Tyler9000's Journal

[Tyler9000]

Icy Roads

Last February we drove up to the old stomping grounds to attend a baby shower for my sister in law. We had a nice time, and especially enjoyed staying with some great friends we hadn't seen in a while. Sunday rolled around, and it was time to get on the road to head home. Sleet was in the forecast, and the friends invited us to stay another night and watch the Oscars, but we figured we'd beat the cold front driving south and didn't want to miss work on Monday.

Fast forward four and a half hours and we were sitting in a motel room nowhere near our destination. The highway was an impassable sheet of icy anxiety, and cars were doing pinwheels trying to turn a corner outside our window. We were tremendously grateful just to be safe and warm. Needless to say, we were going nowhere.

So there we were in a small room watching a movie, eating a few snacks from the only gas station within walking distance, and with clearly no plans to make it to work the next morning. And we couldn't be happier. My wife mentioned how dumb it was that we had been so intent to get back to work on schedule, and as I watched cars creep by on the highway outside at less than walking speed I thought of how equally deranged we must have looked to other bystanders along the way.

The next morning the ice eventually thawed and we made it home safely. I kept thinking about where I was happier. Was it my comfortable and well-appointed office desk with my eyes fixated on the road and my white knuckles keeping us on course, or in the cheap motel room, warm and care-free, with no place to be?

This year was a case study in contrasts. We made the drive up to watch the Oscars with the same friends who had offered to have us stay that extra night a year ago. We planned to leave Monday morning, but as the red carpet rolled out we could hear the sleet starting to fall. Another winter storm, right on schedule. By morning, the road was solid ice and it was obvious we were going nowhere. But this time, we had no commitments! We spent the day playing games with their kids (school was cancelled) while Mom & Dad called into a few meetings (work was not), and had another fun night watching movies. This morning, we rolled out of bed late and hung out while the roads thawed before driving home safely with no issues. The only speed bump was wondering why traffic got bad at one point, only to remember with a childish giggle that apparently rush hour is still a thing and it’s not the weekend anymore.

Just this morning we were asked if and when we plan to start traveling more. Our honest answer was that we’re sure we’ll get around to it, but right now the desire really isn't there because we no longer have anything we’re actively trying to flee. Being on your own time is rewarding in itself, and you don’t really appreciate that fully until you pull off the highway, take the keys out of the ignition, and watch all the other cars desperately spinning their wheels on the hopelessly icy roads.

[cmonkey]

Just reading your story brings warm feelings to my heart. I know that feeling of peace very well, as does anyone who has actually relaxed during time off.

In a couple years we are planning to have a child and work lets me take up to 3 months of time off. All of which is unpaid of course (so no one (but me!) actually attempts the 3 months). I am really looking forward to it and am going to take it as a trial run of ERE during the winter months, when we can just stay snowed in with baby.

How is your ERE going?

[Tyler9000]

Good question!

By all measures our retirement has been a great success so far. Finances are great, and free time is plentiful. I'll get around to some updates on those at some point, but in the spirit of openness where the entire journal isn't fake plastic trees I've finally run across an unexpected obstacle that I thought I’d share.

Inertia Dynamics

Way before early retirement was on my radar, my days consisted mostly of spending a lot of time on the computer at work all day followed by dinner and TV. Only after that would there be much time for anything else. Over time I became quite the night owl.

Before leaving my job, one exercise I enjoyed to pass the time was to think about all the things I’d like to do all day after I retired. I even made a detailed schedule at one point that included things like working out, practicing art for a few hours, working outside, and doing fun activities with the wife. While I've definitely made time for the things on my list post-employment (well, maybe not the working out just yet), what I didn't expect was how I naturally maintained the old schedule of not really doing many of them until after dinner. If anything, having no alarm clock has only made the night owl pattern worse.

By itself, none of that is really a big deal. The thing is I’m not in this by myself. The DW has adjusted more quickly and is getting up earlier and mixing things up throughout the day, which has caused a scheduling conflict where our time together has suffered. It’s like we’re working two different shifts at times and communicating mostly in passing, which left unchecked can create undesirable distance in the relationship. Honestly this isn't particularly unusual for a working couple, but with work off the table we have the unique opportunity to not simply accept it.

I've made the commitment to get up earlier and go to bed at the same time. And we’re both looking for more joint activities throughout the day. For example, we've been into exploring the neighborhood by foot for a while, and I can see us branching out to more distant locales once it warms up a bit. Nailing entertainment, relationship-building, and fitness with one stone is just the sort of accomplishment that seems to encapsulate the larger web of goals we’re looking to build together.

The interesting thing to me is that while I guess one can argue that ERE does pose some new challenges, it simultaneously offers the flexibility required to find a solution. Life is not static, and an important part of the process of maximizing new opportunities is letting go of old habits and embracing change. Not simply as an individual, but also as a team.

[spoonman]

I hear ya!

After calling it quits I was very afraid of schewing my schedule toward the night side, but thankfully that hasn't happened. I don't know if it's my age, but I just get so sleepy around 10:30pm that staying up just isn't worth it.

Now that we've achieved ERE we can fix the old problems caused by a lack of time. There are no more excuses =).

[Dragline]

Good question!

I've made the commitment to get up earlier and go to bed at the same time. And we’re both looking for more joint activities throughout the day. For example, we've been into exploring the neighborhood by foot for a while, and I can see us branching out to more distant locales once it warms up a bit. Nailing entertainment, relationship-building, and fitness with one stone is just the sort of accomplishment that seems to encapsulate the larger web of goals we’re looking to build together.

The interesting thing to me is that while I guess one can argue that ERE does pose some new challenges, it simultaneously offers the flexibility required to find a solution. Life is not static, and an important part of the process of maximizing new opportunities is letting go of old habits and embracing change. Not simply as an individual, but also as a team.

Wow. This is really powerful stuff. (Even for a machine pretending to be sentient. )

I agree its important to coordinate sleep and wake-up with the significant other. I'm still working on that, too, although I cannot go to bed before 10 like some people around here.

I also think there is a lot to be gained by coordinating sleep with the sun to the extent possible. Once you start waking up with the sun as your alarm clock, you'll never want to go back to mechanical devices unless you have to.

"Life is not static, and an important part of the process of maximizing new opportunities is letting go of old habits and embracing change. Not simply as an individual, but also as a team." -- going straight to my journal

[JamesR]

There may be evidence that the first meal of the day partially sets your body's clock. So perhaps try to eat at the same time as your SO in the morning (assuming she eats before you do). I'd also be mindful about any coffee drinking patterns that could be keeping you awake later. IMO, there's no such thing as night owl/morning person, it's just down to habits & various behaviors/triggers that set it up like that.

[henrik]

I also think there is a lot to be gained by coordinating sleep with the sun to the extent possible. Once you start waking up with the sun as your alarm clock, you'll never want to go back to mechanical devices unless you have to.

Whether there is something to be gained from this depends on the latitude of where you live:)

[Dragline]

Quite true -- I wasn't recommending hibernation!

[cmonkey]

The DW is synchronized with the sun quite well, enough so that I often refer to her as a sunflower. Waking with first light and as soon as the sun is down she is drooping and eyes rolling back...even at 4:30 PM in the dead of January!

Myself, I am pretty set on a schedule of wake at 5:30 on weekdays and about 7 on the weekends and work from home days. Sleep at 8:30 to 9:30. Little later on the weekends. We both go to bed and wake at the same time on weekends.

[Tyler9000]

Thanks for the ideas, guys. I've definitely noticed that our bedroom is pretty dark with the blinds closed, which hinders my natural time perception in the mornings. Cracking the blinds helps quite a bit. The comment on coffee drinking patterns is also spot on. I drink a good amount, and that's something certainly within my control. Changing habits isn't like flipping a light switch, but I'm happy to report we're already making progress.

[Tyler9000]

Spring is Here

This afternoon I read some gardening books from the local library while enjoying a cold beverage on my new back patio extension that we built over the last week. It was a nice break from the hard work, and immensely rewarding to sit back and enjoy a lasting improvement to our landscape that we built for less than $200 in materials.

My muscles are understandably sore from the physical labor, but the benefit to my fitness is starting to show. I’ve lost almost 15 pounds since the time I was working, and while the weight is leveling out I’m starting to look a little more toned. My health is good, and my energy is high.

I checked the mail at one point, and opened a letter from our mortgage lender stating that they received our loan payoff and that we are now officially debt-free. I know from our Mint account that we’re tracking about ten percent under our projected discretionary expenses, even including some recent luxury purchases (like the aforementioned patio extension) and with further room for improvement (like a second car that we haven’t had the heart to sell yet). Money feels like an afterthought rather than a focus, which counter-intuitively is a positive change from the retirement buildup.

The landscaping project has been fun, and I'm finally starting to feel a spark in a few creative interests. I recently built a homemade opaque projector (from a shoe box, a light bulb, and an old pair of binoculars) to aid with a few art projects, and plan to start attacking those soon. Creativity is so much nicer when you wait for it to come to you organically rather than when you force it.

Oh yeah – did I mention I also just passed my 6-month anniversary from turning in notice on my job? Time flies, but the joy of freedom does not. Spring is here, and retirement is just starting to warm up.

[cmonkey]

Congrats on paying off that mortgage and the anniversary! I am glad to hear your retirement is going well.

So glad that spring is here. I can only look at so many seed catalogs before I start going crazy!

[spoonman]

I’ve lost almost 15 pounds since the time I was working, and while the weight is leveling out I’m starting to look a little more toned. My health is good, and my energy is high.

That's great! I think that's the post-FI "dividend".

Congrats on slaying the mortgage. Doesn't it feel great to have a pristine balance sheet?

[Tyler9000]

Thanks! Killing the mortgage when we stopped working has always been part of the plan. Being debt-free with plenty of investments to cover our much-reduced expenses feels great. I love it when a plan comes together.

[Tyler9000]

Two Roads Diverged in a Wood

Recently I had the opportunity to go to dinner with an old friend. We grew up in the same neighborhood, had similar family dynamics, have been good friends since middle school, and were roommates for a time. While life has carried us in different directions we have always stayed in touch.

It was great to catch up, but for the first time I felt a twinge of awkwardness talking about my new work situation. For as I was sharing my story of leaving work, he shared a few money stresses including a brand new home where the property taxes and insurance alone are nearly our entire annual budget. While part of me wanted to throw water in his face and hold an impromptu intervention, I knew better and reassured him that everything has a tradeoff – my own choices included – and I trust he’s making the best decisions he can and will find a way to make it work. He probably wanted to slap some sense into me as well, but he was similarly supportive. I suppose that dynamic is one reason we’ve been friends for so long.

I think that perhaps the reason this conversation sticks with me more than most is that we have such similar backgrounds. With most people it’s easy to keep an emotional distance and compartmentalize your own life from theirs. You’re different people, and naturally make different choices. But this friend and I share so much in common that it’s jarring to realize our paths could have easily flipped. Looking back, if fate had fallen a different direction during a few key life moments I’d be in a very different place than I am today. The fork between different roads in a wood is often vague and unmarked.

That said, while we have very similar origins we do have very different personalities. I can’t project my values onto him any more than he can onto me. We took different roads, and rather than questioning his or idolizing my own I know it’s better to continue on my own preferred path and trade encouragement the next time they cross. Perhaps in the future he will ask for directions, and I’ll be happy to oblige. With coworkers this is easy, but with family and close friends it is harder. Patience and perspective is sometimes most difficult when you really care about someone.

[jacob]

I can totally relate to this post. At this point [in time], my best friend from HS---being quite similar to me (IQ, personality, values, ...) except he has a more conventional horse sense than I---is exactly where I imagined where I'd be when I was 20 (I'm 39 now): Professor, married, one child, home owner. In other words, a successful but very conventional life path. Conversely, I'd like like to think that I have a successful but rather unconventional life path. The difference between us is that I have more of a rebellious streak mostly taking flyers whenever presented to me. Also, I've been leading the choices by a few years (because he got drafted and I cleverly avoided it) so maybe I just served as a bad example. Alternatively, he actually followed a 20 year plan whereas I readily abandoned it.

[spoonman]

Another beautifully written post. Me thinks you must have some writing ambitions down the line =). (If I could write like that, I totally would have ambitions).

I think most people here in the ERE crowd will feel the same way when interacting with their close friends. I know that deep down my closest friends want to achieve FI, but they are simply not willing to make the "sacrifices" associated with our lifestyle. I can only guess that maybe they don't want to feel "house poor", as one good friend of mine put it.

[Tyler9000]

Regarding close friends, I've had two in the past few years spontaneously tell me that they wish they could just retire now (this was before I had done it myself or had discussed anything like that with them). The friend in the previous post is actually one of them. My response for both was "what's stopping you?" I helped brainstorm workarounds for two or three financial items, and let it go once they each fell back on "kids" and pointed out I don't have any. I sorta took it as the signal that they were done with the conversation. I know they're capable of doing something similar, but believing it themselves requires a degree of internalization that an outsider can't provide. At least now I can live by example.

@Jacob -- a "20-year plan" usually isn't much of an active plan but a recognition of how a typical successful person in your position ends up in 20 years. I always found the classic interview question "where do you see yourself in 10 years" to be depressingly corporate. If I knew that now, then life would be damn boring and predictable. I believe strongly that the personality quirk of embracing uncertainty is a positive indicator for someone compatible with ERE. It's not the only one by any means, but most people won't make it too far without it.

[Tyler9000]

Many and Nothing

Last week I dropped by the old office to hang out with a few previous coworkers. Most people had already headed home, but I was happy to talk to a couple of people and get the scoop on old projects and new developments. Many things have changed, and nothing has changed. Such is the monotony of work life.

Naturally I got many questions in my direction as well. The most common has a few different permutations but seems to boil down to the same query: What have you accomplished? I’ve now been unemployed for 8 months, and am a full 6 months into the first completely free year in my life, so surely I must have tons of exploits to talk about. But the reality is something more subtle. Many things, and nothing.

Most notably I’ve lost twenty pounds, which is kinda crazy considering I still really don’t exercise other than regular long walks. But eating better, drinking less diet soda, being less stressed overall, and regulating my thyroid levels have all worked wonders for my physical appearance. I’m working on a few side projects like landscaping and art, and am toying with the idea of a small investment/FI website to organize some of my research and experience (more like a tool than a blog). All of those have been very fun so far, although my DW laughs at how I bounce between them so often without ever focusing on and knocking out any one of them at a time.

However, that’s not the type of thing people want to hear. They expect to hear that I’ve moved to an exotic location, solo sailed the Pacific, climbed Everest, traveled the world, or otherwise conquered life itself. To me, that’s not what freedom is all about.

The best explanation I’ve come up with so far is to ask someone to picture all of the chores, projects, and hobbies they currently cram into nights and weekends. Then spread those same things throughout the week with plenty of time for relaxation, walks, and stress-free life in between. Maybe I’ll climb a mountain or live on a beach one day, but I’m under no time pressure. The nobility of constant productivity and perpetually escalating goal-setting is a convenient workplace illusion, and life does not need to be so adrenaline filled to be rewarding.

At the end of a long work day, with the skinny ex-coworker casually wandering in unannounced and handing out beer, that seemed to resonate with people. While we still do not share our finances or outwardly claim to be retired, friends and family seem to be worrying less and catching on to the reality of our independence.

[cmonkey]

Learning to be happy while not accomplishing much of anything is probably the best accomplishment of all, ironically. That would never fly in the workplace though.

I was talking to some coworkers last week about projects and how there seem to be more and more being piled on and that each one is getting bigger and all are being juggled faster and faster. The only comment I got was something to the effect of 'well we gotta stay one step ahead of the competition ya know...'. I suppose that's all there is for these people and always will be. I am more amused by it than stressed by it, simply watching, doing what I need to do and looking forward to one more day closer to being done with it all. Mentally, I have already retired.

Good to hear you are prospering!