (considering economical mumbo jumbo) 1k USD.

Depression/mania, high blood pressure and untreated injuries are killing me slowly. I don't know how to unknot this Gordian riddle.

[Crazylemon]

@Stahlmann I like the web of goals layout. I might have to pinch it!

I looks like you recognise from the exercise what needs looking at.
I don't know what the coverage for things is like where you live but I hope you get the treatment you need.

[Earlybath]

Hang in there Stahlmann it gets better/easier in it's own time.

FWIW a few thoughts
Sleeplessness, high blood pressure and depression are common human ailments and are pretty treatable, get into see a doctor and talk... now.
You seem to have made plenty of progress in the last year, had you noticed ?
Nobody has a clue what they are doing in the first three months of any job.

Good luck and take care of yourself.