reepicheep's journal

[reepicheep]

Went to Passover Seder on base. Collected a ton of food. Brought some of the food into work, still eating leftover chicken. Donated $20 to some base Jewish organization that puts on Passover Seders, etc. Overall a good time, financially probably a wash.

Also went to the house of one of the senior-ranking members of my office. I ended up biking because it had rained and I wasn't comfortable riding the motorcycle...there was 100 meters of elevation gain in the last 500 meters to his house (which was about 7 km away from me). I was biking up a dirt bike path slick with leaves, with a fully loaded bike basket...and I just couldn't make it. I ended up pushing the bike up the last part to his house, arrived sweaty and out of breath...it was semi-awkward but I was able to take a few minutes to clean up in their bathroom and I'd brought a change of shirt so it wasn't awful. He gave me and my bike a ride home later; his wife sent me home with a bunch of food including some of their tupperware. I brought flowers for $5 with me, had a great time, got contact info for one of his extended family members who wants to take me shopping...or go to Paris with me...so I think it was quite worth it.

I returned their tupperware full of mini-brownies. I call them social-capital brownies.
http://i.imgur.com/DgTYmIH.png
http://i.imgur.com/kJ7dJuU.png
http://i.imgur.com/QkVPP52.png

I brought a bunch to work, too. And gave some to landlord.

***

There's a van on base for sale that I'm mildly tempted to buy. It's $3,900:
http://i.imgur.com/fzD9Zx2.png

I was thinking I could just leave it parked where it currently is, on the for sale/long-term storage lot, and sleep in it on those days when I'm at work for 19 hours. The lot is just a stone's throw from my office and it would really improve my quality of life to NOT have to bike home at 8, 9, 10 at night and get up the next day at 5. I could still leave the bulk of my stuff in my apartment and come home on my off days and live in the van when I had to work...

It's tempting. It really is. However, there are some good reasons not to:

-Do I want to tie up 4k in a van that I probably won't drive for 2-3 years?
-If I sleep in this van I won't get any exercise biking that day.
-There's nothing quite as likely to get me hauled up in front of my commander as getting caught sleeping in a van on base (even though there's nothing in the regs that says I can't, I'm pretty sure).
-Are there other costs I haven't considered, like registration and inspection and car insurance? Will I have to drive this thing to go get it registered? I'm not sure I could actually drive it.

***

My doggie guest went home. They ended up paying me $90 for my dogsitting. We had a really great time, too. Still can't believe they paid me.
http://i.imgur.com/FJwoQOP.jpg

I'm getting another doggie guest on Monday.

My images were too big to load, so you get links today.

[reepicheep]

There's nothing quite like visiting a concentration camp to give you some perspective on the things you complain about.

Warning: IF YOU'RE HAVING A GREAT DAY AND DON'T WANT TO RUIN IT, DON'T KEEP READING.













This wasn't a camp with gas facilities, but there were deliberately horrible hygiene conditions, a whole section of the camp was housed in buildings with no insulation and with no running water, regular epidemics swept through the camp, and prisoners were also deliberately infected with typhus and other diseases. This is where bodies were burned until the Nazi's ran out of charcoal.


After they couldn't burn the bodies anymore, particularly late in the war, they just stacked them up wherever.


Part of the camp housed allied POWs.


Homosexuals, gypsies, political prisoners, Jews, and others all died here.

Visiting a place like this really drives home how lucky I am to live the life I lead. I'm a white, middle-class American with great job security born in a century where women aren't legally considered second class citizens. I am physically capable, healthy, young, intelligent and well-educated, hard-working, with a supportive family, a wonderful husband, good friends around the world, and all the opportunity I could ever want to improve my situation if need-be. I have access to more information and more people than anyone else in history, I can access almost any book in seconds, I can get answers to my questions and help other people with theirs all from the comfort of my bedroom. I generally don't fear for my life because of my location, race, religion, ethnicity, political opinions, or gender (if I were deployed somewhere this might be different, but regardless, I'd be able to shoot back).

How fucking* lucky am I? How worthless would I be if I didn't take as much advantage as possible of this historical accident to improve my life and the lives of others?


*Until/unless I write a book, I'm generally going to write how I speak/think. If profanity bothers you, this probably isn't the journal for you. I think there's certain merit in the idea that expressing oneself with profanity shows a certain lack of imagination in diction and may give the wrong impression--but trust me, if I curse, I'm using the right word for the sentiment.

In other news, I've been bringing "Starbucks Frappachinos" to work for a few weeks now. My initial investment was something like $8.


Ingredients: Instant coffee (picked up for free in tech school off the laundry room giveaway table), cocoa powder, honey, coconut milk, hot water. In various measurements, because consistency in coffee strength is for wimps (I don't drink this every day--only when I need it).

I've also met a guy on bookoo who is helping me flip furniture off the free section, as occasionally there's some really nice stuff that people just don't have the time or patience to sell or transport. I needed help with this idea because, of course, I don't have a car. So this guy has a truck and he wants to make some beer money; we're splitting the earnings 60-40 and storing stuff at my place, since it's his gas. To this guy's great credit, he didn't take one look at me when we first met in a coffee shop and say, "You are so little! And a girl! Why would you possibly want to get into the furniture moving business?! You can't possibly be any help with furniture moving!"

We went out and picked up a free couch the other day; it had a weirdly bent spring in the back. We took it back to my place, carried it up the stairs (it's a light-weight couch), he brought his staple gun and hammer over. We took off the staples on the back and he bent the spring back into place so it doesn't poke people in the back. Then I got to learn to use a staple gun!

Now it's up on bookoo with some great photos taken in my backyard. We're offering to deliver it inclusive in the price, so hopefully somebody will bite and we can make some cash and go after the next item. I don't really have storage space for more than one or two items at a time.

So far I've made $70.

[reepicheep]

Sold a desk for $80, so made $40 (splitting with my dude with a truck).

Traveled this weekend to visit some friends, spent ~$45 USD. If I hadn't bought gifts it would have been $25 for the train travel.

Some jackass stole the handgrips off my bike...I replaced them with a mouse pad cut in half, then zip-tied each half around the handlebars, because I'm not replacing my grips on a shitty bike just to get them stolen again. Handgrips? Really?! In fairness, it was parked at the train station for two days. I guess I'm walking to the train station from now on.

Bike trip is coming together, hopefully in conjunction with the Netherlands ERE meetup...I have a couple-three people from various forums/posts/random places interested. I think I'll be buying a bike in Amsterdam--probably a really good one (and then never leaving it overnight at a train station). I also met a guy through reddit who bike tours professionally: http://worldbicyclist.com/

He lives nearish me and offered to loan me (or sell me) a lot of his old gear. He gets new stuff each time he tours (he's sponsored), so he has something like eleventy million sleeping bags lying around. He even offered a touring bike, but I'm pretty sure that I'm way too short for anything he has. I'm going to take him up on some of his gear, but have to wait until the end of May because he's touring in Japan and Russia right now (and I don't think I'll be meeting him; he's trying to connect me with his girlfriend).

Planted strawberries in my tower garden. Pictures and story pending.

[C40]

I've been wondering how people get sponsored like that. It happens with people who live in Vanagons and blog about it (like wheresmyofficenow). I'm guess you have to establish a fairly good blog following first, to use to show the potential sponsor the advertising exposure - but then, I wonder - how do you actually go about contacting companies and getting sponsorship?

[reepicheep]

@C40:

I'm not sure. He took some of his first trips in 2008, though, so he's been doing it for awhile. I'll ask him it comes up.

Sold the couch and a desk today, made $50. Unfortunately my dude with a truck can no longer help me because his girlfriend pitched a fit (we spent the car ride dropping off the desk trying to figure out why...it's unclear. May or may not be related to my femaleness) about it. So I'm now looking for a new dude with a truck.

Also bought a $900 bike in preparation for my biking adventure in June. I may end up biking TO the Netherlands for the ERE meet-up, instead of from. Epic.

[reepicheep]

Having a rough week--not financially, just in general. Work stress/lack of sleep caused by being a workaholic. I care deeply about the folks I'm responsible for and the folks that my team supports, and I've been spending a lot of time at the office, multiple 15 hour days. I was in this morning at 0530 on my off day to work with some of my dudes who sit the overnight shift. I can already tell the toll it's taking on my body and it's only been a week or two of doing this. It's not sustainable and I need to relax and take a slower pace and not expect overnight improvements, but it's very difficult for me to reduce my expectations of both myself and my team. I'm driving them--and myself--a little bit nuts.

Whew. Deep breath.

Preparations for my ~2 week bike trip to Amsterdam are underway. I may start a new thread about it. I'm gradually acquiring items through various methods--some new, some used. My ordered bike has arrived at the shop and I need to go pick it up, but it's been really rainy today and I'm exhausted (nap time after this), so I may wait until tomorrow.

I am spending a fair bit of money on this trip. Including the bike, I expect the entire thing with the gear I need + food + train ticket home will be around $1500. However, once I acquire the gear I should be pretty well set up to take similar trips for a lot less, plus much of the gear can all be used for backpacking trips. I'll need a backpack, but everything else other than boots I will have already.

I haven't been able to find anyone to go with me, so I'm just going to go by myself. And do some combination of stealth camping/couchsurfing.

I haven't told husband yet about this trip. I'm not sure whether I want to tell him now or wait until I've finished the trip or tell him 3 minutes before I pedal out of my driveway. He's liable to freak out that I'm going by myself and planning on stealth camping..and he'd be equally as likely to freak out if I went with an internet stranger, I think, considering how he reacted when I told him I was Couchsurfing in Berlin for New Years.

Telling him is a real struggle for me, because I believe he deserves to know. However, he is very anti-adventure and thinks I'm reckless and that I deliberately put myself in compromising situations. I really don't agree with him in this regard; I'm planning my trip very extensively, I'll file a route plan with a friend before I leave, do regular check-ins with the same friend via text, explain where I'm staying each night, etc. I'll test my gear, learn to change a tire, give myself plenty of leeway regarding the time and distance I travel each day, etc. But even if I told him all about my plans in detail, he'd still think I was being reckless and inappropriate and unsafe.

I was raised with the idea that my gender and size shouldn't hold me back from doing anything I want to do. My father cycled through Europe when he was my age--he got through 16 countries on a bike. By himself. I told him about this trip and he was very enthusiastic (though he did encourage me to buy a mirror for my helmet, which I'm doing). My mom definitely worries about me more than my dad, but she too was simply encouraging and told me to have fun. She's probably used to my insanity by now (she allowed me to go to Morocco, Egypt, and South Africa by myself when I was 18)--and my sister, too, is an adventurer. My sister was on a ferry in Chile during the earthquake last year. She spent three months in South America (and had a major medical emergency while there, as well).

It's difficult for me to understand my husband's perspective when my own family has such a "go get 'em" attitude about solo travel...and basically I don't have any intention of curtailing my desire for adventure because my husband is uncomfortable. The question, though, is whether I tell him now and give him a month to stew about it and we can have some major blow up fight about it, don't tell him at all until after I've gotten back (definitely limits the potential for blow up fights), or tell him right before I leave so he can freak out while I'm not available to berate over Skype.

Since he exploded over me going to Berlin for New Years, my modus operandi is to not tell him I'm travelling/Couchsurfing until after I've already left, and generally that seems to have avoided any major altercations. He's usually a bit miffed, but nothing like the fight we had over Berlin. I think he feels a bit silly fighting with me over something that's already happened (when I am clearly fine). I also take lots of pictures and send them to him after I tell him I'm travelling. On the Berlin trip I took a picture to send about once every 30 minutes while I was awake, and that went a long way towards reducing his anxiety over my safety, I think. It's hard to be concerned when I send him a picture of the guys dressed like a giant M&M and a panda bear at a New Year's Party where people are playing chess and guitar instead of beer pong. Very non-threatening.

On another husband-related note, I'm not sure what to do about his Roth IRA, now. There's ~7k in it and I plan to max out the rest of it by next April. With my own investments I am pretty hands off--broad based total market index fund and an international fund, similar investments in my TSP, and some money in Lending Club for my IRA. A smattering of bitcoin and a variety of random checking/savings accounts (I'm experimenting with Betterment at the moment).

But what to do when the money isn't "mine?" I mean, it is mine, in the sense that it's money I've made that's in this IRA for him, but it also isn't mine, because it's really intended for his use. When he needs it. But if I tell him it's there he'll suddenly need it, and if he doesn't know about it...he won't need it.*

But what to do with it for the next ~20+ years while he gets towards retirement age? At the moment it's in an L2030 because I only had 1k when I invested it in Vanguard and that was one of the only funds I could open with just 1k, but I'm not sure that leaving it in 2030 is the best thing to do, especially if I consider his/my finances more holistically. It's difficult to do, since he's so insistent on separately paying off his student loans, but in the long term if I look at our finances as a couple, it may make more sense to have it in something more conservative, or something more diversified from my typical investments. An REIT, perhaps?

Unfortunately, I can't ask him about what he would want--because then he'd know about it and he'd find some need for the money, and because he just doesn't have any knowledge of the market. He'd probably tell me to invest it in Tesla (which, not a terrible idea, but not something I'm going to do with all of it). The demands of stewardship are more challenging than I anticipated.

*I am aware of the ethical considerations of opening an account for someone, particularly an adult, when they are unaware the account is opened. I am not super thrilled with keeping it a secret, but figure it's substantially better than opening a credit card in his name, which I could also do. My husband has many fine qualities--managing his finances is not one of them. TALKING about his finances is also not on the list. We're working on it--he did give me $500 from his tax return to put towards the mortgage. Not the most effective use of funds (I'd prefer it go towards his loans), but substantially better than blowing it playing poker.

[George the original one]

> I was raised with the idea that my gender and size shouldn't hold me back from doing anything I want to do.

Yup. Let husband know your plans and how you've prepared.

[reepicheep]

A couple people reached out to me with some concern yesterday and today--just wanted to say thank you very much to those folks.

I'm doing a lot better today. A good night's sleep helped a lot, even though a lot happened AFTER I wrote that post. Yesterday I had two separate bike-related mishaps; I ran into a car door opening into the bike lane, and then my front wheel fell off on my ride home from the movie theater (in the dark, in the rain). Turns out the quick release on my front wheel was removed and I've probably been riding without anything securing the front wheel for some time. It's amazing I didn't have a problem earlier and that I wasn't seriously injured when the wheel popped off yesterday.

I believe that the quick release was stolen at the same time as my hand grips and not at the movie theater yesterday, because in retrospect, the brakes have been somewhat soft for quite awhile (and I believe that the brakes being soft played a part in my hitting the car door yesterday--I wasn't able to stop as quickly as I normally could, and chalked it up to the brakes being wet). It was a very rough evening for me; I ended up chaining the bike to a tree and hitchhiking home at 9 PM. It was really stressful, particularly since the bike lock shows no sign of being tampered with, AND the wheel was locked to the bike, so I suspect someone removed the valve just to be an asshole. I'm having a hard time getting over that...I could have been really seriously injured if the wheel had come off when I was riding quickly downhill, for example.

This morning I took a cab out to where I chained my bike, picked up the bike, brought it on base, and got it fixed up. The guys at the shop actually replaced the missing quick release for free, fixed the brakes, tightened the kickstand, helped me get my rear rack on tighter, and provided me new-used handgrips...all for free. I think they felt sorry for me after they heard my tail of woe.

But anyway. Doing better! Sleep is important!

[George the original one]

Flight-check next time

[reepicheep]

Flight-check next time

Word.

[Chad]

I second George's advice. You should tell him. I would think he would be much angrier when he found out after the fact, not that he has a right to be angry about you taking a bike trip. Not that a bike trip through Europe sounds exactly dangerous. An 18 year old woman in Egypt, Morocco, and South Africa is far more dangerous, though still not Mad Max levels by any means.

It also sounds like you might need to talk to him about your desire for adventure. I assume he knew this when he married you, so it's part of the package. And, not exactly a terrible part.

Concerning the Roth, it sounds like you don't want to do much work with it. Nothing wrong with that. Not knowing your typical investment mix makes it difficult to give you ideas. If you don't want bothered the lifestyle funds provide nice diversification.

[reepicheep]

Well, everybody can relax. A chance conversation led me to a meeting with the base road bike club manager; I'm meeting with him Monday to see if he knows of anyone willing to go with me. So I broached the conversation with my husband reflecting that I was meeting with someone who might be able to help me find a partner for this trip. Husband had some questions--how long will it take (10-14 days), how far each day (20 - 40 km), what happens if I can't make it that far (take the train). And that was it. I think he felt pretty good that I'd be going with someone from base...he probably thinks it's more official that way.

We'll cross the bridge of "sorry couldn't find anyone to go with me, going anyway" if we need to.

Regarding his general outlook on my desire for adventure...it's complicated. When I met him I'd just come off of two years travelling abroad, AND I was in a major Northeastern city that I had no experience with, AND I was in university, so I'd really been all adventured out at that point. Plus school kept me busy. So for the duration of the time we lived together in that city, I stayed relatively close to home and appeared to be relatively normal, though of course he heard a lot about the time I spent overseas. I did take a two week trip to Israel for Birthright, and various vacations back home to visit family and a couple of vacations with husband (then boyfriend). Nothing too crazy. No camping, no backpacking, no biking, rock-climbing, etc. I did take my sister skydiving for Thanksgiving/Christmas/every birthday she'll ever have one year and he was fine with that (tandem, I'm not jump qualified). It's not that he's necessarily anti-adventure, or unaware that's it's an inherent part of me, it's that he's anti-me-doing-unsafe-things-by-myself. A guided bike-tour would be no problem for him. Telling him I'm going to hide in the forest to sleep at night for two weeks straight would probably not go over well (though it would probably make him feel much more positively about my Couchsurfing adventures...we'd have a new set-point for "things that make Husband crazy"). I may still Couchsurf on this trip--it would make showering, cooking, sleeping easier, for sure--but there's a big part of me that really feels like I need to get out in the "wild" a bit. It's been years since I've done serious camping and I'd like to get out there...and honestly, I'd really like to get out there alone. I'm not sure I even want someone to go with me, now.

For the Roth, I think I'll open up a new thread in Money with more specific info on my investments. I'm not sure what I want, is the problem, so I basically just save a shit ton and ignore it.

[Egg]

Not sure which branch of the miltary you're in but unless it's the Air Force surely you've already been exposed to more discomfort and danger than a cycle trip?

On the other hand, whilst I'm not judging you, I'd be with concerned with your secretive attitude...although as your husband I'd more likely assume you were having an affair than undertaking illicit cycle trips.

[reepicheep]

Not sure which branch of the miltary you're in but unless it's the Air Force surely you've already been exposed to more discomfort and danger than a cycle trip?

Heh. My military experience has not been particularly challenging physically, we'll say. Mentally, certainly. But I've experienced of lot of (generally self-induced) danger and discomfort in my life and I'm no stranger to it. My husband, much less so. He would never CHOOSE to sleep on the ground.

On the other hand, whilst I'm not judging you, I'd be with concerned with your secretive attitude...although as your husband I'd more likely assume you were having an affair than undertaking illicit cycle trips.

I don't believe my husband is particularly worried about the possibility that I might cheat on him. Husband, if you're reading this, you shouldn't be worried!

Generally speaking I find that my desire for secrecy is not necessary. I probably have some kind of need for internal drama that I'm not meeting elsewhere. It's not, in the long run, good for my marriage or for me, and I do recognize that. It's a reflection of my relative immaturity. Part of the reason that I chose to be stationed so far away from my husband is that I felt I had a lot of growing up to do, and that I could not do that growing up while living with him. He is (surprise) not aware of this fact--he thinks I'm here because I have a travel bug. That's true, but not the whole reason, and I believe he would be pretty hurt to find out that I chose to be apart from him because I felt as though living with him was stifling my personal development.

Nevertheless, I do love my husband, very much, and despite how it sounds on here I find many of his foibles (financial and otherwise) pretty endearing. He's never going to be me, he's never going to be interested in the same kinds of things I'm interested in, and he's probably not going to be present for a lot of my adventures. But he is the kind of guy who decides that he can TOTALLY be a painter, despite never having picked up a brush before, or the kind of guy who spends 4 hours prepping a 6 course meal while leaving the kitchen SPOTLESS, even though he really doesn't enjoy cooking...just because I've had a bad day. Or the kind of guy who is willing to go out of his way when it's 110 degrees out to buy all the homeless people on the block ice-cold bottles of water from the corner store. And frankly, some day he's going to be the "cool" parent. I'm a bit too cerebral for young kids.

I'm not sure where my husband would fall on the Meyer's Briggs, or where I fall, to be honest. I know I'm different from him in a lot of ways, and sometimes that's very frustrating for both of us. We challenge each other and I think that's a good thing (and sometimes the challenges are related to me being overly secretive, heh).

Sometimes I would prefer a partner who is more frugal, sure, or a partner who I could talk to about Roth IRAs and long-term care insurance (or cycle touring), but if I were married to somebody else like myself I'd probably go kind of crazy. I am way too high-stress to have a life partner who also gets passionately spun up over expense ratios.

(I apparently had a lot of thoughts on this subject, I realize you weren't trying to imply most of what I appear to have answered here).

[Egg]

Heh. My military experience has not been particularly challenging physically, we'll say. Mentally, certainly. But I've experienced of lot of (generally self-induced) danger and discomfort in my life and I'm no stranger to it. My husband, much less so. He would never CHOOSE to sleep on the ground.

I was just messing with you (and quietly hoping you turn out to be Air Force). But your husband sounds sensible. I'm military myself, and it's brought me a few shitty nights of professional "camping-trips", but I'd probably not choose to sleep on the ground either

I don't believe my husband is particularly worried about the possibility that I might cheat on him. Husband, if you're reading this, you shouldn't be worried!

...Stuff about husband...

(I apparently had a lot of thoughts on this subject, I realize you weren't trying to imply most of what I appear to have answered here).

Definitely wasn't trying to imply anything and certainly not criticise, but great that you're open to self-reflection. I suppose I was just trying to point out that things can look suspicious even when nothing's going on, and it can sometimes be good to manage appearances imo knowing that you're giving your SO the gift of worrying less. Or maybe he's just super self-secure and it never occurs to him. But I'd still try to force yourself to talk to him more about the sorts of things you wrote.

Thanks for writing your journal btw. We have a few similarities in situation, so it's particularly interesting to me.

[Kriegsspiel]

Flight-check next time

I lol'd.

[reepicheep]

The guy who runs this: http://www.militarymoneymanual.com/

Reached out to me on Reddit saying that he'd seen my posts there and was impressed that I managed to max out my TSP as a 2d Lt. He wanted me to write an article for his site and do a podcast interview. I was pretty chuffed. This is the article I wrote: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B7X9BB ... sp=sharing

He's not published it yet and I'm not sure he will--I don't know if it was really what he had in mind. I feel like I may have channeled MMM too much, and not really used my unique experience to develop a post that adds fresh content to his site. The "kick in the face, you should invest" kind of post is a pretty basic introductory blog post. But I figured we could get more into my deets on the podcast.

Oh well, maybe he'll let me write more in the future. I have a lot to say, apparently.

(Can somebody help me figure out to hyperlink text?)

****

Monthly expenses/money: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/ ... sp=sharing

*Shrug*. Soon LC will be fully drawn down and I'll have a more realistic picture of my monthly income vs. my expenses/investments. I don't except I'll be able to continue packing away so much money forever, although my little side jobs help.

Moved husbands Roth IRA into a dividend growth fund. I can't really articulate why, other than I have an interest in dividend investing that I'd like to explore. I should probably read something about it.

****

Density training: Sweet spot is somewhere between 15 lbs and 20 lbs. I managed six sets of 10 at 20 lbs yesterday before I had to switch to the 15 lb bell. When I work with dumbbells I use a 10 lb in each hand (and it wipes me the heck out, too). I go for 10-15 minutes depending on which weight I'm using. I try for around 2400 lbs overall.

Feet: As per @DSKla's recommendation, I've been working these: https://www.t-nation.com/training/truth ... t-training into my routine more and trying to walk around barefoot more. Can't tell whether it's helping or not but I definitely feel super weird and like I'm pronating when I just stand with my feet straight, just as the video says.

Hair: Buzzed my hair down to 3/4 of an inch today and yesterday (clipper battery died on me half-way through). It's technically out of regs somehow, I'm sure (faddish? extreme? not feminine?)...but African American women get away with basically shaving their heads and I see that fairly regularly on base and in my office, so I doubt anyone will say anything. Or care.

****

I've developed a real interest in this school: http://www.teachingdrum.org/wildernessguideprogram.html and the 11-month program they offer. I think I would find something like that extremely challenging, yet rewarding. I am not sure why I am so interested, other than a vague sense of disquiet with my current modern life, and a belief that developing internal resiliency and the practical skills needed to live this way can only be a boost in both my journey to ERE and my life in general. I also feel a great deal of affinity for a lifestyle that's been all but lost in the modern age--I experienced great health benefits going Paleo and I appreciate the diet just for that, but I think a lot of the more romanticized/less scientifically proven notions that some Paleo adherents espouse actually make a lot of sense. Much of modern living and conventional wisdom seems to have caused great damage to our bodies, our souls, and the whole planet (not to mention our finances), really, and so while of course we can't all go back to living like hunter-gatherers, I think getting in touch with that part of my heritage and those particular practical skills would greatly benefit me moving forward. And perhaps I could share with others, too--someday.

I've relished the experiences I've had out in the "wilderness" thus far in my life, but haven't really tried to make a life or a career out of those experiences. This may be something I continue to look into as I get closer to the end of my term of service (2018)...provided husband can deal with it, which when I brought it up in a very mild "I find this interesting" sort of way, he immediately dissolved into angry/scared shouting about my "adventuring" and how it seems his wife doesn't want to be with him*, so, probably not (he, of course, has no interest). I couldn't even articulate many of the non-adventuring reasons that I find myself looking at this school and others like it, he was so angry. We haven't talked about it since.

Maybe a couple years after I get back he'll be more amenable to the idea. My concern is that life will have fully taken hold by then...who knows where I'll be 2-3 years after getting out of the military? I'll be almost 30. Will I be able to drop my life for an 11 month journey like this? I don't know. I hope so. I think living this way for a whole year would really help me develop internal and external strength and--dare I say--wisdom, though perhaps it could be argued that actually living with my husband would put me further down that road.

*Not true, I'm just interested in a lot of stuff he has no interest in. Which means I go do it by myself, because I'm not going to spend my life living like a caged human. Sad. When I'm around we do stuff together--just different stuff, like movies and museums and parks and zoos and beaches, not week-long mountain-hiking treks or Couchsurfing in different countries.

I enjoy what we do together, it just doesn't excite me or help me grow/learn in quite the same way as these larger challenges. Maybe things will be different in a few years--I may calm down. And it would probably be relevant for me to note at this point that there's a substantial age gap between husband and I--14 years. We're in very different places in life, something I recognize but he doesn't seem able to.

When he was my age, he moved jobs several times, moved to Florida, opened a business, closed a business, dated different people, moved again back to his home state, got a different job, got promoted. Dated more people. Was single for awhile. Got promoted again. Moved again. In some ways I am not permitted the same luxuries he was and I understand that--I take my marriage vows seriously--but in other ways I think I need some allowances for my youth. I need the life experiences and education that are part and parcel of being a 20-something in the same way that a baby just learning to walk needs to be allowed to experience a myriad of different environments and sensations. I don't think he really gets that.

It also doesn't help that my support system and social network are substantially more robust than his. It helps that I had work "friends" issued to me when I arrived, but I'm also a woman, younger and a foreigner (read: exotic to the locals), so in many ways it is easier for me to interact with and meet new people. He's now moved across the country, he works from home, and he's naturally more introverted and disinclined to participate in group activities with strangers (like Meetup), so he really doesn't have anyone to interact with in person. I am his entire support system, and I'm only there on Skype. So it is easier for me to contemplate going away for another year; he literally feels like he will not survive (which is tragic, and indicative of his social isolation). I have been encouraging him to meet new people. His mom is coming to visit him this week for Mother's Day, so hopefully that will help a bit temporarily.

[fiby41]

(Can somebody help me figure out to hyperlink text?)

How to hyperlink where?

For Bulletin Boards the Forum BBCode is:

["url=http://example.com"] Replace this text [/url]

without the quotes.

[reepicheep]

I'm still alive!

I put 10k on my mortgage, which is now under 6 figures. I got married again! (Same person). I'm going to max out my TSP and IRA this year. I still don't own a car (much to the amazement of my colleagues).

I heard Jacob quit his quant job?

[reepicheep]

I am having a very hard time lately. I've not been here much lately, due largely to the toll work has taken on my life, especially over the Christmas period my guys were expecting to get some kind of a break (we didn't, other people did).

I would say since October or so I have been varying degrees of suicidal, with everything kind of coming to a head about two weeks before Christmas. I've reached a point where work and the never-ending laundry are about the only things that gets done in my life. I've been eating frozen food and spending my little free time binge watching television shows from my bed. The sink is full of dishes, my house is a mess. Other than biking to work (which I've been doing less of as it's gotten colder--I've been getting rides from various folks more than usual lately), I've stopped exercising entirely.

I'm supposed to see somebody in the clinic on Tuesday, but I'm really not sure that talking about this stuff is going to help me much. I was a regular visitor of our unit psych before the Christmas period happened and I don't really see how "going on the books" is going to make much difference. My doctor (primary care manager, not a psychiatrist) wanted to put me on anti-depressants not too long ago when I came in asking for sleeping medication. I refused the anti-depressants and she wouldn't write a prescription for sleeping meds, so I walked away with nothing.

I am really unclear how I'm supposed to get out of feeling how I feel right now. I believe a lot of my negativity stems from the work environment itself--if people were allowed to quit, the yearly turnover would be quite high. I am allergic to something in the building and have a constant post-nasal drip that I deal with every day. Doesn't affect my breathing or physical performance, but it's sure as hell annoying and constant. I never get enough sleep because I basically can't sleep--lack of natural sunlight in the building and staring at blue screens all day doesn't help, I'm sure. The job itself feels monotonous and pointless at this point. I feel like I am now the morale problem in my shop, that I'm worthless as a leader and boss. I hate everything about my job--even working with the people I like has now become a draining annoyance.

OTOH, some people in roughly the same job as me, with similar levels of responsibility and issues, are doing ok. I doubt anyone is jumping for joy coming to work here, but not everyone feels the way I feel about it. I am faced with the prospect of having to do this same work for potentially months, maybe up to another year without change. Or faced with the prospect of moving somewhere else and having things be roughly the same (wherever you go...there you are).

I really don't know what to do. The prospect of going to work tomorrow makes me cry.