Suomalaisen Päiväkirja
Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja
@jennypenny:
That's it. I found it once, but then couldn't again. I realized that my first post to Suo was based on false semi-conscious presumption that everybody here has been reading along on every thread ever since I joined the forum. Must admit that I felt a bit sad re-reading it, because it was written shortly after my highly romantic reunion with my "ex." Anyways, I think I did an okay job of explaining sexual-dichotomy theory in a nutshell on that thread, and C40 and others also chimed in with good advice for the MGTOW esque OP. It's not the case that I am 100% strong advocate of the theory, but it has been my experience, after initially thoroughly rejecting the notion from more classic feminist egalitarian perspective I held in my 30s, that it works. And it is my opinion, that in a situation involving the welfare of children, a course of action that works should be attempted. My own current practice being, obviously, more experimental and risk-laden.
@Jason: I agree that the relationship would be long-lost half, but far more likely that we are actually cousins related through my maternal grandfather AKA the Crazy Russian side of the family. After a brief WWII era early marriage to my glamour-girl beautiful, hot-headed Polish grandmother, my maternal grandfather ran off, but is known to have fathered at least one set of female twins by another woman, one of whom later committed suicide. It was my theory that you could be the son of the twin who carried on in life and exhibited bi-polar rage syndrome (her twin sister carrying her own more outright depressive symptoms to the grave.) So, that would make you my first cousin through maternal-half-aunt. My theory is based on the strong indications that your mother, like mine, suffered from bi-polar disease (inclusive of poorly repressed rage-driven behavior,) and that you, like me, therefore inherited some of the tendencies frequently manifested in children of individuals with bi-polar disease, such as high IQ, hyper-verbosity, and hyper-sexuality. IOW, if you are not indeed somebody who would be incest-instinct boundaried from sexual flirtation, you are somebody who would be likely-member-of-same-therapy-circle-boundaried from sexual flirtation.
That's it. I found it once, but then couldn't again. I realized that my first post to Suo was based on false semi-conscious presumption that everybody here has been reading along on every thread ever since I joined the forum. Must admit that I felt a bit sad re-reading it, because it was written shortly after my highly romantic reunion with my "ex." Anyways, I think I did an okay job of explaining sexual-dichotomy theory in a nutshell on that thread, and C40 and others also chimed in with good advice for the MGTOW esque OP. It's not the case that I am 100% strong advocate of the theory, but it has been my experience, after initially thoroughly rejecting the notion from more classic feminist egalitarian perspective I held in my 30s, that it works. And it is my opinion, that in a situation involving the welfare of children, a course of action that works should be attempted. My own current practice being, obviously, more experimental and risk-laden.
@Jason: I agree that the relationship would be long-lost half, but far more likely that we are actually cousins related through my maternal grandfather AKA the Crazy Russian side of the family. After a brief WWII era early marriage to my glamour-girl beautiful, hot-headed Polish grandmother, my maternal grandfather ran off, but is known to have fathered at least one set of female twins by another woman, one of whom later committed suicide. It was my theory that you could be the son of the twin who carried on in life and exhibited bi-polar rage syndrome (her twin sister carrying her own more outright depressive symptoms to the grave.) So, that would make you my first cousin through maternal-half-aunt. My theory is based on the strong indications that your mother, like mine, suffered from bi-polar disease (inclusive of poorly repressed rage-driven behavior,) and that you, like me, therefore inherited some of the tendencies frequently manifested in children of individuals with bi-polar disease, such as high IQ, hyper-verbosity, and hyper-sexuality. IOW, if you are not indeed somebody who would be incest-instinct boundaried from sexual flirtation, you are somebody who would be likely-member-of-same-therapy-circle-boundaried from sexual flirtation.
Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja
Despite reading that with one eye on a low budget documentary about prison sex trafficking you make disturbingly good points.
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Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja
True story from last night:
DW/I say something to DS1 that we think he would get excited about.
DS1: [smiles]
Me: What? That's it?! Where's the enthusiasm? C'mon, man!
DW [momsplaining]: A smile is pretty good. That means he's super excited. Not surprising considering his relation to the least enthusiastic person I know.
Me: Who? Me?
DW: Yeah you. I used to get so frustrated: 'why don't you care?!?!'
Ha ha ha. And I told her nothing about this recent...foray into marital dynamics. I wonder if some of this is cultural in addition to man/woman. Finnish men are not known for their...umm...expressiveness...
Also true: my 50-something female friend/colleague saw my wife recently and told her: "you know, I finally figured out that you just have to ignore what suo says and look at what he does. He says the most awful things, but he'll do anything for you." They had a right good laugh at my expense about that. Oh well.
Anyway. @jace and @7 - you two should submit "love letters to my half sibling" in a series or something on literotica. I think you'd find a very receptive audience there.
DW/I say something to DS1 that we think he would get excited about.
DS1: [smiles]
Me: What? That's it?! Where's the enthusiasm? C'mon, man!
DW [momsplaining]: A smile is pretty good. That means he's super excited. Not surprising considering his relation to the least enthusiastic person I know.
Me: Who? Me?
DW: Yeah you. I used to get so frustrated: 'why don't you care?!?!'
Ha ha ha. And I told her nothing about this recent...foray into marital dynamics. I wonder if some of this is cultural in addition to man/woman. Finnish men are not known for their...umm...expressiveness...
Also true: my 50-something female friend/colleague saw my wife recently and told her: "you know, I finally figured out that you just have to ignore what suo says and look at what he does. He says the most awful things, but he'll do anything for you." They had a right good laugh at my expense about that. Oh well.
Anyway. @jace and @7 - you two should submit "love letters to my half sibling" in a series or something on literotica. I think you'd find a very receptive audience there.
Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja
I'm thinking "Incents: Half-Siblings Frugal Journey Towards Forbidden Love". This way we get both the literotica and early retirement audience.
So reading above, it appears you get just as much shit off-line as you do on-line.
So reading above, it appears you get just as much shit off-line as you do on-line.
Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja
Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja
@suo@jace:
Great concept! Don't forget we will also be shooting for the AARP crowd, so maybe something like...
"Just one glimpse of her sturdy, pale calves, lightly riddled with varicosities, and Jason was overcome with a rare, yet somehow familiar, feeling of humming excitement, like the insistent "beep-beep-beep" of a metal-detector honing in on a 1985 Diet Pepsi can with the $.05 return deposit marking still intact!"
@Augustus:
With your addition of the IOPOPW factor, we are coming closer to agreement. However, I would note that "Display of Dominance" would be more apt than "Love Making." The first reason would be that the phrase "Love Making" is already connotative of some degree of Emo, so could lead to messy unclear results in the lab. The second reason would be that women tend to be more expansive in their experience of sexuality than men, so there are many ways in which a man could display dominance outside of direct or literal sexual interaction that would qualify as acceptable foreplay for a female. For instance, when J.T. picks up Sandra Dee and throws her into the swimming pool, or when a man places his hand firmly on the small of your back as he escorts you through a door. The third reason is that any overt sexual behavior that a woman interprets as submissive, rather than dominant, will totally change the results of your equation. For instance, if a man says "...and then after I tie you up, maybe you can tie me up? "
Otherwise, I am forced to agree with your conclusions, since I stuck for 3.5 years with a man whose AOTSCGYSO was pretty damn high, but every morning the first thing he said to me was "Good Morning Gorgeous" and we had sex about 7-10X/week. So, I pretty much had to become polyamorous after we broke up, in order to soften the withdrawal.
Great concept! Don't forget we will also be shooting for the AARP crowd, so maybe something like...
"Just one glimpse of her sturdy, pale calves, lightly riddled with varicosities, and Jason was overcome with a rare, yet somehow familiar, feeling of humming excitement, like the insistent "beep-beep-beep" of a metal-detector honing in on a 1985 Diet Pepsi can with the $.05 return deposit marking still intact!"
@Augustus:
With your addition of the IOPOPW factor, we are coming closer to agreement. However, I would note that "Display of Dominance" would be more apt than "Love Making." The first reason would be that the phrase "Love Making" is already connotative of some degree of Emo, so could lead to messy unclear results in the lab. The second reason would be that women tend to be more expansive in their experience of sexuality than men, so there are many ways in which a man could display dominance outside of direct or literal sexual interaction that would qualify as acceptable foreplay for a female. For instance, when J.T. picks up Sandra Dee and throws her into the swimming pool, or when a man places his hand firmly on the small of your back as he escorts you through a door. The third reason is that any overt sexual behavior that a woman interprets as submissive, rather than dominant, will totally change the results of your equation. For instance, if a man says "...and then after I tie you up, maybe you can tie me up? "
Otherwise, I am forced to agree with your conclusions, since I stuck for 3.5 years with a man whose AOTSCGYSO was pretty damn high, but every morning the first thing he said to me was "Good Morning Gorgeous" and we had sex about 7-10X/week. So, I pretty much had to become polyamorous after we broke up, in order to soften the withdrawal.
Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja
@Augustus:
I really like how you've captured that one. It puts me in peace and makes my own tribulations feel more generic and benign - more like common cold or acne and less like cancer.
@Suo:
Wow, yours is the most hijacked journal ever! It apparently resonates with many people. I don't know your attitude toward MBTI, but I've found it very helpful in dealing with personal issues. I love these guys' podcast:
https://personalityhacker.com/
If you can think of personality types of people around you can act accordingly. If you know their (and yours) loops you can counteract them. From what you've shared about your wife (introverted, artistic, kind, somewhat manipulative, "Sorry I care about you", doesn't put the money puzzle peaces into the whole picture,"We can afford it", meaning right here, right now, ended up not working outside the house) I would guess INFP. Often, these very sensitive people have a lot trauma in their histories.
Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja
@suo:
I got distracted, but since you are obviously such a quick study "self-aware is halfway there", I was going to suggest that you move right along to attempting trust exercise with your DW in order to increase your emotional attachment. For instance, sit on the side of your bed and have her straddle you, then practice drop and catch while attempting to maintain eye contact.
I got distracted, but since you are obviously such a quick study "self-aware is halfway there", I was going to suggest that you move right along to attempting trust exercise with your DW in order to increase your emotional attachment. For instance, sit on the side of your bed and have her straddle you, then practice drop and catch while attempting to maintain eye contact.
Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja
We should start a pool as to whether Suo gets laid or divorced tonight.
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Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja
Well, as much as I enjoyed the peace and quiet of my journal the last two weeks, I fear I must once again raise the specter of my jersey shore life for @Jason's amusement.
Much to my chagrin, we had a blowout argument last night, after I thought all was going so well. The trigger was her "catching" me watching Last Week Tonight with John Oliver with my almost 14-year old son next to me (I didn't know my 11-year old son was in the other room and could hear the show). I am somewhat mindful of not letting them see/hear the "inappropriate" shows I watch, but given that the topic was sexual harassment and given the platform, I was comfortable that it would be an educational (rather than scintillating) type experience for my son, so notwithstanding the show's typical crassness, I thought why not, he seemed interested.
My dear, dear wife, however, disagreed. The show put up a clip of a 1980's PSA that started "Good ole' sex. What's wrong with it? EVERYTHING when it occurs in the workplace!"
Explosion! "What are you letting DS#1 watch!?!?!" (I later learned it was because she thought she heard from the other room "good oral sex" and she tuned out the next words).
Anyway, crying and tears and yada yada yada, we have different values when it comes to teaching our kids about sex (in sum: religious vs not) and definitely different levels of fear about how exposure to "inappropriate media" will turn them into "sex and/or porn addicts". Don't ask me how you get from A to B. I was failing at emo:ing and reason had left the building hours earlier. No make-up sex, but no divorce either, so I'll give myself a C+ for the evening.
Then, this morning I text "you ok? we ok?" and all I get is a thumbs up emoji. Then, I get this text this afternoon: "Can we discuss at some point putting some money toward updating some furnishings in this house since we will be staying here. I'm thinking things like replacing the teal dining room chairs that the cats have torn to shreds and a new living room rug."
Now...this is a trap, right? Putting aside that replacing pre-worn-cat-chairs for soon-to-be-worn-cat-chairs doesn't make any sense...I shouldn't say that, right? I should just say "yes dear" and ignore my brain?
Much to my chagrin, we had a blowout argument last night, after I thought all was going so well. The trigger was her "catching" me watching Last Week Tonight with John Oliver with my almost 14-year old son next to me (I didn't know my 11-year old son was in the other room and could hear the show). I am somewhat mindful of not letting them see/hear the "inappropriate" shows I watch, but given that the topic was sexual harassment and given the platform, I was comfortable that it would be an educational (rather than scintillating) type experience for my son, so notwithstanding the show's typical crassness, I thought why not, he seemed interested.
My dear, dear wife, however, disagreed. The show put up a clip of a 1980's PSA that started "Good ole' sex. What's wrong with it? EVERYTHING when it occurs in the workplace!"
Explosion! "What are you letting DS#1 watch!?!?!" (I later learned it was because she thought she heard from the other room "good oral sex" and she tuned out the next words).
Anyway, crying and tears and yada yada yada, we have different values when it comes to teaching our kids about sex (in sum: religious vs not) and definitely different levels of fear about how exposure to "inappropriate media" will turn them into "sex and/or porn addicts". Don't ask me how you get from A to B. I was failing at emo:ing and reason had left the building hours earlier. No make-up sex, but no divorce either, so I'll give myself a C+ for the evening.
Then, this morning I text "you ok? we ok?" and all I get is a thumbs up emoji. Then, I get this text this afternoon: "Can we discuss at some point putting some money toward updating some furnishings in this house since we will be staying here. I'm thinking things like replacing the teal dining room chairs that the cats have torn to shreds and a new living room rug."
Now...this is a trap, right? Putting aside that replacing pre-worn-cat-chairs for soon-to-be-worn-cat-chairs doesn't make any sense...I shouldn't say that, right? I should just say "yes dear" and ignore my brain?
- Mister Imperceptible
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Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja
“Buy me some furniture to atone for the guilt!”
LOL
LOL
Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja
Erm... I bet your sons know a lot about pornography.
Sorry for bursting your bubble.
Sorry for bursting your bubble.
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Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja
@Jason, thanks for the mental image.
Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja
Neah... this is not a a calculated attempt to trap you. That's how I would interpret the situation and play my cards ...suomalainen wrote: ↑Tue Jul 31, 2018 4:02 pm
Now...this is a trap, right? Putting aside that replacing pre-worn-cat-chairs for soon-to-be-worn-cat-chairs doesn't make any sense...I shouldn't say that, right? I should just say "yes dear" and ignore my brain?
The John Oliver incident and the chairs are connected. They are both about her suffering. She wants the emotional satisfaction, not the furniture. Give it to her. Don't be stingy. Acknowledge with kindness and self-deprecating humor her suffering of living with a coocoo who lets the kids watch porn and makes his family live in a squalor with these disgusting cat-torn teal chairs. The next move is a tricky one. Talking to your wife about a $3,000 CD account at 3% APY and a life span of cats will probably not work. Talk to her about your experiences of sitting at the office (or whatever it is that you do) day in and day out and thinking about the beauty of FI. Tell her that she is very important to the success of your dream. Then play for time, let's say, buying chairs when the cat dies and the kids leave for college.
Best of luck!
Last edited by Clarice on Wed Aug 01, 2018 8:11 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja
It's the next morning and I'm still laughing at this shit. Cock blocked in the name of John Oliver until he refurnishes the entire home. I'd cancel all three (yes 3) of my streaming services for a live cam of your living room.
C+? It's like watching a chess game between Gary Kasparov and someone who doesn't know that they are playing chess against Gary Kasparov.
Please, do not stop blogging.
- jennypenny
- Posts: 6858
- Joined: Sun Jul 03, 2011 2:20 pm
Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja
Wow, she's good.
Can't you just laugh off stuff like that and call her out on it in a light-hearted way? I would have chuckled while saying 'We're not buying new furniture because you think I want our son to be a sex fiend." Let the air out of the situation ... you guys seem so serious all the time. If I'd questioned DH about watching John Oliver with our boys, he wouldn't have bothered arguing with me. He'd have told me to go back to watching the Golden Girls and ignored anything else I said.
Can't you just laugh off stuff like that and call her out on it in a light-hearted way? I would have chuckled while saying 'We're not buying new furniture because you think I want our son to be a sex fiend." Let the air out of the situation ... you guys seem so serious all the time. If I'd questioned DH about watching John Oliver with our boys, he wouldn't have bothered arguing with me. He'd have told me to go back to watching the Golden Girls and ignored anything else I said.
Re: Suomalaisen Päiväkirja
Thank God Charlie Rose got kicked off the air or he'd be working on plans for an extension.