Ella's Journal

Where are you and where are you going?
Dave
Posts: 545
Joined: Fri Dec 19, 2014 1:42 pm

Re: Ella's Journal

Post by Dave »

Hi Ella, I just read through your journal. It sounds like you have been through a lot the last few years, but are finding your path forward.

You mentioned a few posts back that you lost some of your love of beauty, but I have to tell you that I find your posts beautifully poetic, such as your recent descriptions of the Texas wilderness. Maybe your love has been attenuated a bit, but I still think you have an appreciation for it that is special.

Best of luck in your journey.

ellarose24
Posts: 175
Joined: Tue Feb 02, 2016 9:44 am

Re: Ella's Journal

Post by ellarose24 »

I spent this entire week in meetings with the people that I support, directors, VPs, etc.

Something that has been hard for me to reconcile is the culture I've been brought into as far as the workplace goes and my own values/principles/goals. I am in a unique position where if I do things the 'right' way I could land a job that would have me make 500k a year (variable--it is sales). This is a true sales job. I was in financial planning before, and although it was extremely stressful, I don't consider it sales. I did have goals, metrics to hit and i was pitted against my colleagues--but in the end I absolutely believed in the product. I was working for a large broker dealer and I "sold" managed portfolios for 401ks and did extensive financial planning with employees of specific companies. I know that is very much against what this sub and lifestyle hold dear, and at first I felt the same way. But the amount of people who absolutely needed their portfolio managed was probably around 90%. I spoke to too many people who told me they wanted to pay nothing, touted the great wisdom of index funds, but they had timed the market multiple times and lost (but thought they had won). People who were still sitting in cash after the market crash in 2008. People drawing income with 100% of their portfolio in the S&P 500 index because thats what Dave Ramsey told them to do. To most people outside of this lifestyle, investing is emotional and I often felt more like a therapist than I did a sales person. I worked with average americans and I loved it and truly felt I was making a difference in peoples lives. If I thought there was any interest, I got to bring up the ability to retire early and to refocus their lives on personal fulfillment rather than spending.

It was also an amazing glimpse to the state of the general public. 2 extreme cases come to mind--a 50 year old factory worker, uneducated, that has 2 million dollars in her 401k after years of extreme frugality. Much more often were the people making 400k + a year with dismal savings. Engineers tended to be the best off and the least likely to need to pay someone to hold them accountable (although they were also a pain in the ass to talk to). Software developers or other high-ranking tech people were the least likely to listen and most likely to day trade.

The sales in my current role is about wining and dining. It would be selling my company as a custodian for other financial advisors. It requires travel 70% of the time. It is dealing with the affluent. I don't like any of this. Right now I am in a support role that is extremely low stress and pays decent. about 70k-80k a year depending on bonuses (dependent on how the region I support produces). And sitting through those meetings made me decide I absolutely do not want the stress of their life. I also don't think it fits me as a person, I'm not sure I would be good at it.

The thing that gets to me is my own insecurity in surrounding myself with these sales people. I don't mean to sound conceited, but I know that I am intelligent (at least, at one point I was). The most confidence I had in my life was in college. I LOVED academics, with a passion. I was great at writing, regardless of the subject matter. My professors loved me, and I was doing something I was good at.

I became good at financial planning simply through my ability to listen and empathize, but I always lacked the confidence of true "sales people," because I was never doing what i was good at. But what would I be good at? I thought at one point that i would become a professor, but the same personalities exist in that world. It would still require the politics and image and would pay far less.

But my mind is falling into disarray. I cannot write anymore--partly because of my medicine. Partly because episodes leave you with a bit of brain damage that takes times to get over. Partly because I simply don't read or write like I used to. The one thing I was great at is becoming a thing of the past as I stop exercising my brain. And I find that the decline of this part of my personality directly correlates with the waning of my resolve to rebel against the norms of society and with my increasing identity of a consumer. I am becoming less and less myself. I have begun to have extreme anxiety and lack the peace of knowing who I am and what I believe in.

I am still consuming quite a bit and have still refused to look at the money that I have spent. I think I will start journaling again, start reading. Find that part of myself that dictated my values and how I lived my life. And in the meantime, I will be happy with my mediocre job. I am not willing to sacrifice anymore of myself for a career.

llorona
Posts: 444
Joined: Sun Sep 23, 2012 11:44 pm
Location: SF Bay Area

Re: Ella's Journal

Post by llorona »

You are intelligent. No doubt. It comes across in your writing.

No answers for you, just want to offer solidarity in dealing with mental health issues and the losses that ensue, both from the condition itself and medication. I've been on antidepressants for 20 years for major depression; while the medication has very likely saved my life, it has come at the cost of my artistic creativity and a narrowing of my intellect.

Maybe something to think about is whether excellence and greatness are necessary for you to have a happy and fulfilling life?

Even if you are no longer the person you once were, you are still someone...

classical_Liberal
Posts: 2283
Joined: Sun Mar 20, 2016 6:05 am

Re: Ella's Journal

Post by classical_Liberal »

Fee only financial planner?

You could pick your own clients, ie the investment naive millionaire next door types you like. You could also chose to only manage enough to earn a living part-time. Less time demands and on your own schedule, win-win-win-win?

monkeymanwasd123
Posts: 64
Joined: Tue Apr 09, 2019 12:14 pm

Re: Ella's Journal

Post by monkeymanwasd123 »

keto diet, carnivore diet, and the wim hof method will likely help you out...

ZAFCorrection
Posts: 357
Joined: Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:49 pm

Re: Ella's Journal

Post by ZAFCorrection »

It might be more accurate to say that you are less and less who you were. You are your thoughts, memories, instincts, and actions. Those are changing as time goes on, often without you being able to do much about it. It sucks when the change is not what you wanted or planned for, but that's life. Don't let your past identity and its expectations poison what actually exists now.

Cheepnis
Posts: 303
Joined: Mon Dec 31, 2018 11:52 am

Re: Ella's Journal

Post by Cheepnis »

@bigato: that is a tremendous amount of money and if I were in that situation it would definitely be tempting. Yet it also sounds like there would be a lot of effort expended to get there. Perhaps spending so much energy playing the game only to achieve a high stress/high reward position wouldn't be worth it? Especially if FI isn't so far away anyway.

I often wonder if I could slog through 2-3 years of living and breathing work in exchange for an ample stash and I'm not sure I could do it. 40hrs/w is already super in-congruent with my mental health. I couldn't imagine 80 or more!

ellarose24
Posts: 175
Joined: Tue Feb 02, 2016 9:44 am

Re: Ella's Journal

Post by ellarose24 »

@bigato--my health is very precarious and i could see the stress of this job driving me off the deep end

-My mother is likely about to go through another psychotic episode and I am beside myself. This happens yearly. I have PTSD from it from my childhood and have never been able to heal as it happens yearly. You would think I would get used to it.

I don't know. I know this is supposed to be about frugality but I just want to be able to keep my wits about me. My anxiety is at an all time high.

I asked for an accommodation at work--3 hours off every Friday to see my doctor. He is both my psychiatrist and psychologist. It's really important to talk to him as he can pick up signs and change my medicine as needed.

I had to lie about why I was going. I said I was taking 'anti seizure' medication. This is true, most of the medication for bipolar is also used as an anti-seizure. I told them that I was titrating onto different medicine and I needed to be on the watch of my doctor, this is also true. But now they think I'm epileptic I suppose.

Honestly, I feel no remorse. If you say nothing, rumors are started (It has happened before). If you are honest, rumors our confirmed (also happened.) But their reaction for me asking for 3 hours off really ticked me off. I literally sit at my desk for HOURS a day doing nothing, but they said that if I ever needed additional time off I would need to take PTO. I know I am spoilt and should not be complaining, but their reaction in general peeved me. I'm glad they think I have a 'real' illness because I can't imagine the judgement if they really knew.

Something my doctor told me is that I should be 'okay' with not competing--not being extremely successful. Both because I have no desire for it and because stress is so, so bad for me. I think the only thing to do is attack it from the other end, which is what the philosophy here is. Learn to live off as little as possible. Something that makes me feel bad is that I will never be totally self-sufficient, I'll always rely either on an employer or the government for medicine. But I want to do as much as I possible can to rely on others a little as I can.

Oh. I did look at my spending last month. I spent $800 more than I made.

I've stocked up on rice, beans, lentils, onions, peppers, and frozen veggies. I think most of that was spent on alcohol and food, as well as some minor emergencies. I can't live that way anymore. Not sure why this habit has become such a monster when I was NEVER this way before. Oh well.

monkeymanwasd123
Posts: 64
Joined: Tue Apr 09, 2019 12:14 pm

Re: Ella's Journal

Post by monkeymanwasd123 »

Try the wim Hof method and grow food/shade to reduce stress

prognastat
Posts: 991
Joined: Fri May 04, 2018 8:30 pm
Location: Texas
Contact:

Re: Ella's Journal

Post by prognastat »

I think I could do any job for 1 year as although tough in a new job even if hard and frustrating most of the first year is at least interesting and time goes by fast as you are learning new things. Second year becomes tougher and third year the struggle becomes real when the job isn't fun as you've learned most of the things and now there is only drudgery left.

I'm pretty low stress to start with and easily disconnect from work outside of work hours though. If however you struggle with stress to start with then taking on a high stress position may be more trouble than it's worth.

ellarose24
Posts: 175
Joined: Tue Feb 02, 2016 9:44 am

Re: Ella's Journal

Post by ellarose24 »

@prognastat--I think I could do it, honestly. I think I would be good at it. It's just getting there--all of the politics at play. Image is HUGE, I mean it is a Really. Big. Deal. And that in itself would require a lot of start-up capital (Clothing, name brand purses, fancy hair cuts...etc.) And the big thing is, I am weird. I really am just kind of a weird person that does great in the roles that I am given, but I do not do well in the overarching political structure within a company. I have social anxiety that goes away as soon as I am within 'my role'--but I have yet to figure out how to make my role a permanent mask when interacting with coworkers and bosses and directors day in day out for 8 hours a day.

ellarose24
Posts: 175
Joined: Tue Feb 02, 2016 9:44 am

Re: Ella's Journal

Post by ellarose24 »

Not much has changed as far as my spending goes.

It has been storming here frequently. The tornado warnings and booming thunder give me some sense of nostalgia for climbing mountains. I am missing the terror of the rockies. I did not think those mountains would impact me so much, but nature in general seems to be so important to my well-being, and it is hard here with highways on every side of me and the few nature paths we have unable to escape the drone of traffic.

I think I would like to 'end up' back in Colorado. I would like to have saved up enough to take a menial job and live quite simply. I don't mind living in Denver or the suburbs as long as I have the weekend to the mountains. Every weekend (besides winter and early spring) was spent hiking, and it cleansed me.

Since moving back, depression and anxiety have followed and increased many-fold. There is a difference in working to simply pay for things and working happily knowing you will do what you love when the weekends come. Working to live vs living to work. I don't know how people do it. I don't buy totally into extreme frugality at the cost of all things. Cost of living in CO was much higher, but I was much happier. I was also less likely to spend money as instead of seeing spending as a way to justify the work that I put in, my weekends and hiking were able to give me satisfaction that buying things never could.

But I think this all stems from my deep need for nature and the natural. I keep thinking there is something 'wrong' with this, something obviously weird and something that stems from my inability to accept life's day-to-day pleasantries. I do take satisfaction in reading, sewing, gardening--but still, I feel something missing. I'm going to accept the fact that it my reality and there's nothing wrong with it. I think some people are truly born with this feeling. My dad has it, and has neglected it his whole life in pursuit of success. I've had it since I was a child. Our yearly trips to Canada and the mountains of Arizona left a profound impact on my psyche that I've been unable to escape.

I have to think of this time now as 'preparation.' My job gave me a 10k bonus but I have to stay there two years to keep it, otherwise I owe it back. I still have my car debt to pay off--about 5K left. I was giving about $150 dollars a month to various charities and am lowering that to $50--American Rivers. I have $200 a month going to pay for orthodontics I got and that will end in December--It's zero interest so not worried about it. When I was manic I took out a 401k loan that I am still paying back. I'm embarrassed to say the amount but here it goes--7K left. 7.5% interest going back to myself, which I don't mind at all, it's only increasing my savings. All of those things need to be dealt with before I make another big move.

My boyfriend and I are thinking about moving to a bigger apartment. I have left it up to him, as he is the one who seems to need it. We are currently living in a 550 sq foot apartment, and while I don't mind it, I think it gets to him with me being so messy and having the dog. This would add another $200 dollars a month each. But there are quite a few plusses--I won't list them all here. Still, I wish we were staying in this apartment. It's cheaper and moving is such a pain in the ass.


I also need to get healthier. Mostly stemming from eating out, I have gained quite a bit of weight. My hip hurts when running, but I've found jogging on the treadmill at a very low speed to be okay. I tried going to a chiropractor--what a joke. My hip still hurts and he has done little for me. I tried a physical therapist--same thing. I think slowly building up strength is what is needed.

Mentally, I have not been doing great. My mother is going through psychosis again and is currently in a homeless shelter. It was the suspension and the fear of it happening that really got to me, now that it's happened I feel some sense of relief and acceptance, and I've found my anxiety has decreased significantly. I am going home this weekend and may or may not visit her for Mother's day. I have yet to decide. It usually sets me back quite a bit, but the guilt I feel if I don't go is hard too.

If I can see this struggle and sacrifice as something preparing me for a great future, then I am able to accept it. I suppose that's what ERE is about. But early retirement living and doing things I don't want to do is not going to work. I think I was missing the element of "what will this actually look like to me?" I just saw droning on in work and the end was a sort of blank slate, or not even--just an end with no concept of what the reward would be. Now that I can see it, I'm quite willing to put in the work. Even if I see it as stages--continue to work, get healthy, pay off debt. Move back to Colorado and find work that pays well and spend the weekends doing what I love. Get a part time job and spend even more time doing what I love. Retire fully and spend my life doing what I love.

ellarose24
Posts: 175
Joined: Tue Feb 02, 2016 9:44 am

Re: Ella's Journal

Post by ellarose24 »

My boyfriend and I are in the process of buying a house.The amount of Californians moving to Texas might make it more like CO eventually in terms of cost of living. A financial firm across the street is bringing in 7k people from California so I felt now was the time. Who knows, I could be wrong, but if I had bought 5 years ago the price would've gone up over 30% by now.

I guess I should start looking at numbers...I'll get to why I haven't been able to up until now in a bit.

I make 65-70K a year. Boyfriend makes anywhere from 80k-100K
45K in 401k with Fidelity, 5K in 401k with Principal. Currently contributing 6% as I'm building my emergency savings back up
Boyfriend has about 100K in 401k with Fidelity.

Together, we have about 30k in cash, most (if not all, we're waiting on the appraisal) is going into our home purchase. My boyfriend is the only one on the mortgage as my credit was lower thanks to thousands in medical debt I didn't realize I had. (I accidentally Od'd on one of my medicines..that's another story)

I have 5K left on my car and we will have about 200K as a mortgage. (5 years ago it was bought for $135K. WOW)

Monthly expenses
-$400 car payment at 2.5% interest (this was before my credit went down)
-$750 mortgage
-$100 utilities
-$100 gas
-$200 food and other necessities
-$180 401k loan repayment (6k left on that)
-$110 car insurance
-$60 pet insurance (I have found this well worth it)
-$75 cell phone

After all of my deductions, I bring home about $2600 a month and spending (bare bones) $1575. That gives me $1000 left over. All of that will be going back to emergency savings until I have $10,000 saved back up. I get bonuses quarterly between 1-2k which will go straight there as well. My boyfriend cashed out his roth IRA--$10K--at my urging to use as emergency savings as his 20K will be depleted with the down payment. I know that is against what everyone here would advise, but I truly believe we will be priced out of the market and I am a HUGE proponent of emergency savings. The only reason I think people don't see it as necessary anymore is because they didn't live through or don't remember the last recession. I didn't go through it myself, I graduated just as it was over, but I had started reading about financial independence while in college, and I remember the terror. He had gained 15% in his roth so I had no problem with him cashing it out, and not worried about penalties on the growth as you can take 10k out for first time home purchase without penalties.

I can't speak to my future, but I finally feel stable enough to take this on. I got off of my medicine. It is so dangerous to listen to people on the internet. There are so many conspiracy theories about pharmaceutical companies--yes many are based partially on fact, but when you really are truly ill, you need meds. Long term they are bad for you, but I would probably kill myself without them. I went through the worst depressive spell of my life. Constantly thinking about death and living in absolute misery. Within a week of going back on my medicine, I felt relief.

I've started to add small things--working out 45 minutes a day, meditating every day. Actually, that's all I'm doing right now but it is helping. The next goal will be to get off caffeine. That's hard as my withdrawals are severe. After that, read and write more.

I've left my credit card at home so that I don't eat junk at work. I was eating a dr. pepper and rice crispy sometimes 2x a day. It wasn't expensive (for some reason Dr. Peppers are only 45 cents...i Think a mistake) but the sugar was awful and doing no good for my physical or mental health.

I also picked up smoking during the worst of it and have stopped that again.

It is profound what having a functioning life looks like. I've kept my plants alive for a month. I can watch movies or read books without the constant agitation of existential dread. I have goals and work daily on them. It is only dampened by the fact that I know another episode will happen--a month from now, a year from now, 5 years--I don't know. But all I can do is build up the skills to combat it when it does.

I am blessed to have my boyfriend. It is really tough on him. But I am better now and am looking forward to rebuilding my finances, health, and relationships.

TopHatFox
Posts: 2322
Joined: Thu Oct 17, 2013 10:07 pm
Location: FL; 25

Re: Ella's Journal

Post by TopHatFox »

You remind me of me in many ways. Not in bipolar, but in taking ERE as a middle ground and having a very difficult time doing so emotionally. I dunno, it is really affirming to see another person that openly struggles a lot, but is trying to move forward anyway as best they can. As far as mental illnesses, I’m considering taking meds for depression on my end (really to cope with the massive stressors and expectations of the real world + lack of nature/community + stopping suicidal ideation). Not really sure how I feel about it.

ellarose24
Posts: 175
Joined: Tue Feb 02, 2016 9:44 am

Re: Ella's Journal

Post by ellarose24 »

TopHatFox wrote:
Tue Jun 04, 2019 7:58 pm
You remind me of me in many ways. Not in bipolar, but in taking ERE as a middle ground and having a very difficult time doing so emotionally. I dunno, it is really affirming to see another person that openly struggles a lot, but is trying to move forward anyway as best they can. As far as mental illnesses, I’m considering taking meds for depression on my end (really to cope with the massive stressors and expectations of the real world + lack of nature/community + stopping suicidal ideation). Not really sure how I feel about it.
Hi TopHatFox. i would be careful with meds. I am a huge proponent of them, but they also triggered my bipolar into existence. I would make sure you have no family history of bipolar/other mood disorders, because the meds for those are quite a bit different.

There is also the difference between chemical and situational depression. Some people are meds for all, but I think meds should only be used in chemical situations. This is because they do have long term side effects and risks. For me, those are all worth it to live a better life. I would talk to a psychiatrist AND a therapist. Get both of their opinions. Suicidal ideation is something that should be taken seriously.

ellarose24
Posts: 175
Joined: Tue Feb 02, 2016 9:44 am

Re: Ella's Journal

Post by ellarose24 »

I forgot about two expenses:

Meds-60 dollars a month
Psychiatric/Psychologist (he is both) visit once a week at $35 a session--that $140 month

Damn, that's below $1000 that I have left over. I guess I haven't really looked into this as detailed as I thought. I think part of my "emergency savings" will be to prepay my car loan and mortgage a year in advance, then subtract those expenses from the actual cash that I need. Car should be payed off within a year anyways.

I'm terrified of another recession--I don't think my job would make it. And I don't have enough cash to feel comfortable. It really feels like I'm starting over from scratch.

My job gives me 4+ hours a day of mindless internet browsing. What should i be doing with my time? Maybe time to pick up excel.

I keep saying innappropriate things at work. For some reason, as a financial planner, I was good. That's because pleasantries and what not went out the window when you get deep into people's finances. It's a deeply personal thing and felt more like therapy. I could bring out my strong empathy and it drove me to success. Office politics... I don't get those in the least. It's just not an environment I shine in. I think I've pitted myself to my current role and I don't know if I'm angry about that. I had a dream I was back in financial planning and it felt so... good. I miss it. This job is all based out of outlook and there are no real relationships to be had although it's title is "Relationship management." Kind of a little bitch for all the advisors that call in. But it pays decently and is low stress... i suppose

ellarose24
Posts: 175
Joined: Tue Feb 02, 2016 9:44 am

Re: Ella's Journal

Post by ellarose24 »

Image

Well, I finally sat down and came up with a budget/plan. Some big things that are missing out are things like car repair, unexpected expenses. I guess this is my stretch goal, hoping everything goes perfectly. It's at least something to aspire to.

I gave myself $1000 bonus quarterly as that is drastically low balling it. I also incorporated months where we get 3 paychecks. I canceled my dogs pet insurance and I am going to go to my doctor 2x a month instead of 4. Maybe I'll just use him for medicine. Another thing I've been thinking about doing is telling him I need a larger dosage of medicine, and then cutting it up to my regular dosage. Regardless of the mg--the cost is the same. I can get 80mg and cut it into 20mg and then that $60 would last me 4 months.

I wish I could get rid of my car. My SO is not willing to share cars, and he works from 5-3 while I work 830-5. We live in a place that is literally just a network of highways with suburbs stuck in-between. We looked at buying houses bikeable distance but they were double the price.

If anything, this was a wakeup call. I swear to you guys, I didn't use to be like this! I had so much in savings, so much extra after expenses, "lifestyle creep" definitely happens and so do emergencies and mental illness.

I want to do this with my boyfriends income/savings as well. I think he may end up carrying more of the weight for a while. I will try to contribute evenly, but I think there are things he will do (like buy a washer) that I can't help with.

I don't know, maybe I need a second job. I absolutely hate having so little room to spare. I'm also fearful of losing my job if there is a recession so have started putting in more effort. Talking more in meetings, staying longer than anyone else (although I have nothing to do), requesting more to do.

My hip is completely screwed up so I will begin rehabilitating it and walking 10k steps instead. It really upsets me, but I need to listen to my body and not make this worse.

I plan on being on a rice/lentil diet. Maybe not exactly, throw some frozen veggies in there. I'm growing basil and rosemary. When we move into the new house, I'd like a garden. I'd like to get all of our fresh produce from the garden, pickle it/preserve it for winter. It will probably take a couple of years to perfect. Perhaps this first year I will just start on compost. That way next year I've got some great soil to get started with.

User avatar
Chris
Posts: 773
Joined: Thu Jul 22, 2010 2:44 pm

Re: Ella's Journal

Post by Chris »

I'm not sure what your car's make/model/location are, but $100/mo for car insurance seems high to me. Does the car loan require a certain minimum level of coverage?

Contrary to that, $100/mo on food seems low. That's around $3/day, so eating out just once can equal a whole week of food spending. It's not impossible to keep it so low, but I agree with bigato's sentiment: adjust to your healthy diet first, then optimize.

ellarose24
Posts: 175
Joined: Tue Feb 02, 2016 9:44 am

Re: Ella's Journal

Post by ellarose24 »

Chris wrote:
Wed Jun 05, 2019 10:22 pm
I'm not sure what your car's make/model/location are, but $100/mo for car insurance seems high to me. Does the car loan require a certain minimum level of coverage?

Contrary to that, $100/mo on food seems low. That's around $3/day, so eating out just once can equal a whole week of food spending. It's not impossible to keep it so low, but I agree with bigato's sentiment: adjust to your healthy diet first, then optimize.
Do you go bare bones on insurance coverage? As you can probably tell, I'm a worrier and like to play it safe. Getting into a car accident is one of my biggest fears. I'm about mid-range as far as coverage goes but could go lower. It's already helped me out in cases like hail storms and getting stranded somewhere--both of those are under coverages I don't HAVE to have. The drivers down here are absolutely insane, so I hesitate to take some of these off.

ellarose24
Posts: 175
Joined: Tue Feb 02, 2016 9:44 am

Re: Ella's Journal

Post by ellarose24 »

bigato wrote:
Wed Jun 05, 2019 8:36 pm
Hello there, Ella.
I sense a lot of anxiety from the tone of this last post. I'd like to suggest you if I may, to calm down a little. Do not try to rush it. Do not skimp on healthy. Keep a quality of life good enough at least. Yeah, tackle your exepenses if you feel like it now, but do not go faster than you can handle. Do not put yourself in a corner. Slow and consistent is better. Good luck there, rooting for you here!

Thanks, bigato. I love the encouragement.

I'm taking this as a challenge and feeling the sort of "rush" I did when I first got into it. Probably because it's exciting since it's all new again and I'm starting over from scratch--and because it's propelled a bit by fear when I looked at the actual numbers. I'm used to having so much left over that I don't have to track it (which is probably what got me into this mess)

I enjoy thinking of an extremely simple lifestyle. I have a ton of needlepoint I can do from my mother, many unread books, and soon a yard for a garden. That will give me a sense of peace. This is the lifestyle I led up until 2016, and I was really happy, calm, peaceful. I know it can be done, and I know that it is inline with my nature. It's only recently that I've strayed away from these sentiments and become increasingly on edge and unhappy.

I've lived off of a very frugal diet before and was perfect fine. Onions and peppers make everything better, and vegetables can be canned or frozen.

But perhaps I shouldn't cut back on my doctor visits. and perhaps I should add a bit to entertainment, I don't want to lose anyone in my social circle.

Post Reply