Tyler9000's Journal

Where are you and where are you going?
spoonman
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Re: Tyler9000's Journal

Post by spoonman »

Tyler9000 wrote: On Friday, almost four years after that first early retirement conversation, we both gave notice that we are leaving our jobs to embark on an extended break from career – together – to focus on other rewarding things that don’t necessarily make money. It’s not a retirement. It’s a new beginning.

BOOM!
Congratulations! Yeeee hawwww!!
Tyler9000 wrote: If I’d do them for free, then I can certainly find creative ways to meet those needs without a full-time job. And with all the extra time, I can finally meet other emotional needs that have been neglected for years with other rewarding activities.
Exactly! That's the key!

I think you guys have a very bright and low-stress future ahead of you!

Tyler9000
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Re: Tyler9000's Journal

Post by Tyler9000 »

Thanks, guys. I really appreciate the support.
Ego wrote:Terrified? Exhilarated? Both?
That, and more.

On Friday I felt fried and numb. Like a short circuit of terror and joy, it was an unsustainable emotional current.

On Saturday, I felt relieved. The brain started to process that I really did it and didn't just dream it. But it wasn't a full relief, as the information wasn't public yet and I still had the burden of carrying a secret.

On Sunday, I felt nothing. We watched football all day and basically ignored the subject altogether. It was great to not be consumed with it for a day, and to simply enjoy life. (That's the goal! I look forward to doing this a lot more.)

This morning, I felt a little anxious walking in. But five minutes into the regularly scheduled Monday morning project management meeting I smiled and felt reassured that I'm doing the right thing.

That was followed by a surreal day where I was relatively busy, my boss never mentioned our Friday conversation, nobody else knows, and it's like it never happened. I felt for a moment that perhaps the whole conversation was a hallucination. Or maybe I'm caught in Groundhog Day and need to discover the secret to escaping the loop.

Eventually I broke the stalemate by emailing my boss. He said he informed HR and they'll get back to me. In my anxiousness to take the next step in my plan, it's easy to forget that it's a total surprise to everyone else. I need to remember to be patient.

In the meantime I'll practice being confident and relaxed. I can get used to that part. :D

spoonman
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Re: Tyler9000's Journal

Post by spoonman »

Tyler9000 wrote:Thanks, guys. I really appreciate the support.
I felt for a moment that perhaps the whole conversation was a hallucination.
Aww man, absolutely! You have to break that hallucination as soon as you can, otherwise management will start to believe it.

You're free!

Tyler9000
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Re: Tyler9000's Journal

Post by Tyler9000 »

Freedom & Fear

Today was a wonderful day.

It's official - my last day at the office is October 31st, and the entire office knows. The weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and the happiness is really starting to take root.

With all the cards finally on the table, it's a good time to take stock of how my previous fears of this day have unfolded in reality:

1) Fear of coworker backlash. I work with nice people, but you never know what to expect with something like this. Everyone has been overwhelmingly supportive. Some are jealous, but all are outwardly happy for me. And I've already received several personal emails of genuine support and well wishes. My favorite was from the owner's wife, who told me that I will be missed but I will never regret doing this. I anticipate there may be a few "moments" as work responsibilities are transitioned to others, but I'm confident that in the end I have not unintentionally burned any bridges. Fear gone.

2) Fear of ruining my career. I have a good thing going, and the idea of damaging it permanently for a fun experiment was hard for me to accept. Today, HR told me that they'd have me back in a heartbeat, and I even have a two-year window where they can reinstate all seniority and vacation accrual. Basically, I have a solid career safety net if I choose to exercise it. Fear gone.

3) Fear that I've read all the signs wrong and I'm making a huge mistake. HR also made a casual comment that meant more to me than she'll ever realize. Paraphrasing: "You know, you're lucky. The company is very understanding of your decision, and in my experience I can't imagine another company being nearly as supportive. In the grand scheme of things, you truly came to the right place." I've often prayed for reassurance that I'm making the right decision, and this was a powerful and humbling reminder that everything happens for a reason. There was a reason I worked here, and there is a purpose for moving on (even if I have yet to see the entire picture). Fear gone.

Freedom from work is great. But freedom from fear is amazing.

theanimal
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Re: Tyler9000's Journal

Post by theanimal »

Congratulations! I'm really enjoying your journal.

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Ego
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Re: Tyler9000's Journal

Post by Ego »

So, I will be the imprudent one who asks.... So, what are you going to do with all of that freedom (from fear)? How do you envision April 1, 2015?

Ignore if too personal.

SimpleLife
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Re: Tyler9000's Journal

Post by SimpleLife »

Congrats Tyler! Your journal is inspiring, in that I too am an Engineer and identify with my work soooo much. My gf doesn't believe I will ever be able to let go and retire. It seems you have found a way and are taking that leap. I'd be curious to see how you detach and whether you ever go back.

Tyler9000
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Re: Tyler9000's Journal

Post by Tyler9000 »

Ego wrote:So, I will be the imprudent one who asks.... So, what are you going to do with all of that freedom (from fear)? How do you envision April 1, 2015?

Ignore if too personal.
That's a good question. And tougher than you'd think to answer, although I've gotten a bit of practice today.

To be honest, I have no idea. I have the beginnings of a list of things I'd like to try, but I really don't know what will stick. I know this will be an adjustment and will not always be easy.

I don't pretend to have everything figured out. I've chosen to clear the time and space to try new things but retain the right to change course whenever I please. That's why the option to return to my employer in the future is meaningful to me. I may just do that! And if I do, I won't consider it a failure. But if I ignored this opportunity and blindly clung to my comfort zone, I know I'd perpetually regret it.

Our immediate plan is to take November and December completely off. The goal is simply to decompress and enjoy the holidays. The wife and I have even discussed instituting a ban on lists, as they imply responsibility we don't want. We need to purge the system.

Come January we hope to be in a better mental state to start considering our next steps. A few personal things currently on my radar are practicing art (I used to be decent but haven't done it in years), taking some long leisurely road trips, signing up for a class or two at the community college, or maybe even a left-field part time job like bike repair.

More than anything, if I have one personal near-term goal it's to not rush into anything or make any promises.

Tyler9000
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Re: Tyler9000's Journal

Post by Tyler9000 »

pd22 wrote:That is inspirational - making the leap from the workplace to the unknown is about so much more than having the money to do it.
SimpleLife wrote:Your journal is inspiring, in that I too am an Engineer and identify with my work soooo much. My gf doesn't believe I will ever be able to let go and retire.
Thanks guys. Isn't it funny how the people most likely to reach the point where they can walk away from work often struggle with it the most? I'll share that process as much as I can, and try to be honest about it. Partly as a service, but mostly for support. ;)

spoonman
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Re: Tyler9000's Journal

Post by spoonman »

I think it's a great idea that you'll take time off. Things will evolve and unfold naturally after that.

I hope you have fun doing stuff right smack in the middle of a weekday =).

mxlr650
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Re: Tyler9000's Journal

Post by mxlr650 »

tyler9000 wrote:This morning, I felt a little anxious walking in. But five minutes into the regularly scheduled Monday morning project management meeting I smiled and felt reassured that I'm doing the right thing.
Congratulations!! All the best in your post-FI adventures!

BTW, its time for you to think about which song you want us to listen on your day of FI :-) (tradition started by spoonman)

Tyler9000
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Re: Tyler9000's Journal

Post by Tyler9000 »

Letting Go

Yesterday I drew a large project phase to a close by making my last major presentation, and today I officially handed off my remaining project management responsibilities to another coworker. I celebrated both by going for a long walk and bugging out early. I'm essentially unplugged and on cruise control. It's a nice feeling, especially considering how conflicted I felt several weeks ago.

The project handoff was a revealing experience. A call with the client was particularly hectic as we were talking through goals, plans, and schedules for an upcoming major international business trip. The client is clearly overwhelmed with the amount of work ahead, and the anxiety is spilling over into our office. For a moment I did my normal thing and started to whiteboard all of the issues to be sorted out, but I soon caught myself and put the marker down. I want to help, but it's no longer my problem to solve. The best thing I can do right now is to step aside and let the new guys step up.

DW's last day is Friday and mine is still another two weeks out, but from my perspective we seem more prepared every day. For the first time I can remember, my to-do list is empty and the only thing on my calendar is a happy hour. The work anxiety is still in the air around me, but I'm starting to feel strangely immune to it. I find it all very interesting. This must be what freedom feels like!

I’m sure that eventually I’ll tire of letting go and will start looking for something new to latch onto. But after practicing letting go for a day, I think I’ll enjoy it for a while. Maybe the best thing I can do right now is to let the old habits step aside so that the new interests can step up.

spoonman
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Re: Tyler9000's Journal

Post by spoonman »

Tyler9000 wrote: For a moment I did my normal thing and started to whiteboard all of the issues to be sorted out, but I soon caught myself and put the marker down.
LOL, very nice! Wait until you get an email from a die hard co-worker that wants to argue with you about stuff 3-4 months down the line...it'll put a smile on your face =).

I think you have the right transition mentality, you will latch on to something else organically. No need to force the hand of fate just yet.

Hankaroundtheworld
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Re: Tyler9000's Journal

Post by Hankaroundtheworld »

Tyler9000 wrote: Today, I'm much more at ease but with a positively strange sensation of stillness. I'm coming to realize that the obsessive voice in my head from the last three years finally has no more numbers to track or calculations to make. My mind is quiet. I look at our finances and feel a sense of peace -- our savings are sufficient to meet our material needs -- and simply move on to other things. Give me a little time to decompress, and that vision of other things will surely start stimulating me in new, positive ways. I imagine I may have a similar sensation when I eventually walk away from my current job for the last time.
Great story Tyler9000, and I relate to many of your feelings (like the one above), especially the "sense of peace" and "quiet mind" -- once you reach a goal and you start the embrace a new chapter in your life, the mind is free to get filled with new ideas and routes in life!

Tyler9000
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Re: Tyler9000's Journal

Post by Tyler9000 »

The Last Sunday

A year ago today, I woke up early to catch a company car to the factory in Taipei to continue a mechanical design review for a new product. Business trips for an engineer in Asia are tedious affairs, featuring weeks of time alternating between small sterile meeting rooms and busy factory floors acting as arbiters between local engineers and colleagues back home, often with no return date set until the parts are approved. I've been on nearly 25 such trips, but this one was special.

Notably, I had a rare completely open weekend and was able to enjoy the city alone and uninterrupted by work thoughts. With all the time I've spent in China, you'd think I would have explored more, but between the factory visits all day and the Skype calls all night, there's not much time for yourself. But this weekend was truly free, and I took the opportunity to explore a bit.

At the tomb of Chiang Kai-shek, they were having a Halloween festival much like you'd expect to see in the US. Kids were dressed up playing carnival games while parents talked and took pictures, and the image of the hard working foreigner quietly observing family life far away from his own wasn't lost on me. But I took advantage of the moment and did something I had not done in years – I opened my sketchbook and just drew. Fear of having lost my touch hurt the mood for a while, but eventually I lost myself in the flow and it felt great. The sketch itself was pretty pedestrian, but the moment was profound. I rediscovered an old passion that day.

As it turns out that was my last Sunday in Asia, drawing the foreign travel phase of my working career to a close for the foreseeable future. The peace of sketching on the steps of the National Theater was a nice memory of my Eastern work adventures.

Image

Yesterday featured the long familiar routine of church, groceries, football, and a nice home cooked meal, followed by the customary realization that work starts up again the next morning and the racing mental task list as I try to get to sleep. But rather than being sucked into the mindset and feeling disappointed, I felt a sense of detachment as I studied the moment for one last time. It was my last Sunday before a workday.

I honestly don’t think that reality has sunk in quite yet, and this Last Sunday featured no great moment of epiphany. But something about the recognition of the routine feels most appropriate right now, and I imagine it will make a lot more sense once that routine is broken in future weeks.

I can’t say I’ve created many more sketches since that day one year ago in Taipei, but dedicating time to art is on my short list of things I look forward to. Turning a new leaf, there are a lot of new First Sundays on my horizon.

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jennypenny
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Re: Tyler9000's Journal

Post by jennypenny »

I think it's a great sketch. Like drawing your own postcard.

I'm reading your journal (and others) with a keen eye on this kind of thing. DH has been traveling for almost 20 years, and I could set my watch by his Sunday night routine. I worry that when I finally convince him to retire, he'll have a coronary the first Sunday night that he *can't* do his usual routine.

Enjoy your last week!

Tyler9000
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Re: Tyler9000's Journal

Post by Tyler9000 »

Thanks JP. It's been nice so far. :)

I had an interesting conversation today I wanted to share. Today is opening day for the NBA, and I'm more excited about it than I've been in years. For reference, I used to be a massive Dallas Mavericks fan (all the way back to the three J's days before they were good) where I watched every minute of every game and even ran a small website dedicated to them in college. But for the last few years, basketball has basically been totally off my radar. Life got in the way, and my passion grew cold.

I told that to a coworker over lunch, and she quickly replied (in a very friendly way) something along the lines of "Well duh -- now you have nothing better to do than to watch lots of basketball." I thought about it for a second, and said "You're right!" What I didn't say out loud but made me smile internally was how stumbling over her word "better" made me immediately rate a Dirk 3-pointer vs. going back to the office, and I heard the crowd cheering in my head. Also, the beauty of not working the majority of my day is that I no longer need to choose between watching basketball and other activities, better or not. I can always make time for what makes me happy.

I was a basketball fan long before I was an engineering fan. Now that work responsibilities are off the table, basketball has room to rise back to the top. At least for one day, I feel like a kid again.

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Re: Tyler9000's Journal

Post by jacob »

Something to consider is that [most of the] world is tailored towards such activities being done in people's sparetime. I found that it's hard to turn what most of the world considers a sparetime project into a full time "occupation". Consequently, you either need to fill your day with several such sparetime projects or find something else that can be a fulltime project or just be good at relaxing(*). Solely based on personal observations, mileage may vary.

(*) I'm not.

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jennypenny
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Re: Tyler9000's Journal

Post by jennypenny »

Tyler9000 wrote:I had an interesting conversation today I wanted to share. Today is opening day for the NBA, and I'm more excited about it than I've been in years. For reference, I used to be a massive Dallas Mavericks fan (all the way back to the three J's days before they were good) where I watched every minute of every game and even ran a small website dedicated to them in college. But for the last few years, basketball has basically been totally off my radar. Life got in the way, and my passion grew cold.

I told that to a coworker over lunch, and she quickly replied (in a very friendly way) something along the lines of "Well duh -- now you have nothing better to do than to watch lots of basketball." I thought about it for a second, and said "You're right!" What I didn't say out loud but made me smile internally was how stumbling over her word "better" made me immediately rate a Dirk 3-pointer vs. going back to the office, and I heard the crowd cheering in my head. Also, the beauty of not working the majority of my day is that I no longer need to choose between watching basketball and other activities, better or not. I can always make time for what makes me happy.

I was a basketball fan long before I was an engineering fan. Now that work responsibilities are off the table, basketball has room to rise back to the top. At least for one day, I feel like a kid again.
Totally OT from another fan...
We were in Vancouver right after the Mavs won in 2011. My husband looks a little like Nowitzki, and a lot of the staff at the hotel seemed convinced he was Dirk traveling in disguise. Every time we went through the lobby, you could hear the staff mumbling "Nowitzki" and they'd trip over themselves to get us free drinks or hail us a cab or just push the elevator button for us. It was really funny. We've never been treated so well at a hotel. :lol:

Tyler9000
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Re: Tyler9000's Journal

Post by Tyler9000 »

jennypenny wrote: Totally OT from another fan...
We were in Vancouver right after the Mavs won in 2011. My husband looks a little like Nowitzki, and a lot of the staff at the hotel seemed convinced he was Dirk traveling in disguise. Every time we went through the lobby, you could hear the staff mumbling "Nowitzki" and they'd trip over themselves to get us free drinks or hail us a cab or just push the elevator button for us. It was really funny. We've never been treated so well at a hotel. :lol:
Ha! That's awesome. I also imagine he's got Halloween covered in a pinch -- throw on some sunglasses and a jersey peeking out from under a coat, and Undercover Dirk would probably earn some extra candy, too.

@Jacob -- good point. It'll be interesting to see how my days start to fill out. I sorta like the idea of trying several spare time activities early on. Eventually one may stick and grow into something bigger, and I'll have time to figure out how to scale it.

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