A Journey of Mindfulness--the Remaking of Life in Midstream.

Where are you and where are you going?
Campitor
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Re: A Journey of Mindfulness--the Remaking of Life in Midstream.

Post by Campitor » Sat Jul 13, 2019 11:51 am

IlliniDave wrote:
Sat Jul 13, 2019 10:19 am
... then put a pad of pressure treated lumber above the stone, then use concrete blocks to make posts (columns) for the cabin to sit on (similar for the porch column). He says the advantage he's found in that arrangement is when the inevitable shifting does occur over the years, it's a pretty easy setup to adjust/maintain along with it being the most cost-effective...
I can see why he wants to use a pressure treated pad that the concrete blocks will sit on- he can jack up the porch and layer in additional pressure treated "shims" as needed to level the structure. My only concern with this approach is that the pressure treated wood pad. Pressure treated wood is still wood - it soaks up moisture. If the pressure treated wood frequently gets wet and then freezes, it will disintegrate quickly.

There are adjustable pier base products out there than require no shimming - you can adjust the level as needed like this one: https://www.strongtie.com/miscellaneous ... uctDetails. Make sure to click on the "Image & Video Gallery" button and then click the "installation" button to view the various setups that are possible - I think this product will serve your purpose and make leveling more of DIY affair or at least cut down on the subsequent leveling costs if you elect to use a contractor for the adjustments.

IlliniDave
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Re: A Journey of Mindfulness--the Remaking of Life in Midstream.

Post by IlliniDave » Mon Jul 15, 2019 8:37 am

Campitor wrote:
Sat Jul 13, 2019 11:51 am
I can see why he wants to use a pressure treated pad that the concrete blocks will sit on- he can jack up the porch and layer in additional pressure treated "shims" as needed to level the structure. My only concern with this approach is that the pressure treated wood pad. Pressure treated wood is still wood - it soaks up moisture. If the pressure treated wood frequently gets wet and then freezes, it will disintegrate quickly.
The pads/concrete blocks I think he mainly intends for the main structure, as I've discussed with him raising the cabin another 18" or so above it's present height from the ground. The porch is very small, not much more than a covered stoop so I'm guessing there are any number of simpler solutions if it were the only concern. In general it stays fairly dry under the cabin but you are right that should the pads get repeatedly exposed to water (especially prior to my getting the skirting up)--winter especially with blowing snow. My concern with more more elegant solutions is that I'm not sure what I've got to anchor to (in, actually). The ground where the cabin sits is slightly inclined and beneath is likely to be all manner of things from shallow bedrock to ginormous boulders and such. I think you're in the Northeast IIRC, so maybe the best nearby analog is what you might come across on a lake shore up in Maine. But I'll bring these ideas up with the contractor. Sometimes I think they tend to gravitate to the cheapest options just because that's what most people want to pay. I'm a little more forward looking than many even though it's "just a seasonal cabin".

Thanks!

ETA, the floor beam leveler might be useful in a spot or two where I suspect the floor may be sagging a little, but it's hard for me to know what might be sagging versus heaving. Like I mentioned, this is not an area of competence for me.

Campitor
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Re: A Journey of Mindfulness--the Remaking of Life in Midstream.

Post by Campitor » Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:20 am

If there's a shallow large bedrock shelf under the porch, here in New England we drill into the bedrock/granite and epoxy rebar into the hole; we slide a sonotube over it and fill it in with concrete - viola - frost heave footing problem solved. The right type of epoxy needs to be used - it has to have the adhesive strength and properties to bond to the stone. And the hole needs to be cleaned out before inserting the epoxy; several shots of compressed air does the trick.

Sorry for butting into your journal. I just wanted to mention these options so you can pick/research the solution that makes sense to you, fits your budget, and gives you good bang to the buck. Good luck!

IlliniDave
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Re: A Journey of Mindfulness--the Remaking of Life in Midstream.

Post by IlliniDave » Mon Jul 15, 2019 12:01 pm

Campitor wrote:
Mon Jul 15, 2019 11:20 am
If there's a shallow large bedrock shelf under the porch, here in New England we drill into the bedrock/granite and epoxy rebar into the hole; we slide a sonotube over it and fill it in with concrete - viola - frost heave footing problem solved. The right type of epoxy needs to be used - it has to have the adhesive strength and properties to bond to the stone. And the hole needs to be cleaned out before inserting the epoxy; several shots of compressed air does the trick.

Sorry for butting into your journal. I just wanted to mention these options so you can pick/research the solution that makes sense to you, fits your budget, and gives you good bang to the buck. Good luck!
Thanks, I think under the porch is mostly imported material, it's under the main structure I'm not sure of, and I suspect it might not be consistent. I'll discuss all these ideas with the contractor. Thanks for "butting in". :)

IlliniDave
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Re: A Journey of Mindfulness--the Remaking of Life in Midstream.

Post by IlliniDave » Thu Aug 01, 2019 7:18 am

2017 July Update

Dull [Lack of] Numbers:

I did finally manage to get my June expenses tallied, but haven't completed July yet. I'll update over the weekend. What I can say is that July spending will be relatively high for having picked up another guitar toy. Still have 1-2 more items on my wish list, maybe. But I could call it good now and not feel deprived.

I'll also have to update later on the state of the stash. Ballpark I think invested assets will be up maybe about $8K after I crunch the numbers.

IRL:

Should wind down on the last big sprint of my professional career in the next ten days. I realize now that I am pretty run down from it. Working like this never fazed me as a younger man, but as my doc likes to remind me, I'm not 25 y.o. any more. :lol: I'm really looking forward to taking a breath and being in a better position to devote more to the day-to-day process of living.

I'm also starting to plan a trip up to my end-of-the-road hideout. With everything involved in the final stages of my mom's illness and her passing, I didn't make it up at all last year, and the side of me hopelessly connected to the Northwoods is needing some attention, haha. Part of it will be occupied with getting a plan finalized for the cabin's "foundation" (pads/piers). But the more I think about it the more days I'm adding to my time up there as play days, although I do want to spend the bulk of my time off back home with family.

The aforementioned winding down of a demanding task at works marks the end of one facet of my career. The same is true for my primary colleague on the job. We mention it frequently, and it's like another layer of the veil between me and future me is being drawn to the side. I've found it interesting how different people respond to me as the end nears, something I might have more to say about at a later time. My thoughts have been more attuned to how I am responding to other people at this same juncture.

Increasingly I find myself categorizing people as either "of the past" or "of the future". (What happened to "of the present"? Need to think more about that.)

For those around me who will ultimately reside in the "of the past" bucket, I'm generally anxious to show as much kindness as I can. Among other things that means I've been accepting more social invitations which add to my overall workload as an introvert (albeit a "high functioning" one). I'm about at my max duty cycle for engaging with the majority-extrovert world, something around 40%, and I can't sustain that indefinitely. Somewhat paradoxically, I can also sense that I'm beginning to pull away from these same people. Creates sort of a dream world vibe.

When it comes to those in the "of the future" bucket I've caught myself starting to reach out more to non-relatives back home I've kept in touch with over the years. I'm not going to throw in the towel completely, but it's not looking likely that friendships which have grown stale are going to be reinvigorated simply by my hanging my hat in closer geographic proximity. I should have, and mostly did, expect that's how it would be.

That will leave me in the dreaded dilemma zone for introverts--having to establish new social ties. And I'll have to do it without the social structure of a job to jumpstart the process. I'll have family to tide me over, which should be sufficient. Like most families, mine has some dysfunction, but for the most part they are good people that I've never felt were an unreasonable burden. However, I will need to branch out considerably as time goes on. This isn't something I worry about, I tend to find friendly relationships in all kinds of ways, it's just a matter of investing a little in some of them so they blossom beyond acquaintanceship. The only real difference compared to past analogous junctures is that I intend to base things more on overlapping interests than in circumstance.

All that has mostly been simmering in the background and this is the first time I've tried to organize the thoughts. More in the foreground events have conspired to make me again keenly aware of my "introvert's curse"--no matter how true my intentions or affections, in time I always wind up hurting people simply because of the deepest wiring of who I am. If I was a stereotype tough guy I suppose I wouldn't care about collateral damage, say the burden is on them to adapt to me, but I'm not really that sort of tough guy, so there it is. Figuring out how to thread the needle will, as always, be a challenging endeavor. And who knows, someday I may get it right! :)

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Bankai
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Re: A Journey of Mindfulness--the Remaking of Life in Midstream.

Post by Bankai » Thu Aug 01, 2019 8:24 am

IlliniDave wrote:
Thu Aug 01, 2019 7:18 am
"introvert's curse"--no matter how true my intentions or affections, in time I always wind up hurting people simply because of the deepest wiring of who I am.
Can you elaborate on this as I'm not sure what do you mean? I'm (very) introverted myself but I'm not aware of anyone being harmed by my need to recharge or my dislike of crowds. Are all the people around you expect you to be outgoing 100% of the time?

7Wannabe5
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Re: A Journey of Mindfulness--the Remaking of Life in Midstream.

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Thu Aug 01, 2019 11:52 am

@Bankai:

Because sometimes women feel hurt or angry if a man is too slow in his deliberations and/or mechanisms. Introversion and pace are not necessarily correlated in all realms, but it is likely that rate of communication or forwarding-the-ball would apply.

I know this because I belonged to a post-divorce support group which had a fairly wide variety of MBTI members and the "I" guys were always telling me not to let the "E" guys I dated steal the ball from me so fast.

I would suppose that same rule of thumb would apply to general social functioning like keeping in touch with old friends.

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Bankai
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Re: A Journey of Mindfulness--the Remaking of Life in Midstream.

Post by Bankai » Thu Aug 01, 2019 12:27 pm

Interesting. I think about ppl I care about much more often than I reach out to them. I might think about a friend 20 times in a week but only send him a single text. Are you suggesting reaching out much more and not waiting until 'I should really get in touch with X' bar reaches 300%?

7Wannabe5
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Re: A Journey of Mindfulness--the Remaking of Life in Midstream.

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Thu Aug 01, 2019 1:33 pm

@Bankai:

Err on the side of "yes", but it varies? Although I am extroverted relative to this forum, I am still just below the 50th percentile for general population, so I have been in relationships where I was confused/hurt by lack of communication, but also relationships where I felt overwhelmed by seeming demands of communication or activity. For instance, yesterday evening I felt compelled to drag myself away from my books and sit on some bleachers while my SO hit golf balls. Every relationship is unique.

bigato
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Re: A Journey of Mindfulness--the Remaking of Life in Midstream.

Post by bigato » Thu Aug 01, 2019 1:39 pm

Bankai, I'd say do not spend any energy being anything else other than yourself, because you will be nurturing relationships that are not sustainable and thus stacking the odds against yourself. If they need more interaction than your normal level, it's better to let them go sooner rather than latter and find better matches instead.

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Bankai
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Re: A Journey of Mindfulness--the Remaking of Life in Midstream.

Post by Bankai » Thu Aug 01, 2019 1:53 pm

I generally agree, although some diplomacy is advisable, else one might find oneself divorced, homeless, jobless and friendless fairly soon. As for my (few) friends, we generally require about the same amount of interaction. The one very extroverted friend has a lot going on in his life and is spreading attention across multiple fronts, therefore is happy with once-every-couple-of-weeks communication/hanging out, while others are also introverts. I'm not interested in bad matches, would rather read a book or lift some weights.

bigato
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Re: A Journey of Mindfulness--the Remaking of Life in Midstream.

Post by bigato » Thu Aug 01, 2019 2:25 pm

Off course you should be polite with people most of the time, but friends and intimate relationships are, in my book, the people around whom you get to be comfortable being yourself. Diplomacy is what you apply to the rest of the world. If diplomacy is a word that comes to mind when you think about your close relationships, chances are that there is a world of real connections potential out there being wasted on your life because you are afraid of being friendless.

7Wannabe5
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Re: A Journey of Mindfulness--the Remaking of Life in Midstream.

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Thu Aug 01, 2019 2:46 pm

Bankai wrote:some diplomacy is advisable
True. The introverted female protagonist of a novel I just finished chased her new BF away by telling him she needed more space in ungracious manner, but then got him back by saying "Being with you is just as lovely as being alone." Whereas, my extremely introverted ex-husband once told me "I dislike you less than almost all other humans." which was kind of amusing until it really wasn't. So, I also agree that sustainability is key.

IlliniDave
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Re: A Journey of Mindfulness--the Remaking of Life in Midstream.

Post by IlliniDave » Thu Aug 01, 2019 5:14 pm

Bankai wrote:
Thu Aug 01, 2019 8:24 am
Can you elaborate on this as I'm not sure what do you mean? I'm (very) introverted myself but I'm not aware of anyone being harmed by my need to recharge or my dislike of crowds. Are all the people around you expect you to be outgoing 100% of the time?
Hi Bankai, here's my answer to your question. I haven't read everyone else's take on my answer to the question, so if they are right, I apologize for being repetitive.

One of the key aspects to being an introvert of the type I am is having a strong need to "recharge" alone. It can be any type of stress or exhaustion that triggers it, but the strongest urge comes after extended exposure to the majority-extrovert world. It often comes, therefore, at the worst possible times like holidays and whatnot. Part of my internal stew is that I'm fairly personable (what I called a high-functioning introvert above) but my introvert characteristics are very strong: the I in my INTP/J is very skewed compared to the others. Since I'm not shy or withdrawn people of the majority-extrovert world seem to have a hard time understanding my behavior in that regard. I can be perfectly "normal" for extended periods of time, but eventually I'll need to recharge, meaning I'll need to carve out some dedicated alone time.

The problems that causes is most obvious in "relationships" or potential relationships, but it has affected friends, colleagues/coworkers, and even family members. The need to be "away" part of the time on an ongoing basis seems to invariably hurt people's feelings as they tend to at some point take it personally. No amount of explaining can convince them it's not "them", since generally being extroverts they fundamentally don't understand the need. I didn't really realize it about myself either until first the offending behaviors were pointed out to me, and then later I was able to connect it specifically to introversion as I learned more about that. It could be that how your introversion manifests is different enough that you don't trigger the same response I do. One thing I think gives me trouble is that I don't necessarily come across as an introvert in a lot of settings.

bigato
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Re: A Journey of Mindfulness--the Remaking of Life in Midstream.

Post by bigato » Thu Aug 01, 2019 5:43 pm

The most widely accepted meaning of introversion is why you often don't come across as an introvert. Your description, on the other side, is aligned to the proper psychological meaning of introversion. This is probably where the dissonance comes from. Maybe we should avoid using this word when explaining our introvert natures to people who are mostly ignorant of their true meaning.

IlliniDave
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Re: A Journey of Mindfulness--the Remaking of Life in Midstream.

Post by IlliniDave » Fri Aug 02, 2019 5:47 am

Bigato, dunno whether refining vocabulary would change much, but you are zeroing in towards the crux of it. There is, or can be, of course, a distinction between shy/withdrawn and introverted. I don't know if there are shy/withdrawn extroverts, but there are introverts who aren't globally shy/withdrawn. For me it's a conditional thing. In small groups with ~1-3 other people I can usually be an equal participant, but as the groups grow to 5 or 10 or more people simultaneously interacting, I start to fade a little. It's not like I get all twisted up and blushing if someone in a larger group says something to draw the group's attention to me, it's more like I just slip into an observer/listener role. But even that doesn't get to the heart of introversion as it affects me, which is the need for a measure of "quieter" surroundings to make everything balance out over longer time frames. You're right that conflating introversion and those painfully shy people we all run across from time-to-time likely sets the stage for me to be a disharmonious presence. And even having a nascent awareness of it, I've yet to find a way to successfully mitigate it.

bigato
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Re: A Journey of Mindfulness--the Remaking of Life in Midstream.

Post by bigato » Fri Aug 02, 2019 1:06 pm

I know an extrovert (friend of mine) that has social phobia, so yes. Ironically, they look like introverts to the world, but test as extroverts in a proper psychological evaluation.

Gilberto de Piento
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Re: A Journey of Mindfulness--the Remaking of Life in Midstream.

Post by Gilberto de Piento » Fri Aug 02, 2019 2:16 pm

This is an interesting conversation. In my life it took me awhile to figure out how to stay recharged and I'm still struggling with how to make sure it happens. I've found that living with another person makes it very difficult for me to truly "wind down." The trick is that I need an hour or two every few days where I am alone and doing something that requires no physical or mental effort. Working on a project or solving a problem or working out won't do it. Unfortunately it is difficult to read a book or watch TV alone in my own room for an hour without being perceived as a jerk, even after explaining the issue a number of times.

IlliniDave
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Re: A Journey of Mindfulness--the Remaking of Life in Midstream.

Post by IlliniDave » Sun Aug 04, 2019 6:59 am

bigato, that sounds like quite a bind your friend contends with.

GdP, It's been a while since I lived with anyone, so I guess I'm getting spoiled. I don't know if I could get by on an hour or two every few days. But for me activity/project time can work if it's not too intense--anything where I can get into a mindfulness head space. For reasons of which I only know a fraction I've tended in the past to get paired up with extroverts, which of course exacerbated the tension. You could say I was a slow learner, but at least now I know a few things not to do going forward.

Jason
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Re: A Journey of Mindfulness--the Remaking of Life in Midstream.

Post by Jason » Sun Aug 04, 2019 9:47 am

An extrovert that has social phobia? That's like being a doctor who faints at the site of blood.

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