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Re: Gus' road to retirement

Posted: Fri Oct 18, 2019 1:49 pm
by Augustus
classical_Liberal wrote:
Fri Oct 11, 2019 11:25 am
Yeah, it's true. Before we moved to a LCOL area, my wife and I were perfectly happy in a rented 1 bedroom condo in a HCOL area. Moving to a LCOL area let us get a full detached house for roughly half the cost of the HCOL 1 bedroom condo. We lived in the LCOL area for 4 years or so and got used to having a detached house. Now we're doing that in reverse, which is much less fun :lol: Inertia I suppose.

I'm feeling pretty positive about going back to a condo, and even more positive about buying. I really dislike that I'm paying top dollar at what I think is market peak, but it'll give me a lot of peace of mind. Moving with kids is a pain in the ass because of the logistics involved, all the preschools here have 6 month waiting lists, and when my daughter gets in public school I want her to be with the same set of kids throughout, my parents moved me around a lot and it sucked because you're always starting at the bottom of the pecking order every time you move. The housing problem gets further compounded by the fact that there aren't very many rentals in the area I want to move to, for months there were none, right now there are two, but moving now would entail a 40 minute drive each way to the current preschool, due to the 6 month waiting list... yay family! We were also forced to move 2 times in the past when we rented because the owner sold the rental we were in, and factor in the kid logistics above, and that just sounds like a cluster. So buy it is I think, even at an overpriced valuation.

Anyways, I would really have liked to get a house, I think it has to do with the kid/family thing mostly, I want the best for them, you want to give your kid at least the level of what you grew up with and had previously (which we've had for the last 4 years). But right now I think best means stability, and the condo is stability and less stress in a good school system with good neighbors, and that sounds fantastic to me.

Re: Gus' road to retirement

Posted: Sun Oct 20, 2019 12:51 pm
by Mister Imperceptible
Blackouts In California Could Be Needed For A Decade, PG&E CEO Says ... e-ceo-says

Re: Gus' road to retirement

Posted: Mon Nov 04, 2019 7:50 pm
by Augustus
This year has been a complete surprise for me. It started off with me thinking I understood the world and my place in it as I had for several years now, and it's ending with me questioning the purpose of my life. I had unexpected peaks of happiness where I felt more alive, and happier, than I had in years, and deep deep depressions that I am still trying to surface from.

Random thoughts connected to these themes:
- My daughter is super adorable right now, she puts on these puppet shows in her room, sets up a row of seating and makes me sit there and watch them along with a rapt audience of her dolls who are all dressed for the occasion, and I love every second of it, but it's also bittersweet to me now because every year that she gets older I feel like I'll be declining a little bit more, I wonder if my parents had the same thoughts while watching me grow?
- I watched Stranger Things season 3 and this speech at the end struck a chord:
But I know you're getting older, growing, changing. And I guess... if i'm being really honest, that's what scares me. I don't want things to change. So I think maybe that's why I came here, to try to maybe... stop that change. To turn back the clock. To make things go back to how they were.

But I know that's naive. It's just... not how life works. It's moving. Always moving whether you like it or not. And yeah, sometimes it's painful. Sometimes it's sad and sometimes it's surprising. Happy.

... and when life hurts you - because it will - remember the hurt. The hurt is good. ...
I'm not sure that I agree with the last sentence. Is the hurt good? Or does it just suck but you just have to deal with it. The speech resonates a lot with me right now though. I want to stop the clock and stop the change, and I've been feeling way too much hurt this year.
- Physical decline has been on my mind a lot. Am I just going to decline from here on out? I'm 34. I'm in near the best physical condition I've been in since my teenage years, and I exercise about 5 days a week, and I eat pretty healthy 90% of the time, but age is age and there's no stopping it. I went to the dentist and found out prior dentist botched a procedure, and now the guy says I'll probably only have one of my molars for a few more years until it needs to be extracted. It may not sound like a big deal, but it feels like a turning point to me. Does this mean that from here on out the name of the game is trying to decline as slowly as possible? But declining nonetheless.
- Is this my peak? By which I mean, have I discovered all I'm going to discover? Is the growth phase of my life over? Is life from here on out just doing the same things I'm already doing, and enjoying it as much as I can, until eventually death comes for me too? It feels like a lot of the mystery is gone from life now. It feels like the newness is gone. I went out and blazed a path through the world and it was fun, and now I know what is out there, the rest of my moments are going to be akin to listening to music I've heard a thousand times before.
- I don't subscribe to a religion, so all I have is irritation and angst about these ideas. I don't want to get old and die, and I don't want the clock to keep ticking but there's nothing I can do about it.

Anyways, just thoughts. I know that there are still lots of things to discover, and clearly I haven't discovered everything, or this year would not have been such a shock to me. But these are the thoughts I've been wrestling with.

A more positive quote I enjoyed recently was:
While our thinking colors all our experience, more often than not our thoughts tend to be less than completely accurate. Usually they are merely uninformed private opinions, reactions and prejudices based on limited knowledge and influenced primarily by our past conditioning. All the same, when not recognized as such and named, our thinking can prevent us from seeing clearly in the present moment.
That quote is 100% accurate I think, I'm reacting based on recent events, I have limited knowledge, and my brain is trying to puzzle it out. Still, even though you can abstractly realize you're not thinking accurately, it doesn't magic those thoughts away.

Re: Gus' road to retirement

Posted: Mon Nov 04, 2019 9:11 pm
by Mister Imperceptible
If 99942 Apophis is Earthbound would helping to devise a nuclear deflection or some other species-saving effort be considered as something new in life?

Re: Gus' road to retirement

Posted: Mon Nov 04, 2019 9:12 pm
by classical_Liberal
I think slow decline and eventual death, from an individual perspective, is a gift. Coming to the realization you speak of can be used for great things. Just think about it, you HAVE to take advantage of what you have TODAY.

I don't know the life you've lived to this point, but even if you've managed to experience everything the world has to offer (which I obviously highly doubt), even repeating the same things, at a different phases of life, makes it an entirely new experience. On my last road trip we stayed a night at the Great Sand Dunes National Park. It wasn't my first time. I went on a hike alone and relived going to this park as a young child with my parents, old, faint memories. Then again in my Early 20's when I finally felt like an independent adult. Then again with a GF in my early 30's, just after I quit banking and decided suburban, middle-class, family life wasn't for me. Now, again, right after semi-ERE. Strange, I never planned this as some kind of ritual, yet it seems like for some reason I alway end up there at a change point in my life. After that hike I felt like I was cleansed, ready for the next phase. It's different each time.

Re: Gus' road to retirement

Posted: Fri Nov 08, 2019 2:44 pm
by Augustus
classical_Liberal wrote:
Mon Nov 04, 2019 9:12 pm
That's a good perspective on it @C_L. I haven't been this angsty and down since I was a teenager. It's irritating to me to have these thoughts at all, as my default state has been overly optimistic and happy for so long. Things are changing though, had another death happen with someone I grew up with. You become what you think about, and even though it's callous, I think I have to stop even thinking about this stuff, and focus more on how to squeeze the most out of life instead.