White Belt's Military Journey to FI

Where are you and where are you going?
Post Reply
white belt
Posts: 1452
Joined: Sat May 21, 2011 12:15 am

Re: White Belt's Military Journey to FI

Post by white belt »

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Wed Jun 09, 2021 11:22 am
Re your dating dilemma, the best answer would be to try to find somebody(s) who, like you, have advanced in maturation towards inhabiting more than one table in the lunchroom. Equally important would be self-aware differentiation between seeking value vs validation in relationship. That said, you might have to stretch yourself a bit towards being a little more honest and open than the tit-for-tat of, for example, “I want/deserve somebody who is fit because I am fit.” IOW, you might need to more clearly explicate all that you would value about fitness in a partner. For example, can you imagine yourself saying (if this was true for you) something like “It has been my experience that grasping a muscular thigh at the point often triggers a very strong orgasm for me.” or “I enjoy seeing the envious looks on other people’s faces when I am out in public with a female partner who is as fit as me.” or “ I like spending quality time with a partner and many or most of the activities I enjoy require a certain level of fitness.” , a mature, differentiated partner will be better able to hear you and decide if she is willing to ante up that which you value/desire. OTOH, if you don’t know yourself well enough to break it down in this manner, then the process of “shopping” isn’t going to find it for you either.
My ex, whom I dated for ~8 months up until to about a month ago, seemed to have the advanced maturation you speak of. She was quite skinny and seemed in shape because she had frequently participated in horseback riding and basketball. However due to stresses from medical school, she regressed in her physical fitness habits for most of the time that we dated. I would say my preference is a combination of the 2nd and 3rd statement you point out. I admit that I didn't phrase things in such a way to my partner since I knew it wasn't going to be a long term relationship and I could tell she was already having a difficult time with other life stressors. Having said that, physical fitness is often the first thing that I have to compromise on in dating scenario due to the fact that the norm is to be overweight and out of shape in the US. Some of this might eventually get resolved as I continuously get more muscular and leaner, which in my experience means I can attract more physically attractive partners, especially on dating apps that are heavy on pictures and light on biographies.

Reading some of your other postings, I definitely relate to your preference for man candy (in my case it is woman candy?) in that I have a history of overlooking certain negative characteristics if a girl is particularly physically attractive.

mountainFrugal wrote:
Wed Jun 09, 2021 11:53 am
@7Wannabe5's advice is excellent. Defining "why" will help you get there faster.
Co-ed sports/games are a great place to find a partner that is into fitness. If you have not thought of it, there are "nerdier" sports out there that might get you closer to finding someone that were describing. Examples of sports that I have noticed have a larger proportion of nerds: ultimate frisbee, ultra-distance running/cycling/triathalons, sand volleyball, xc-skiing, and the ultimate nerd sport...orienteering.
I've played co-ed sports before, to include Ultimate Frisbee in everything from a rec league to a competitive setting. This is my first time living in a location in 5+ years where I am in vicinity of such rec leagues and single educated women in large numbers, so it's definitely something I will explore. I've done way too much orienteering (we called it land navigation) in the Army to have any interest in doing it again if I'm not getting paid. The rec leagues are on my list, but I'm waiting to see what my work schedule will be. The schedule that has been described to me, if it comes to fruition, will be pretty soul crushing for any sort of scheduled social activities (6 days on, 4 days off, with 8 hour shifts that rotate every week). With a schedule like that it's likely that I'd miss 50%+ of the rec leagues game just due to work requirements and different sleep schedules.

7Wannabe5
Posts: 9370
Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: White Belt's Military Journey to FI

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

The weird thing is I get the man candy even when I really don’t tit-for-tat deserve it because I currently look like Mrs. Santa Claus. When I was younger it made more sense, because I was shapely although not in shape. I think INTJ is more like fit-for-a-nerd, but there are a couple other types that are what I call smart-for-a-jock, and those types always go for me, so I have a long history of experience with men attempting to motivate me from shapely to in shape. Some better attempts were “If you lost some weight, I could throw you around in bed easier.” and “If you strength trained with me, you would look like thick Jody Foster.” :lol:

I used to be sensitive to comments about my appearance, but a younger male friend offered me the insight that it’s a sign of interest. Also, I became more cognizant of my own internal motivation to make it easier for men to throw me around in bed. That’s why it’s terrible when I find myself stuck with one who just grumbles when I say “If I lost 20 lbs. would you throw me around in bed?” Plus the new guy I’m seeing is a huge breast guy, so unlikely he’s going to offer much motivation due to obvious trade-off, and the fact that he’s pushing a bit past Alec Baldwin in the paunch department himself. Luckily, I’m mostly into shoulders and guns myself, and he’s got that salt and pepper neatly trimmed beard look, and some seriously youthful vigor for 58.

white belt
Posts: 1452
Joined: Sat May 21, 2011 12:15 am

Re: White Belt's Military Journey to FI

Post by white belt »

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Wed Jun 09, 2021 6:45 pm
I used to be sensitive to comments about my appearance, but a younger male friend offered me the insight that it’s a sign of interest. Also, I became more cognizant of my own internal motivation to make it easier for men to throw me around in bed. That’s why it’s terrible when I find myself stuck with one who just grumbles when I say “If I lost 20 lbs. would you throw me around in bed?” Plus the new guy I’m seeing is a huge breast guy, so unlikely he’s going to offer much motivation due to obvious trade-off, and the fact that he’s pushing a bit past Alec Baldwin in the paunch department himself. Luckily, I’m mostly into shoulders and guns myself, and he’s got that salt and pepper neatly trimmed beard look, and some seriously youthful vigor for 58.
Yes, well there is a bit of a contradiction for me because I am also a breast guy. This is likely another reason my trend has been to accept pudgier girls than me at times. My preference for fit is just in shape, but I don’t necessarily like the girls that are skinny as a rail with six pack since they lose their breasts unless they are genetically blessed or have implants. I also had an ex with implants and the girls I found myself eyeing at my last gym were the fitness/bikini model competitors who were lean and large breasted due to implants.

7Wannabe5
Posts: 9370
Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: White Belt's Military Journey to FI

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

A lot of us have all sorts of conflicting preferences. One of the most commented upon columns in Savage Love was one where a guy revealed that he had married very thin woman for class/status signaling reasons, but he was truly sexually attracted to thick women, so was having secret affairs with them. Ultimate truism being that you can’t logic sex.

I dated one guy who actually preferred women thicker than me. His notion of physical femininity was focused on “softness.” He tried dating thin women, but described it as being like “choking on a chicken bone” for him.

Actually, your physical desire conflict is easier to solve than my behavioral desire conflict which would be something like Seeking Gentleman in the Streets/Thug in the Sheets.

white belt
Posts: 1452
Joined: Sat May 21, 2011 12:15 am

Re: White Belt's Military Journey to FI

Post by white belt »

jacob wrote:
Fri Jun 11, 2021 7:29 am
I sincerely don't think ERE is hard in itself. What's hard is the deprogramming of previous practices and frameworks because you can't convince someone of something when their salary depends on them not understanding it.

The same goes for their entire lifestyle including valuememes, habits, routines, goals, and for many more importantly their disagreeing friends and family. So it's natural to try to survive this onslaught of self-questioning by trying to box ERE into something familiar so it can be classified and dealt with that way (poverty, anarcho-capitalism, metamodernism, poverty, insanity, ...), but whichever framework or box people choose is usually highly subjective and so reveals more about the person than it does about ERE. That is why I think it's futile to ask whether ERE is this or that. Doing so is more like a Rorschach test.

However, if people grew up in a way where solutions weren't always in the form of "going to the store", personal values wasn't seen in degrees and titles, capability wasn't measured in dollars, and seeing the world wasn't sorted into specialized isms. Then I think ERE would be quite easy to grok. I notice that people mostly level up only when they're forced to gore some sacred cow---a dearly held perspective. But then afterwards, it's usually a situation "why didn't I do/see this years ago."
This quote from another thread is what haunts me right now.

My entire lifestyle has always been through the lens of study hard -> get good job -> save money -> retire and that will lead to happiness. It's hard to disentangle my desires when I'm not viewing things from that perspective. This isn't as easy as just "following my passions" since everything I think I might like has always been through a financial lens even at the subconscious level.

white belt
Posts: 1452
Joined: Sat May 21, 2011 12:15 am

Re: White Belt's Military Journey to FI

Post by white belt »

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Thu May 27, 2021 10:46 am
In his “Permaculture Handbook”, Peter Bane suggests that a decent sized suburban permaculture project, such as that created by him and his partner, would best benefit from 3 adult participants; one working outside the project to bring in initial needful flow of funds and two working as a team on building project. He also implies that 3 adults working part-time outside project or other similar variations might serve. I think most other books I have read which describe similar projects, such as Holmgren’s “Retrosuburbia” or Toensmiller’s “Paradise Lot” also recommend team approach, because of somewhat surprising recognition that human labor/intelligence remains the ultimate limiting factor even on very small acreage.

Obviously, ERE is much more financially sturdy than the average permaculture project. Initial funding for permaculture projects seem to usually be cobbled together through means such as minor inheritance plus loan from friend plus maxed out credit card. A very sturdy FI investment portfolio could likely take the place of 1 of the 3 adults working towards a permaculture project. Unfortunately, mine is not that sturdy. OTOH, I do have the advantages that my project is on the smaller size and I paid cash for it and property taxes are pretty minimal. Obvious, disadvantage being that condition is pretty rough and the house might end up as just a pile of reclaimed lumber from which decent house could be built, as happened with Holmgren’s suburban project.
7Wannabe5 wrote:
Fri Jun 18, 2021 9:40 am
Another idea or metric I am contemplating is based on something Jacob wrote elsewhere to the effect of "If you spend more than fair share global burn, you better justify with positive post-apocalypse infrastructure creation." It is my intention to simultaneously work towards at least 3 different purposes, all of which I believe to be in at least 50% alignment with "making things better post-apocalypse"; teaching math to poor children, permaculture project, re-publishing or curating collection of useful books in something like Burnt Earth Library in conjunction with my business. So, in trying to figure out my schedule and likely earnings going forward, it occurred to me that Best Current Wage for Doing Something Actually Helpful might be a useful concept or metric. For instance, I can net around $12/hour tutoring poor kids in math in setting where my time/effort is not being wasted on other requirements. If I rough hack what percentage of my book dealing profits/hour could be directly helpful, as opposed to just making money mailing limited print books on topics such as "Secrets of Elite Golfers" to the bored affluent, I think it would be similar. Obviously, there are many more activities/purposes that could be considered to be helpful than the ones in which I am interested/semi-competent, so individuals might have different Best Current Wage for Doing Something Actually Helpful, but there might also be a sort of global average. So, if you spend less than International PPP fair share (or your own preferred metric) and you earn the money you spend by Doing Something Actually Helpful, then it seems to me that you would be double in the green, or something like that. IOW, you can rest easy at night about what you are going to say to your great-grandchild when she asks you why you just let it happen, etc.
These ideas resonate with me. I'm in the fortunate position where I do have a sturdy FI investment portfolio and will have an even larger one in 3 years at the rate things are going.

I've been thinking a lot about what I want my life to look like. I think I would be interested in throwing $100-200k into delapidated house purchase and rehab in major city (rowhome with 4-5 bedrooms). I've covered some of the major points already in other posts, but a few new ideas have been rattling around:

-soundproofing: easy with 2x 5/8" sheets of drywall and special glue, critical for long term adult sanity in shared housing
-exposed electrical and plumbing: the idea is that I would run all electrical and pvc plumbing on top of existing walls (in hip industrial style), which allows for easier maintenance and also makes insulation simpler

Another appeal of my permaculture project is the realization that I can have a much larger impact if I work with others. For example, hypothetically I could finish a basement apartment that could house my parents, which would reduce their spending by ~$10k+ a year compared to current higher end apartment they rent due to lack of other options. Or if my house is filled with other yuppies, it is likely they will reduce their footprint due to intelligent design of house and thus I can reduce consumption far more than just if I was focused on my individual domain. This does get a little murky though because there's always the chance someone uses money they save in housing to fuel consumption in other forms.

I'd like my house to serve as some kind of model for co-housing of a diverse group that still allows for individual autonomy. So my "making things better post apocalypse" might look something like this:

-demonstrate community living, permaculture practices, etc in a major urban city
-retrofit resilient infrastructure (rainwater harvesting, biogas, etc) into area that has already experienced collapsed (100+ year old housing)
-influence others to reduce consumption

In my head I at least think this would be a useful way for me to turn financial capital into value in my life. It is likely that I will actually see large profits from cash flow of charging some rent (for those who aren't doing a work exchange) and forced appreciation.

Right now, with a conservative $20k projected annual expenses and 3% SWR, I could draw out $11.5k a month indefinitely if I never made another dollar. Of course I still have 3 years of full time employment that will likely net me another $200K in savings, so my drawdown could be a lot higher. Right now I would still plan on doing some kind of part time work in "retirement" so it's very likely I will have more money than I know what to do with.

jacob
Site Admin
Posts: 15907
Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 8:38 pm
Location: USA, Zone 5b, Koppen Dfa, Elev. 620ft, Walkscore 77
Contact:

Re: White Belt's Military Journey to FI

Post by jacob »

white belt wrote:
Sun Jun 20, 2021 5:27 pm
-exposed electrical and plumbing: the idea is that I would run all electrical and pvc plumbing on top of existing walls (in hip industrial style), which allows for easier maintenance and also makes insulation simpler
I had the same idea, but I think there are code reasons for why this is not done. For example, electric fires can be somewhat contained inside the walls (X minutes to burn through a junction box/drywall, etc.) whereas running them open outside would immediately ignite whatever flammables around them. Also miswiring in case some borked appliance connects hot to ground and makes all the exposed wiring hot until the fuse box kicks in.

white belt
Posts: 1452
Joined: Sat May 21, 2011 12:15 am

Re: White Belt's Military Journey to FI

Post by white belt »

jacob wrote:
Sun Jun 20, 2021 5:52 pm
I had the same idea, but I think there are code reasons for why this is not done. For example, electric fires can be somewhat contained inside the walls (X minutes to burn through a junction box/drywall, etc.) whereas running them open outside would immediately ignite whatever flammables around them. Also miswiring in case some borked appliance connects hot to ground and makes all the exposed wiring hot until the fuse box kicks in.
I agree that coding is a concern. However, I have seen it is the case with masonry walls that wiring (and plumbing) is done on the surface of the wall and contained within metal tubing (see below). This is more what I had in mind when I said "fully exposed" wiring, but would likely require forward thinking design so that metal tubing can be removed to troubleshoot wires within:

Image
Image
Image

The advantage of rehabbing a property that needs to be totally gutted is that the electricity and plumbing will likely need replacement either way.

User avatar
Ego
Posts: 6359
Joined: Wed Nov 23, 2011 12:42 am

Re: White Belt's Military Journey to FI

Post by Ego »

white belt wrote:
Sun Jun 20, 2021 5:27 pm
-exposed electrical and plumbing: the idea is that I would run all electrical and pvc plumbing on top of existing walls (in hip industrial style), which allows for easier maintenance and also makes insulation simpler
Many of the apartments in our building were wired in a crazy manner. Tenants could not access electrical breakers in the basement that controlled lines that zig-zagged up through the building from one apartment to the next in haphazard fashion. If two people ran their microwave at the same time they would blow the breaker and I'd have to go down and turn it on. So I began segregating lines from breakers in the hallway on each floor. We completely reran the electric to several apartments. Plaster walls. Ugh! I ran conduit along the baseboards and installed metal boxes with outlets on the surface of the wall or directly to the 1' tall baseboards. It looks somewhat industrial but good. It is way easier and cheaper than fishing and punching holes. You can paint the conduit or leave it bare metal.

We've also done this with plumbing solutions but copper pipe looks good. PVC, not so much.

7Wannabe5
Posts: 9370
Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: White Belt's Military Journey to FI

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

This is what I intend to do in the Money Dimple. It’s frequently done in basements and also in wooden garages with exposed framing. My 120 year old Money Pit had painted conduit running along baseboards, and I didn’t mind the look. Another advantage when doing extreme renovation is that previous wiring or plumbing may have been run through walls without respect for structural integrity or safety, so could prove headache to redo without somehow making walls thicker.

white belt
Posts: 1452
Joined: Sat May 21, 2011 12:15 am

Re: White Belt's Military Journey to FI

Post by white belt »

Ego wrote:
Sun Jun 20, 2021 6:12 pm
Many of the apartments in our building were wired in a crazy manner. Tenants could not access electrical breakers in the basement that controlled lines that zig-zagged up through the building from one apartment to the next in haphazard fashion. If two people ran their microwave at the same time they would blow the breaker and I'd have to go down and turn it on. So I began segregating lines from breakers in the hallway on each floor. We completely reran the electric to several apartments. Plaster walls. Ugh! I ran conduit along the baseboards and installed metal boxes with outlets on the surface of the wall or directly to the 1' tall baseboards. It looks somewhat industrial but good. It is way easier and cheaper than fishing and punching holes. You can paint the conduit or leave it bare metal.

We've also done this with plumbing solutions but copper pipe looks good. PVC, not so much.
Good to know! The aesthetic design piece is certainly not my strongsuit, but my plan likely involves partnering with live in artist/designer to make everything look good. I've watched enough of the HGTV flipper shows to realize there are some creative design ideas for all sorts of exposed pipes. I'd be almost tempted to paint the exposed PVC with some kind of metallic paint, mostly because I prefer PVC for plumbing in pretty much every scenario.

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Sun Jun 20, 2021 6:26 pm
This is what I intend to do in the Money Dimple. It’s frequently done in basements and also in wooden garages with exposed framing. My 120 year old Money Pit had painted conduit running along baseboards, and I didn’t mind the look. Another advantage when doing extreme renovation is that previous wiring or plumbing may have been run through walls without respect for structural integrity or safety, so could prove headache to redo without somehow making walls thicker.
Have you checked out the show "Bargain Block" on HGTV? Generally I think those shows are ridiculous, but this one takes place in Detroit with houses in your price range (e.g bought for <$10k). They do most of the work themselves and at the very least you may get some design ideas from all the upcycling and DIY stuff they do. Here's an article about it: https://www.freep.com/story/entertainme ... 525456002/

white belt
Posts: 1452
Joined: Sat May 21, 2011 12:15 am

Re: White Belt's Military Journey to FI

Post by white belt »

Jin+Guice wrote:
Sun Jun 20, 2021 10:52 pm
@white belt: Oh ya, I think a swank bachelor pad is pretty low on the list of amorous assets. Honestly, it's probably the worst ROI of anything that would still actually be a positive asset. You're also talking to a dude who has always lived w/ roommates and who currently lives in an RV.

I just meant if your roommate situation is so bad that you have to pay for another place, why not combine the money and just have 1 place that is swank.

Why are you having trouble dating and making social connections? I thought you were a ripped charmer with a lucrative military career? Did you move to Dallas or some equally horrifying car/ career metropolis?
Responding to this in my journal so I don't clog up the polyamory thread with my personal situation when I don't even identify as polyamorous.

I agree that the ROI of a bachelor pad is pretty bad and yet I've already seen a few firsthand examples where living alone would've positively impacted my dating life. It was nice when I had my own studio to have partners literally show up at my door whenever I wanted and both of us can be as loud as we want. It mattered less when I started monogamously dating a girl who had her own 2 bedroom house. In an ideal world, everyone should be comfortable having sex and shouldn't be ashamed of their sexuality yadda yadda yadda, yet my experience is that girls universally are more comfortable going to a guy's place if he doesn't have roommates, especially once past the early 20s where living with roommates is most common. Unfortunately I'm not in a position to be picky enough to filter out the more "timid/self-conscious" girls beforehand unless I just never want to get laid. There is also the issue that I feel a bit more hesitant bringing girls back when I have roommates, although I don't remember this being as much of an issue when I was younger and lived with male roommates.

I'm not giving up on the living situation yet (although I only signed a 6 month lease so I do have flexibility to leave relatively soon), as it is possible that once I develop a rotation of partners this problem will resolve itself. My living situation is fine in pretty much every other aspect so I don't think this is a reason to give up yet.

Re: the more general dating life question. You are correct that in theory I am a ripped charmer with a lucrative military career. However, the ripped part doesn't show that much unless my shirt is off (due to dilemma of pick any 2: natural (no-steroids), big, ripped). The lucrative military career doesn't matter much because I don't appear wealthy due to ERE practices and I'm not exactly throwing money around just to get girls who are interested in that sort of thing. Also, people don't associate military/government work with a lot of money, even though in the next 12 months I will make over $100k.

Right now I have trouble dating and making social connections because I have no access to single females other than on dating apps and going to a bar, neither of which are really my ideal mating environment to signal my desirable traits. I'm actively searching out opportunities for things like co-ed sports, trivia leagues, really any organized social activity, but challenges remain due to my work schedule (more on that below). I've been throwing some extra financial capital at premium features on certain dating apps which is somewhat successful in the sense I get more matches. The conversion rate is still painfully low. The city isn't perhaps as horrifying as Dallas and does have pretty good public transportation, but it is definitely very career-focused.

My work schedule is the stuff of nightmares. It goes something like this:

-work 6 days on, 4 days off continuously (averages out to about 2.5 weekends off every month)
-rotate shift every 10 days (e.g. new shift starts every time you start new 6 day work cycle)
-shifts rotate in following order: 0500-1300, 2100-0500, 1300-2100, 0500-1300..and so on

Now, if you know anything about shift work or human physiology, you will quickly realize this is one of the worst possible schedules for purposes of circadian rhythm and basic hormonal functioning. I will lobby for changing it to rotate the shifts in chronological order when I start (0500-1300, 1300-2100, 2100-0500), but I likely won't have much influence as new guy, especially since current guy working there has said they have tried to change the schedule design multiple times but always were shot down by management. I plan on enlisting help of medical professional and citing military manuals, both of which will point out that current schedule design results in detrimental cognitive performance while on job, physical and psychological discomfort, etc. So I'm operating under assumption I may just feel jet-lagged for the next 6-18 months, which will impede my fitness goals and really my entire web of goals.

The other challenge I have with the schedule in relation to my dating/social life, is that most of the action happens on weekends for the typical person. Since I'll be working 50% of weekends, this means I will really have to explore activities during the week, with the caveat that I can't really get in a weekly rhythm since my work days are constantly changing.

Jin+Guice
Posts: 1279
Joined: Sat Jun 30, 2018 8:15 am

Re: White Belt's Military Journey to FI

Post by Jin+Guice »

Haha, your response sent me down this rabbit hole of thinking about different types of women, what characteristics they have and whom they are likely to be attracted to. I say this bc, almost all women who are interested in me have their own places, which is sort of ironic bc they seem to like it when people hear them too...

It does sound like you might be the one who is hung up about bringing people back with other people home?

Basically none of your answer makes sense to me, bc I guess we don't date the same type of women? Like, I barely have muscles and I feel like they are extremely visible in a t-shirt. But I'm not competing with that many other people that lift weights at all (also, have you heard of tank tops?).

I've never made over 50k in a year and usually I make much less. If a bike ride and a beer or something equivalent isn't their idea of a good time, it's never going to go anywhere anyway.

Dating apps and bars aren't enough for you? What are your strengths? Ripped and charming are like the 2 most important dating app/ bar characteristics! Where else do you even meet women? House parties and work?

That work schedule is terrible! No wonder you are clearing 6 figures and having trouble making friends. Maybe you can meet some non-career havers during the week.

white belt
Posts: 1452
Joined: Sat May 21, 2011 12:15 am

Re: White Belt's Military Journey to FI

Post by white belt »

@J+G

I wrote out a longer response but then lost it when my computer died. Long story short, my dating prospects have improved dramatically. I've brought a girl back to my place and it was a non-issue. I added a recent beach picture to my dating profile which also seems to have improved things because most of my pictures were old.

AxelHeyst
Posts: 2118
Joined: Thu Jan 09, 2020 4:55 pm
Contact:

Re: White Belt's Military Journey to FI

Post by AxelHeyst »

Glad to hear dating situation has improved!

I just came here to plug PEX instead of PVC if you aren’t going copper. PVC is pretty wretched stuff environmentally. PEX is less bad from a toxicity perspective, you dont need to use toxic goop to stick it together, it’s flexible, and IMO it can look kinda cool too. Worth a look if you haven’t yet.

white belt
Posts: 1452
Joined: Sat May 21, 2011 12:15 am

Re: White Belt's Military Journey to FI

Post by white belt »

June Report

Income: 6886 (after tax)
Savings Rate: 54%
Expense Total: 3183

Food/Restaurants/Bars - 900
Housing - 800
Dating – 605
Car/Transportation - 393
Health/Fitness - 297
Insurance - 54
Cell Phone - 24
Music/Shopping/Other – 110

I was expecting a high spending month in June. I spent some time traveling which meant more meals eating out. I also was getting settled into my location which meant more trips to bars and restaurants to meet people. There are also a couple of recurring costs that I had to double pay for (like gym membership). It was a time of relaxation following the stress of my move so I loosened my purse strings a bit without really considering expenses.

The dating expenses crept up on me too. I'm now getting settled into my new location so I expect those to drop. A lot of that is paying for premium features like boosting my profile to the front of the line on various apps. This does result in more matches, but I definitely should dial it back and have been using it as a source of entertainment during times of boredom or loneliness. There are a few restaurant and bar dates mixed in there as well, but I generally don't go for expensive activities on dates anyway.


Financial Snapshot
Net Worth: $400k
Stock: 38%
CTF (currently long): 16%
Cash: 11%
Bonds: 16%
Gold: 17%
Crypto: 3%


Another net worth milestone! As I've been hinting at earlier in my journal, I suspect I will have more money than I know what to do with after I'm done my military commitment. Starting this month my after tax salaryman income will be ~$8k a month.

My focus for July is to get settled in with my work schedule (I still haven't actually started but am still getting paid). I've been looking for some group activities I can do and have made a list. So far there seems to be a local urban agriculture group and some jam sessions (although I need to get back to playing guitar regularly if I want to go to those). I think I'm making some progress on social activities but I still haven't really made any new friends here other than my roommates.

I want to get my food spending back under control by cooking most of my meals. My tempeh experiment failure was a bit of a downer but I need to give it another shot. I have my microgreens shelf set up again, I just need to get some soil and start a new batch.

Keeping expenses low in my new HCOL area is definitely a challenge. Since I have an increased housing allowance for the area, I actually come out on ahead because my tax free income has increased by much more than my actual housing costs increased. Nevertheless it does still hurt to have ~$1100 of routine expenses before I even pay for anything like food, transportation, or entertainment. I'm not ready to give up my $200 per month for online weightlifting coaching because it has had such a positive impact on my web of goals. I think my target for now will be to get below $2k a month expenses, which would probably look something like $600 for food/bars/restaurants, $200 for dating, and $100 for transportation/other miscellaneous expenses. I'm aware these are probably absurd numbers for many on these forums.

white belt
Posts: 1452
Joined: Sat May 21, 2011 12:15 am

Re: White Belt's Military Journey to FI

Post by white belt »

AxelHeyst wrote:
Sat Jul 03, 2021 10:28 am
I just came here to plug PEX instead of PVC if you aren’t going copper. PVC is pretty wretched stuff environmentally. PEX is less bad from a toxicity perspective, you dont need to use toxic goop to stick it together, it’s flexible, and IMO it can look kinda cool too. Worth a look if you haven’t yet.
Thanks I'll keep that in mind! I still have a lot to learn and my project is still a few years away so I'm very much still in the research phase.

white belt
Posts: 1452
Joined: Sat May 21, 2011 12:15 am

Re: White Belt's Military Journey to FI

Post by white belt »

July Report

Expense Total: 3348
Food/Restaurants/Bars - 848
Housing - 800
Dating – 498
Shopping/Other – 427
Health/Fitness – 370
Car/Transportation – 275
Insurance - 54
Cell Phone - 24

This was another absurdly high spending month for me. I’m a bit embarrassed that my monthly spending is so high while I devoted so much time reading about climate change issues in books and on the forums this month. I’ll do a category breakdown since there are some high numbers.

Food/Restaurants/Bars
For the 2nd month in a row, this proves to be the highest spending category. $252 was spent on groceries, $120 was spent on alcohol/bars, and the remaining $476 was spent on meals prepared by someone else. This is my first target for cutting expenses and I did much better with cooking nearly all of my meals the final week of the month. I’m thinking next month I can get this spending to ~$500 without really any major changes other than cooking. Next month I will try to break things down further by what money I spend on food/drinks in a social setting.

One thing I’ve noticed just with getting back into cooking more meals over the past week is that I often use eating out as a way to bring some variety into my monotonous diet, particularly on weekends. Once I realized this, I started testing some new recipes and now have some “special” dishes I can cook on weekends when I have more time to prepare and savor the food.

Dating
I had an old girlfriend visit me which is why these expenses were a bit high. We ended up doing more tourist activities and restaurant eating than I would normally do. As a note, I’m debating how exactly to categorize spending related to dating. As it is now, I include anything spent on a date activity in that category, to include the food/drinks I consume as well as my transportation expenses in the case that I take Uber/Lift. I may breakdown these expenses further in future months.

The dating prospects are ok at the moment but I still have not really figured out how to leverage any sort of social connections. I’m exclusively reliant on dating apps for meeting people. Rotating shifts provides challenges with routine social activities since most people are on 5 days on, 2 days off schedule. I was fortunate to be off the last 2 weekends but I will be working through next weekend.

Shopping/Other
Expenses were a bit unusually high this month because I had to spend $150 on work clothes. I also spent $70 on a hard copy of RetroSuburbia because I found myself referencing it so often and I feel like I will continue to reference it frequently for at least the next decade or so.

Health/Fitness
I got hit with the BS $70 enrollment fee this month at my gym, which is why it was a bit higher than last month. I’m still paying for online coaching that I’m unwilling to go without, but I will probably revisit it in the next few months. Unfortunately, my gym at work has inopportune hours and I can’t film my lifts, so I’m stuck with the commercial gym membership as well.

I have been going to pickup ultimate frisbee games once a week, which is a nice free way to get a cardio workout while also getting some social interaction. I haven’t really made any new friends there yet but maybe that will come with time.

Car/Transportation
A good chunk of the expenses are from various annual renewals, registration, parts for DIY repairs, and inspections this month, not actually from driving all that much. Right now I am driving a ~15 min roundtrip to work each day I am on and then I try to mostly bike on days off. I might switch that to biking to work one day a week, which would fit in well with my overall training plan (more often than that gets tricky because all of that LISS cardio might start to interfere with some of my lifting/hypertrophy goals).


Financial Snapshot
Net Worth: $408k
Stock: 37%
CTF (currently long): 15%
Cash: 11%
Bonds: 16%
Gold: 18%
Crypto: 3%


The good news is I make a lot of money (my income is at least in part tied to the cost of housing in the area). The bad news is I’m also spending a lot of money and I’m still trying to figure out how to navigate life in my HCOL area. I wouldn’t live in this area if I wasn’t working full-time here, so it is a bit tricky to project what my future expenses might look like once I “retire” from full time employment.

I’ve only completed one week of work in my new position, but so far it seems like a pretty boring job with lots of downtime. I’m still trying to figure out what to do with all that time I have to be physically in an office. Maybe this will be a blessing in disguise because it will force me to find fulfillment outside of my job. Other than the job being a waste of time, the biggest negative of it is the rotating shifts. I’m trying to lay the foundation to get transferred to a different role in the same office so that I can utilize my technical background/skillset and also work normal office hours instead of the current schedule.

7Wannabe5
Posts: 9370
Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: White Belt's Military Journey to FI

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

If you think of yourself as an entrepreneur and you think of the women you would like to date as your potential customers, then you need to ask yourself what problem you could best solve for your customers. “What’s for dinner?”, “I’m bored.”, “I want to get laid.” are obvious problems most frequently addressed on casual dating market. I think you could quite possibly greatly reduce your expenses if you could come up with a more novel problem to solve within the context of “casual.” IOW, you obviously don’t want to solve or signal willingness to solve less casual problems such as “Who will father my children?” or “Who will pay my rent?” or “Who will help with my internal feelings of worthlessness?”

white belt
Posts: 1452
Joined: Sat May 21, 2011 12:15 am

Re: White Belt's Military Journey to FI

Post by white belt »

Rant/Venting to follow:

I'm coming to realize that I haven't been very successful at making new friends since college. Part of the problem is the military lifestyle and frequent moving. I might make new friends in a particular area (often from work), but then I'd have to move within 1-2 years so I'd pretty much end up back to square one at every new location. As I have gotten older so have my peers at work, and now the majority of them are partnered up so the opportunities for friendship are more limited. Although I would like to do some hunting and fishing with some people from work, at the moment I haven't really had the opportunity to develop any sort of outside-of-work relationships with coworkers.

The friends I made in college are still some of my best friends, but they all (with the exception of one who lives near me) live in a city that's ~3 hours away. So I can go back for monthly trips if my schedule allows it, but not really more frequently than that. I'm also hesitant to spend all my time with old friends in a different location because it means I'm not spending that time developing social connections in my current location.

That's not to say I haven't gone to social outings with people in my new location. I have a few roommates that I've hung out with along with their friends, which was a pleasant but I didn't really think we have enough mutual interests for that to grow into anything else. My 2 female roommates are both ~5 years older than me and don't really seem to be the social types (I've had 2 outings with them and friends, which was pleasant but again I didn't really feel much of a connection). My male roommate is younger than me and had some friends over so I had drinks with them. His friends just seemed pretty boring and sheltered, so again it was pleasant but I don't really think it's going to lead anywhere. I've gone to pickup ultimate frisbee for 3 weeks in a row but haven't really had many conversations outside of gameplay. None of these outings had any attractive single women (that of course was not my purpose in hanging out, but is worth pointing out to demonstrate the limitations of current social circle).

I've hung out with my college friend who lives in the area several times as well. We are very good friends, but he also is a relatively recent transplant to the area and doesn't have much of a social circle. His friends are all in serious relationships, which makes it hard to meet new people (we often lament about the difficulties of dating apps). I can't tell if some of this is also because perhaps people don't want to expand their social circles due to COVID concerns. It seems like there is a serious generational change going on when it comes to socialization. People are so focused on work and relocation, that many follow a similar pattern to me in that they maintain strong relationships from college but don't really socialize with new people that much. Dating is almost exclusively done on apps because many people just don't interact with other potential partners at work or leisure.

My lacking social network directly relates to my dating struggles. For basically 5 years I've had to rely exclusively on dating apps because I just don't interact with any eligible females in my day to day life. I'd like to date more girls I meet IRL instead of from apps, but it just doesn't really happen because my life is generally work-> gym -> relax at home. Weekends are generally spent working on some ERE-related projects* -> gym -> relax at home -> socialization that currently takes the form of going to bar since that's what my good friend and his group most like to do. Like I said, I am working on finding more organized social activities to meet more people. The further challenge is my rotating shift work schedule so I can't easily attend a social activity at the same time every week.

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Tue Aug 03, 2021 6:13 am
If you think of yourself as an entrepreneur and you think of the women you would like to date as your potential customers, then you need to ask yourself what problem you could best solve for your customers. “What’s for dinner?”, “I’m bored.”, “I want to get laid.” are obvious problems most frequently addressed on casual dating market. I think you could quite possibly greatly reduce your expenses if you could come up with a more novel problem to solve within the context of “casual.” IOW, you obviously don’t want to solve or signal willingness to solve less casual problems such as “Who will father my children?” or “Who will pay my rent?” or “Who will help with my internal feelings of worthlessness?”
I agree that I could greatly reduce my expenses if I can solve my dating systems puzzle. Sticking with the entrepreneur analogy, I'd say the biggest challenge is with marketing myself. I believe my product is quite competitive and provides some unique advantages. The issue is I can't rely on word of mouth recommendations due to the fact that I'm essentially swinging from vine to vine with girls on dating apps. Additionally, if I'm being honest there just aren't a lot of opportunities in my current design to demonstrate competence and signal desirable traits in a way that attracts females.* This means I'm stuck with the far less effective "advertisements" in the form of my dating profiles.


* = currently learning new recipes, options trading, making tempeh, DIY car repair, microgreens

** = This issue has been highlighted multiple times in this journal. I might have to put myself out there and try activities I wouldn't do if not looking for partners, but the risk is that comes off as desperate and disingenuous. I've tried this in the past and it hasn't really panned out.

Post Reply