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Re: cmonkey's journal

Posted: Mon Dec 03, 2018 10:23 am
by Lemon
Sounds like you are seeing all the right people.

Vexed is totally right on being ready!

Re: cmonkey's journal

Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2018 10:53 am
by vexed87
cmonkey wrote:
Sun Dec 02, 2018 2:41 pm
I wonder if premature babies tend to come faster compared to full-term? Getting everything packed is high on my to-do list as frankly, I don't trust those due date predictions. :lol:
I think we were the exception to the rule :lol:. We knew DW had risk factors for early delivery, but no idea about extremely fast delivery! We will never know for sure, but the delivery team suggest DD was delivered early and relatively quickly because DW had a urinary tract infection, she had pains (we later realised these were contractions - hard to tell difference) before we got the hospital. We went to the hospital expecting her just to be treated for UTI as had happened a few times during pregnancy, we didn't know DD was coming until DW's waters broke in the hospital bed seconds after they told us she was fine to go home, the junior obstetrician was freaking out (yes! really!) then DW got rushed to delivery suite, minutes later we had a baby in our arms.

I remembered the bags :D. Anything can happen between now and the due date, so get that bag packed ;)

Re: cmonkey's journal

Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2018 12:30 pm
by SavingWithBabies
I would recommend practicing driving on the highway to get more comfortable.

Our second was born 45 minutes after we got to the hospital. We would have gotten there earlier but we weren't sure if it was a false alarm and then person watching our first took a while to arrive which delayed our departure (in hindsight, we should have all gotten in the car and gone but early morning foggy thinking does happen).

Re: cmonkey's journal

Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2018 1:33 pm
by cmonkey
Yesterday was a very long day - 8 hours in Iowa City with 4 different appointments and then 3 hours of prenatal classes last night. Ugh. However, we have a game plan now that we had the board meeting with all hospital departments involved.

Baby definitely has a heart defect. There is a hole near her aortic valve on the septum. It's causing the septum to lean toward the valve and is causing a slight reduction in blood flow. It's not severe but its just over the tolerance level for fixing. Aortic flow is good and no regurgitation which is good as this would mean a valve problem.

DW is scheduled for induction on January 21 in the evening. The baby will be taken to NICU almost immediately and given an echocardiogram. They want to wait about 5-7 days to let baby's heart acclimatize to life outside the womb before making the determination on path forward, but the cardiologist was frank with us that he believes the baby will not go home without surgery. The hole is blocking aortic flow slightly and will never heal given its location. It would lead to cardiac issues if not treated.

She will stay up to 2 weeks post surgery so we are looking at a pretty extended hospital stay. Since it's an hour from home, we are on the waiting list for hospital housing.

I am feeling quite a bit better about the situation given a couple things -

1. Induction is scheduled so as long as baby doesn't come early, we don't have to drive to the hospital in labor.
2. The heart defect is not very severe and the prognosis is very positive.

Before this plan was set up both DW and I started having a very hard time, compounded by DW's grandfather dying last week. We weren't able to make the funeral since it's 9 hours away.


Given what we are about to go through, every other struggle in life is about to get a whole lot easier. :)

Re: cmonkey's journal

Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2018 2:29 pm
by SavingWithBabies
Have you considered hiring a doula? I thought it was over the top but we did for our first one and I was very happy we had done so (for our second, we went it alone). A doula that is familiar with your hospital can help you navigate your options, come up with a birth plan and assist you during delivery to ensure your wife is always supported by one of the two of you. In your situation, I would look for one that has a lot of experience and ideally has experience with "high risk" pregnancies (basically, that's any pregnancy which is at all unusual). I would also confirm that they are allowed into the delivery room (if you want that aspect of it). Your hospital might offer a doula program but I'd tend to prefer an independent one. You interview them much like you would a nanny and it's important you find one that your are both comfortable with and can work with. Our experience was our doula was just as happy to recommend us to someone else if they didn't think they were the right one for us.

The doula might help you with another aspect: induction is usually a choice. It's more convenient for the hospital and the doctors but it might not be the right thing for you and your wife and future child. A good doula can help you explore that and figure out what you want (or what questions to ask the doctors) and how you can get it on the context of the hospital you are working with. And the birthing plan would include the potential paths that could happen and how you and your wife want to do things at each branch. There are a lot of choices and the hospital, in our experience, is not good about educating and/or communicating any of this up front but a good doula should be able to do so.

Re: cmonkey's journal

Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2018 2:51 pm
by suomalainen
@cmonkey - I feel you. Our 2nd was born premature and had a PDA (patent ductus arteriosis or something like that) that required heart surgery at 10 days old (would have been 25 weeks gestation). I don't know if your surgery would be any more invasive than ours was, but...it's a frightening thing in any event. Now, 12 years later, he talks about it with some measure of pride - how he almost died, how he has a cool scar, etc, etc. I wish you and your wife as much peace as possible until then and best of luck.

Re: cmonkey's journal

Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2018 2:53 pm
by prognastat
Sorry to hear that surgery is going to be necessary, but glad that the prognosis is good. I hope the surgery goes through without a hitch.

Re: cmonkey's journal

Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2018 3:34 pm
by cmonkey
Thanks all, your thoughts are appreciated.

I commented to DW last night that I feel like I've never been in a better position than right now to get through something like this. Not just financially, but just our entire life situation makes this a lot easier than it would have been just a few years ago, with both of us WFH and having flexible schedules. Mentally and stress-wise I'm in as good a place as I've been in a long time (but this doesn't help of course ;) ).

Of course, I won't white-wash it this is very difficult. It's the hardest thing we've ever faced together and individually, but it's bringing us closer together all the same. The hardest thing for me is knowing DW has to go through this. I wish I could go through it for her. I really really wish she could go to the NICU, instead of me, once the baby is born.

Re: cmonkey's journal

Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2018 6:26 pm
by 7Wannabe5
Wishing you all the best. Hopefully, your wife will be able to join you very quickly in the NICU.

Re: cmonkey's journal

Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2018 6:36 pm
by EdithKeeler
So sorry you’re having to go thru all of this.

Re: cmonkey's journal

Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2018 8:36 am
by vexed87
Damn. Hard to find the right words. You are right not to white wash it, its a hard thing for anyone to go through, but ultimately the prognosis looks really positive, that's something to really hold on to.

If I'm honest, DD's 8 weeks in NICU was the hardest thing I have had to endure so far in life. Admittedly, I have led a pretty sheltered life, but I can't think of much that would best your own baby being unwell. We didn't have any surgery to contend with, so I have no pearls of wisdom in that respect, but the stay in ICU I can help with. As much as it's a long hard slog whilst your in the moment, take some solace in the fact that it's a blip on a much longer path of joy. I really mean it when I say, if you need someone to speak/vent/ask questions about the whole NICU situation please feel free to PM me, we can set something up. Its the least I could do having been through similar before.

Re: cmonkey's journal

Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2018 12:06 pm
by cmonkey
vexed87 wrote:
Wed Dec 12, 2018 8:36 am
As much as it's a long hard slog whilst your in the moment, take some solace in the fact that it's a blip on a much longer path of joy. I really mean it when I say, if you need someone to speak/vent/ask questions about the whole NICU situation please feel free to PM me, we can set something up. Its the least I could do having been through similar before.
Thanks vexed! I've been focusing on this a lot. This too shall pass and we will end up stronger because of it.

Re: cmonkey's journal

Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2018 1:09 pm
by wolf
Sorry to read that. I wish you all the best!

Re: cmonkey's journal

Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2018 10:58 am
by cmonkey
Getting Ready for Baby!


We are less than 5 weeks away from baby arriving now and are beginning to get stuff wrapped up. We have a suitcase half-packed and some other stuff too. Plans are made for our cats, albeit it's not ideal. They'll live in our basement and hopefully we'll have someone checking them. Otherwise I'll come back once per week to check them.

I've talked a bit about getting stuff from Craiglist and other people and thought I'd show you the most recent. A friend of a friend has gifted us with almost all of their baby girl clothing and we are feeling incredibly humbled by it! Bought on clearance (like we do) it would be at least 1K to buy all this. Bought new it would be 2-4K at least! Hundreds of items of clothing. They also gave us a couple bags of baby toys and a whole lot of other things like bottles, bibs and stuff. The plan is to take great care of all of this and gift it to someone when we are done. It's the best way to pay it forward.

It's all fantastically cute as well!! We found 2 or 3 we didn't like. The rest is stuff we would have bought had we found it for a good deal.

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I've turned into a sucker for little girl outfits and stuff like this melts my heart now. :oops: :P :lol:

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Re: cmonkey's journal

Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2018 11:14 am
by prognastat
You could get/build an auto-feeder and waterer for the cats to make it so people have to check on them less frequently.

People might be more willing to help if they feel they won't need to as frequently.

Re: cmonkey's journal

Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2018 11:26 am
by Lemon
I am sorry to hear that and it will be a difficult time. But as you say, this too shall pass. If there is anything we can do to help let me know.

That is a lot of very cute baby clothes!

Re: cmonkey's journal

Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2018 11:33 am
by cmonkey
We have large 3-5 gallon plastic bowls for food and water. The auto-waterer doesn't work for the girls because the one just plays with it to make the bubbles go. I guess we also now have someone who is going to come check them a couple times for us. My FIL and myself will also come back once or twice to water plants and such. So they will be alright. The problem is we have 2 "cat worlds" that don't mix. The boy lives in our basement and the girls live upstairs. While we are gone, we need an area for both where they can't break anything (the girls broke a whole lot of our wedding stuff shortly after we got them, so we now kennel them at night). They can't live in their kennel so the plan is to section off the basement.

Re: cmonkey's journal

Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2018 2:31 pm
by C40
I hope things go as well as they can.

Re: cmonkey's journal

Posted: Wed Jan 02, 2019 10:48 am
by cmonkey
December / 2018 Update


A number of financial milestones reached in December -
  • We topped $10,000 in received dividends (since starting this journey) with our last December dividend.
  • FAI topped 9,000
  • Savings rate of 87% for the year
  • FI Funds ended the year over a quarter million at 255K, up from 171K last year.
  • I have saved up about 75% of the cash I need to bridge the first 5 years of retirement.
  • This one is the most important though - for the first time ever, our investment income topped our expenses in December!!
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I thought we were gonna achieve a couple more, but alas not this year
  • We almost dropped under 5% WR.
  • TTM Expenses almost dropped under 13K for the actual calendar year.

A very successful year nonetheless!


DW will be full term on Friday (37 weeks). Her parents will be here on the 12th. Baby is coming in.....20 days! :o My next update should be photos of her.


December Expenses/Savings

Total Normal Spend - $904.70
Total Savings - $16,384.58 ; 94%

Years Saved - 19.50
SWR - 5.13%

TTM Expenses - $13,094.79 (- $437.08)
Total FAI - $9,299.73 (+ $460.92)


2018 Expenses/Savings


Total Normal Spend - $13,094.79
Total Savings - $92,845.97 ; 87%

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Re: cmonkey's journal

Posted: Thu Jan 03, 2019 3:42 am
by FBeyer
That crossover looks darn sexy!