Too Old To Retire "Young"

Where are you and where are you going?
Jason
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Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by Jason » Tue Jun 26, 2018 9:45 am

EdithKeeler wrote:
Sat Jun 23, 2018 9:19 pm
and being kinder and gentler with myself.
After a pregnant pause, my therapist opened our last session with the question "So have you been kind to yourself this week?" I gave him this look as though as he just asked me to hand over my testicles. But upon further thought, I realized that it could be an option that does not require castration. I'm not there yet, but its out there.

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FBeyer
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Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by FBeyer » Tue Jun 26, 2018 11:39 am

EdithKeeler wrote:
Sat Jun 23, 2018 9:19 pm
... and am currently down 23 pounds. (I didn't start until March). It's working--being kind to me, not beating myself up when I don't always make the healthy choice...
If you've lost 23 pounds since March, there is absolutely zero reason to beat yourself up over not 'always' making the healthy choice. You just wrote that to impress someone, didn't you?

EdithKeeler
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Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by EdithKeeler » Tue Jun 26, 2018 10:01 pm

FBeyer writes:
If you've lost 23 pounds since March, there is absolutely zero reason to beat yourself up over not 'always' making the healthy choice. You just wrote that to impress someone, didn't you?
True.... but not having a reason has never stopped me in the past! I have a pretty significant history of going on a diet, losing a bunch of weight at the beginning, hitting a week when I didn't lose anything.... beating myself up about it... and then going out for cake, and tossing the diet forever. Until next time. I'm trying something different... and it's working.

Jason writes:
After a pregnant pause, my therapist opened our last session with the question "So have you been kind to yourself this week?" I gave him this look as though as he just asked me to hand over my testicles.
Heheh.... My lightbulb moment came one time when I was beating myself up over something (maybe a mistake) my usual "I should have done this, I would have done that, why didn't I do the other thing, I was so stupid....." My therapist asked me: "What would you say to your best friend if she came up and and told you she had done the same thing (the 'mistake')?" I, of course said "Well, I'd say, I'm so sorry that happened. But it's not that big a deal, and I think we can fix it; I'll be happy to help you" or something like that. And my therapist asked "So why are you nicer to your friend than you are to yourself? You'd never tell your friend she was stupid, etc." (Of course not--but I might think it!).

But I did absorb the lesson, eventually. Why say such mean things to yourself, about yourself, when you wouldn't say them to your best friend? I wouldn't yell at a friend for eating cake when she was trying to eat healthy--I'd just suggest maybe a healthier restaurant the next time. It's funny that it's harder to do for ourselves what we'd do for a friend without even thinking, that it's hard to be kind to ourselves when we probably strive to be kind to our friends most of the time.

EdithKeeler
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A Healthcare Rant

Post by EdithKeeler » Tue Jun 26, 2018 10:44 pm

I would just like to rant for a moment about healthcare. I am so frustrated.

My mom, age 81, with Parkinson’s Disease, fell in her backyard on June 10. She’s fallen before, usually kind of a slow-motion sideways fall, where she almost catches herself but doesn’t--usually it involves kind of sitting on her butt hard but with no major injuries, etc. However, it’s hard to get her back up because she doesn’t have good control of her legs, and no upper body strength. She’s also had hip and knee replacement, and has poor circulation (peripheral artery disease) in her legs, and she’s on blood thinners because of a history of blood clots.

So she falls in her backyard over 2 weeks ago, and has a MINOR abrasion to her knee (tiny bit of blood, nothing major) and a scrape just above her ankle that only takes off the top layer of skin--maybe the size of a postage stamp--no blood at all. Very minor. She actually went to the ER and got an x-ray, because her lower leg was hurting, but no fractures or anything--they sent her home with some mild pain killers.

Two days later she develops blisters on her leg. At first we think it’s an allergy or something, but they get bigger and uglier, and a couple fill with blood. She had a doctor appointment (ortho) for something else 4 days after the original fall, and they x-rayed her again--still no fractures--but diagnosed the blisters as “fracture blisters.” (I’d never heard of them--but they are tricky, and while most common, I guess, with fractures, you don’t have to have a fracture to get them. Google images for “fracture blisters.” They are gross, and hers were worse than any of the pictures…). Anyway, she gets some ointment soaked pads, instructions on changing the dressings, and is sent home. A few days later, they’re getting worse. She goes back to the ortho, and they tell her she needs to see her primary care physician.

I go to that appointment with her, this past Thursday. Her PCP looks at her leg and says “That’s really gross,” and “what is it?” When I tell him “fracture blisters” he says he’s never heard of them. I ask about hospital or rehab (because my mom has Parkinson’s, she doesn’t walk well anyway, and walking on this leg is excruciating for her, and her balance is already so off that I’m terrified she’s going to fall, even with the walker (she was using a walker out in the yard when this originally happened). The PCP says, “Oh, no, I can’t put her in the hospital for this. Maybe it’s time for a nursing home.” (He may be right about that, but I’m saving that issue for a future rant). He says refers her to a wound specialist, but we can’t get an appointment until the following Thursday. I press, and we find another place that would take her Monday ( which was yesterday: 2 weeks and a day from the original injury).

So we go see the wound guy Monday--yesterday. The wound guy literally comes in, looks at her leg and says “I’m admitting you to the hospital right now.” (At this point, some of the blisters have burst, and her leg is swollen to almost 2x its normal circumference. She’s still got some blisters, and there’s a big chunk of skin on the side of her calf that looks like a big black scab larger than my entire hand and fingers. Plus it’s red around it and hot to the touch).

So she’s been in the hospital since yesterday, on IV antibiotic, having the wound treated, and having a bunch of tests to see if she’s even healthy enough for surgery, because they have to go in and clean out all the necrotic tissue, address a possible infection around her bone, and god only knows what else.

AND… it turns out that tissue necrosis can be a side effect of the blood thinners she’s on.

So here we have, granted, a minor fall, but there are complications. She’s an old lady, she’s got a lot of health issues, but she’s been to the doctor FOUR times--ER, 2 trips to the ortho, and her PCP (who has treated her for years and supposedly is familiar with her medical history--and the fact that she’s on blood thinners and has a lot of circulation problems), and finally FIFTEEN DAYS after the original fall, she’s in the hospital having to have all this treatment for a serious infection and will have to have surgery IF she’s healthy enough to even have it.

I have to believe that if she’d been put in the hospital for a couple days when those blisters first showed up, she wouldn’t be in this predicament now. Granted, it was the ortho she saw at that point, but “fracture blisters” are certainly something that an ortho would be familiar with, along with complications, etc. I don’t even blame them, but I am mad at her PCP, who didn’t even give her an antibiotic or anything, when it was clearly becoming infected. She’s had 2 MRIs, 2 ultrasounds, a CT scan, 2 sets of x-rays, she’s having a cardiac stress test tomorrow…this is going to cost Medicare a fortune…..

I think she’s getting good treatment now, but it’s just SO FRUSTRATING. Especially when it’s also involved running to different doctors all over town--we literally drove to the three farthest corners of Memphis yesterday. And by the way--Memphis is not exactly a backwater when it comes to healthcare. We have excellent hospitals here, a medical school, and St. Jude, and the city generally ranks pretty highly in terms of quality health care. I just don’t understand why one hand doesn’t seem to know what the other is doing, why every time you go to the doctor (even in the same health care system) you have to recite your current meds, etc. (I have a typed out list I take to my mom’s medical appointments and just hand it to them these days). But then you have to give the same list to the next doctor, then to the hospital--you’d think with computers they could just electronically send the information to the next specialist or hospital or whatever.

Anyway… I hate the administrative bullshit of doctors and hospitals.

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FBeyer
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Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by FBeyer » Wed Jun 27, 2018 1:41 am

Fall down seven times, stand up eight. Life begins now.
This is the exact situation where this proverb applies. It's not about getting up after falling, it is about getting up after every mistake, and then one day realizing, internalizing, something about yourself that causes you to fall in the first place. This insight after repeated failure is the real 'eighth' getting up.

Good for you!

EdithKeeler wrote:
Tue Jun 26, 2018 10:44 pm
...you’d think with computers they could just electronically send the information to the next specialist or hospital or whatever.

Anyway… I hate the administrative bullshit of doctors and hospitals.
My GF, my mother in law, and my father in law, two of my sisters, and my former step mom are all doctors.
They HATE the administrative bullshit of hospitals too. The frustration of these people whose vocation is to help those in need is palpable. The software part of the healthcare system is sucking everyone's soul.

It turns out that communicating between different parts of the healthcare system is almost as difficult as streamlining the software the healthcare systems uses. Every branch of healthcare has its own special needs so either we get an enourmous, clunky, slow, demanding, error-prone[*] software suite that would take years and years to develop and then we FORCE everyone to use it, or we use the current system that is at least flexible on a per-practitioner basis.

It sucks either way, for everyone involved.

I hope your mom gets well soon.

[*] tip: healtcare and errors are vitally costly, not just in monetary terms so shit's gotta work yo!

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Sclass
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Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by Sclass » Wed Jun 27, 2018 10:38 pm

Hope things improve soon. It’s a lot taking your mom to and from the hospital while juggling all your other responsibilities. Hang in there.

J_
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Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by J_ » Thu Jun 28, 2018 12:34 pm

Edith I wish you strength and good luck.

Regrettably I have had a deathly experience one and a half year ago when I assisted a friend with complicated health brain problems and only one urgent: lower back-pain. All what the hospital did was neglecting the urgent pain, starting anew with the (already for a longer time settled) complicated brain problem. Result: dead within a month by a lung infection. His lungs were healthy when he entered hospital. I was present all days and the last nights, so I could see and hear how bad the every day revolving staff and continue changing doctors and specialists where informed. When I informed/interrupted them they felt insulted.

My conclusion: Hospitals are not (or no longer) fit for patients with complicated diseases due to their way of pushing staff and doctors around, with all there little special fields and no idea of the whole person.

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Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by Peanut » Thu Jun 28, 2018 9:46 pm

I'm so sorry about your mom. That's just awful. I hope she can have the surgery soon.

Her pcp sounds incompetent to say the least. And "that's really gross?!" Are you kidding me?

In my small circle I happen to know both a baby and a 35 year-old man who both had cellulitis infections in the last year that were undiagnosed for too long. The mom only got treatment when her baby's eye had swollen shut. Much worse was the man who ended up having emergency surgery to remove a "horror movie" wound on his leg. He also needed a skin graft after that. All totally avoidable with responsive follow-up by the doctors. I feel like these days you need not only to advocate and push for treatment but to do so in a manner that is totally unfamiliar to most of us. Like, you really need to become an aggressive SOB to get anywhere.

Try to take it one day at a time. Your mom is lucky to have you as her daughter.

Jason
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Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by Jason » Fri Jun 29, 2018 7:07 am

(@) EK

I'm assuming you heard Harlan Ellison died. Rough week.

EdithKeeler
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Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by EdithKeeler » Sat Jun 30, 2018 11:50 am

Thanks, everyone, for the well-wishes for my mom. She's had two surgeries now to go in and drain goop out and then debride the dead skin and infection. Pretty gross. She's still in the hospital but bitching about the food, so I think she's on the mend.

It's crazy to watch all these people in the hospital doing stuff.... but it still seems so inefficient. Then again, I guess you're only in the hospital when you're really, really sick (mostly they try to send you home...) but it feels like there's about 8 staff for every patient... though I suspect half that staff is dealing with medical billing!! It also seems like there's an opportunity for better use of tech in patient care. Things like bed changing/bed pans/things like that. It seems like there's got to be a way to automate somewhat giving someone a bed pan and changing sheets so it doesn't take 3 or 4 people to do it.

I'm glad that we have the medical care we have... but I wish it was better, cheaper and more efficient, you know?


Jason says:
I'm assuming you heard Harlan Ellison died. Rough week.
Yes, indeed. You could say that he named me! RIP, Harlan.


Yeah, it's been a rough week in a lot of ways. In addition to the stuff with my mom that's been going on, I've been amazingly busy at work... and my relationship of 9 years has ended. Amicably--no drama or fights or fireworks or betrayal or anything... I think 6 years of living 600 miles apart has taken its toll and we just... fizzled. He's a good man, not a perfect man (nor am I a perfect woman), and I'm going to really miss what we had... but at the same time, I'm looking toward having something better. There've always been some missing pieces in our relationship for each of us, I think.

I've been thinking a lot about social capital. The first night my mom was in the hospital, I had a good cry driving home from there. Of course in the back of my mind I've always known my mom is not going to live forever, and sometimes I get frustrated with her and her situation and everything, but I love her dearly, and I'm so close to her that I know when she's gone there's going to be a huge void in my life. I lost my dad about 12 years ago, and I still have moments when for just a split second I think "I'll call Dad." And while I was fairly close to my dad, I'm way, way closer to my mom. And on my way home that night, it really hit me that "this (could be) the big one" and if it's not now, then it's going to come eventually, and someday I'll be driving home from the hospital or wherever knowing my mom won't being coming home. (Yes, I'm morbid, and have always had a tendency to think about bad stuff long before it happens, if it ever does).

And it hit me, too, that i just don't have that many people that I'm that close to in my life--no kids, and x-DBF (still DBF at that moment) is not the kind of guy that's going to feed me soup if i need it, unless it's in a house by the beach and he can go surf or whatever once lunch is over (he's not that bad... but he's selfish--and he'll be the first one to admit it. But he's also generous in a lot of ways). But anyway. My brother is a good guy but he needs coaching on how to buy bread, and not someone that I'd feel comfortable leaving my final instructions to.

Anyway, I really need to work on my social capital. I read 7wannabe's entries with great interest, because she seems to be the mistress of social capital. I'm the mistress of buying my way out of trouble or problems... and that's not always what we need. I'm the kind of person who has a very small circle of close friends.... but several of them live far away. I think I've written about this before, probably when I had my colonoscopy and needed someone to pick me up. I ended up having my brother do it, but I remember thinking then that I really need to broaden my social network.

It's hard--I straddle the line between extrovert and introvert--just a tad more on the E side--but I think I use most of my E skills/energy at work, so after work I'm much more inclined to spend time alone. I think I'm going to join a fitness class--make myself go and mingle a bit with people, and I'm going to look for some social organizations that interest me, and maybe even start going to church again, though that never really works well for me for a variety of reasons I won't go into here.

Anyway... the loss of x-DBF is going to force me to make some changes. Well, actually, not really, since he's not been around much anyway....but I'm going to make this make me make some changes (that's a horrible sentence!). It's not so much about meeting men--though that would be nice, actually---but just about being more social and connecting more with people and widening my network. (If anyone reading this has suggestions--I'd love to hear them).
Last edited by EdithKeeler on Sat Jun 30, 2018 7:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Jason
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Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by Jason » Sat Jun 30, 2018 1:16 pm

EdithKeeler wrote:
Sat Jun 30, 2018 11:50 am
I read 7wannabe's entries with great interest,
Maybe you can provide explanatory notes.

EdithKeeler
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Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by EdithKeeler » Tue Jul 31, 2018 7:55 pm

Another month gone. Is it me, or are they going by faster and faster and faster?

It's been a busy month. My mom ended up in the hospital and then rehab for a little over three weeks. She ended up having 2 surgeries on her wound and got pneumonia while in rehab, but she's home now, still with the wound vac on her leg, and we went back to the doctor last week where we were told she's healing well, and probably won't need a skin graft. Thank you all for your well wishes and prayers.

Money-wise, did my end of the month reckoning just now and was surprised to see my net worth increased by over $23K in a month. Thanks, stock and real estate markets!

Personal life.... well, DBF and I sort of half-reconciled. I think we've come to the conclusion that we really love each other... but we live 600 miles apart. So... I don't know really where we stand, I guess, but I think I'm OK with however it goes. I've also come to the conclusion that the issue isn't really me, it's him. I feel like I've shouldered the relationship up until now with making sure we go on vacations together, spending time together, just connecting in various ways. That's a lot of energy that I can be putting in other places, so I will. If the relationship survives, then that's great, and if not, that's OK too.

And to that whole "energy" thing... I've mentioned before that I like to write, and would like to spend more time on it. I also have a couple of friends who recently published books, and it's been a bit of a smack in the face. They aren't significantly better than I am, but yet they've done it, and I haven't. But what they have done is put a lot more attention toward the process than I have. So I've been working on spending my time a little more mindfully, and just recently finished a new short story, and spent some time submitting some for publication, one of which was accepted. It's a small online, unpaid journal, but that's OK---another item to put on my bibliography. I also have a new novel idea, and have about half an outline done. I feel really good about all of that.

Workwise--continuing along. Nothing exciting, nothing bad. This month hasn't been as busy as May and June were, so I feel like I've been able to catch up in July. My boss is leaving in a year, and I've sort of been tapped to take his place, but it's just too far off to get excited about or interested in, really, and a lot can happen in a year.

jennypenny
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Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by jennypenny » Wed Aug 01, 2018 7:12 am

I'm glad your mom's on the mend.
EdithKeeler wrote:
Sat Jun 30, 2018 11:50 am
And it hit me, too, that i just don't have that many people that I'm that close to in my life ...

Anyway, I really need to work on my social capital. I read 7wannabe's entries with great interest, because she seems to be the mistress of social capital. I'm the mistress of buying my way out of trouble or problems... and that's not always what we need. I'm the kind of person who has a very small circle of close friends.... but several of them live far away. I think I've written about this before, probably when I had my colonoscopy and needed someone to pick me up. I ended up having my brother do it, but I remember thinking then that I really need to broaden my social network.
I think a lot of people here are like that. I'm like that and I know that I'm very lucky that I have several siblings and some kids I can bribe into taking care of me. If not, I would probably rely on a church community.

I'm not sure in what genre you write, but writers groups can be fairly supportive. It means traveling to conferences and making nice with people, but it can be rewarding and might help you build social capital. I know some writers who moved to cities where they knew a group of writers. Something to keep in mind for down the road.

EdithKeeler
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Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by EdithKeeler » Wed Aug 08, 2018 10:35 pm

Been thinking a lot this week. It’s become increasingly clear that I have absolutely no plan for my life. With breaking up with xDBF (and keeping this crazy “best friends” relationship which is nice I suppose, but mostly stupid…) I’ve been thinking about what the rest of my life looks like, and maybe how much I co-opted some of his dreams and plans and made them mine. I guess that happens in a couple…. I suppose it’s a bit like a divorce where you have to start over, but certainly not as traumatic. Anyway…. Here i sit, still responsible for issues with my mom at this moment in time, so still working. I’d probably quit my job and do something else but for my mom--I help with expenses for her, so it’s good to have a good income, and I have a lot of flexibility and seniority in my job so I can take off when I need to take her to the doctor and stuff.

I like what I do, basically, for my job, but I’m super bored, and the one thing that I really liked the most about my job has gone away--the camaraderie and interplay with people in the office. Everyone’s working at home now, or working in remote offices and my extrovert side is missing the camaraderie of the office. But changing jobs, for the reasons noted above, isn’t really an option now.

XDBF and I always talked about moving to the beach and living a writerly artsy lifestyle, and while I’m a huge fan of the beach, the choice of the beach we’d planned to go to was always his, and without him, I don’t see myself going there. (Interesting aside: he said he saw us even in our current “friends without benefits” relationship moving to the beach together. I asked him how I’d explain that to my future as-yet-to-be-unnamed partner, and he didn’t really--unsurprisingly--have an answer for that. He also wants to spend the holidays with me this year. Is it just me, or is that selfish of him? But I digress….).

Anyway… I’m not sure what I want my future to look like now. I still think about living in a nice funky beach town, but where? He and I had also talked about moving to Ecuador, but I don’t see doing that by myself, either. I’ve always had in the back of my mind a fantasy about a small farm, and obsessively perusing real estate listings (a weird hobby…) I found the perfect location in the Blue Ridge Mountains--over 100 acres, an old farm house plus an old log house, both habitable, and outbuildings, etc. Woods, pasture, not far from a town of about 10,000; about an hour from a good-sized college town. I fantasize about living in the farm house and doing all my writing projects and hobbies and cooking dinners (for who, I don’t know), and maybe renting out the log house to some interesting artistic-minded person who needs peace and quiet to finish their novel or paintings or sculptures or something. Oh, and I’d raise a garden. Sort of a combination of my grandparents’ farm life (but with lots less work!!) and the farm of “Baby Boom.” But what fun would it be to do all that by myself… and I’d probably go nuts in a year anyway, and I’m not sure that’s ideal for someone getting older, either.

So… at this point I’m going to catch up on some things I’ve been wanting to do. I’ve been wanting to take a welding class at the Metal Museum, so I’m going to look into that, and I’ve been wanting to take some cooking classes. I’m going to try to become more active in my church--or find a better church--I’m not super excited about my parish. I do belong to a writers group, and I’ve been trying to get more active with it as well, and do more writing.

I just feel lately that everything in my life has been on hold, and I’ve probably talked about that in this journal previously. Just kind of waiting to see what happens with my mom. I’ve been unofficially promised my boss’s job when he retires next year--we’ll see if that pans out, and I certainly have very mixed emotions about it. And there’s a chance my job may actually move to Atlanta, and I have mixed emotions about that as well--my mom will have to move with me, and while I previously lived in Atlanta for 11 years, I’m not that crazy about the city, which has gotten huge and crazy and gridlocked to me, though I do have some friends there. And it would be a chance to get out of Memphis as well. But everything’s just kind of stuck until the boss leaves, something happens with my mom, etc., etc., etc. And these are all some of the reasons my relationship ended as well.

I think I’m a little mad at myself for letting my relationship go on for as long as it did. When I think about it, I realize that there were issues all along that I probably should have been paying more attention to. I guess that’s why I’m not really too sad about the break up. Or non-break up. Whatever this is.

But I’m good. It’s all good, and my “problems” are all good problems to have. I guess I’m just thinking about my next steps, and what my next-next steps are without xDBF. It’s kind of like the future is wide open… so many choices. Which is good.
Last edited by EdithKeeler on Thu Aug 09, 2018 12:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

wolf
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Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by wolf » Wed Aug 08, 2018 11:31 pm

Hi EdithKeeler, sorry to hear about your situation with DBF. I hope you are doing ok and I hope that you take care of yourself.

When I was reading your lines about "What to do with my life", I immediately thought about the following book:

"How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free: Retirement Wisdom That You Won't Get from Your Financial Advisor" by Ernie J. Zelinski

If you haven't read it before, I recommend you to do so. Although I'm a few years behind you, I think it could help you get orientiation. It helped me to find orientation in my life. For myself I rephrased the title to "How to Live Happy, Wild, and Free" because in my opinion it is a good self-help book for life in total.

The author describes two interesting methods to find and document ideas. One is named "Get-A-Life-Tree". Basically you create your own "Get-A-Life-Tree". It contains all activities 1) you enjoyed doing 2) you currently enjoy doing and 3) new activities you could try doing. It can help a lot to find and see what possibilities there are.

Well, maybe the book is something for you. Take care!

EdithKeeler
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Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by EdithKeeler » Wed Aug 08, 2018 11:40 pm

Well, maybe the book is something for you. Take care!
Thanks. It's in my bookcase--I'll pull it out and give it another look.

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7Wannabe5
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Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Thu Aug 09, 2018 6:47 am

I read 7wannabe's entries with great interest, because she seems to be the mistress of social capital.
Ha, not exactly. I would say my primary social asset is simply that I am usually available and flexible, because I do not work very much most of the time, and I don't have any dependents.
(Interesting aside: he said he saw us even in our current “friends without benefits” relationship moving to the beach together. I asked him how I’d explain that to my future as-yet-to-be-unnamed partner, and he didn’t really--unsurprisingly--have an answer for that. He also wants to spend the holidays with me this year. Is it just me, or is that selfish of him? But I digress….).


Yup. Typical. But, I would note that the better question to ask him would have been "How will you explain such an arrangement to your future sexual partners?" Remember, the rule of thumb is "Everybody has a sex life, just not necessarily one you would like to take part in."

Anyways, I think it's time for you to switch gears from seeking "appreciation" to seeking "adoration." IOW, move from your adult feminine quadrant into your juvenile feminine quadrant.

EdithKeeler
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Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by EdithKeeler » Fri Aug 10, 2018 8:51 pm

My tenant terminated his lease on July 31--dang it. Great tenant for 6 years. So I talked to my management company about re-leasing, and they suggested I do a handful of upgrades that should get me a about 400 or more so in rent than I've been getting. He estimated $5K for new countertops, backsplash, and upgrading ceiling fans, a few other things. They have a contractor that they work with, so I asked for an estimate.

Well, in addition to all of that, they had over $9000 in additional repairs! I about had heart failure when I got the estimate today. There is absolutely NOTHING big on the list--it includes things like "remove nail and patch hole: $20. Replace light switch cover: $10." Absolutely crazy and tons of things I can do in an evening or two after work. But of course I'm 600 miles away.

Still.... $9K? Plus I'd really like to pick out the countertops and tile and stuff. So I checked with my boss, and I'm going to work out of our Dallas office next week, and work on the repairs in the evenings. I secured a hotel room, but I think I may stay in the house at least part of the week. Even staying in the hotel for a week for $1000, I'm still coming out ahead. THIS is the reason that I stay at my current job--they give me the flexibility to do stuff like this, and I've got a good enough "rep" that they know I won't take advantage.

So I call xDBF and tell him I'm coming to town. I told him why, but I didn't ask for any help, just said I'd like to have dinner while I'm in town. (I think we'd benefit from an in-person discussion about some stuff....). First thing he said is "what tools do I need to bring over?" I told him he didn't need to, etc., that I didn't expect it, but he insisted, so I told him if he had a shop vac, that would be helpful, and a tree pruner. He said he'd throw the shop vac in the truck, and he'd been meaning to get a tree trimmer anyway, so he'd buy one. I said not to buy something just for this; he told me to be quiet, he was bringing a tree trimmer and a boom box "cause we're gonna need tunes." I told him I really appreciated it and he said "it'll be fun to do this together."

I gotta say, this is right up here with helping someone to move, and he didn't even hesitate. And he can be there while I'm at my regular job, so we should be able to get more done, and faster. He's a good man, and I dunno where our relationship is going, but I do know I'm happy to have him in my life, for reasons that go way beyond this project.

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Kriegsspiel
Posts: 780
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Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by Kriegsspiel » Fri Aug 10, 2018 10:25 pm

He's saving you around $9,000?

I'd say at least a blowjob. :D

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7Wannabe5
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Re: Too Old To Retire "Young"

Post by 7Wannabe5 » Sat Aug 11, 2018 5:19 am

He's a good man, and I dunno where our relationship is going, but I do know I'm happy to have him in my life, for reasons that go way beyond this project.
Right, so keep him in your life, AND start dating so you can find another guy who can fulfill your needs/wants/druthers that he isn't ;) You might be surprised at the results. Notice that he isn't holding you to a contract of monogamy, you are holding you to a contract of monogamy. Trust me, I get this, but it might be worth at least going to the trouble of trying to untangle why you are doing this.

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