Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Where are you and where are you going?
Jason
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Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by Jason »

I don't know. I don't really see Suo as a Jane Austen type of guy. Unless you can work in some Fight Club. Maybe remove that ballroom shit and replace it with some bare knuckle action. I could see that working.

Nuuka
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Location: Europe

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by Nuuka »

Jane Austen? I dropped the ball

Jason
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Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by Jason »

Good. Now just throw in a fight scene.

suomalainen
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Joined: Sat Oct 18, 2014 12:49 pm

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by suomalainen »

Jesus Christ. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Get the fuck out of my journal.

Jason
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Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by Jason »

In all due respect, you could show some empathy on the matter. We're just trying to help.

Have you seen "Broadway Danny Rose?" I think it might worth your time.

7Wannabe5
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Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

@Jason:

:lol: :!:

Mister Imperceptible
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Joined: Fri Nov 10, 2017 4:18 pm

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by Mister Imperceptible »

How about The Purple Rose of Cairo?

Suo do you want your life to be real or to be fantasy?

jacob
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Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by jacob »

Okay, I think this -> viewtopic.php?f=24&t=10966 was a hint to continue the trend of the last ~24 hrs' worth of posts elsewhere.

Jason
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Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by Jason »

In summation, I would suggest that although having some Interiors moments, the entire work most closely resembled Bananas.

Aspirant
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Location: 65 deg north

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by Aspirant »

Don’t get dissuaded by (Finnish) trolls. It was a very insightful post about a topic very close to my situation. Thank you for sharing.

Again I am benefitting from your 1,5 Jacobs of therapy...

suomalainen
Posts: 725
Joined: Sat Oct 18, 2014 12:49 pm

Next

Post by suomalainen »

1. Separation and divorce is expensive, but still cheaper than the cost of staying in a relationship past its expiration date.

2. Taking the first step of moving out is scary as fuck, but it changes things and you learn a lot through change. Strip away default choices and inertia, and real preferences get revealed awfully quickly. It is truly astonishing to learn that what you formerly were “willing to put up with” becomes “yeah, I can’t affirmatively select that”. The shift in perspective is ... forceful.

3. Changing the status quo results in unexpected follow-on effects. Primary among these is the unanticipated personal learning and growth mentioned above, but the other real surprise is seeing how your (former) partner reacts to this change. It is instructive, mostly because it is not easily predictable.

4. One thing I learned is that cash is king and net worth is really a useless metric in the face of real life. Nobody accepts net worth in exchange for goods and services. Having a lot of cash when you need it to make big changes is huge.

5. In the last two months, I have stayed at 2 different airbnbs, 6 different hotels, a friend’s house, my sister’s condo and at home. My life has been condensed down to fit into 1 suitcase, 1 garment bag, 1 shoulder bag and 1 backpack (plus an assortment of sports equipment). My life’s forced asceticism has been good for me.

6. Kids make everything complicated, and separation/divorce even more so. If you love them, that love forces you to put them first in your dealings with them and your (former) partner, meaning that you learn really quickly just how adult you and your (former) partner can be about navigating the dual minefields of past grievances and future planning. See also #3 above.

7. So what’s next? My old marriage is dead. I cannot predict where all of this change will lead me, other than to say “not back”. My wife and I will move forward together in some capacity, the extent of which remains to be fully determined. But I feel strong. I know myself better. I know my boundaries better, and I know better how to preserve them when tested. I’m more willing to bear natural consequences as opposed to trying to control or manage them. I feel free - free to choose my path, to love those who have been placed on my path, to explore, to learn, to see, to reveal, and, most importantly, to accept. Yeah. I feel strong. I feel good.

Merry Christmas and a peaceful New Year.

EdithKeeler
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Joined: Sun Sep 01, 2013 7:55 pm

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by EdithKeeler »

I’m sorry that your marriage is ending, but I support your decision if it’s best for you. Take care of yourself—even if this is the right thing to do, it’s bound to be stressful.

Jason
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Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by Jason »

Sorry your marriage shit the bed.

Merry Christmas.

Mister Imperceptible
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Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by Mister Imperceptible »

Merry Christmas Suo

New Year, New Suo

fingeek
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Location: South Wales

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by fingeek »

Sounds like you've made some positive steps in the last few months. Interested in how the forced asceticism is going - will you continue to do this voluntarily I wonder.

I wish you a peaceful festive period too, and best for the coming months

Smashter
Posts: 359
Joined: Sat Nov 12, 2016 8:05 am

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by Smashter »

Glad you're doing what's best for you. Really interested in reading about your further learnings from this situation. You're doing far better than my parents did while going through their divorce. Happy holidays!

classical_Liberal
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Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by classical_Liberal »

The best choices are rarely the easiest choices. I'm so glad you feel agency and freedom, hopefully cool heads will prevail during the separation process. Good luck in this next chapter!

7Wannabe5
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Location: Clinton River Watershed

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by 7Wannabe5 »

Strip away default choices and inertia, and real preferences get revealed awfully quickly. It is truly astonishing to learn that what you formerly were “willing to put up with” becomes “yeah, I can’t affirmatively select that”. The shift in perspective is ... forceful.
the other real surprise is seeing how your (former) partner reacts to this change. It is instructive, mostly because it is not easily predictable.
Yup. Divorce will take you through many of the same emotional states as grief or any other loss, but what the conventional literature on the topic does not always reveal is that you may find yourself joyously dancing around your living room 3 days after your husband moves out. OTOH, I would caution that how your (former) partner is reacting now is not necessarily indication of future behavior. For instance, my ex and I spent sentimental, tearful last afternoon together, met at the bank and very amicably (to the extent that bank manager commented on it) dissolved our joint accounts, made easy arrangements for our 16 and 19 year old kids to go to Dad's apartment up the road whenever they wanted, etc. etc. etc. and then less than 3 months later, he quit his job and took off for parts unknown leaving me holding the bag for all remaining joint responsibilities.

Hristo Botev
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Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by Hristo Botev »

Merry Christmas (belated) and Happy New Year @Suo. I was very happy to see a post from you after such a long absence, even though the post's subject matter sucks. It gets a little lonely here without you, as this Forum suffers from a definite dearth of free-spending, bike-related trauma surviving, 41-year-old big-law refugees with a house full of dependents who constantly think up new and creative ways to run the checking account balance down to $0.

Clarice
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Location: California

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by Clarice »

Hi Suo,
Merry belated Christmas and Happy New Year! Thank you for sharing your story. Please keep posting. I am in a very similar situation, just a few steps behind you. Best of luck!!!

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