Fox's Journey: And Onto the Sunlight!

[BRUTE]

*THF enters stage from left*
THF: Hello neighbors!
human female main protagonist of show: foxxxyyyy!!!
human male main protagonist of show: sigh!
*audience laughs, applauds*

[TopHatFox]

JANUARY 2019:

Job: Going pretty well, co-workers feel bad for me because they see me around on evenings and weekends, but I don't care because it means the spreadsheet is green and no one's mad at me. : )

Classes: New round of 2 grad classes starts tomorrow, more of the same, nice progress. At this rate, I'll be done in Dec 2020.

Fellowship: Applied for that Portuguese fellowship for 15K and the option to take a total of 4 grad classes per semester for free. Dec 2019 graduation instead.

Parents: Set-up for renting is complete, now need to get a legal representative to draft a lease and find a grad student or two to rent. One parent might get a job at a library with my help, and that means the end of one of two cars. Other parent is getting sick and still has expensive van, but c'est la vie.

Sibling: sibling is currently putting 0 planning on his financial future and w/ a gf that overspends and dreams of multi-millionaire riches. It's their life, but I hope there's no expectation that I help down the line. Or even worse, envy from my hard ass work.

Relationships: Things with C are going well, visiting her in a week or two. Has potential for a relationship, but even if she's pretty, nice to me, and well-educated, she's also broke. A different girl, Y, who we fell deeply for in college e-mailed two weeks ago (you know it was bad when they email lol), and we've started talking again. She lives in Philly now, but I still have feelings for her, and she seems to as well. Girls in Miami are still shit, hence the outsourcing. Feeling pretty uneasy with all of this. It helps me to feel in control with a folder where I can delete direct texting. Instead, I have to grab the number, re-upload the contact to my phone, and then text. Relationships...so ungrounding.

Moving Plans: Visiting places on weekends has been fun. I definitely think I'll be happier in the West, and now I know what to expect from public sector jobs and real life/transitions, so I should be fine to move to a smaller city somewhere in CO with a new job in tow. I expect a happiness jump from access to similar outdoorsy people and more access to nature trails. I'll also have more money in a year or two. Feeling pretty good about this.

Hobbies and Pastimes: I've been doing archery and going on outdoor trips with the rec center to good effect, and climbing on Fridays. The girls that go are usually way too "masculine," but the climbing itself is fun. Been playing lots of Fallout IV too and that's been good to de-stress. Found lots of books and audiobooks to read/listen to from the library down the road.

Tiny House: Tiny House project is on the back burner, but at least I cleared the house of big ass trees and other nuisances. Still some stuff leftover to throw out, but it's a lot better than a year ago.

Counseling and Media Fences: Getting free therapy is honestly so good. I wish I had done this with my other job. It's one of the most grounding activities one can do, plus it keeps me from using prescriptions or other legal drugs to cope with the demands of the above. Having no social media has been amazing as well. I've honestly been thinking about getting a smart dumb-phone (smart phone with just call, text, and GPS), to carry around, with the smart phone in a backpack.

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NW: 75K, officially at the 3/4's mark to 100K. Feels pretty good. Just can't lose my head.

[fell-like-rain]

So, you're into adventurous/outdoorsy women, but climbers are too ,,masculine,, for you? Where's the middle ground there- someone who puts on a full beat face to go hiking?

[TopHatFox]

Think hippy girl type. Like, into essential oils, cuddling, and massage, but also likes to hike and talk about ideas/feelings. Maybe plays the piano and speaks french or something. Likes pretty summer dresses, long hair, and trims body hair short. I don't really like makeup, but moisturizer and micro-dermabrasion are good.

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I've also for sure identified that living in a place with too many people is overwhelming and does not optimize for my happiness. I feel a lot more relaxed in a smaller place with more nature, less people, and quality of people toward the right-side of the bell curve (more MAs/PhDs, higher socioeconomic class, higher iq, etc.). I suppose that eliminates most cities and leaves smaller cities or mid to large towns. Good to know though. Super good to know.

[C40]

The women you describe are around in the west (except for the dresses). They mostly go to the big cities. But it depends on the city. Here are some:

Portland - yes (but crazy expensive and many people are in a bad mood)
Seattle - yes (but crazy expensive and the lower income long-timers are pissed)
San Francisco - ?Some?, but don't go there
LA - NO
San Diego - No. It's surfers, hikers, and only some yoga girls.
Phoenix - No
Tucson - Yes
Flagstaff - yes, I think
Denver and Colorado in general - Yes, but many more climber/hiker/runner types
Salt Lake City - ? Certainly some, but not sure. City has horrible air quality so you might not be able to smell the patchouli oil anyways
St Louis - yes, a decent amount

[TopHatFox]

Thanks C40!! Gives me a nice targeted list to visit.

[RFS]

I'm reading Mate by Geoffrey Miller & Tucker Max, and there's a page in the "mating markets" chapter that made me think about you. It outlines a strategy for using OKCupid to determine which cities have lots of women that would be a good match for you. This link will take you to that section of the book.

[TopHatFox]

JANUARY 2019

Peacing out from the forum again, see you all in a year with a progress report and some 2020 goals (y)

May pop in to read private messages, but I've been diggin' living under a rock with a dumbphone, so gonna try replacing internet use with more books again. Talk soon and save well ERE comrades!<3

[daylen]

Peace out comrade.

[thegreatvoid]

stay strong comrade. thinking about following your path

[TopHatFox]

MARCH 2019

Breaking hiatus. I need to get the fuuuuuuuuuck out of Miami. I hate the anonymity of cities, I hate superficial people, I hate a culture that worships materialism, and I absolutely detest the lack of mountains. I'm convinced the beach does not count as an outdoor activity. I've done the Everglades, the snorkeling on Key West, the beach on Key Biscayne, the dive bars of Wynwood, the bullshit bars of South Beach, and it's all mired in a culture of the above. Not my thing, never will be.

So, okay, I've identified that big cities fucking suck and I will likely never be living in one again, but let's be real here - nobody gives a flying turd about you out in the world unless you have a Master's degree and a few years of experience. I still have braces for around 3 months, and if I take 3 grad classes a semester for Summer, Fall, and Spring, I'd be done with the Masters by Spring 2020, and would have 2 years of full-time work experience at a real 9-5 office job, at which point I can gtfo of Miami.

I absolutely hate to wait and I would move right now immediately if I could, but the downside is I might get stuck in a depressive spiral again if the place I move to is just as bad as NYC or Miami. I'll also have more $$ a year from now and that would make the move stronger. I feel like I've been waiting for some community and meaningful love for 2 years now, and so to work hard over yet another year without an environment conducive to either seems ridiculous. And yet, that's what most people do right - wait and wait and wait in some shitty situation that likely won't change. If I move from away from the parents and Miami, I never in my life want to have to move back.

In any case, I do think it'd be wise to move while stronger with that last sentence in mind. The places I'm thinking of moving to include:

1. Boulder, CO
2. Missoula, MO
3. Flagstaff, AZ

After the Masters, I'm thinking it'll be a whole lot easier to get a job at some environmentally-minded government agency that would have hippy types to work with, or at a university's humanities department that would have interesting people to work with. And then I'd be living in an interesting town where I could actually like the people I meet or go on dates with. Could even get a PhD if I feel like it with the university department.

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Networth: 80K

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TOWN SUGGESTIONS

If you have any town suggestions, please let me know to look them up. Here are my criteria:

1. No bigger than 100K people
2. High amount of people with Bachelor, Masters, and PhD degrees
3. Surrounded by nature like mountains, rivers, and forests
4. Not a highly taxed state, and left-leaning to centrist but not alt-Left
5. Probably out west somewhere

[Stahlmann]

hmmm.

[thegreatvoid]

I hate to break it to you , but the world is full of artifical , materialistic fake People.
What you are looking for, you wont find in the Mountains, countryside, Europe, south america or Thailand.
I live in the Mountains in a small town and looking into People's living room, while going for a walk at night, all you See is TVs flickering. There is no Community, like back in the days.
Finding like-minded People is especially difficult being ERE, when all of your peers have bought into the idea of careerism and consumerism.
You have to look for Validation and contenment from within. It's a lonely and absurd world. I know what it's like to believe that by moving to the right place, Meeting the right People will lead to happiness .
That Day will never come. This is as good as it gets.

[Scott 2]

^^^^^^ This. You are trying to externalize an internal journey.

[slowtraveler]

It is an internal journey but to say the external does not reflect the internal is a misleading.

We choose our journey, both external and internal.

I tried quitting medical greens for most of a decade to no avail. I even tried moving to Iowa for a hippy school to help and no, it did not. But once I had the requisite experience, I moved to Thailand and stopped instantly 100%. Sober 18 months now and happy.

I met many spiritual people at events, not exactly locations. Like Vipassana or a healing workshop but not a hippy, meditation-based school. There will be like minded people doing these activities, not necessarily at abc location.

[Scott 2]

What made Thailand different?

[TopHatFox]

C'mon guys, different events, towns, & parts of the country attract different types of people. I don't need everyone to not be a materialistic selfish branded whore, just enough so that the hippies are the norm and not the exception. This is as good as it gets is depressing as hell a sentiment. World's a big place, and there are enclaves of community-minded, meaning-oriented people out there. Just need to move closer to them.

I feel like we've been over this. lol I'm a lot happier than I was in NYC precisely because I moved geographically, just as I'd be happier living in a little hippy enclave somewhere out west than here.

[Gilberto de Piento]

I think outside magazine does a "best places to live" every year that might have a lot of overlap with what you describe, though without the hippie part.

Flagstaff has great weather and terrain but is relatively small and isolated. Boulder is close to a lot of cool stuff but is super expensive and prestigious. I think it's been a long time since any hippies could live there without a trust fund. Never been to Missoula.

What about Eugene, Bend, Asheville, Duluth?

[Mister Imperceptible]

Wherever you go, there you are, as are other people.

[theanimal]

While I don't disagree entirely with the premise, suggesting a 23 year old achieve something close to enlightenment as a solution to his problems does not seem practical to me. I don't disagree with all that was written above. Yes, the most lasting form of contentment and achievement will come from focusing within. But external events and circumstances can make that harder to achieve than others. I lived in a village of 11 people in the Arctic for nearly 2 years trying to live up to some self created ideal version of myself. I was miserable and depressed due to loneliness and boredom. I thought something was wrong with me and focused on internal growth while halfmoon and others on here encouraged me to leave and move on. I moved to town and have experienced nowhere close to the same range of lows since being here. Is that because I achieved some massive state of internal growth? Hell no. There was likely some over that period, but escaping my version of solitary confinement was the real reason. Zalo's situation is somewhat the same but in inverse. He doesn't like being surrounded by hordes of people. I get that. Moving west of the Mississippi fixes that. It won't be all roses, but it's at least worth trying. If the results are the same, then it is established that the likelihood of the problem is more internal than external.

ETA: THF- You have more assets than almost anyone your age and most people of all ages. Most people are not masters educated. You are smart, creative and adaptable. Do NOT create artificial barriers preventing your own success. There are plenty of opportunities out there. Go WEST!