the point is that who Riggerjack wants to be "just happened" to him, just as it "just happened" to brute. trying to become something if something "just happened" seems somewhat absurd - like religiously sticking to the rules of a random board game, found on the side of the road.
there is nothing wrong with "Riggerjack does what Riggerjack does because that's what Riggerjack likes to do", but there isn't much advice in it.
I think I demonstrated in "the thread where riggerjack schools brute on free will" that I can't. I can't compete with your faith in determinism. I'm not trying. How, at the nuts and bolts level the brain works is not of much interest to me. All I need is a functional model.
brute isn't sure if it's "trying to reach the carrot" or "running on the wheel" that fulfills/distracts him, but it sure is fulfilling/distracting.
brute is fascinated by the live observation of internal, sub-conscious mechanisms. there are various mechanisms within "brute" than he can observe while they are happening, but it feels like watching an animal in a zoo react to a stimulus. besides the work carrot, another example is how the laughter of female humans makes brute happy. he knows that evolutionary biology just turned brute into a machine that wants to protect pretty human females so they can procreate, but it still works, even while brute is being cynical about it. it even works while brute is cynically commenting on it to said human female, causing her to laugh, making it work.
What I'm trying to say here is a similar dynamic applies to becoming who you want to be. It doesn't matter that you think your desire is random, or if it were assigned to you in a universe of clockwork at the big bang. What matters is the being, and the doing.
And it doesn't have to be a Quest To Fulfill Your Inner Purpose, it just has to be something that makes you feel better about you when it's done. Taking a trash bag along and picking up litter on your way to the office. Minimal effort, but for it you get a nicer commute, and you changed from a commuter to a fully functional human (one who is making the world better, intentionally) for a few minutes and a bit of effort. It's a small change, but worth the effort.
You have already done this with learning. In fact you did it so well, you probably specialized in learning. Me too. But what I found was that as I over developed my intellectual side, I left the emotional part of my brain to atrophy. I rarely feel very much, and what I do feel is often very strong, but unexpected and often only loosely associated to the situation. For instance, I have a strong emotional response to efficiency. When things are done as well as possible, I find that calming, almost comforting. When things are done inefficiently, well, let's say I lots of negative feelings get triggered by that.
So I had this situation. I took years to figure out the why's and how's of my emotional triggers. And I would go from reasonable, thoughtful, interested me to the other version in a drop of a hat. Not that I would feel frustration and snap. I would feel frustration, and try to contain it, suppress it, and shortly after, explode. This never worked out well for me. I started a lot of fights, that I then promptly lost. I'm not much of a fighter. But I learned early that emotions are dangerous and often lead to pain, so my first solution was to suppress the emotional part of me, and emphasize the intellectual. I was doing this from preschool through my 20's.
One of the nicest things about basic training is how overwhelming the experience is. Whatever your defensive mechanisms, there is a team of dedicated professional drill sergeants there to break them.
For me, who thought of emotions as weaknesses, this was where I learned to use emotions as strengths. And going through the same thing with hundreds of other guys is a great way to overcome the devastation of having all my defensive mechanisms trashed.
But it took that long, drawn out inescapable stress to break my habit of over intellectualizing and processing to remove emotional content. When I was young, I would have been eagerly reading all you have written. Now, it seems familiar. It seems like the way I thought, before. Instead of reading and agreeing, when I read your posts, I start to agree, and then a "yeah, but" kicks in. This happens all the time with your posts. Like you are describing the intricacies of the room you are in in the minute details, but never look out the window, or go through the door.
Cold, sterile intellectualism is a good thing, and having a ready place to do that, easily, is a great thing. But it's not the only thing, and if all you allow your brain to do is process, you are failing to use half your brain's capacity.