Sclass's moving journal

[SimpleLife]

It seems surreal to me only because your OP about it was so casual. It really is amazing how one second all is well and the next second someone is making threats to kill someone and physical violence.

It is because I carry that I am far less likely to be confrontational. And I carry pepper spray as a first line of defense and call 911 over the slightest beginning of an altercation. Sadly, as we witnessed due to George Zimmerman, even if witnesses state that you were mounted and being beaten on the ground, due to political issues and the media, you may still end up in court fighting for your freedom, and even if you win, you are financially ruined for life. That guy has not had a break since that ordeal.

It is for these reasons that avoidance is the best solution. Walking away hurts ones pride, especially when in the right, but sadly, that's what a judge told two women who stomped another woman to death after an altercation outside a night club years ago. The judge said due to your egos one person is dead, and the two of you are going to prison for a long time...all because of ego (hey, where is he, haven't seen him lately )

[Sclass]

Okay! Well we got our pod and we moved in. We are officially living out of boxes.

There is a last kink which is ERE related.

Instead of saying I was retired on the rental application I said "relocating seeking a job in the area". I mean I'm basically still unemployed. Retired raised way too many eyebrows and opened up a can of worms while the perspective landlord would pick apart the assets I showed and try to figure out how I could meet living expenses on what I showed.

Issues, 1- I didn't show all my assets. But they assume it's everything. 2- they think a person needs 3x rent to survive. Not a good time to school them on ERE. 3- how could I possibly do 1- & 2- on a 5% withdrawal rate (basically they start running a retirement feasibility calculation). It ends with "you couldn't be retired, you don't have enough."

Right. So that's the hitch. I live on less than 2x rent. (Not a big surprise around these parts). I have a very high average investment return rate...but it isn't like a paycheck. Not a good time to start telling them I wouldn't be retired if I only made single digit returns. So what starts as showing them twenty years of their rent to show I'm good for a one year lease turns into you don't have enough. Enough for what may I ask?

Im good with the new landlord. He's accepted us. But he called me and told me to let him know when I got a job. I mean I've got a year lease...maybe if I just show that I'm reliable.

I've started looking for a dream job. It's not like they post VP of engineering positions on Craigslist. Ideas? I'm not seriously thinking of ending ER to rent a place.

Orange County has home mortgage payments that are about the same as rent rates...not like my old SF Bay Area home in bicycling distance to Google. Back there I paid $3000/mo to rent a $2,500,000 home. So maybe this is just a tap on the shoulder that I should be finally looking to own my home.

I actually own real estate...but not the home I live in so I never really cared about "missing out" on land. The numbers for owning my personal residence (for me) never really worked. But now it is starting to look different.

[SimpleLife]

Those numbers aren't bad surprisingly; 3K/month for a 2.5 million dollar home? I see houses in Bellevue, WA that are maybe 6-700K renting for 3.5K-4K a month.

Of course not all cities in the Seattle area are like that. In general, it is cheaper to rent here than to own.

[disparatum]

Glad you are settled. I've been following this thread with interest because I've recently moved to a similar location (LA not Orange County) and was experiencing similar troubles. My wife and I had no income (and hadn't had one since March), but I did have an offer letter. Still, it was a small fellowship/stipend for going to school and rarely met the 2.5-3.5x rent formula and this was without telling them that more than half of it was going to tuition!

We did finally find a place that simply required 3.5x18 months rent in assets, so I did that and we are moving in next week.

If I may ask, what are you invested in that gets you such good returns?

[Sclass]

If I may ask, what are you invested in that gets you such good returns?

stocks and small businesses. kind of irrelevant though.

[Stahlmann]

I followed your recent story about death of your mother and something popped in my mind.

Why haven't you proposed your parents the reverse mortgage?
"Yes, I'm jobless, I'm struggling with finding anything. I can take care of our parents, but I need money."

Not necessarilly now, but like 10-15 years ago when yours and their meaning of money simply.. became different.

I see below points or their combination:
0. Love.
1. It must be hard to give bank(st)ers something you think you will "own". I know you don't use this property atm and you don't plan to, but... this brings us to the main question.
2. After entering the workforce, the world becomes very small and even the relationship was sour it's better than nothing.

I see the argument "We spent so much on you, but you don't wanna help us now!". However, you're on more hardworking and successful side, so you could have replied the same as in first dialogue.

I know it's personal question so I don't expect answer anyway.

[Sclass]

I followed your recent story about death of your mother and something popped in my mind.

Why haven't you proposed your parents the reverse mortgage?
"Yes, I'm jobless, I'm struggling with finding anything. I can take care of our parents, but I need money."

Not necessarilly now, but like 10-15 years ago when yours and their meaning of money simply.. became different.

Not sure I understand the entire question. My response is really specific to my situation and probably is of no use to anyone. So I’m just answering to satisfy some intellectual curiosity.

My father and mother refused to sell the house. A reverse mortgage to them was like selling the house even though they’d never see it sold with their eyes. It sounds strange but I guess they were kind of selfish and wanted things to stay like that forever. I also believe my father and mother wanted me to have the home. This is more evident now as family members are resentful that I own the place yet refuse to live there.

My dad’s original idea was I’d move in with my mom and take care of her using my wife’s labor. Had I approached him saying “I need a place, I’m unemployed and I need money,” He would just say, fine “move in with mom, become her caregivers, ill put you on the payroll.” In fact he did suggest I move in during 2015 when I started this thread.

My intent in 2015 was to rent a place 50miles away from mom’s so my wife would not get swallowed up as a caregiver to my mother. We didn’t want to be dad’s employees. Everyone in the family also knows we do not need money...so it was assumed we’d caregive cheap or for free. Dad didn’t see things in reality, he saw things in the way he wanted. I’m available, I’m independently wealthy, I need a place to live, he needs a caregiver for my mom, he has a house to exchange for caregiving.

So given I didn’t want to do things according to my dad’s terms I moved close but not close enough. We fought about money to pay mom’s bills. I refused to pay her bills when they themselves are wealthy. Dad just kept the money locked up. He never paid her out in their divorce settlement. He acted as her investment advisor and held her half of the assets and thus controlled everything. If I wanted to break her free and do things my way after she became incapacitated I’d have to use my funds. And that I refused to do.

So it became this negotiation or game of chicken. He wouldn’t let me sell the house and have her liquid assets to pay her way. I refused to show up till he liquidated the assets he didn’t want to sell to pay while still keeping his/their house unmolested. It got very intense. I just couldn’t set my terms. He couldn’t set his. Basically dad wanted his cake and eat it too. He even tried to figure out how I could simultaneously live in LA taking care of mom while living in the Bay Area to help with his needs. You can’t move and you must move. The guy is insane and wants everything. Very unrealistic person.

The money situation was complex. I got ahold of a few hundred thousand from mom. It wasn’t enough to move her out of my dad’s sphere. The govt would not help because my mom was too rich holding the assets dad controlled. Mom was incapacitated so I lost the ability to get more of her money. The house was still held jointly so it just looked like a giant asset in her name. So I did what I always do when I’m in trouble. I put all my mom’s cash on black. After I doubled her money in an insane period where I went all or nothing on some stock trades, I held up the statement to my dad and started threatening him. I said I’d just move mom to the crappiest place that would take her and pay with this money. It was a shitty thing to do but I realized I probably didn’t need to actually do it. Dad cracked and said please keep the home and let her live there. He started paying bills. I used moms gambling winnings to pay the other part up to the point she died.

Probably not relevant to anyone here. Dad is a control freak. I really struggled between a bunch of constraints and boundary conditions while trying to do the right thing for my mom.