Frihet / Freedom - Journal

Where are you and where are you going?
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Mister Imperceptible
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Re: Frihet / Freedom - Journal

Post by Mister Imperceptible »

Interesting to read of a Swede with meditative Indian propensities and a traditional libertarian investment strategy working on Scandinavian oil rigs. It’s too bad you couldn’t dump more of your cryptos when they peaked.

Interesting that you say you have Imposter Syndrome. I would have suspected rigwork is some of the most honest work there is. I push papers around in a cubicle.

You seem like a nice guy, so I doubt you’re exactly burning bridges telling colleagues you are tiring of the work. Perhaps wise to stay on good terms? The off/on structure of your employment is very enviable.

frihet
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Re: Frihet / Freedom - Journal

Post by frihet »

Mister Imperceptible wrote:
Mon Mar 04, 2019 10:33 pm
Interesting to read of a Swede with meditative Indian propensities and a traditional libertarian investment strategy working on Scandinavian oil rigs.
Mister Imperceptible Thanks for commenting!.

Yes I know I'm not easily fit into a box. I despise group-think of any kind this is just my make-up. So I just can't believe myself to be constrained by culture and customs. A meditator is like this, a rig worker like that and an ERE forum participant is like this ;)....and so on. I'm always an outsider to any group and have no particular wish to fit in.

The libertarian view comes from my read of How to Find Freedom in an Unfree World by Harry Brown in my early 20s. I don't remember much from the book more than it made a strong impression on me that you can carve out your own freedom - no constraints - and from there the step to a wish for spiritual freedom wasn't very big when a big revelation cured my depression. But actually I think libertarians are born that way and we will never be the many. Just like Monks and Sadhus will never be the many.

Some herd sheep, many are sheep and a few choose not to play. But we are all dependent on each other one way or another. Realizing that more and more.

Yes rig work is honest and concrete, I actually like that part and would not change it for turning papers for sure, no offence :) But it is a lot of money on the line and a lot of eyes on you while working, Wanting you to work quick, safe and correct the first time. Was in a critical operation yesterday with 10 guys looking, standing around you waiting for you to be ready so the operation can continue. Everything went well this time so I actually got a kick out of it. The lump in the stomach transformed into upbeat happiness making it hard to sleep after my 16h shift.

The imposter syndrome stems from defiantly having enough intelligence for this job. But not being a quick thinker I run into problems when the customer want answers straight away and I can't answer. But honestly it's deeper than that i have for some reason a shame knot in my belly that makes itself know quite often. Why does someone who believe he is an unconstrained outsider feel shame? An interesting topic for inquiry. Anyhow it is an interesting emotion which I think it is primal to try to avoid at all cost. If you where shamed/thrown out by your tribe historically you would not survive.Shame is one of those threads that knit society together. When you can transform it tremendous power is released and you are truly unconstrained. One of the ideas in Tantric Buddhism/Hinduism is to transform the most difficult emotions into pure energy. It resonates ......

So maybe my work is a good place to be? Lots of opportunity for practice.

frihet
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Re: Frihet / Freedom - Journal

Post by frihet »

I don't feel like writing a report. But in the interest of documenting my journey, I'll do it anyway.

A month with a lot of work 2 trips and 3 weeks on the sea. So finally had some extra income. We also got our yearly bonus. Although a small one. Still going back and forth on when to quit. Money on one axis and freedom/health/happiness on the other. What to do? ;) to self.....

Expenses

Healthcare 526kr
Transportation 224kr
Groceries 1504kr
Eating out 497kr
Dharma 402kr
Entertainment 417kr
Telephone 49kr
Bank 360kr
Rent 4350kr

Total 8329kr

Accumulated savings on the yearly budget 3015kr might need the money April/May as I have to do my taxes.
Realizing that it's tight to live on this budget for me. I would prefer to be able to spend more. But weigh this against freedom.

Income 45123kr after 50 % taxes will get some of it back next year

Haven't written much about it but I have implemented a kind of momentum strategy/stop loss bands on my GBP and am also transferring some of my assets to a Meb Faber style aggressive 3 month/3 funds momentum strategy inspired by the research backtesting done on a Swedish forum. For those who can read Scandinavian languages google "Tråden om strategier för fonder" there is interesting and solid research going on there on strategies for our market condition using mutual funds. Which have the advantage that you can make your changes over the weekend once a month and don't have to closely watch the markets like with ETFs this is about as active as I can commit to.

frihet
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Re: Frihet / Freedom - Journal

Post by frihet »

I did it! I have resigned. Pretty anticlimactic! Everything seemed to come together at once.

5 years at my workplace, which was a loosely held intention when I started.

My loosely held financial goal was also reached.

I have internalized the truth that one thing is limited and that is youth and time on this earth. I better be free now than later. Who knows if that later will ever show up or in what condition the body/mind will be in then?

But the biggest thing was psychological. There is an inner strength that has arisen the past months that tells me that it's enough of efforting for now. I have decided to give myself 3 years before I need to think about any kind of employment. I have also decided about a course/retreat/travel budget for those years that I will be allowed to spend down. This became the compromise between working longer to reach an "ultimate" FI number and quitting now and go with the inner current that has shown itself.

The plan is 6 months in India this winter. Besides that no plans but to relax and let the mystery unfold.

frihet
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Re: Frihet / Freedom - Journal

Post by frihet »

Thank you bigato!

A bit surreal, resigned yesterday, but accordingly to the contract I have to stay for 3 months so on my way out on the North Sea now. Will take it as chill as possible, nothing to prove.

Yes I will probobly share here from time to time. Probobly more experience's than financials. A taster.....spent the day open eye meditating by a lake today before leaving for the airport. Strong oneness/unity feeling , one with the fireflies and existence.
This is what I'm quitting for...to get out of the head and into Being. Best ERE interest, amazing and costs nothing.

Cheers!

wolf
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Re: Frihet / Freedom - Journal

Post by wolf »

Congrats frihet!

Your decision sounds amazing. I'm also looking forward to read about your experiences in India. I wish you all the best for your upcoming travels, travels and retreats. You know already what you were quitting for ... That seems like a good indicator. Retiring towards something...Quitting for something...

May I ask you how this "inner strength" has arisen in the last past months? Was this intuition and/or a drive towards something "bigger" than the status quo? In the last few weeks I spent some time to read more about spirituality, especcially buddhism. There, too, is this concept of Being. I combine this with ego-development (Jane Loevinger) and Kegan's development in consciousness. If you don't mind, maybe you can share some of your experiences from the last past months.

frihet
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Re: Frihet / Freedom - Journal

Post by frihet »

Hi there Wolf nice to hear from you! Aren't you also soon ready to quit? But from what I remember you kind of enjoy your job? Maybe there is no need then.

I' ve been thinking about how to answer you. Not completely clear but I'll give it a try anyway. What kind of Buddhism are you reading about by the way ? There are many kinds and they can seem quite different to one another. What do you want to accomplish in the spirutual arena?

My spirutual life is also quite different to most in the west. I'm not an engineering type who understands through the mind. My system feels a lot and I have a tendency to merge with my environment. In some unconventional way I think I am an empath although I've hidden it well under my armor to be able to work with what I do and accomplish the FI goal. This armouring and holding together is painful though.

Part of what I mean with the current is just an intuition, bodily felt sense at the core that it is enough now. I deserve to relax, my body deserve to let go of its tensions around the material work world. There is also a tangible energy current that enters me almost everyday and then my system just wants to sit in meditation. I can fight it off with a lot of coffee and will power, but again painful and unnatural. There has also like I wrote about when meditating by the lake been a growing sense of unity/oneness especially when in nature. So precious......This is what I mean when I use the word Being, there is a sense of communion, that nothing is lacking, everything is perfect and nothing needs to be done. Totally amazing. I believe this state can be lived under all conditions, but I am not there yet, but do have faith that if I give this gift time to deepen it will stabilize and become more permanent. This Beingness is also more accessible in India for me, probobly because of all the devotion that is going on there uninterrupted for 1000s of years. That is why I'm going there. To let the mystery deepen, relax and let go into it.

But although I am at the core am a sensitive person I also have a strong mind that sets goals and work towards them. But when my FI goals came together it feels quite natural to let this part relax for now. Had a little scared voice that said that I should continue longer but it has also grown weaker and weaker, now when I've taken the decision it has totally quieted.

When the fruit is ripe it falls. This is how the descision to quit feels.

Enough. Time to let go.
Last edited by frihet on Tue Jun 25, 2019 2:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

wolf
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Re: Frihet / Freedom - Journal

Post by wolf »

I am glad with my FI progress. And I am kind of happy with my job right now. When I began my ERE journey (April 2016) I was totally focused on the goal. In the last years I changed my orientation towards the process. Nowadays the goal and the process is important for me. That change was partly influenced by Buddhism, because I learned to focus more on the here&now and not on the distant future. I learned to enjoy the process while not forgetting the goal. So, quitting my job is not my first priority. It is one of many possibilities. And since I am mostly satisfied with many aspects of my job, e.g. social interaction, challanging complex problems, money, working times, etc, I stay there and "chop wood, carry water" (as the title of a good book suggests) :-)

Back in 2012 I've travelled to Thailand. I stayed in a buddhist temple for one week, in order to meditate and learn more about the life of buddhist monks. So, when I write about Buddhism I mean the Theravada Buddhism.

Are you going to take part in a buddhist retreat? Or is it Hindu or another kind of spiritual retreat? Clearly, meditating must be a part of it.

I got another question for you, if you'd like to answer: What kind of (MBTI) personality type are you? I'm INTJ and sometimes I a bit confused because although I like everything really logically explained, I somehow strive also towards the unknown, unconsciousness, spiritual wisdom, ... Ergo my interest in Buddhism. So I am curious of your personality type, if the spiritual awakening is in the core of your temparment, e.g. NF "idealist".

frihet
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Re: Frihet / Freedom - Journal

Post by frihet »

wolf wrote:
Tue Jun 25, 2019 11:15 am
In the last years I changed my orientation towards the process. Nowadays the goal and the process is important for me. That change was partly influenced by Buddhism, because I learned to focus more on the here&now and not on the distant future. I learned to enjoy the process while not forgetting the goal.
This sounds amazing, I'm happy for you. For me personally living in plans of the future, which ERE can easily become about, is not the road to my happiness. Nothing wrong with planning of course as a financial baseline makes life easier and thereby more enjoyable. But there is more to life and trust and surrender is very important for me as well.

Theravada Buddhism, that sounds like a good fit for engineering types, I have been to some vipassana retreats in the past. I really like it but it is not a total fit for my temperament. Check out Dhammacari outside of Munich, that is an amazing vipassana center, by donation as well so ERE friendly.

I'm not sure if there will be any formal retreats, I might join in with a teacher who will come to the town I will spend most of my time in in India. He is hindu inspired and teaches from the Bagavad Gita and The Mother Book of Aurobindu. But just to be in that place and meditate by myself is like being on retreat, beyond words. I feel my path right now is more about relaxing and surrendering. That doesn't go so well with traditional meditation retreats, schedules and effort.

As for personality type, I know I have tested as INTJ some years ago although it was a weak one bordering to something else which I don't remember. It is almost like I have different ones, one for my work/ere life and one for my spiritual life. Maybe I'll do a new test later when the work personality is out of the way.

I do know that one can be interested/vibe with spirituality in different ways. To get at it from your strength, your strong mind, sounds right. That is just as valid as getting to it through the emotions that is my way.

Awakening is defiantly at my core, as soon as I heard about it and started to read words of masters I felt that this was what life was all about. Why was that so......I don't know.....The traditional explanation is that you just take up life where you left off in a past one. Maybe that's right I've always felt out of place in the material bee hive called society.

daylen
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Re: Frihet / Freedom - Journal

Post by daylen »

Personality tests are not very reliable. Accurate typing can be a lengthy process of hypothesizing, testing, learning, and relearning. To correctly type yourself you must also practice typing others. Immature behavior can serve as an archetype of sorts for each type, and playing the role of an anthropologist will pay dividends to future relationships. Here is a system to get you started.

There are eight functions in total. Four are introverted and four are extroverted. Extroverted functions are more identifiable to others.

F: Feeling: unconditional values
T: Thinking: conditional rules
S: Sensing: immediate, concrete observation
N: intuition: linked, abstract observation (past or future)

Deliberation
Fi: 'I like this option' .. 'I have a good/bad feeling about this'. Highly specific to context.
Ti: 'This option makes sense because.. '. Conditions are known.
Action
Se: Physical action. Playing a sport or engaging in a movement oriented task that requires improvisation.
Ne: Metaphysical action. Divergent thinking. Coming up with alternatives/possibilities and describing them with metaphor or fiction.
Knowledge
Si: Past recall. Specific cause-effect relations. Linking present situation to past. Nostalgia.
Ni: Future implications. Universal cause-effect relations. Convergent thinking.
Interface
Fe: Social harmony. Obey social norms to relieve tension and avoid conflict.
Te: External organization and optimization. Engage with environment or in process based on efficiency and efficacy towards objectionable outcomes.

Deliberation functions are ways of choosing between presented options. Action functions are immediately observable from your behavior. Knowledge functions keep track of information not immediately present. Interface functions are ways of interacting with others. There are a few reliable tests that can be used to infer how strong each function is relative to another. Also, there are pairs; people tend to specialize in a decider pair (deliberation and interface) and an observer pair (action and knowledge). The pairs are Fi-Te, Ti-Fe, Si-Ne, and Ni-Se. The degree to which these pairs work together may help determine their ordering. It is fairly straightforward to look up what orderings match up to what types.

Si test: Can you remember something specific that happened a week ago? Tell me a story about it.. what where you doing, who was there, what was going through your head, and so forth. The more detailed, the more likely Si > Se. Especially if you can remember stuff that was not vital to the outcome.

Ne test: What are X different ways you can do Y? If you can quickly and smoothly answer this question regardless of what X and Y are then Ne > Ni. It is best to do this with topics that you are not already familiar with. For instance, come up with 5 ways to convince someone into buying a pencil in the next 30 seconds.

Ti tests: Conditional logic questions: If X, Y, and Z, then A, B, or C? Ti answers questions with the information given without introducing outside information. Ti is associated with long periods of intense focus on a very specific topic. For instance, being Ti dominate, from a very young age I could focus for several hours on understanding the mechanics of a video game without actually playing it by reading 30+ wiki articles back-to-back (then do it again the next day for a more specific sub-topic.. and so forth..). The more obscure and unrealistic the logic question, the better. Another test is coming up with good names for something like so: I just invented a new machine that does X, and I want you to come up with 5 names for it. Doing well on these kinds of tests indicates Ti > Te, but this kind of thinking can be learned. A STEM education may skew the results.

Fe test: If you were on the autistic spectrum as a kid or if people often think you are rude/arrogant then it is likely that Fi > Fe. Fi-dominate does not mean you are unemotional, quite the contrary. Fi is more about putting yourself in other peoples shoes to see if you like the shoes, and Fe is more about changing your mannerisms around others so that you don't have to.

frihet
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Re: Frihet / Freedom - Journal

Post by frihet »

Just for fun, too much waiting on the night shift offshore......I did a test and came out as ISTJ, it doesn't feel completly right. Or a lot of it actually fit quite well. But not the part about promoting tradition and establishment..... I'm more the other way around, at least that's how I think of myself....I guess I'm not making outer revolution either but have always tried to "game" systems to find a way out......ERE is gaming the work grind, spirituality is gaming physical ordinary exitence itself, or at least that's my goal.

"
Your Personality Test Results
You are I-S-T-J
Introverted - Sensing - Thinking - Judging (ISTJ)
ExtroversionIntroversion
23
IntuitiveSensing
40
ThinkingFeeling
58
PerceivingJudging
38


ISTJ - The Duty Fulfiller
Serious and quiet, interested in security and peaceful living. Extremely thorough, responsible, and dependable. Well-developed powers of concentration. Usually interested in supporting and promoting traditions and establishments. Well-organized and hard working, they work steadily towards identified goals. They can usually accomplish any task once they have set their mind to it."

daylen
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Re: Frihet / Freedom - Journal

Post by daylen »

The function stack of the ISTJ is Si-Te-Fi-Ne. The deciding pair would be shared with the INTJ but the observing pair would be different. Si can simply be a focus on your own past as opposed to "tradition". Finding a way to bend the rules may be more of an Ne thing. Ni is more like a singular vision for how things will turn out.

How often do you get insights where a bunch of concepts or facts suddenly fit together? How often do you bring up your past when socializing? Do you often notice small details that others do not?

daylen
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Re: Frihet / Freedom - Journal

Post by daylen »

I just glanced at your journal I can say with 75% confidence that are indeed an ISTJ.

daylen
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Re: Frihet / Freedom - Journal

Post by daylen »

@bigato I find the four-dimensional model ( feeling, thinking, sensing, intuition) to be a very inconsistent. The eight cognitive functions however are more like skills that must be mastered separately. Given time and energy constraints people tend to specialize in four of them. In addition, the tests are much more straightforward and consistent over time.

daylen
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Re: Frihet / Freedom - Journal

Post by daylen »

All empiricism and no theory makes sense for you given second slot Te. :P

daylen
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Re: Frihet / Freedom - Journal

Post by daylen »

Anyone without a theory has an unconscious one. Otherwise the correlations they find cannot be interpreted.

daylen
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Re: Frihet / Freedom - Journal

Post by daylen »

Every theory has an unconscious faith. Turtles all the way down.

Stahlmann
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Re: Frihet / Freedom - Journal

Post by Stahlmann »

Do you (frihet or anybody else in O&G) know somebody who has (a bit of free) time and like sharing knowledge about their work?

I need some guidance/"perspective from the top"-talk/insight about oil&gas.

I'm not necessary can ask this question in work, because they gonna think I'm fool.
Sure, being able to find knowledge yourself is very important or/and shows my interest in given topic.
However: "In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they're not."


PS0. Yes, I can't offer much back. I can send you a postard/or paypal money for (your local) beer.
PS. I treat internet as some kind of mastermind so sorry for being too direct.
PS2. This is not about finding new job for me by you. (don't have idea how to present this fact in PC way.

frihet
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Re: Frihet / Freedom - Journal

Post by frihet »

Stahlmann wrote:
Thu Oct 17, 2019 12:31 am
I need some guidance/"perspective from the top"-talk/insight about oil&gas.
Sorry Stahlman saw your reply now......been busy being free....

I have to answer no to your question. I was never a very knowledgeable worker anyway and tried to stay far away from learning more about the industry, just did my best to perform my specific task.

Now O & G is a finished chapter for me and never want to engage with it again, it was a “necessary” evil for some time though.

From what I remember there is an oil field wiki online , but googling it now I only found this

https://www.glossary.oilfield.slb.com/

There are plenty of resources online and probobly YouTube videos of how a Well is being drilled.

My best bet for you is to move to Stavanger and network, get job onshore at an oil company. That’s what I did. Right now might be a good time as the market was turning a bit when I quit. But you never know O &G is highly cyclical.

frihet
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Re: Frihet / Freedom - Journal

Post by frihet »

Officially free, unemployed and full time hippie again. Got my last salary in October while already in India.

It’s so nourishing to be at this place of none doing. I follow a very simple routine most days of meditating/yoga in until lunch and then going to Ramana Ashram in the evening to see/ listen to puja/singing. To an outsider probably extremely boring to me oh so fulfilling. Am not missing anything here.

Some economical data.

Have been renting an apartment for 8500rps per month $117

Often eat for like $5.5 a day sometimes less sometimes more. An interesting thing here is that going to the supermarket is more expensive than eating local food at restaurants.

I can easily see how this could turn into my new routine spending half the year in India. With the added benefit of being able to spend more during the summer in Sweden.

I’ve also been immersed in an online course about somatic meditation with Reggie Ray. Highly recommend for anyone who wants to get out of there head and start to practice real experienced spirituality through the body. Our body with it’s somatic field is where the ego through it’s habitual tensions is being stored. When you start to unlock these tensions you are also unlocking your true being. Warning if you have deep traumas it can be extremely challenging and destabilizing.

https://www.dharmaocean.org/meditation/ ... -meditate/

Another maybe even more effective body work I’ve been doing is Reichian Therapy. Reich was an interesting character, maybe the only one? Who had his books burnt by both the Nazis and the US government. Makes you wonder what he was on to.

https://reichiantherapy.info/ Free e-book

If you really want to move things. Do the sets of exercises from Western Tantra of Dr Hyatt. Which can also be found free online.

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