Halfmoon's journal

Where are you and where are you going?
Jason

Re: Halfmoon's journal

Post by Jason »

Think about it terms of what the seeing eye dog is for people who have lost their full use of sight, the self-propelling into the back of people's knees dog is for assholes who have lost their full ability to be assholes.

There really should be a foundation lobbying for this type of thing. Blind people shouldn't be entitled to all the dogs. Maybe I'll start one. I'll call it the "Buddy System" in honor of your dead asshole dog.

halfmoon
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Re: Halfmoon's journal

Post by halfmoon »

Jason: this is just hilarious. :mrgreen:

Jason

Re: Halfmoon's journal

Post by Jason »

I'm going to base the marketing on Nike's Michael Jordan advertising. Air Jordan will become Air Buddy, so instead of a basketball player, legs sprawled, palming a basketball pre-naturally high in the air, the logo will be a Rottweiler, four paws slightly off the ground, rigidly hurling itself into the back of some poor, unsuspecting blind person's knees. "Just Do It" becomes "Just Be An Asshole".

I know it sounds crazy Halfmoon, but I'm sensing Buddy's spirit working through me at this very moment.

halfmoon
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Re: Halfmoon's journal

Post by halfmoon »

I love the image, Jason....but before you get too far into channelling Buddy as your spiritual guide, keep in mind that we had him neutered after his second fight with Joey. Just saying. ;)

Jason

Re: Halfmoon's journal

Post by Jason »

No wonder he was hurling himself into your knees.

halfmoon
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Re: Halfmoon's journal

Post by halfmoon »

Jason wrote:
Sat Dec 09, 2017 2:31 pm
No wonder he was hurling himself into your knees.
There is that, but I prefer to think that our involvement was all a blur. He wouldn't let anyone near his toenails, so we told the vet to clip those too while he was out. In my mind, he falls asleep and wakes up with a nice pedicure but no pesky testicles. Alien abduction, maybe? I want to say that it had a positive effect on his attitude, but no.

Kriegsspiel
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Re: Halfmoon's journal

Post by Kriegsspiel »

edit

Jason

Re: Halfmoon's journal

Post by Jason »

I'm not a zoologist, but I did watch Wild Kingdom as a child, and I can't recall any species in which the male did not have a primordial attachment to its own testicles. Even considering how dumb animals are, I would think instinctively they realize that the difference between cutting off toe nails as opposed to testicles, is that the former have the ability to grow back. I also had a couple of male dogs growing up and remember the exorbitant amount of time they spent cleaning them. So I'm somewhat mystified as to how you and your DH would think there would be a positive outcome to such an action, especially since your DH could, in at a least a vague, cross-species type of manner, empathize with Buddy. I mean if I had the power to castrate every living male creature that I thought was an asshole, I would pretty much be the only one left capable of procreation.

I have to admit I'm more than a little disappointed and might reevaluate how much time I spend on your blog. I really like coming here as your narrative approach to ERE with its post-modernistic disregard for a strict chronological view towards time and leniency towards subject matter, suited my sensibilities. But this is a topic than cannot be treated lightly, not to mention that I seem to be channeling your dead (and ball-less) asshole's dog spirit.

Farm_or
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Re: Halfmoon's journal

Post by Farm_or »

I can't just walk on by.

Are you meaning to say that you are against spaying and neutering pets?

Certainly you are aware of what fate befalls most of the unwanted pets resulting from unchecked population? Especially in urban areas...

halfmoon
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Re: Halfmoon's journal

Post by halfmoon »

Jason, maybe Buddy's spirit is contacting you so he can experience once again the Joy of Testosterone. The neutering was an attempt to stop him from provoking Joey into beating him up, but it was too late. Buddy had already learned to be a jerk and no longer needed hormones to prompt that behavior. He never had contact with a female in heat, though, so nothing lost there.

Buddy was the first dog we ever neutered, but not the last. We used to be all aboard the purebred dog train with Weimaraners and Rottweilers. We bought Joey for an obscene price from a breeding operation south of Seattle, complete with AKC papers of course. Before he was a year old, he needed expensive hip surgery. We complained to the breeder, whose solution was to give us Buddy. This place had dogs everywhere in little cages, and we deeply regret having supported a breeding mill. That was the last time.

Now we're aligned with Farm_or's thinking. The US and Mexico are full of dogs who need a home, so every dog we've had since Buddy was a rescue and spayed or neutered.

I was going to continue with an explanation of my thoughts on unchecked growth in the human population also, but I've probably stirred up enough discord for now... :twisted:

Jason

Re: Halfmoon's journal

Post by Jason »

I was talking to a guy who emigrated from a third world country and he mentioned that he had like 18 siblings. I asked him why so many and he responded "my parents were poor, what else was there for enjoyment."

So if I was a homeless, urban dog living an awful, peripatetic life of scrap hunting and basic existential doggie despair and some ASPCA asshole hunts me down in order to take away the one thing I enjoy in life, not only would I resort to a life of hurling myself into the knees of humans, but I would organize all my other ball-less doggie friends into an army of hurling, knee capping projectiles. I'm talking like basic training and shit. I mean to the point where no one would dare walk outside because of the fear of being splayed out on the sidewalk with their hot coffee and croissants all over the fuckin place. I'm talking men, women, toddlers. Anything ambulatory, we're knocking the shit out of their knees. You would need to call in the national guard to fight our hurling asses.

Maybe I'm just more empathetic to the animal's perspective than you. I don't know.

halfmoon
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Re: Halfmoon's journal

Post by halfmoon »

Empathetic = projecting. :lol:

Did I mention that Buddy was never near a female in heat even before the demise of his testicles? Maybe he was just frustrated from the start.

Jason

Re: Halfmoon's journal

Post by Jason »

You did. And its just this type of unrelenting anthropocentrism that has him poltergeisting. I'm assuming being off the grid you don't have a television but if you did I guarantee your retired ass would already have been sucked through it where you would reanimate in some type of alternative world reminiscent of early to mid 20th century Europe but with Buddy and his friends rockin' the little mustaches.

I mean you couldn't give him just one fucking day at the doggie run? Just one? And this is not projecting. The employment of "dog" and "doggin" and all the various etymological permutations of the word as it has come to describe the more dubious expressions of human sexuality is for a damn good reason. Or at least that's what Urban Dictionary says.

halfmoon
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Re: Halfmoon's journal

Post by halfmoon »

Jason wrote:
Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:04 am
I'm assuming being off the grid you don't have a television but if you did I guarantee your retired ass would already have been sucked through it where you would reanimate in some type of alternative world reminiscent of early to mid 20th century Europe but with Buddy and his friends rockin' the little mustaches.
Funny you should mention this. I've often said that I wish humans would have one week of the year where they experience the conditions they impose on animals. I was thinking more of being tied out in the yard or locked in a little pen, but I guess you could add sexual frustration to that.

I used to think there should be some sort of doggie prostitution services where frustrated males could have fun without reproducing. The problem as I understand it: female dogs want nothing to do with sex unless they're in heat and ready to be impregnated. Otherwise, they just slide out from under any hopeful male and walk away.** I'm guessing that's true of most non-human animals, though I really don't know. I wonder why humans are different.

By the way: we now live on-grid with television, though the Buddy/Joey stories took place in the off-grid past. Try to keep up. :D

**Case in point: before we retired and moved to E WA, we had neighbors with a miniature beagle named Fred. They kept him tied in the yard 24/7. We felt bad for him, so one day we liberated him from the chain and took him for a drive. He sat on my lap in our van, and Misty the Weimaraner (6 times his size) stood between the front seats. Fred kept trying to climb from my lap onto on Misty for some doggie lovin'. She would let him get one foot onto her back and then slowly move away with his other foot still on my lap, stretching his legs until he slipped off and fell. This scenario repeated itself for the entire drive. We found it pretty funny, but poor Fred was a bundle of frustration. If not for testicles, he could have enjoyed the scenery.

FBeyer
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Re: Halfmoon's journal

Post by FBeyer »

halfmoon wrote:
Sun Dec 10, 2017 11:53 am
...
I used to think there should be some sort of doggie prostitution services where frustrated males could have fun without reproducing...
I worked in cancer research animal testing at some point.
They had to introduce non-cohort females to the cages of test-cohort in order to avoid the males killing each other out of sheer sexual frustration. So you'd have a cage of 6 males, one sex slave female and a poor human working in the lab who had to scissor snip little newborn-sized mice heads off of newborn baby mice all the time...

Sexual frustration seems to make someone miserable if you don't do something about, and someone else miserable if you DO do something about it.

Jason

Re: Halfmoon's journal

Post by Jason »

The idea of plying Lassie with table scraps or extra biscuits in order to turn her out is admittedly, a little discomfiting to me. Probably because my general modesty and great esteem for human women is also found in the animal kingdom.

That's why I think doggie sex robots would be a better than the doggie prostitution thing. This also takes away all the ancillary issues usually associated with prostitution i.e. doggie trafficking, doggie pimping et al. So Dogbots or Rodogs or whatever you want to call them would be my answer. I mean considering that male dogs have no compunction in humping anything they can wrap their legs around, I don't think they would even notice the difference. Especially some poor sack like Buddy who never got to experience the real thing.

halfmoon
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Re: Halfmoon's journal

Post by halfmoon »

FBeyer wrote:
Sun Dec 10, 2017 1:39 pm
a poor human working in the lab who had to scissor snip little newborn-sized mice heads off of newborn baby mice all the time
FBeyer, that sounds like a candidate for the most horrific job ever. Maybe you should start a thread and see if anyone can possibly top (bottom) it.
Jason wrote:
Sun Dec 10, 2017 2:06 pm
...my general modesty...
:?

Farm_or
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Re: Halfmoon's journal

Post by Farm_or »

And maybe with the robot prostitutes, they wouldn't suffer the humiliating embarrassment of being stuck together for long periods of time after the deed was done?

halfmoon
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Re: Halfmoon's journal

Post by halfmoon »

Ewww...

Trust a real farmer to remind us of that. :evil:

frihet
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Re: Halfmoon's journal

Post by frihet »

For the Love of trees - my eyes became wet a and my heart got softly touched.

Taking off my hat for you and your husband.

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