Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Where are you and where are you going?
suomalainen
Posts: 492
Joined: Sat Oct 18, 2014 12:49 pm

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by suomalainen » Mon Aug 13, 2018 10:48 am

A few musings this morning:

First, as to my parenting feelings (and those that object to them can skip to the next quote):

I wanted to clarify for my own sake in response to @7w5's story about the little girl and her daddy. Becoming a parent is complex with myriad ways to think about it, describe it, approach it, etc., so I won't attempt an exhaustive survey of its complexity, but I will say this: to the extent becoming a parent is a choice and not merely the fulfillment of the purpose of life, which is "to hydrogenate carbon dioxide", I did not make that choice - at least not maturely or wisely. Like many parents, I fell into parenthood. And I absolutely, 100% regret falling into it. It wasn't for me. Like my own father, I never should have procreated. Maybe that's sad, maybe not. Maybe it's abhorrent, maybe not. But it's just an emotion, so like any emotion, I think it is neither good nor bad, it just is. It can convey meaning; it can provide enlightenment; it can provide future direction, but all of those things are reactions to our emotions and are things layered on top of the emotion, they are NOT "what the emotion means".

I wish I'd known that about myself before I did procreated, but I didn't, and now I'm a parent. Being a parent is a different choice from becoming a parent. Once the becoming has been accomplished, you can feel however you feel about that process, and you can feel differently about your choice in what kind of parent you will be. Now that I have children, I can not imagine my life without them. Kids are the ultimate distraction, both good and bad. It's almost like choosing a hobby...except that it's almost impossible to un-choose it for 20+ years (@7w5's and similar stories aside). Better damn well know that you want to parent (ski, scuba, fish, etc) every day for hours a day for the next 20 years! So, anyway, now I am a parent. I love my kids; I'm frustrated by my kids, often at the same time. I want to spend time with my kids and I want distance from my kids. To use @7w5's terminology, I want to be engaged in my kids' lives, but I also want to be engaged in my own life. Finding that balance and grappling with the emotions that it raises is each a process, and ones that I'm currently working through.


Mister Imperceptible wrote:
Mon Aug 13, 2018 6:03 am
If you want a distraction from sinking US futures this morning, you might find this entertaining:

https://nypost.com/2018/08/06/inside-th ... aire-exes/
I don't really care too much about market moves. I'm "buy and hold" in my personal account. I'm stable value in my 401k. And I trade like mad in my HSA ($50k) since May. Made some nice realized gains on 3 round trips on TUR's fluctuations. Bought in again at $25 and then it cratered, but doubled up today at $19.5, so if/when Turkey gets its shit together, that should be a nice gain, and I'm ambivalent about the rough road ahead. Have a merger arb in the works. Bought T and FB on their dips for some nice gains. EWW was a nice trade too. All of those are ~5% gains over days or weeks (my target return and holding period), but each on only $5-15k, so fairly small absolute dollars. But it's kinda fun and tax-free, so it gives me an outlet to play day trader.

Ha, war of the roses. I'd kept up with some of Bill Gross' weirdness over the years (like his monthly/quarterly letters), but since his PIMCO divorce, things just got too weird for me.
Bankai wrote:
Wed Aug 01, 2018 3:12 pm
Thought experiment:

What conditions would need to be met for you to be happy long term (in your relationship)?
Given the initial conditions (she is who she is now and she will be a different she in the future; I am who I am now and I will be a different me in the future; we are married; we have children), the only thing I need to be happy is to choose to be happy. Focus on the good, minimize the bad.
Bankai wrote:
Wed Aug 01, 2018 3:12 pm
What's the probability of each of these conditions being met?
Depends on the day. Years ago it was 50/50 or worse. For the last call it 2 years, it's been really good. Like, say, 90/10. Fights are still fights, but they are more amusing than threatening to me now. Once after a fight years ago, I literally tore the banister off the stairs while yelling "Why do I have this fucking life!?!?!?!" That was a mistake. Not because I'm ashamed of my feelings or behavior or anything, but because re-installing a banister was a giant pain in the ass. Not recommended. But fights now are no longer an existential threat to me. They're just the natural result of two different people who have lived together for almost half of their lives trying to get along. At this point, I've lived with my wife longer than I lived with my parents, so disagreements are to be expected. With any luck, the maturity with which we handle those disagreements will grow over the years, and it has, but there is still a ways to go.
Bankai wrote:
Wed Aug 01, 2018 3:12 pm
What's the probability of all of them being met?
Since there's only one condition, given the initial conditions, same as above.
ThisDinosaur wrote:
Wed Aug 01, 2018 11:44 am
suomalainen wrote:
Wed Aug 01, 2018 9:20 am
if she can save money from the food or whatever budget to buy her chairs, whatever.
I predict she will not like this idea. Like, *very dramatically* not like it. Then you may be tempted to say something like, "If you're not going to negotiate, then I won't either." Then the ATM won't see any action for a couple days. Call it a hunch.
Funny enough, the ATM got a surprise bj, so your hunch was a bit off. And I didn't even have to pay $9k for it (ha @ek)!

But, a week or two after that, I did raise the budget with wife and we agreed to try the following:

She will control 100% of the family budget within certain agreed parameters (she can give no more than $100/month to the church and I can object to purchases relating to the kids on a parenting basis) in the amount of our old budget, so $60k/year. She has to cover everything other than taxes, health care, alcohol, ski tickets and any personal trips I want to take to ID or VT to ski/mtb/hike with my friends.

It's obviously a much bigger budget than probably anyone else here, but here are some thoughts and reactions around it:
  1. I thought it would be an easier sell to use a prior budget than to come up with a tighter budget.
  2. It's better than what we've done the last two years, so it's "tighter" from that perspective anyway.
  3. I thought the structure would be an interesting exercise for both of us, even if the amount is (and always has been) outside my comfort zone.
    1. From her perspective, it would give her a sense of control, even if I'm still the sole earner, which would benefit her psychologically and it would benefit us as a couple by condensing multiple sources of friction (each "frivolous" purchase) to one source (the budget number)
    2. From my perspective, it gives me a sense of control (there is a parameter around the budget) without having multiple sources of friction (trying to control or fight the feeling of a loss of control at each "frivolous" purchase)
  4. Reactions:
    1. She remarked that she had felt somewhat teenagery (like @clarice and @7w5 had discussed once) and that it felt like I was the "dad", so she was excited to try it.
    2. She remarked that she thought it would be good that she would be responsible for all of the decisions because previously she felt like "what was the point" since I would think she overspent no matter what she did.
    3. In this way, if she wants to save instead of spend it all, she is incentivized to do so since she maintains control over the saved money rather than it going into the black hole of my retirement bucket, never to be seen again.
    4. It will be interesting to see how *I* react to this since my personal expenditures will now be directly tied into savings. If I spend a dollar it's not just "Oh well, wife spent ten so my one is a rounding error", it'll be "that's one more dollar I'll have to work for". I have already experienced twinges of reaction, so it'll be interesting to see where my personal spending shakes out since I will be accountable solely to myself and won't be able to hide behind or within another's spending.

Hristo Botev
Posts: 99
Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2018 3:42 am

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by Hristo Botev » Mon Aug 13, 2018 10:56 am

suomalainen wrote:
Mon Aug 13, 2018 10:48 am
It's obviously a much bigger budget than probably anyone else here,
Nope

User avatar
7Wannabe5
Posts: 4151
Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Mon Aug 13, 2018 12:34 pm

Buffing up those boundaries...Nice!

Watch out, once Mrs.Suo feels the power of her own little corner of savings towards her own goals, you may find yourself behaving in a manner similar to my ex-husband, and grouchily declaring "Soup is not a meal!"

suomalainen
Posts: 492
Joined: Sat Oct 18, 2014 12:49 pm

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by suomalainen » Mon Aug 13, 2018 12:38 pm

I hate soup.

User avatar
7Wannabe5
Posts: 4151
Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Mon Aug 13, 2018 12:47 pm

Oh, I just wish I had Mrs. Suo's number, so I could send her by recipe file circa 1997. I assume there is a microwave oven available at your place of employment, so that you can reheat leftover potato pancakes for your lunch? Better set your alarm clock a bit earlier, because you don't want to be last in line behind those boys when the hot water heater is turned down 3 notches.

Jason
Posts: 1528
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by Jason » Mon Aug 13, 2018 3:39 pm

suomalainen wrote:
Mon Aug 13, 2018 10:48 am
Once after a fight years ago, I literally tore the banister off the stairs while yelling "Why do I have this fucking life!?!?!?!"
Jimmy Stewart does the same thing every Christmas.

suomalainen
Posts: 492
Joined: Sat Oct 18, 2014 12:49 pm

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by suomalainen » Tue Aug 14, 2018 11:37 am

7Wannabe5 wrote:
Mon Aug 13, 2018 12:47 pm
Oh, I just wish I had Mrs. Suo's number,
God forbid

Jason
Posts: 1528
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by Jason » Wed Aug 15, 2018 9:48 am

It depends on how you look at it. After a good talk with Seven, you could come home and find your wife in bed with John Oliver.

Mister Imperceptible
Posts: 557
Joined: Fri Nov 10, 2017 4:18 pm

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by Mister Imperceptible » Thu Aug 16, 2018 3:04 pm


suomalainen
Posts: 492
Joined: Sat Oct 18, 2014 12:49 pm

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by suomalainen » Thu Aug 23, 2018 4:25 pm

Negative Emotions Are Key to Well-Being
In fact, anger and sadness are an important part of life, and new research shows that experiencing and accepting such emotions are vital to our mental health...acknowledging the complexity of life may be an especially fruitful path to psychological well-being
Positive thoughts and emotions can, of course, benefit mental health. Hedonic theories define well-being as the presence of positive emotion, the relative absence of negative emotion and a sense of life satisfaction. Taken to an extreme, however, that definition is not congruent with the messiness of real life.
Negative emotions also most likely aid in our survival. Bad feelings can be vital clues that a health issue, relationship or other important matter needs attention
Even if you successfully avoid contemplating a topic, your subconscious may still dwell on it.
Instead of backing away from negative emotions, accept them. Acknowledge how you are feeling without rushing to change your emotional state. Many people find it helpful to breathe slowly and deeply while learning to tolerate strong feelings or to imagine the feelings as floating clouds, as a reminder that they will pass. I often tell my clients that a thought is just a thought and a feeling just a feeling, nothing more.
a therapy that included mindfulness training helped individuals overcome anxiety disorders. It worked not by minimizing the number of negative feelings but by training patients to accept those feelings...Learning how to cope with those emotions is the key...indeed, once my client accepted his thoughts and feelings, shaking off his shame and guilt, he saw his problems with greater clarity and proceeded down the path to recovery.
I like that: a thought is just a thought and a feeling just a feeling, nothing more. Another thing I read mentioned having a mantra like "this too shall pass" to help remind you that difficult thoughts, emotions and even situations are typically fleeting. In addition to "this too shall pass", I also like "and yet, somehow, life moves on".

suomalainen
Posts: 492
Joined: Sat Oct 18, 2014 12:49 pm

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by suomalainen » Thu Aug 23, 2018 4:26 pm

@mi

huh, i always thought it was this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpSWj0qrVoE

suomalainen
Posts: 492
Joined: Sat Oct 18, 2014 12:49 pm

Mentions

Post by suomalainen » Thu Sep 06, 2018 10:21 am

I suppose it's time for an update. Couple three four things.

1) I had a blow. out. fight. with DW in the middle of August. It was actually pretty hurtful and I don't want to get into it, but it was a necessary fight. Suffice it to say that co-parenting is always a challenge and doing it within the context of a mixed-faith marriage adds an additional challenge. However, when all was said and done, I think I understand where she's coming from and I think she now understands where I'm coming from and we'll be able to address this challenge with less emotional intensity the next time it rears its ugly head. Until then, denial, denial, denial.

Aside: from Head and the Heart's Rivers and Roads (love this song) are the lyrics: Been talking 'bout the way things change, And my family lives in a different state. I always say "yeah, the state of denial".

2) We started our new budget arrangement September 1. It's been interesting to watch. Towards the end of August, she downloaded Mint and I helped set her up with access to various accounts to which she never previously paid any attention. I also gave her some historical information on spending categories and whatnot so that she could plan her budget. You know, I think the problem...well, let me say this first: @7w5 said something really wise a few months back and I keep running into examples where it comes into play and it was the idea of not taking responsibility where you have no authority. So, I think the economic/budgetary challenge in my marriage was that while my wife had the practical responsibility of spending the vast majority of our family budget, I had retained authority over each purchase. That misalignment seemed to be the cause of the friction. Aligning the proper authority with the proper responsibility has already freed up a lot of psychological stress for both of us. I still retain the "big picture" authority/responsibility as it pertains to the $5k/month number, but how that $5k/month is allocated is completely up to her and she seems to relish the authority because of the accompanying freedom. We've even joked that we both like that she is now the one who is the brakes, so when she went to the store on 9/1 and she asked if there was anything I wanted, I gave her a long list of my favorite junk food. She rolled her eyes and said "How about one chocolate bar?" It's fun for me to try to push the boundaries to waste "her" money on stupid shit I want and it's fun for her to say "no". It also works 'cuz I don't really care about spending money so her saying no to my flippant requests is vastly different to the previous situation of my saying no to her (my view wasteful, her view necessary) spending. I am excited to see how this plays out. If she stays within the $5k, the relief from the psychological burden alone will be worth it. And who knows, maybe she'll be able/motivated to squeeze the budget down further.

3) At the end of August, I went to visit my friend in Idaho. I brought my 13 year old and he brought his 12 year old and we went to their family cabin in the mountains - hiking, fishing, disc golf, hot springs, river rafting. It was a great trip for a few reasons: (a) my son got to see me in a different element, with my friend, away from his siblings and mom. We were able to bond more "man to man". It's been...a mixed bag of fun and challenging to see him grow from a baby to a kid to a tween to a teen. It's like he's almost a real person now! Weird. (b) on the river rafting trip, we were just stuck in a canyon for basically the entire time and it just felt so...raw, disconnected from modernity. Very refreshing. (c) talking to the 3 young river guides, I was able to fantasize about what a great summer job that would be when you're young but also to realize how shitty it is to be young and poor (no real income or assets) and stupid, not knowing who you are or what you want to do/be. Most of the time when I run across young* people doing cool things I can only think about the positives of their lives (looking at you @c40!!) and seldom do the downsides of youth run across my mind. This time it did, so I was able to both reminisce about the greatness of being young while also being grateful that I'm no longer young.

* "young" = younger than me (40) and no kids

4) I've been working hard on not ruminating. A question in another thread to which I provided my $.02 pretty well captures what I've been working to remember:
suomalainen wrote:
Thu Sep 06, 2018 6:50 am
As to the other end of the psychological question, is this FOMO? Choosing an option does require foreclosing other options, at least temporarily, but it's important to remember that no external situation (job) that you choose will bring you happiness. There's no magic. If you're not content (with your life), commit to being content (with it). Maybe that requires an external change, maybe not. Choose contentment. External factors are mostly secondary once basic needs are met and if there's one thing you know from ERE, it doesn't take much money to meet your basic needs. Maybe you already have all the tools you need to be happy, so you don't need to put so much stock in this one decision. It's just a decision and one that can be easily changed if the first one isn't the right, or perhaps more accurately WHEN the first one turns out to have run its course and you're ready for the next one you can just move on to the next one without regret.

Hristo Botev
Posts: 99
Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2018 3:42 am

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by Hristo Botev » Thu Sep 06, 2018 12:34 pm

I’ve similarly experienced the reminiscence/gratefulness reaction regarding age/youth; more and more so as I’ve approached and reached middle age. My take is it’s a reaction that has as its source contentment and maturity. I can appreciate how wonderful some of the freedoms of youth are, but reflecting on those freedoms makes me even more appreciative of the obligations I’ve voluntarily taken on as I’ve become a full-fledged adult, and the person I’ve become; and in the grand scheme of things I’m just enjoying shouldering those obligations too much to pine for those younger days when I was struggling to figure out who I am and what I’m supposed to be doing.

Jason
Posts: 1528
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by Jason » Sun Sep 09, 2018 10:08 am

suomalainen wrote:
Thu Sep 06, 2018 10:21 am

1) I had a blow. out. fight. with DW in the middle of August. It was actually pretty hurtful and I don't want to get into it,
I respect your decision. There should be boundaries. But as a dedicated member of your readership, I find this to be highly disappointing. I view this thread in a similar manner that I view an effective documentary - oftentimes the actual subject matter is not that which the documentarian originally intended but is discovered in moments when the camera is merely left on and unsuspecting moments of transparency reveal the true narrative. It's like at just such a moment, you shut the camera off.

To fill in the story arc, I'll just imagine Mrs. Suo completely losing her shit when she walked in on you shifting your ballsack while watching John Oliver.

Will
Posts: 29
Joined: Sun Dec 25, 2016 5:23 am

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by Will » Tue Sep 11, 2018 2:12 am

(c) talking to the 3 young river guides, I was able to fantasize about what a great summer job that would be when you're young but also to realize how shitty it is to be young and poor (no real income or assets) and stupid, not knowing who you are or what you want to do/be. Most of the time when I run across young* people doing cool things I can only think about the positives of their lives (looking at you @c40!!) and seldom do the downsides of youth run across my mind. This time it did, so I was able to both reminisce about the greatness of being young while also being grateful that I'm no longer young.
Aren't we all still - a little - unsure who we are or what we want to be? Speaking for myself, one of the main reasons to pursue FI is that I want the freedom to explore other areas of interest without having to waste time on a daily job. Your post got me thinking - I never actively thought about the downsides of being young. I'm not very old yet (32), but when comparing old vs young, I wouldn't put much emphasis on assets and money but would value knowledge and experience much higher.

User avatar
7Wannabe5
Posts: 4151
Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Tue Sep 11, 2018 6:53 am

It is rather relaxing when you run out of narrative.

suomalainen
Posts: 492
Joined: Sat Oct 18, 2014 12:49 pm

Narrative

Post by suomalainen » Sat Sep 15, 2018 8:01 pm

Some disparate thoughts this week that I think weave together:
  • This life that I have is full of stultifying sameness, yet this...is...totally...fine?? I wake up, I go to work, I work out, I work some more, I ferry the kids here or there, I help with homework, I play with the kids, I veg out, I go to bed. Rinse and repeat for about the last 5,109 days (my oldest turns 14 in a couple days).
  • I really, really enjoy the non-recurring aspects of my life: a mountain biking trip to Vermont, a dinner with a couple-friend and their family, a work golf outing, skiing trip to Colorado, mountain trip to Idaho.
Call these first two elementary examples of hedonic adaptation.
  • I read a story about a hippie-man who in his 30s and 40s ran some sort of outdoor excursion trip company for high-school / college kids, and he ended up raping a number of young women that came on his camps. He wasn't a "pounce on you in the alley" rapist, he was a "groom you to be compliant" rapist. He would befriend and listen and email and make these young women feel special over a number of weeks/months/years. He would then get them to visit his house somehow and he would trick/force/surprise them into a "sexual healing ceremony".
  • I read a couple of stories about silicon valley and its entrepreneurship culture. The valley is often extolled, but there is a darker or at least less glamorous side to "changing the world". One of the themes of these stories was that very rich founders just had a great passion for the thing they were working on and would work on it tirelessly even after they got to the point where they could live a thousand lifetimes very comfortably without having to work. They're inspired.
These last two came together at a meeting at work. "Inspiring Leadership" is a thing in my company. Sitting through one of the presentations gave me a glimpse of / reminded me of something. The reminder was that when I was younger, I thought I was special (like everyone does). I liked when other people made me feel special (good thing I never ran into a predator like above). Some church leaders were able to inspire me, to make me want to be better, to make me buy into a vision and to inspire me to put my full effort into that vision. The glimpse was that if I actually had an inspiring leader who groomed me for better work and more work I could actually feel inspired about working, and I might could give my life in service of "fulfilling my destiny" or "developing my true potential" or some such nonsense.

Pondering this, is the sameness of every-day life
  • a danger, a thing to escape from (whether literally or figuratively), or
  • a blessing, a foundation on which to add a spritz of flair here and there, or
  • rocket fuel, a thing on which to have your life-energy consumed?
I think that list provides a few points on a spectrum of how you could possibly view your day-to-day life - from the shittiest thing ever (pessimism?) to a pretty good thing (realism?) to the best thing ever (optimism?). The narrative you tell yourself about your life reflects where on that spectrum you lie. How much of that is controllable/choosable and how much of that is just "who you are"? I tend towards a pessimistic view, but am working on choosing to be more optimistic, in order to land in the realism zone. I think it would be near impossible for me to honestly and enthusiastically (and without sarcasm) to declare "I AM HIGH ON LIFE!!" no matter how much I tried to get there.

Another way to think about it, which I think is the way that I've thought about it, is that I have looked at these high peaks and have sort of seen them as the base line (drawing an average trend line across all peaks if you will). The result is a narrative that these peaks are how life "should" be, that my every-day normal life is constantly below the trend line, that every-day normal life is therefore in the valley of the shadow of death. In other words, every-day normal life fucking sucks; it's a constant disappointment, and life is only "really lived" on the peaks. Rather than that pessimistic view, I'm trying to readjust my trend line so to speak, so that every-day normal life is the base line, like walking through a sunny hay field. The peaks in this new narrative are accepted as punctuating peaks that provide needed contrast to the boring, yet sustaining, hay fields of life.

I'm mixing imagery terribly, but trying to give expression to this subconscious narrative that I've written for my life brings it into the light so that I can examine it and ask "what is this narrative doing for me? do I want this narrative to continue?" And the answer is: I don't.

Work or religion may not provide me the inspiration that it has at times in the past; it may no longer provide any fuel for a narrative that I'm special, but that's fine. That just means I have a blank slate to write my own story. I don't have to adopt an existing narrative written by someone else with his or her own incentives and motives. I don't have to try to develop myself into a character outlined by another. I can write my own story.

User avatar
7Wannabe5
Posts: 4151
Joined: Fri Oct 18, 2013 9:03 am

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Sun Sep 16, 2018 5:24 am

In order to experience appreciation for the sameness of everyday life, it may be necessary to experience some lower lows to balance your higher highs. But, how can you functionally (or non-dysfunctionally) choose to do this as an affluent member of an affluent society?

One thing I would do if I was in your situation would be to add up a realistic total of child support you will have to provide under any scenario. As I am sure you know given your profession, courts often will not reduce support when non-custodial parent voluntarily reduces income prior to standard retirement age. My high-earner BF and another high earner friend are both subject to this reality moving forward post-divorce, so I know it is a serious roadblock to ERE and can feel like a prison sentence (even if facility is rather posh.) Still, no matter how large this number might be (I am guesstimating at least (120 X $3000= $360,000 plus whatever college costs you would feel morally obliged to assume) in your situation), it is important to fully acknowledge the elephant in the room before either attempting acceptance or one-bite-at-a-time-consumption.

Please understand that I am in no way recommending divorce and buy-out as a solution. I want you to get to a place where you might be better able to buy-in emotionally.

Jason
Posts: 1528
Joined: Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:37 am

Re: Narrative

Post by Jason » Sun Sep 16, 2018 5:34 am

suomalainen wrote:
Sat Sep 15, 2018 8:01 pm
He wasn't a "pounce on you in the alley" rapist, he was a "groom you to be compliant" rapist.
I can see this becoming the go-to metaphor to describe the difference between a person getting to ERE quickly through high income as opposed to someone who methodically changes lifestyle over a longer period of time.

jacob
Site Admin
Posts: 10523
Joined: Fri Jun 28, 2013 8:38 pm
Location: USA, Zone 5b, Koppen Dfa, Elev. 620ft, Walkscore 73
Contact:

Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja

Post by jacob » Sun Sep 16, 2018 7:32 am

I recently saw a list that distinguished work according to something like this:
  • A job is work you do to get paid.
  • A career is often a string a jobs but your focus is not to get paid per se but to climb a [status/personal development/...] ladder of "bigger and better". You only have a career as long as you keep moving up. Otherwise you have a job.
  • A mission is work you do because you think it must be done.
Doing a self-evaluation, my history of work has ironically been something like 80% mission, 20% job, and 0% career. Everything I've done started out as a mission ... and then turned into a job afterwhich I quit after 12-24 months of mental grinding. I never figured out how to take an active role in career-building. All that career stuff went over my head in the sense that I didn't notice it when I was in it. On the flip side, having a mission means that one doesn't need to buy bling or toys to compensate/reward oneself for working because the work is a reward unto itself. FI is a nice side-effect of this ... as long as one does not have a spouse who spends all the savings/money.

Post Reply